I'm a fidget brain
I'm a fidget brain
In a constant state of disarray, disarray
I'm a fidget brain
I'm a fidget brain
In a constant state of disarray, disarray
-"Fidget Brain" The Hoosiers
XxxX
Zoro had decided he didn't hate Sanji enough to stop coming to the Thousand Sunny. He was annoying, sure, but he wasn't bad enough to warrant any conscious effort to avoid him. Sometimes Zoro even found him slightly amusing, not that he let it show. That would be disastrous. No, it was better to suppress all facial expression so that no one would know what he was thinking. He would just stick to what he knew.
Sanji did seem a bit of an odd guy. He had a habit of rubbing the back of his neck when he was nervous, it was a pretty bad tell, and he got nervous when anything personal was asked about him which didn't seem fair because he was always asking personal questions. His brain seemed a bit... Frazzled as well. Sometimes he would go off on a tangent and slip away into thought until he snapped back to reality. Very strange. Or other times he would daze off just to be suddenly slammed back into reality by some force that happened outside his knowledge with a visible jolt and often a yelp of fright. It was very amusing, probably one of Sanji's best qualities. Or at least Zoro's favorite by far.
Zoro was sitting at his seat, because it had become and would remain his seat, while Sanji was leaning lazily on the bar. He was lost in thought again, head tipped slightly to the right with eyes, or rather eye, glazed over like he was somewhere else. Zoro waved a hand in front of his face, no reaction. He snapped his fingers and the blond's whole body jerked. He let out a sharp gasp as he flinched back. As he recovered he glared at Zoro like he was some sort of horrible stain instead of a loyal paying customer.
"Scare you?" Zoro asked with a smirk, sitting back in his seat.
Sanji glared but he couldn't really deny it now could he? "I wasn't paying attention," he said simply.
"More like you were dead to the world. Anything special going on in there?" Zoro reached over to tap him on the forehead. His arm was quickly slapped away.
"Nothing, just thinking..." he trailed off, starting to go back into his daze again.
"Oi, what's your deal? You do this all the time," Zoro pointed out, calling the attention back to himself. It was annoying that now Zoro could recognize something that the blond did all the time.
Sanji looked at him blankly, "No deal, I just have a bit of a headache is all."
"I've never seen anyone deal with a headache the same way that you do. Most people just get angry and hold their head, not mentally faze out of this plane of existence. You sure you don't have some sort of tumor or something inhibiting your brain function? Because that could explain some things."
"I have a perfectly normal brain, thank you very much. Well," he paused, "at least I think it's normal but I have no way to check."
"Get a brain scan?" Zoro suggested with a shrug.
Sanji wrinkled his nose in disgust, "No way, I can't stand hospitals. Last person who tried to bring me to a hospital got kicked through a door and had to drive himself to the hospital without me."
"Well, can't say I blame you but that seems a bit extreme." Zoro had no love for hospitals either, most of the time they seemed unnecessary to him. Even when he was bleeding profusely and people were getting hysterical. He would tell them he was fine but they just had to drag him to the hospital for stitches or whatever anyway. Fuck that, bandaids are for sissies.
Sanji shrugged, "It's not like I can help it, it's a gut response. I've always been like that with doctors and hospitals, which is kind of a pain both metaphorically and physically." His eyes slid to the side like he was thinking about something in particular that was especially annoying about it.
"Do you have to go to the hospital often?" Zoro asked curiously. The way he said it made it seem like he needed a lot of medical attention but wouldn't allow himself to receive care. For a normal person it would seem like being afraid of the doctor would be an annoyance but being someone with a chronic disorder it would fucking blow hard.
"Every now and then, I guess I should probably go more than the average person but I don't so..." he trailed off sliding his eyes in a wide arch around the room.
"Why? Did you have a very dangerous job before this or are you sick?" Zoro snorted. Was that a rude question to ask? It sounded like it could be taken as rude but Zoro didn't really give much of a shit.
Sanji laughed a bit at that, "The job wasn't so dangerous, it was the people who were trying to put me in the hospital."
"Is that why you left them?" Zoro asked, wondering how much he could get him to tell before he realized things were getting personal again. Too personal and conversation would shut down on his part. Zoro was feeling nosy, and he didn't fail to notice that Sanji did not give any indication as to whether or not he was sick.
"Sort of," Sanji rested his cheek against his palm, "I just had to get away from them for a while. I'll probably go back in a few months when things have blown over."
"What exactly needs blowing over?" Zoro raised an eyebrow.
"Eh, just some stuff." He was scratching the back of his neck again, the conversation would be ending there. Or rather a switch of topics was in order. "So, do anything exciting today?" he asked lazily.
Zoro gave him a stupid look, "No."
"Me either, but I guess that's a good thing."
"Why is that?"
"Because if it's boring then at least it's not bad," Sanji sighed, his inflections dipping with a funny sort of sadness.
"Those sound like the words of a person whose been through some excitement, and by excitement I mean shit," Zoro said bringing his sake to his lips.
"Maybe, but everyone's been through something at some point. That can't be an excuse for all of my inner pessimism," Sanji grumbled, not raising his eyes to meet Zoro's.
"That sounds like a cry for help if I've ever heard one. Is the depression getting to you?" Zoro teased.
Sanji glared at him sharply, "I'm not depressed, asshole, and if I were crying for help then I wouldn't come crying to you. Don't joke about mental disorders, it takes away from their seriousness."
"I should hope not, if you started crying I would fucking leave. I don't want to deal with your shit. And I'm sorry for having a darker sense of humor but I'll joke about whatever the fuck I damn well please," Zoro laughed.
Sanji placed his hands on his hips, "First of all, you're an asshole. And second, I don't cry, sometimes I'm just so god damn manly that my eyes sweat."
"Ugh, that just sounds gross. It makes me think of those desert lizard things that squirt blood from their eyes." He made a weird face at remembering those spiky little lizards.
"They are called Horned Lizards and I happen to think they look like scaly little toads with tails, if you took them my that tail and smashed them against the sidewalk."
"What the fuck do you have against these lizards that makes you want to hurt them so badly?" Zoro asked in concern. "And what kind of weird defense mechanism is squirting blood anyway?"
"I'll have you know that it's my self defense mechanism. I warn you, marimo, if you ever try to pull any funny business I will squirt you with my bloody eye sweat," Sanji threatened, clenching his fist in the air to show his determination and resolve.
"What kind of funny business do you think I would pull?" Zoro asked in offense and slight disgust at the mental image that Sanji had conjured up.
"You know what kind," Sanji said, leaning forward and giving him a knowing look.
"Nope. Stop. I'm ending this conversation now." Zoro made a slicing motion with this hand.
"Fine, fine, care to change the topic then, moss for brains?" Sanji said, leaning against the counter lazily.
"No." Zoro hated thinking up questions for discussion, it was too awkward and he could never think of anything to say.
"Alright then, what did you dream about last night?" Sanji asked casually.
"What kind of dumb fucking question is that? You do realize how many people don't dream, right? Not to mention how fucking creepy it is asking like that," Zoro sputtered.
"Eh, but the only important question here is, do you dream?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, I do."
"Then what did you dream about last night? I bet you have really fucked dreams, don't you? Your mind is probably a filthy, filthy place. I bet your dreams are about, like, smut factories or something."
"No! Well, yeah maybe they can be a little weird, but I don't want to tell you about them. And how the fuck can you operate a smut factory?"
Sanji didn't miss a beat. "With many people and a lot of passion you can do anything. What if I told you my dream first?"
"But I don't want to hear your dream at all," Zoro grumbled.
"Too bad. I had a dream I was making gingerbread houses-"
"No, stop. I don't care so much it hurts." Zoro clenched his head, trying to block out Sanji's incessant talking.
"-in the home where I grew up and I was attacked by a big dog. So I kick the dog off and stab it with the long knife that I suddenly had in my hand. Then I walked out into a museum where they had a huge tank full of giant squid sloshing around and they were throwing in people as tributes to the squid gods. And that's all I remember." Well, it was actually more detailed than that but that's the brief overview of what happened.
"Holy fuck, you have got to be a sociopath. What kind of fucked up person has dreams about stabbing dogs just after casually talking about smashing toads into lizards?"
"Me, that's who. I mean I don't really like dogs but I don't think I'd kill one." The fact that he said think was concerning.
"If I ever see you with a dog I will alert animal protective services," Zoro promised.
"You do that. So then, are you a cat person or a dog person?"
"A dog person, cats suck." Cats were like bitchy ghosts who only showed up to feed off your soul. Do ghosts feed on souls? Do they feed on anything? Stupid questions, they didn't even exist anyway.
"Meh, I like cats better. I'd make a joke about female genitalia but in too classy for that. Honestly, though I would rather just have fish." Fish were cool, sleek, and you didn't really give a shit when they died. And they didn't really give a shit about you either.
"That's so lame," Zoro scoffed.
"I don't have time for a real pet. I mean I guess I do now, but I didn't before. Now I just don't want one."
"Fish aren't real pets then?"
"No, fish are like wall decorations that can die so they don't count as pets."
"If that's the case, then just buy a bunch of those plastic fish people put on their walls."
"Nah, I like real fish better." Plastic fish just weren't as fun to watch as real ones. What was really great was to see a horde of catfish slithering over each other for food. Their little mouths open wide as they reached for their fish food. They were beautiful in their own little way.
"You're weird," Zoro declared.
"No, you're weird," Sanji shot back in a totally non-childlike manner.
"Hey, weirdo, pay attention to your fucking job. They're trying to get your attention," Zoro said, pointing over to the other side of the bar where a couple stood around looking irritated. Sanji went all super bar man mode, apologizing profusely for his oversight. Super bar man would be a shitty superhero, his only real powers would be dealing with drunk people and getting people drunk. The former would probably be good, the latter would mostly be good for rapists.
After Sanji had fulfilled their wishes he returned to his place with Zoro.
"Ugh, stop distracting me from my job," Sanji whined dramatically.
"It's not my fault you can't leave me alone. Speaking of leaving," He glanced at his phone for the time, the bar didn't have any visible clocks to manipulate people into staying longer by mistake. "I have to go anyway." He had already finished his drink and it seemed as if he had waited for Sanji to come back over before he decided to leave. He seemed to be staying later and later every day. Maybe it was best not to think much on that.
"No!" Sanji whined, this time for real. "You're the most interesting person I get all night, which depressingly makes you pretty much the highlight of my day. Fuck, just saying that makes me think that I should probably kill myself."
"Well, as much as your offhand mention of suicide concerns me I have to go be interesting somewhere else."
"You're leaving me to a sea of boring, I hope you understand the significance of that," Sanji tilted his head dramatically.
"I assure you that I do." He paid his bill and started to walk out.
"See you tomorrow, grass head," Sanji called in a way that was starting to become terrifyingly normal.
Zoro gave a noise of acknowledgment and raised a hand in farewell.
XxxX
"Oi, blondie, what are you thinking about," Zoro asked a zoned out Sanji. Usually when he zoned out he would stare at nothing in particular but currently he was staring at Zoro. At least he wasn't staring at his face, just his shoulder. Maybe that was even more awkward.
"What? Nothing." His head snapped up abruptly.
"You were staring at me so now you have to tell me. That's like a rule or something." Zoro said childishly.
Sanji sighed, "I was just wondering how you have so much missile mass- missile mass? I mean muscle mass," he corrected himself. Ugh, he couldn't even speak right. Having missiles attached to his body would he pretty cool, though. Nobody would want to fuck with you and if they tried they did so under threat of accidentally blowing themselves up.
"Pretty gay, you know that, right?" Zoro laughed, soaking up the satisfaction that he had just been called physically fit, and therefor, his brain supplied for him, physically attractive.
Sanji's face flushed indignantly. "Shut up, I was just wondering, geez. I don't even care anymore."
"I have so many muscles because I'm very manly in general and because I train every day," Zoro explained, only half joking.
"Train for what?"
"I'm going to be the world's greatest swordsman, obviously," Zoro rolled his eyes.
"What?" Sanji asked in deadpan.
"I fight with katanas and I'm really fucking good," he said with great confidence. And why not have confidence? He had the record to back it up.
"Really?" Sanji leaned forward in interest, "I can imagine you swinging around a sharp object, but I expect you would be more a danger to yourself than to anyone else. I guess it's not what I expected but I think I could still take you."
Zoro scoffed, "How could you possibly keep up with me while I'm wielding three katana? Unless your terrible, terrible secret is that you are some kind of mutant or suer monster."
Sanji's jaw dropped, despite his attempt to stay nonchalant. "Three!? How the fuck do you wield three katanas? Do you have, like, a mutant third arm hidden under your shirt or something?"
"That would be amazing but no." Zoro imagined if he had that he could carry four swords into battle. He'd be like General Grievous or some kind of ancient and malignant god or something.
"Then how?" Sanji demanded
"Nope," Zoro said, wishing to remain mysterious and interesting, "I'd rather hear how you think you could face me in all my mutant glory."
"I've been trained in the fine art of ass kicking and I don't mean that in a funny way, I actually just fight with my feet. The ass kicking is literal," the blond said, tapping the tip of his foot against the floor.
"Like kick boxing?" Zoro raised an eyebrow.
Sanji waved his hand, "Eh, not exactly. It's more like Savate, but no hands."
"Where did you learn to do it?"
"From a crazy old man."
"Right, a crazy old man, I should have known. That's where all superheroes learn how to control their power."
"Yeah," Sanji held up a hand, "I had a weird childhood, don't question it."
"And if I did question?" Zoro pressed.
"Personal. There has to be a line somewhere." Sanji said, whipping a smudge from the counter.
"Whatever," Zoro rolled his eyes, that hardly seemed fair.
Sanji chuckled, "Don't look so upset, marimo, it's not your fault I have trust issues."
Zoro grimaced, "What even is a marimo anyway?"
"They are weird little moss algae balls that are found in japan. How have you never been compared to one before?" Sanji looked incredulous. Like marimos weren't some obscure thing from another country.
"Probably because they're so fucking weird and obscure. Why the hell do you even know about their existence?"
"If I tell you you aren't going to kill me, right? Because the secret of the marimos is not something I'm willing to be murdered over," Sanji said mocking a nervous tone.
"I might just kill you because your so annoying so you may as well die this way for a decent cause." It wasn't even really a decent cause, honestly. It would go interestingly on an obituary. "Death by hit man to protect the secret of the marimos". But the press would know that so it wouldn't be printed. Death by hit man still sounded pretty bad ass.
"Alright, fine. It's because I'm a fucking cultured individual... Also, I spend a lot of time on the internet," Sanji said mentioning the last part very quickly.
"There we go, an honest answer."
"I'm just glad that you now know that you have a family out there."
"Shut the fuck up."
"What? I'm just saying that I would be glad to know that I'm not the only one out there with weird fucking hair."
"It's not even that weird." Zoro rolled his eyes.
"Is the color even real, or do you dye it?" Sanji asked suspiciously.
"It's natural. Do I look the the kind of person who would make the effort to insure that my eyebrows are always this color?" Zoro asked, pointing to his green eyebrows.
"No, I suppose not."
"There you go then."
"This only validates my thoughts thoughts on your photosynthetic abilities, though." Sanji grinned toothily.
"If I could do photosynthesis that would be great. I wouldn't have to stop and eat, I could just sleep though meals in sunbeams." Like a cat, he added mentally. A big and dangerous cat.
Sanji looked horrified, "Why would you not want to eat!? Eating is amazing!"
"Because if I'm eating I have to pay for food or make food, and I suck at cooking. Also eating take up time and energy. Time and energy wasted on something I might not even like." Zoro wasn't exactly a picky eater, he ate whatever happened to be put in front of him but most of it didn't taste good leading him to resent eating in general.
Sanji covered his ears and shook his head. "Don't say things like that, my heart can't take it."
"It's not a big deal, what do you care about my relationship with food?"
"I worked in a restaurant before I came here and food is a thing I hold very near and dear to my heart." He placed a hand over his heart.
"You wouldn't think it with a physic like that," he said looking down at Sanji's thin frame.
"That's because I know what to eat and how much of it to eat," he said with a smile. "And I also know what to make other people eat. I'll have to make you something at some point."
"I don't think if trust anything you made me." Poison was the first think that popped up in his head when he thought of Sanji and his food together.
"I would never poison you. What would that even accomplish? Nothing, that's what. Now I've decided that at some point in the future you will taste my cooking. One way or another."
"Yeah, okay. I don't think anyone's ever threatened to feed me before."
"Well there's a first for everything. And this probably won't be the last time I do it so be prepared for that," he warned seriously. He took his cooking very seriously.
"Great. I bet you suck at cooking too," Zoro said darkly.
Sanji looked incredibly offended, "Yeah. No. Okay, that tears it! I'm going to cook you the best fucking meal you've ever had in your stupid, pathetic life!" Sanji spoke very quickly and his face was growing increasingly red. "What kind of food do you like?"
"No, it don't want to eat your shitty food."
"Zoro, you will tell me and you will eat my food, I swear on my life." The blond was now giving off some serious murder vibes that may have made even Zoro a little nervous, which may account for his answer.
"Fine, just not sweet things," he mumbled looking away.
"That doesn't narrow it down much, asshole."
"Traditional Japanese food makes me think of being a kid, so it doesn't suck so bad," he offered reluctantly. If he was being forced to eat something it should at least be something he liked.
Sanji's lips turned up in as smile at that answer. "Now that is something I can work with. Tomorrow I will provide you with food and I will prove to you that I am among the greatest chefs to walk this mother fucking planet."
Zoro raised an eyebrow. "With a statement like that this better blow my fucking mind."
After that Sanji was called away and Zoro took his leave, Sanji yelling goodbye as he walked out the door.
XxxX
The next day Zoro walked in at his usual time. He took his usual seat, noting that Sanji was nowhere in sight, no one was behind the counter at all, in fact. He was about to walk around and pour his own drink when Sanji walked through the employee area carrying a plate with him.
He had a smug expression on his face as he set down a plate of perfectly triangular onigiri in front of Zoro.
Zoro's expression was trained to be neutral, he did not betray that Sanji had unintentionally cooked his favorite food ever. "Why did you pick this?" He asked calmly.
"I was looking up Japanese food and I like how cute these things look, also they are triangles. Triangles have three sides and you have three earrings so it worked in my brain. When I say it out loud it sounds stupid..." He finished awkwardly.
"What flawless logic you have."
"Shut up and eat, marimo."
Zoro picked up one of the triangles and lifted it to his mouth but stopped before eating it. "Stop staring at me, it's really creepy." Sanji was staring at him very intensely and it was very unnerving.
"Sh... Just eat."
Zoro tried to ignore him as he took that first bite. As soon as the taste hit his tongue he knew he had made a mistake. That mistake being that he let Sanji stare at him while he ate what would probably go down as the best thing he had ever tasted. He tried very hard to focus on the fact that he was being proved wrong and not on how good it was because it was soooo good.
He probably didn't do a very good job because Sanji started giggling like a little fucking girl. He didn't say anything, just watched with a self-satisfied look on his face.
Zoro ate the whole plate and did not utter a word of complement but he didn't say anything negative either. When the plate had been cleared Sanji pulled it back over the counter.
"I'd cook for you everyday but I don't want to show you favoritism over all my other customers," Sanji grinned.
"I wouldn't eat your shitty food everyday anyway," Zoro claimed, but his words lacked malice. He left that day with a stomach full of wonderful food and a heart full of bitterness.
XxxX
On a snowy Friday, the day before Chopper's party, Luffy accompanied Zoro to the bar. He didn't come often but he was too excited for Saturday to go home all on his own. The burnet was laughing like a lunatic when they walked through the door, startling Sanji from a daydream induced daze.
"Ah," the bartender exclaimed as they approached, "You do have friends." His gaze rested lightly in Luffy.
Zoro didn't dignify that with a response, he just scowled in a very unfriendly manner.
Luffy cast a curious look at the blond bartender. "Who are you?" he asked bluntly.
Sanji turned his gaze to the swordsman with a heartbroken look. "Marimo, I'm hurt. Am I not important enough to tell your friends about? Does my existence mean nothing to you?" He placed a hand over his chest as if in pain.
Zoro grit his teeth. "Your existence means less than nothing, just give me the booze," he demanded.
Sanji already had the alcohol in hand. He slid it across the counter with a grumpy expression. He was hoping that the moron wouldn't catch it and it would spill all over him, but alas no such luck. With that out of the way he turned back to Luffy.
"Sanji," he said extending a hand over the smooth gray counter top.
Luffy grinned back at him. Zoro knew that expression and he then began to feel a headache coming on. If Luffy decided that he liked this guy then they would defiantly be seeing more of each other. Dear god, why? Didn't they see enough of each other as it was.
"Luffy." Luffy said, returning the gesture. The hand was taken and fate was sealed.
"What can I get you, Luffy?" Sanji asked in good nature, as any good bartender should do.
"Nothing, I'm just here for Zoro," Luffy said plainly, turning to his friend for a moment to observe him angrily drinking his alcoholic beverage. and then back to Sanji, who was the more interesting of the two at the moment.
"Despite his antisocial personality?" Sanji asked, eyebrow raised as if the notion was ridiculous.
Luffy laughed, "Yeah, Zoro doesn't like people much." He gave the marimo a friendly punch in the arm, which was absorbed by Zoro's grand muscle mass. That or he was made of stone. Maybe he was a golem... Or a man-droid. Sanji withheld a giggle at the term man-droid.
"So I've noticed," Sanji smirked, ignoring all man-droid related thoughts and turning his gaze to an irritated Zoro. "What's the deal with that, moss head?"
"There is no deal! Get out of my face, wonder brow."
Sanji just shook his head, "See, there he goes again. There is no need to so aggressively push me away, I'm just being friendly," he pouted.
"No, you're being a dick," Zoro spat back.
Sanji pursed his lips in thought. "Maybe a little," he mused. He was often told by the people who were not afraid of him that he was kind of a dick, and behind his back people who were afraid of him also called him this slang term for male genitalia, but what the fuck did they know? They were a bunch of dicks.
Sanji was then called away to go take care of another customer, leaving the two to themselves.
Luffy turned to Zoro again. "Zoro, why didn't you tell me about him?" Luffy pouted. This Sanji development interested him greatly and he was sorely sorry to have missed it at it's beginning.
"It didn't seem important," Zoro said, sipping his sake. He did not see how it was important anyway. Should he tell people when he met random people who turned out to be really annoying? If he always did that then he would have to do a lot of telling and that's not what he was all about.
"But Sanji's really cool," Luffy whined.
"How would you know, you just met him, and don't say things like that so loud. He can hear you," Zoro said as he watched Sanji's mouth twitch upward at Luffy's praise as he pretended to listen to whatever this new customer was saying. He didn't want Sanji's ego to grow any larger than it already was, this small bar space couldn't take that kind of stress.
"I'm a good judge of character," Luffy announced. And Zoro couldn't really argue with that, Luffy did have a knack for befriending alright people and even when they weren't alright he always saw the best in them. On second thought maybe he wasn't so much a good judge of character, maybe he was just childishly innocent. Yeah, that was probably it.
"Then I hope that his potential is hiding so I'm not disappointed at his lack of personality." Zoro said sarcastically.
"Who is it that lacks personality, mister sits around drinking alcohol and scowling?" Sanji said upon returning as the new customer turned out to be rather boring.
"Hey, Sanji, you should come hang out with us Saturday," Luffy suggested enthusiastically.
Sanji's brow furrowed, "Is this the party you're throwing for your college friend?" he asked, lifting his hand to scratch the back of his neck.
"Yeah, but Chopper won't mind. Come on, you have to come," Luffy begged. Chopper really wouldn't mind at all and he would be too nice to say anything if he did mind. He was kind to a flaw, that one.
Sanji took a second to deliberate before he took on a very determined look and slamming down his fist apparently with more force than intended because he made himself jump.
"Alright," he said, gingerly removing his fist from the counter. "I'm in. Should I bring anything?"
Luffy grinned so brightly that he could quite possibly blind someone if he wasn't careful. As previously stated he was a health and safety nightmare.
"Meat!" He exclaimed, standing so suddenly that he knocked over his stool and drew upon himself the attention of all the bar patrons.
Zoro grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back, "No, he doesn't have to bring anything."
"Awwww, Zoro!" Luffy whined.
"Hold on there, Hasselhoff." Sanji said, holding a hand up in protest. "I can bring meat, it's not a problem. Just name a time and place."
"Hang on, back up, did you just call me Hasselhoff?" Zoro asked over Luffy's cheering. He wasn't quite sure if that should be taken as an insult or a complement.
"Yeah, I did. Deal with it," Sanji said, raising his chin in a challenging manner.
Zoro shook his head and got back on track. "Whatever. Look, you don't understand. This guy here," he pointed to Luffy, "is a bottomless pit from which no food can escape."
"So I'll bring a lot then," Sanji said nonchalantly.
Luffy gave a cheer, giving Sanji the time and address. Fan-fucking-tastic, this was sure to be fun.
XxxX
A/N: I feel like I always make Sanji too quirky, but then I decide I don't care because I like quirky Sanji better anyway. This time it's on purpose though.
Ugh, holding out on updates is going to kill me, I was supposed to wait until March.
And we are going to pretend that in this universe the human genome codes for hair colors outside the normal range. For the sake of my sanity please, it upsets me when Zoro has to dye his hair. Also pre-time skip because I can't stand all those fat necks and dysmorphic bodies. I'm looking at you Nami.
Thanks.
