"Anyone else and I would have left you laying there like a lump of coal." I say that and probably mean it. But not for him, no never for him. There was something about his arms around me that told me, this is it. Come clean 100% there is no other thing or person that is going to keep you this focused, this on track or feeling this complete. There is no need for anything else, no drug can take the place, no self destructive path can drown it out. His arms around my waist, his head on my shoulder. That was it, that was home.

Then there was the figuring out how to get two hundred pounds of muscle out of the doorway and to someplace comfortable. Cliche' as it is, it's true and he went down hard. Thankfully the whole lifting a car off a baby shit seemed to take over. Well not so much that strength but I got him to the bedroom. With aid of the tux collar, cringe, and some very hopefully non bruising bumps.

But he is here and he has been for what I am guessing is for a few hours. I have no clock in my bedroom. I found it unsettling many days sober ago. The ticking of the time passing was to hard. So I just now have to wonder how long he has been out, how hard I bumped him or if I should call 911. But I keep track of his pulse, I somehow manage him out of his jacket. I lose the tie, the belt, the shoes. Eventually the dress shirt he has sweated though. His breathing even, and steady. His color good and when the fan kicks in and he shivers, I pull the sheet up over him. He pulls it to his nose just like with the blanket at his house before I left.

It's then I lay down and watch his face. My worries are lifted and I just watch his face, I never forgot it and like this, in my bed , on my pillow, in my arms. I never want to leave. I want to wake him and tell him but I don't at the same time.

He came in. He kissed me, he let me kiss him. He let me hold him. I shake my head in bafflement and confusion. Why the hell?

I am no longer going to worry about the why though. Not when I am getting the chance to have this moment. If nothing else I have this.

AN: Sorry about the no show yesterday. I kind of got sidetracked by hubby. But showering then back at more from the boys.