Chapter 7: Great Enough to Die For
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I've personally never updated this fast. Chapter 8 will be up this week, too. I'm still on a writing kick. That's good for those who read this, though! :D Thanks for following, and please review! I love hearing feedback!
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"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."
― Dag Hammarskjold
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Jane's twenty-seventh year
Calder was nowhere to be found.
Thor was somewhere in the nine realms gallivanting with his four followers. Odin hadn't come to Jane, she mused thankfully. Only one person came daily. Frigga seldom checked in on her.
Dravice came every day for the four days Jane spent trapped in her room. She hadn't eaten. Her room was trashed from her anguishing tantrums. Her eyes stung with dryness. She couldn't cry anymore. Physically.
"Jane," Dravice called quietly from the only chair not damaged beyond the fit for its purpose. "I wish you would just take a bite."
"I'm not hungry."
He got up and moved closer to her, "At least you're talking. That's a start."
"I said three words."
"I've accounted for seven," he added eventually. He observed her with scrutinizing eyes. She still didn't look at him, but she could feel the weight of that stare, "You look horrible. You need some rest."
"Will you stop telling me what I need?" she snapped. Jane straightened and narrowed her eyes, "I just need my son back."
"Jane," he started, "You're my best friend. I care about your wellbeing enough to notice the dark circles around your eyes." As she continued to shy away from him, he reached for her wrists and brought her close. "Thor will bring him home."
"I won't sit idly by while my son can possibly be dead."
His grip tightened, "You're not going anywhere. You're weak and without your powers. You wouldn't last very long at all."
Jane struggled to get out of his grasp. She did, but she felt exhausted afterward. She tried not to appear so affected, "I've beaten you at sparring without my full powers, Dravice. Don't forget who trained you."
"Yes, we all know you're quite capable, Jane," he sarcastically retorted. Quickly, he reached for her again, but his grip was more painful, "You're not to leave in this condition."
"Dravice! Let go of me!" Jane fought.
He eventually complied. "You're no good to the boy dead. If he returns, you need to be here."
Jane laughed aloud once with a maddening fire in her eyes, "As if her would just appear out of thin air. How convenient."
"You need to recover what strength you have without your powers."
"I'm fine," she chanted for the tenth time that day. "What did they do with the Frost Giants?"
"They are both being held in the dungeons."
"Of course they are," Jane sighed. "They're Logan's guardians."
"Why do you even have an agreement with them?" Dravice questioned. "You're involvement with those monsters is senseless."
Jane captured his attention, "Compared to the only man I could call father telling my son he needs to die?"
Dravice winced and swallowed nervously, "Odin loves you."
"I don't know anymore," she confided. "I'm just so tired of being at the will of the men I'm supposed to call father."
"I still am curious about those Jotuns."
Jane glanced at him and away as quickly. When he moved in closer and took her by the shoulders, she groaned, "I have a long, very complicated history with them."
Dravice pulled her toward him slightly, "I'd like to know some of your secrets. You're the only friend I have."
"Before Loki went mad, he told me about a few wormholes...shortcuts that bypass the need of the bifrost. One of the shortcuts led supposedly to Jotunheim. The one I took you through the day Asgard got attacked with Sif," she started.
"And?"
Jane sighed, "I asked them to protect him in secrecy. Jotunheim is nearly a graveyard. No one would think to play with a world destroyed with no hope of reviving."
"So, they agreed to watch over him without conditions?"
"No, but that's all I have to say right in this moment."
Dravice growled, "Jane! I'm here! Right here, and you continually slide further and further away from me. Why won't you trust me?"
Jane glanced over at him, and her eyes were calculated. "I don't know who I can trust anymore," she told him.
He moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her. While she didn't return the embrace, she did not move. "I was the one who stood at your side through all that you endured after he left. I won't hurt you the way that he did," Dravice fought.
She gently pushed away and nodded, "I know. I haven't forgotten that. I just can't afford to be distracted now. Especially with Logan missing."
"I will search for him with you tomorrow if you eat and take today to rest."
Jane met his gaze and nodded, "Thank you, Dravice. I'll get to bed now."
Dravice smiled comfortingly. "I'll find someone to tidy this room up when we depart."
He turned to leave and opened the door.
"Dravice…" she called from behind him.
So, he turned briefly and saw the corner of her mouth lift up. It wasn't a smile, but it was a start.
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Jane's twenty-seventh year
Loki gently lowered Logan to the ground distorted by the space and time in whatever in-between hole he occupied in the universe. The boy was his reflection at the precise age.
The only differences were Logan's longer hair, which was disheveled by whatever he had endured. Logan also appeared very restless for a boy so young. Even as a child, Loki had been very happy and sly.
Logan's skin glowed with a hint of darkness of a red shade. Witnessing the glow swimming underneath the boy's skin made the Jotun swallow. He had to return his son to Jane.
Too much time had passed since he was taken from her side.
Loki lifted the boy into his arms and rested his small head against his chest. The man cradled Logan's angular cheek as his eyes welled over with tears he tried to fight back.
Jane would never know how much of her he saw in this boy. While his nose was longer like Loki's, the general shape of Logan's nose molded perfectly as Jane's always had. And while the shape of his mouth mirrored Loki's, the subtle fullness of the boy's lips matched Jane's.
The most compelling evidence of Jane within the boy was his temperament. The way he handled himself in some of the harshest environments was Jane's branding of adaptation and determination.
Loki always fumbled that skill.
Suddenly, Loki wept and his chest heaved heavily, his breathing slow, agonizing, and quick. He brought the boy's face to his own, and he held him in his arms as he continued to weep uncontrollably.
"I'm sor...sorry," he chanted repeatedly.
Loki's body began to shake, and he continued to hold his son. Jane's son. They're son. He had nearly killed this child the night he'd lost his mind. He stabbed Jane in an effort to stop her from stopping his tirade.
He would protect this boy with his life.
"Thanos will never have you, child," he eventually whispered against the boy's hair. Loki placed his right hand behind Logan's head and ushered the child's head into his shoulder. Loki glanced up and closed his eyes. "This I vow."
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Jane's twenty-seventh year
Jane was able to slip past another set of guards.
Honestly, she was surprised to have made it this far.
Her body ached in places she had not known to ache before. Her muscles spasmed in response with each grueling step she took, and her lungs felt heavy, too.
With Dravice occupied, Jane saw the opportunity to leave to search on her own. She knew of mostly all the wormhole shortcuts she could start to search first.
She had no choice in the matter. Her son was missing, and she had allowed grief and sorrow to obliterate her rationality.
She needed to get her head together. Logan was the one thing she wouldn't lose, and she had to find him.
As she rounded the corner, she saw Thor near Calder. Thor's wide back was facing Jane, but when Thor's attention was taken by a guard, he leaned to the left enough to see the guard holding Logan's limp body.
All reason left her mind.
She darted toward her son desperately, but nearly tripped over her buckling ankle and shaking knees, "Logan!"
Two guards seized her immediately on either side. Both spoke of orders from her father, but their precise words were lost on Jane. Her lungs belted out the child's name, but he remained unmoving.
She fought against the guards and managed to free herself from one's hold, but was quickly recovered.
Thor rushed to her and probably told each guard to let her go. His words weren't registered in Jane's mind, either. The moment she was let free, she rushed ungracefully to Logan.
Calder dropped to his knees when Jane's body caved in under her as she touched the child's face. Calder ushered him into her arms, but he kept his hand on her shoulder to steady her while embracing her son.
Jane barely noticed his touch. She buried her face in Logan's motionless body as she cried. Eventually, the weak princess pulled back and brushed her hand over his face, "Wake up, Logan."
Thor gently took Logan in his arms and helped Jane stand. She allowed it because she didn't think she could carry the boy. As he offered her his arm, he said, "We must take him to the medics. Something is inside of him, and every guard except this Bjornson has been injured when attempting to touch him."
Calder immediately cut in, "I found him face down by the lake on my patrol."
Jane turned her attention to the boy and rested the back of her hand against his cheek, moving her hand down over his neck. There, she felt an object.
She moved away the clothing to find the necklace Loki had given to her so many years ago. Her eyes felt heavy, and her throat constricted tightly. "Thor, take him to the medics. You're the only one who can get him there quickly enough," she stated evenly.
Thor drew his head back, "You're not going with me?"
She shook her head, "I want to have a look at the lake first."
"But, Jane," Thor started lowly.
The princess interrupted. "I'm in no condition to rush over there, Thor. He's my son, and you're the only one I trust enough to get him there and stay with him until I return."
"You're not in the condition to go all the way to the lake alone. The guards will get to you long before you get to the lake," he reasoned.
Jane smiled dimly, "I'm taking Calder with me. He's the one who found him, so he will be able to take me."
Thor glanced to Calder, "Will you take her?"
Calder's features settled from a gentle, but obvious concern to discerning. "I will your highness."
Thor nodded, but remained where he was, "I typically don't get on close terms with guards. You have been truly an asset to Jane, and I want to personally thank you for your dedication to my family, Bjornson."
"Everything I do is my duty. I am humbled by your commendations, my prince," Calder boldly answered.
Jane observed his features. Excitement infiltrated his senses with the personal attention from Thor. He seemed truly honored for his personal attention.
Still, she narrowed her eyes.
"Jane, I will be with Logan until you arrive," Thor said as he whipped out his hammer and took off in flight.
She watched her son fly with him. When they were no longer in sight, she turned and moved closer to Calder, "I need your support."
"Anything, ma'am," the guard replied.
Jane winced, "Call me Jane when we are alone. I hate all the variations of pleasantries."
"Yes, ma'am," Calder answered. He winced and shook his head, "Jane." He smiled brightly and laughed, "Sorry."
The man extended his arm underneath her shoulders and held her by her waist on the opposite side. She threw an arm over his shoulders, "Thank you."
Eventually, the pair made it to the lake, though the journey was slow with Jane's lack of stamina.
Many times Jane refused Calder's offers to carry her. She told him she could make it on her own if he supported her. She did.
"Where did you find him? I want to know the precise spot," Jane said, clearly exhausted.
He led her to where he found the boy, and she limped away from his support. Jane knelt down and placed her hand on the grass.
"This isn't near any of the wormholes in the area. I don't understand," she murmured.
"You will not find answers here, Jane," Odin called from behind. Jane sprang up and turned. Odin neared her, but kept a respectful distance. "It is far worse than I expected."
Jane's hand twitched, "What's wrong with him?"
"I brought horses with me. We must make haste," the Allfather ordered. He turned to Calder, "You there, take the other horse with Jane and meet me at the medics."
Calder moved closer to Jane and picked her up to hurry down the hill with Odin to the horse. Calder mounted the horse first and pulled her up behind him. He grabbed her wrists and wrapped them around his body, "Hold onto me, Jane."
She complied, and the two horses darted toward the palace.
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Breviary-Rose
