My apologies to all my readers for the long delay in this update. If I'm honest, I'm finding it very hard to write for the One Piece fandom lately. The manga, in my opinion is not as captivating in its storytelling and art design as it once was (to me anyway). That's not to say I'm giving up on One Piece, but rather I've been having a bit of a break from it in hopes of rekindling the love I've always had for it. Saying that, I hope you enjoy this chapter.
A HUGE thank you also to my awesome betas: Kenau, DeathGod777 & Squally. Without these guys this chapter wouldn't be here.
Dark Truth
Chapter 12: One Word
Luffy wasn't good with words, but as he stared fixedly at the decks planks in a valiant attempt to avoid eye contact with his crew, he could only describe the feeling as 'heavy'. The air around him felt thick and suffocating as the thundering hammer of his heart drummed in his ears. He had tried so hard to protect them from the truth. He wasn't worried about appearing weak, he knew all too well he wasn't. His nakama's suffering was what he had tried to prevent. Seeing their pain and suffering hurt more than any physical injury could. Now he could see that in delaying this revelation he had only made it worse. They knew that now and he had no doubt that whatever spell they had been under since that night was about to break. He silently willed their blissful ignorance to continue, but he had a feeling – instinct perhaps – that somehow their tears would wash away whatever it was that clouded their vision to the truth.
He didn't want them to see the horrible things that he saw; the broken table, the blood stains. He remembered how the table broke when his body crashed into it. Sanji's heel had kicked into him enough times with such force that the wood had buckled, yet nobody seemed to notice. Ace had though; he had seen the destruction. Luffy hadn't missed Ace's comment about the 'mess' in the galley. Sanji had been embarrassed by a few dirty dishes, but Luffy knew better. He'd seen Ace stare at the evidence of his own brother's massacre. The blood staining the walls was now dry and brown. Blood had a way of permeating wood, seeping deep into every crevice like a sponge. No amount of cleaning or scrubbing would wipe away the evidencethat lay splattered around the ship.
Every night the crew held their plates in their hands and sat around the shattered remains of their table like everything was normal. It made his stomach churn at the thought. More than once he'd been present in the galley as Sanji cleaned up after dinner. He'd watch him wipe down the surfaces, wash the dishes and then approach the table, cloth in hand, only to pause with a look of confusion across his face as though he'd forgotten what he was about to do. It wasn't just Sanji though. Luffy had watched one day as the crew had walked around the deck oblivious to the galley door, thrown from its hinges, laid out at the base of the mast like a dead body. It was there yet they walked over it, on it, as though it wasn't. They couldn't see it. It was why he couldn't let himself trust them fully again or let his guard down completely. Whatever had happened to them back then was still with them, like an invisible blindfold that shrouded the truth from their eyes. Sanji couldn't see the missing door to the galley or the shattered remains of his table just like Zoro couldn't see the blood left behind on the hilt (and no doubt the blade) of his precious Wadou. He hadn't used the blade since then but the hand shaped blood-stain stood out against the white hilt. Luffy had watched the night before as Zoro had cared for the two other blades he'd used that night to defend their crew. He'd hoped to see some recognition of the ugly stain that marred the katana, but Zoro couldn't see it.
There was more damage scattered around the Sunny-Go, though Luffy was thankful for the ships almost impervious Adam-wood that resisted most of the blunt force attacks. Sometimes he wondered if maybe it was just him; his own imagination toying with him, fracturing under the weight of everything that had happened. How could he be the only one to see the blood smeared across that plate with that stupid tart!? It was the plate he'd got out for his snack when it had all started. His memory was hazy after all that had been done and his consciousness had drifted in and out but he remembered he'd heard Sanji return. In the few moments his consciousness returned he'd heard the chef move around the kitchen. He could only assume at some point Sanji had put the plate back into storage, complete with bloodstains.
It had come back to haunt him when he'd eaten the desserts with Usopp and Brook. They didn't understand why he wouldn't touch that tart, yet he could see the dried smear of blood that they couldn't. Back then he'd been confused, disoriented and didn't know what he'd been facing. Now he wondered if those vengeful souls had clung to his nakama as though pining to resume the lives themselves had lost. They'd left behind the remnants of their presence in the physical reminders of their vicious attack, so Luffy wondered once more, how could he be the only one to see? Ace's arrival had given him the tiniest sense of relief though. He had seen it too.
He couldn't tell them though. He couldn't tell Sanji that the shoes he thought were shining were in fact matted with cracked flakes of dry blood, or Nami that the clothes hanging in her wardrobe that she'd worn that night were stained with the crimson liquid (maybe if she saw them now she'd make him pay for them?). He couldn't tell any of them, and if he opened his mouth and spoke now, everything might just come slipping out. Or maybe they would show themselves again, and Luffy knew he needed more time to recover before he faced off against those 'ghosts' again. Miserably, he glanced once over his devastated crew before averting his eyes again.
"Don't turn away from us."
Zoro's order was quiet, a gentle underlying tremble to his tone. It was spoken with such finality that Luffy didn't dare disobey, he felt that if he did it could do more damage than his silence ever had. Reluctantly he lifted his gaze and fought the urge to escape this horrible situation. If he walked away from his crew now it really would be over.
First mate and Captain stared each other down apprehensively. Zoro scrutinised his younger captain wordlessly, the look in his eyes sharp and wary, as though Luffy were something dangerous; and he was. Since their first day sailing Zoro had always known Luffy. He'd known when to back him up and when to let him stand on his own two feet. Zoro had learned how to handle Luffy's physical injuries (the kid had the dextrous ability of a 5 year old when it came to bandages) and how to help him cope with the emotional ones. Luffy often seemed a simple enigma to those who met him but that had never been the case for Zoro. However, this situation was something entirely different, something new and completely foreign. How could Zoro protect his captain from himself? How could he ask Luffy to forgive him for this if there wasn't a chance in hell he could forgive himself.
Zoro looked into Luffy's eyes and sighed quietly through his nose. He could still see it there. The bold determination and self-belief he'd seen the first time they'd met, shining in those orbs. It was smaller, quieter, but it was still there and that gave him hope (as Luffy always did). All that remained now was figuring out how to move on from this. Somebody had to take the first step and as often he did, Zoro boldly took it.
"Why?" he asked.
The question lay saturated in emotion, hanging in the air like a bad odour. So many questions were squashed into that tiny word. Why had this happened? Why didn't he fight them off? Why had it taken so long to figure this out? Why Luffy? The questions were endless and though Zoro had set them in motion, he had no idea which direction to lead them in (he wasn't the best when it came to direction). So he sat with his quiet frustration and waited for Luffy to choose their next path as he always did.
Luffy's eyes darted around like a cornered animal. His mouth opened, then closed, lips pursed in a tense frown. Where could he started with a loaded question like that? He wasn't even entirely sure what Zoro was asking, but then maybe that was the point, so he would have a chance to answer what he wanted to answer first. As it was his eyes drifted guiltily between Zoro and the deck planks, then one by one to the anguished faces of his crew.
Now he could see them; really see them. Sanji stood off to one side, his fists clenched so hard his short nails were pinching into his pale skin, close to drawing blood. Nami was openly crying, fat, salty tears running down her cheeks as she sobbed silently into her hands, body jerking slightly with each sob. Usopp's dark skin was ashen, and his trembling hands held his head, though his shaking shoulders gave away the fact that he too was close to tears. Robin looked boldly into his eyes, returning his guilty look with one of her own. Chopper sat between Brook and Franky. The small doctor seemed frozen in shock, while his crewmates on either side appeared frustrated at their own participation in all of this. They were still so new on the ship and they'd already caused their captain such harm. It was painful to see the emotional turmoil amongst the crew – it was exactly what he'd been hoping to avoid. If they could have just gotten through those waters and been free of this, he could have worked his way back to them, back to normal, and they would have never have had to have known!
"Luffy-san?" Brook called softly, offering Luffy a few minutes to consider his answer with the interruption. "I offer you my deepest apologies for the harm I've caused you as my friend and my captain…"
Luffy's eyes widened and he shook his head fiercely, the panic of Zoro's question momentarily forgotten. Didn't they understand? They didn't need to apologise! It wasn't their fault! It was the damned ghosts! In that moment Luffy wanted nothing more than to grab his skeletal musician, to twist his own rubbery limbs between those of his crew and pull them together and tell them it would be okay. He wanted to tell them not to feel sad or guilty, because he would be okay. He didn't though.
For a hesitant moment, Luffy almost moved forward. He knew if he could just make that first move everything else would fall into place but that stomach clenching fear he'd grown all too accustomed to, held him back. No, it wasn't his crews fault but the damage had still been done. At some point during that night Luffy's pain riddled body had left his mind addled. The distinction between his nakama and his nakama possessed by the ghosts had blurred. In his heart Luffy knew the truth, yet somewhere deep inside of him seeds of doubt had been planted.
So lost in thought, Luffy didn't notice Ace's approach until he felt his brother's heavy hands rest firmly on his shoulders. The contact startled him and he whipped his head around, wide eyed, torn from his reverie.
Ace offered his brother a compassionate smile as he recognised the fear he saw lingering in his eyes; they'd grown up together, it wasn't the first time he'd seen it. Luffy had been a brave and tough little kid to grow up with but he still got scared from time to time. It had been a long time since he'd seen that look in Luffy's eyes though.
"Maybe," he spoke softly as he gave Luffy's shoulders a gentle squeeze. "You should just accept his apology for what it is?"
As though fuelled by Ace's support, Brook shifted from his seated position to his knees, placed his hands firmly on the deck and bowed his head to the floor.
"Luffy-san," he repeated, his own voice laden with emotion. "Please accept my apology…"
Franky followed suit in Brook's example. He wasn't the kind of man to bow his head to others or admit when he was wrong but he respected Luffy and if this could help him recover or feel better about what had happened then he didn't mind so much.
"I'm sorry I beat the shit outta you, captain!" he said as he mimicked Brook's apologetic stance.
Luffy's eyes widened further as he shook his head slowly. He didn't want to see this! They didn't have to…!
"Luffy…!" Usopp wailed as he too joined the apology and slammed his head hard enough into the deck to make Luffy wince. "I'm sorry…!"
"Please forgive me!" Chopper wailed suddenly, his tears finally spilling free as he rubbed at his eyes and tried to wipe them away with his hooves.
Luffy ground his teeth together in frustration, fists clenched at his side as they trembled with tension. Why were they doing this? Zoro and Sanji stayed put, silent and stoic as the rest of the crew broke down. For once they both shared the same opinion. An apology would make no difference here. What was done was done and nothing they said could go back and change that. No amount of 'sorry' would take back Luffy's pain or restore the trust between them and so instead they seethed quietly at their own inadequacy, their own inability to overcome the possession and prevent this. Robin too stayed quiet. She was not the type of woman that wore her heart on her sleeve as Nami did. She would offer Luffy her own apology in her own way and time.
"I'm so…. I-I'm so…" Nami blubbered, hiccupping on her own sobs as she shook her head. "So soh-sorry…!"
"Please forgive me!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Luffy-san…"
"Luffy!"
"I'm sorry!"
"So sorry…!"
Luffy clenched his eyes closed, his chest so tight it felt like all the breath had been forcefully squeezed from his lungs. The apologies continued to spill loosely from his nakama's mouths and with each guilt soaked word his own emotion bubbled and filled his empty insides. The tiny flame inside his heart almost extinguished by all that had happened, flickered and burst to life again, fuelled by anger and frustration at his crew's actions. Why didn't they understand they didn't have to do this? Finally, as he opened his mouth to release a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, the emotion bubbled to his throat and spilled from his mouth.
"Don't."
The silence that followed the quiet statement was palpable. It was the first word uttered from Luffy's lips since that night. Luffy's own expression mirrored that of his astonished crew, as though the word had slipped from his lips by accident. The apologies had stopped though and there was nothing left to hide anyway.
"Luffy…" Usopp uttered, breathless.
"Don't." Luffy repeated, his voice raspy but firm as he bowed his head and shook it from side to side. "No more…"
For a moment it seemed as though time stood still. Nobody dared move and the only sounds that drifted through the air were the mingled breaths of the shocked crew and the quiet groan of the Sunny-Go as she floated on the waves. Finally the spell was broken as Luffy pushed himself to his feet with a wince, shrugged of Ace's hands on his shoulders and padded away from his nakama; somehow it all seemed anticlimactic. He settled against the railing, hands gripping the wood beneath them and stared out to stretch of ocean before him.
It was Zoro who moved second as he too rose to his feet and rolled his shoulders. Something in his stance had changed though, small but significant. He gazed at Luffy's back for a long, thoughtful moment before he turned and made his way toward the galley, but paused and turned back to face his captain once more.
"Oi," he called, "Don't stay out here too long."
With that he made his way inside. Luffy half turned at Zoro's request and though his eyes were shadowed by his hair, the crew still caught a glimpse of the slightest smile that touched his lips before he turned away from them again. Zoro's words had been a small display of confidence in Luffy. Ever since this startedthe crew had coddled him and smothered him, treated him like he couldn't take care of himself. In those first few days that might have been true, but after that the attention had only suffocated him, fuelled the paranoia and uncertainty the attack had left him with. Zoro finally understood what he needed was space; maybe now they all would.
Sanji hesitated a moment before he too headed off towards the galley. He called over his shoulder, "Oi! Usopp, Franky! It's your turn to help with dinner prep."
The barked order seemed to snap the crew from their stupor. Usopp seemed reluctant to leave things as they were and glanced meekly between Sanji and Luffy. Another stern glare from Sanji had him rising to his feet though. Franky too climbed to his feet and followed in tow behind the pair. Quietly he muttered, "Is it alright to leave him like that?"
"He's fine." Sanji replied nonchalantly.
Usopp didn't seem so sure but decided to trust Zoro and Sanji's judgement. He sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly before he smiled and asked, "So, what's for dinner tonight?"
Sanji appraised him with a thoughtful glance before his lips lifted in a small smile and he began to list of the night's meal. Nami watched them, somewhat disgruntled by the sudden change in atmosphere. How could they just pretend this hadn't happened like that? One second they were on their knees apologising and the next they're walking around chatting like nothing at all was ever wrong in the first place. A hand on her shoulder startled her from her thoughts and she turned to see Robin's smiling face. She returned the smile with a perplexed look.
"Nami, how about we have a bath?"
"What?" Nami asked, brow furrowed at the sheer absurdity of their behaviour. "How can you ask that? We… do you realise what we've done?"
"Of course." Robin replied, then quieter she added, "But Luffy isn't the type of man to dwell on such things, so perhaps we should follow his lead as we always have?"
"But Robin…" Nami replied, trailing off as she found she really couldn't argue with what Robin had said. She just hoped she could convey the emotions she was feeling through the look in her eyes.
Robin smiled once again and said, "I understand. Come, have a bath. You'll feel better."
Nami sighed softly and nodded. She looked over and studied Luffy's back thoughtfully, but when he didn't turn around she finally relented and climbed shakily to her feet. She and Robin then headed to the bathroom to relax. As soon as the crew had departed Luffy released the breath he'd been holding with a heavy sigh and sagged against the railing heavy with emotion. Ace remained with him, unwilling to leave him alone on the deck. It wasn't that he didn't trust Luffy, but with all that had happened, Ace wanted to be there for him should he want to talk now his silence was finally broken. He moved to stand beside his younger brother and leaned languidly against the railing next to him.
Luffy didn't offer any acknowledgement to his presence and Ace didn't push him for any more answers. His crew would be doing that soon enough. They stayed there together in silent companionship until the sun started to set. Now and again one of the crew slipped by on their way to another part of the ship. Some lingered hopefully, only to be dismissed by a stern look from Ace. When Luffy was ready he would face his crew again but until then he planned to act as a barrier between them.
Just as the sun began to dip over the horizon, Zoro emerged from the lookout where he had spent the past few hours rigorously training. Like Ace, he didn't press Luffy for any more than he was ready to willingly give and merely lowered himself to the deck to meditate a few metres from the two brothers.
Some hours ago Ace had started a quiet, one sided chatter. He reminisced cheerfully about his own adventures. His soft voice stopped and started as he remembered this tale and that and when they fell into silence once more it wasn't uncomfortable. Equally when his conversation started it was neither false in emotion nor forced. Luffy found himself slowly relaxing between the calm tone of his brother's voice and the comfortable silence between it.
The crimson glow of the fiery sunset slowly faded and left the occupants of the deck in shadow, illuminated by the moonlight. At some point most of the crew had joined them in their silent reverie, scattered across the deck like raindrops. Some spoke quietly amongst themselves while others sat in quiet contemplation, patiently waiting for the next move Luffy would make. Brook thrummed out a quiet melody and Ace couldn't help but feel the tune matched the mood aboard the ship; quiet and somewhat melancholy. It was a time they all needed – a moment to accept the shocking revelations the day had brought and let them really sink in to their hearts and minds.
The only two absent from the deck were Nami and Sanji. The cook remained dutifully at his post as chef and prepared the meals for the day. In between he strayed out to enjoy a cigarette in the gentle sea breeze. He kept his distance from Luffy, partly so his smoke was kept away from him but mostly to give himself time to work off the frustration the morning had brought. Zoro had his weights and Sanji had his kitchen but their goals were ultimately the same. Shortly before sunset, Nami had joined him in the galley and offered to help with the night's dinner preparations. Sanji of course initially refused any assistance from one of his lovely ladies, but Nami had looked at him with an expression that begged him to understand. She couldn't face Luffy right now. It didn't matter if he acknowledged her or not; she couldn't look at him knowing she played a part in what had happened to him. So Sanji accepted her offer. To berate her would only make him a hypocrite as he himself hid away in his kitchen.
The sky had been dark an hour when Sanji called them for dinner. There was initial reluctance amongst the crew to act on Sanji's call when Luffy didn't move from his spot to go inside. A gentle tug on Luffy's arm startled him from his labyrinth of thoughts, however, and he looked at Ace – the perpetrator – with a mixture of confusion and surprise as though only just noticing his presence beside him. For once he had been left to his thoughts without interruption and he seemed bewildered to realise the daylight had escaped without him noticing. Ace offered him a knowing smile, quietly glad to see no fear or turmoil lingering in his brother's bright eyes.
"It's time for dinner." Ace said, softly, and nodded towards the waiting crew. "We've been waiting for you. You skipped lunch."
Luffy blinked owlishly up at him and Ace could almost hear the "I did?" in his mind. Luffy nodded then and turned away from the railing, stiff and sore from his stillness. Chopper eyed him with unmasked concern. Luffy's bandages should have been changed and his wounds cleaned hours ago. His only comfort lay in the hope the sea spray would have done them some good, but he would be sure to insist on dealing with them after dinner. A stern look from Ace had deterred him earlier but he was Luffy's doctor and he'd be damned if he let Luffy get an infection because of an overprotective big brother.
Luffy slowly made his way to the galley followed by wary crew. He sat down stiffly at the broken table with a quiet hiss of pain, still somewhat dazed from his deep thought. The crew ate silently, their eyes on their captain. Luffy didn't seem to notice as he scraped his nutrient filled meal from side of the plate to the other, uninterested.
"Not hungry, Luffy?" Sanji asked, suddenly, his voice garishly loud in the subdued room.
Luffy looked up and blinked, surprised by the unexpected voice. He'd once again been lost in thought.
"Is it nice?" Ace asked, earnestly from beside Luffy.
Luffy couldn't answer him. He hadn't touched a single piece to his lips and didn't know.
"Let me try." Ace chirped and reached over, dipping his finger in Luffy's food, snagging a finger-full before popping it in his mouth. "Mmm~! Delish!"
To say Luffy looked gobsmacked would be an understatement. Food had been a tedious battle with him in his recovery as he struggled to keep it down. His hunger had slowly returned, only dulled now by deep thought, but had never expected that his brother might take his food if he didn't eat it.
"Is it that nice?" Usopp piped up across from Luffy. Ace nodded.
A thieving finger from his left brought Luffy's attention once again to his plate and then bewildered to the digits owner – Zoro – who too had stolen some of his food. His jaw dropped ever so slightly as Zoro hummed appreciatively and eyed the remainder on the plate. "Not gonna eat that?" he asked with a smirk.
Luffy's shock faded to indignant disbelief as he coiled one arm around the plate and hunched over it protectively. He shot an annoyed look first at Ace and then Zoro before finally tucking into his meal. The crew watched on, a little of the heaviness lifted from their hearts. Sanji's soft smile spoke volumes, no words needed as he watched his captain eat; his pride was obvious. For now things seemed almost normal, but the meal would come to an end soon enough and Ace had no doubt their questions couldn't be staved off for much longer.
