Chapter 4: A Survivor is Swept Away
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN EDITED! PLEASE REREAD THIS!
I watched a documentary about the Titanic and came across the following quote. I had a momentary lapse of reality and had a small moment in my head with Loki saying these words. The words are not mine, but they fit so well with this chapter, I decided to use them.
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"The night was one of the most beautiful I have ever seen: the sky without
a single cloud to mar the perfect brilliance of the stars, clustered so thickly together
that in places there seemed almost more dazzling points of light set in the
black sky than background of sky itself;
and each star seemed, in the keen atmosphere, free from any haze,
to have increased its brilliance tenfold and to twinkle and glitter with a staccato
flash that made the sky seem nothing but a setting made for
them in which to display their wonder."
- Lawrence Beesley, survivor of the Titanic
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Jane's nineteenth year (months later)
Upon the balcony overlooking the large sea, Jane stood drowning in pale colored fabrics that moved like shadows behind her as the breeze pursued on through the empty, darkened ballroom. Midnight had settled hours ago; yet, Jane could not quite remain asleep. She'd decided to walk until her thoughts quieted. Her absent mind and sluggish pace had brought her to stand where she was.
Her eyes were preoccupied with the brilliance of the stars that had decided to sparkle throughout the horizon cloaked with deep, black backdrop. Winter had set in, and Jane had not brought an throw to keep her from the frosty chill. And all she could do was admire the marvel of such a simple, yet immortal sight. As she shivered, her breath quivered in precise, quick stops.
"Wow," she commented as she leaned on the large wall embellishing the large balcony. Her voice was only a whisper so not to disturb the wondrous silence of the moment.
"The night is one of the most beautiful I have yet seen," a low, absent voice lulled from behind.
Jane immediately shifted so that she faced the entryway, seeing Loki still drenched in the still darkness of the ballroom. Gasping, Jane's hand moved to her chest. "I wish you'd stop doing this." Her chest expanded and retracted heavily, slowly. She straightened her spine and moved her right foot as if to walk back into the palace, but he strode gracefully toward her.
Before he reached her, however, she turned back around and closed her eyes as she lowered her hands down at her sides. She felt him stop directly behind her and saw him plant his hands on the thick stone wall to either side of her, locking her in place. Although she had mastered the art of withdrawing from his arms, Jane rectified her long-standing avoidance from him momentarily out of curiosity.
When he saw that she would not maneuver herself from his proximity, he continued vacantly, "The sky . . . without a single cloud to mar the perfect brilliance of the stars, clustered so thickly together that in places seems almost more dazzling points of light set in the black sky than background of sky itself."
Although she attempted to stifle another noticeable shiver, she could not help but to lean into his chest, which allowed him to feel her trembling. His right hand moved hesitantly upward across her chest to rest on her left shoulder. As he gathered her patiently in his arms, she could feel his grasp slacken as if to prepare for her to pull away. "Brother," she murmured.
She felt his chest cave down toward her as his arms tightened over her. As she absorbed his advertised wince at the cursed word, she bit her lip and moved her head so that her forehead leaned against the side of his jaw. Slowly, her eyes closed.
Loki swallowed and sealed the small unneeded distance between their bodies, bringing her shorter form flush against his longer, taller body. Steadying his breath, she heard him whisper, " . . . and each star seems, in the keen atmosphere, free from any haze, to increase its brilliance tenfold and to twinkle and glitter with a staccato flash that makes the sky seem nothing but a setting made for them in which to display their wonder."
Jane's breath tickled his skin as she exhaled heavily, her eyes flashing upward to the very stars he described. "I often think you lack substance in your words. Rarely is there ever a true point of focus in the words you choose to speak: no cohesive topic for me to comprehend, either. And yet, I somehow feel that you're waiting for me to truly understand all of your riddles and metaphors. I do wish above everything else that you would simply state what you wish."
"Would that I could," he vaguely commented.
After another brief moment in his arms, she pulled away and walked toward the entry way of the ballroom, her hand rising to rest on the stone exterior wall. Without glancing back at him, she quietly uttered, "Is it because you do intent to forget about that kiss that night those years ago? Or could it be that you see me as unreliable in holding onto your secrets?"
"What do you require of me, little tyrant? Confidence in others is something I have rarely partaken in. You asked me to remove myself from your presence, and I have. These long months have been tremendously vacant for me," he gently replied without moving. His words appeared to be carried on the hymn of the wind toward her.
"I'm not fourteen, Loki."
He chuckled, and she closed her eyes so that she could fill in the void of seeing his expression by imagining his smile, "Most certainly, and thankfully, not."
Her legs cautiously moved five paces toward him. "As a child, what did I ever do to warrant such villainy from you?"
"The fault was never yours, Jane. I may appear to you as a composed or well-kept soul; however, I have many secrets darker than this sky, which you admire."
Her footsteps guided her closer to him, as if gravity itself urged her and not her own will, "Loki, all I have ever wanted was your acceptance. Then, you kissed me and ruined everything. Please tell me anything that would help our lack of a relationship make sense." Her eyes stung and threatened to spill over contained tears.
The maker of mischief turned to her abruptly, causing her halt in her efforts to move closer. Jane's eyes never strayed from his. "I cannot oblige your request, Jane. You cannot ask that of me."
Jane scoffed loudly, her eyes rolling as her head shook slightly, "Why not?"
"Because I'm a monster, Jane! If you knew how purely intoxicated my mind can be in regards to you...you'd hate me for sure," he choked, his voice breaking as his eyes were a fountain of collected moisture as he glanced back at her.
She hastily walked toward him and ran into his arms. All her strength was invested in her embrace as she spoke, "I could never hate you, Loki Odinson. You're maddening for sure, and you often tell me what is or isn't good for me; but, never can I truly detest you.
"When you first arrived here from Midgard as a child, I could not accept you because I hated the fact that you'd so quickly stolen the hearts of my family. I raced through life to barely receive their approval; yet, you would simply smile and charm them. I hated you so vigorously then."
"You'd deprive a child of kindness due to jealousy?"
He stepped closer, "And then, within a flash, you were thirteen. Barely a young lady, and still a child. You beheld an innocence that has struck a melancholic chord within me."
She just shook her head, "I don't understand."
"You were in the gardens, then. I had come home from another realm and sought a place for silence. Instead, I found you crying. In your arms was one of the literature pieces that I had given to you to shove you off some time prior to that moment. Clutching onto it, you appeared to me not as a child, but as a woman," he explained.
She swallowed, remembering the argument she'd had with Frigga about her parents. One of her only joys was reading the rare novels Loki brought to her from Midgard. "I don't see how that's a dark secret."
"Because I found myself bewitched by you. You claimed me without knowing it, and you were so young, Jane. I must have been demented to look at you in such a way. What sort of man is ensnared by a child so fully that that girl is the single most potent thought throughout the entire day for him?
"Although your mortal years gave you maturity quickly, you tortured me nearly every day I that was here. You have no idea what sort of thoughts I had for you then, and still do," he scandalously spoke, his hands moving over her arms to bring her closer.
She lowered her eyes to study his mouth quickly, "I can't think of anything to say."
Loki laughed quietly, his thumbs moving up and down to soothe away her shivers. "It is a rare occurrence when you are silent."
"What do I say when someone tells me they've wanted me since I was a confused girl? Strangely, I'm not made uneasy, though I feel I should be."
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Jane's twenty-sixth year
The splendor of the afternoon had struck everyone except for Jane. There was an overdue need to celebrate. She dwelled in the large halls of the palace in a temperate peace so unpronounced, she wouldn't dare try to stir it. Mildly, the woman sighed.
She would publicly announce her engagement to Thor, her brother by circumstance, to all of Asgard. A piece of her sat unwell, but mostly, she had learned to stifle her inward musings altogether.
Her time with flirting around with the one person who had dragged her into the deepest recesses of Helheim needed to conclude.
There was nothing to replenish her empty heart save her best-kept secret. Her muscles ached at the extended time she'd been called away from it. No, it was better to busy herself with the tasks at hand.
Today, she wore a form-fitting leather ensemble that truly did not flatter her boring shape. It was a popular fashion the Warriors Three sported along with Thor and Sif. Jane's body was more delicate and lithe, lacking any sort of curve.
Odin insisted that she remain mortal until she wed. She was already in her mid-twenties. Physically speaking, her body was more mature than Thor's. That still didn't sit well with her, but she had long since dropped the argument.
Jane couldn't resist the curiosities of her newest abilities, however. If she truly was mortal, how her powers could have expanded over the last few years without her fiercely (and failing to) study and train them.
She heard footsteps approaching me, and Jane immediately leaned against the massive golden wall. The weary woman glanced down the hall and saw a rather large shadow looming across a support beam into her hall.
Finally, the noise of a pair of voices crept over to her ears. Instantly, she moved away from the wall and walked down the large expanse. "Thor?" Jane uttered as she turned the corner.
He held out both arms and warmly approached her with a wide grin, "Ah! My bride! Are you well, Jane?"
The human simply just moved her left brow into a high, questioning arch, "Does it not weird you out that I was raised as your sister?"
He mimicked my hesitant expression, dismissing his guards that had been following close behind him. He tugged her back into the abandoned hall and sweetly caressed her cheek, "My darling, you must learn to accept me as a companion. My father chose you for me, and I have shifted my opinion of you."
She spared him an incredulous glance.
He laughed loudly by her reaction. She was glad to see him so happy by her doing nothing. Thor always seemed to smile and know precisely what to say when she needed to feel better…or ignore the fears and woes of her recent past.
"Thor, are you sure you want to marry me? I'm a bit boring, and I'd never listen to you."
He leaned down and brought her close into his strong, masculine arms. Briefly, he held her there. "I will never ask you to be anyone other than yourself, Jane."
"I'm probably not good in any bedroom. In your escapades, I know all about who you've lain with," she swallowed as he pulled away. He appeared a little uncomfortable. He quickly adjusted his features, "I'm nothing like them."
He grabbed Jane by the shoulders and cusped the curve there gently, "I have suggested you to approach my bed in your own time. I do not expect you to join with me in the near future, but in time you will accept me. I know this."
"At least you're sure."
His happy demeanor shifted into a more serious one. "I am confident, yes."
Jane pushed against the lingering ache at her chest, replacing her doubt with a feigned reassuring smile, "And you have my complete faith, Thor. I have already accepted you for my husband. I require a bit more time to gather myself for...marital activities."
"Albeit my past, I have been given enough patience to respect that of you," he replied.
A wash of silence neutralized the moment, "Thor?" Jane leaned against the nearby wall and sank into a sitting positon on the hard floor of the palace. The area was a bit darker than other areas, and no one else was around from what she could see.
He slowly moved to sit beside her. Together they gazed over the fading orange horizon. "What, Jane?" he patiently asked.
"Why do you never talk about Loki?"
He swallowed and remained silent.
So she decided to speak instead, "When you arrived with the Tesseract, you never told me what happened to Loki. Just that he died."
Thor's features snapped into a defensive frown, "Why do you need to know what happened?"
Jane didn't flinch like she used to when he made the same expression as a girl. Instead, she leaned against his shoulder, "We were close, and I feel I could perhaps attain some peace in knowing."
Thor did not reply.
Jane peeked up at his face and saw his eyes were glossed over with unshed tears. Neither moved from where they sat.
"Loki made his choice. In that choice, he died."
"Did he ask about me?" Jane mused aloud.
The god of thunder swallowed hard. "H-he only threw his knife into my stomach."
"We can stop talking about it," Jane offered when he finally released the weight in his eyes.
Instead, Thor reached for her hand and brushed his lips against her exposed fingers, "One day, Jane."
She shifted curiously, "What, Thor?"
"I will be able to expose all of my secrets to you, Jane," he whispered.
Jane weakly smiled. "You're not the only one who has things to say."
Immediately, he reached for her chin and lowered himself down, "May I kiss you? I want to know you as my wife. Never again a sister."
Her heart fluttered with disgust. Jane's brain ordered her to move away and tortured her further by flashing that perfect, arrogant grin in her eyes. Her skin betrayed her and forced his touch over her body. She began to hear his voice.
Somehow, she felt herself nodding. As he approached, her muscles tensed and her eyes began to feel heavy. As his lips touched hers, Jane felt a few tears slide down the planes of her face.
The kiss was as innocent as he thought her to be. It wasn't invasive or prolonged. They mutually pulled back and sadly smiled to each other.
Jane stared up at him and noticed that his skin wasn't nearly as pale as his brother had been. And then, she stopped thinking altogether.
"Perhaps next time, we won't be so sad," he mused.
Jane shook her head, "Not sad." She wiped away her stray tears and forced a laugh out of her lungs. "Happy."
"Almost believable."
"I'm trying to be happy."
"Me, too," he confessed quietly. "Perhaps we can try to be happy together."
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Breviary-Rose (:
