Chapter 10: Stop This Sickness Taking Over
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Sorry for the delay in update. Work killed any time I had for writing like a bug on the floor. Apologies. This story is STILL in progress and will be regularly updated. No worries there. Onto the story, now. All details left out of this chapter will be addressed soon in another update. I wanted to focus solely on Jane in this one. Thanks!
Thanks for reading!
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"I cannot stop this sickness taking over. It takes control and drags me into nowhere.
I need your help, I can't fight this forever. I know you're watching, I can feel you out there."
― Starset's "My Demons"
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Jane's twenty-seventh year
The tapestry was a dull brown. It was textured...quite like the fabric Jane had forgotten the name of in the years being away from Earth. The texture was stinted, short, and coarse; yet, it also had fibers of softness sparkled through as Jane adjusted her grip.
This cloth was heavy as she carried it, weighed down by the endless unknown. What made this fabric so weighted?
As her arms cradled it, she caught herself fidgeting with the thick, bulky substance when she crossed the threshold from the decaying house to the harsh desert outside. Multiple people she recognized or not littered the area directly on the porch and just beyond the property either investigating something or talking to Fandral.
The heat blushed against her medium-toned skin. Noise seemed to quiet against the excessive ringing in Jane's ears. As a few individuals rushed to her, almost at a slowed pace of time, Jane kept her hues set forward on the intricately designed hot sand. Thor stopped her by pulling on her arm behind her. The interruption caused her to blankly turn toward him. As her eyes met his, a red light ignited over his skin, and he was thrown off of her.
Without thought, Jane indifferently moved toward the bifrost pad embedded in the ground. Each step weighed an unsurmountable, unbearable amount of effort. She didn't hear the wind fly by her ears. She didn't hear the voices of the approaching voices. She didn't hear her own voice as she mouthed, "Heimdall."
Suddenly, colors burst around her, and she was thrown into the bridge. In a profound and prolonged moment, the gate keeper and Asgard greeted her again. She remained perfectly still, even as her eyes settled over Odin. He stared at the curtains wrapped in her arms in a disheveled manner.
Jane stared blankly at him while he, in slowed time, ran toward her. He'd dropped the Allfather's staff in the movement. When he reached her, his arms slithered around the curtains, thick with the enclosed and deformed body within. This jerked her downward, but she pulled away so she wouldn't drop down to her knees beside the Allfather.
A flash of the bifrost flashed behind her, the light loud and intruding to the quickly saturation landscape. Jane absently stared down at the soundless commotion. Odin appeared to howl with the wrapped corpse in his arms.
"We could run away together."
Loki swallowed with glassy eyes. He didn't look at her even as he lifted the Allfather's staff with both hands. He incredulously stared down and winced at it as if it were the heaviest thing he'd ever held. "There is no turning back now."
Jane rushed over to him and tore the staff away from his hands. In the process, his resisting caused them both to fall to the hard floor with a loud effort. Jane's eyes were heavy with fear and worry, "Come back to me."
He finally glanced at her, but he tried to pull his face out of her hands, saying, "I've already left."
Jane desperately frowned, searching his indifferent, tranced eyes, "You said you would always come for me!" When he did not respond, she shook him and moved her hand over his cold face, "You are not meant to be my king. You are meant to be my love!"
He then gave her an emotion in his gaze: anguish. "You know not of what I am meant to be! I am meant to be a monster!" He reached for her hands to seemingly throw her off of him, but she felt his grip tightened. His eyes were so unsure and confused, "A life with me, Jane...I-I would kill you!"
"Tell me what you mean!" she furiously ordered, unsure of where the sudden burst of strength in her voice came from. She rubbed his cheek with her thumb, "I would die in a life without you!"
He shook his head, and his expression drastically changed as swiftly as it had softened, "Then you shall die, Jane!"
He stood up and stared down at her bitterly. She quickly stood up and reached for his hand, but he snatched it away from her. She sobbed as she said, "I've already lost Thor. I cannot bear to lose you, too..."
He'd made to turn and leave, but the mention of Thor caught him in his tracks. He spun around and shoved her against the wall, "THOR HAS BEEN BANISHED! He did that to himself with his arrogant, dangerous habits! He'd have killed us all if he was made king!"
Something fell into place for Jane in that moment. She pushed away at him, "What did you do?"
He psychotically laughed, "Of course, it's something I have done! My family holds great faith in me!" His words were stained with resentment and mockery.
Jane returned his acidic stare without trouble. "I hate you, Loki," she uttered without thinking. Upon saying the words, she realized they were true. "All you have done to me is play with my head. All I ever did was love you."
"GUARDS!" he shouted. Immediately, two large men stormed around him. Loki scooped up the staff in his left hand and held it out by his side, using his other hand to point toward her, "Take her to the dungeons on the ground of suspect to treason."
Jane felt hot tears falling down her face. Despite the moisture, she felt nothing. Her heart didn't hurt. Her mind went blank, eventually falling victim to the torturous memories again.
"You are to kill the bastard upon its birth," Odin roared.
Jane's hand moved over her belly and stepped forward, "I will not!" Her belly was swollen, but she felt a burst of protection surge through her.
He lifted his hand and slapped her cheek with the back of his hand. He extended his hand and clutched her arm, bringing her close to him, "I will not have that monster's whore parading around her filthy halfling. The child will probably kill you, and I cannot allow your life to end for your stupidity!"
Jane silently cried, "I will die loving a man I used to know and the child he fathered. He will not kill me!"
"That child is a monster since its conception, Jane! Loki is a Jotun! That thing will slowly eat away at your body until you are ruined to its cold!" Odin spat.
Jane shook her head, "No! Loki is your son!"
"He has never been my son! I plucked him from Jotunheim during that battle. I felt compelled to try to help him, but he betrayed us all! He fooled you, Jane. YOU are a fool!" he countered as he let her go.
Jane fell silent as her body shook. "I don't believe you," she tentatively and weakly fought.
Odin's features hardened, "Make it known. I WILL slaughter that creature when it draws its first breath. Your life will not be wasted!"
Jane stepped forward and ran down the translucent rainbow bridge. She ran all the way to her room. Her hands shook as it reached into her chest plate and withdrew a parchment littered with English words she failed to understand.
The only words that settled within her memory were "lost, baby, mother, human, girl, and love." She locked herself in her room for several hours while she studied that note, willing herself to understand the contents.
In all the books Loki had brought her, she'd never thought to try to learn the rest of the language she natively spoke and began to learn as a child. The images within those books had been enough for Jane. And if there were no pictures, Loki always found time to read to her.
Several hours in the early night of the next day, Jane thought she knew enough information about the letter to understand its meaning: that corpse was her birth mother.
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Odin was sitting on his throne. Jane stared down the large hall at the man she had been raised to accept as her pseudo father figure. He appeared sad and withdrawn. Eventually, she began to walk down the hall. Her heels clicked against the hard floor of the throne hall.
The Allfather stirred and set his gaze on her while she heard him. She stopped approximately ten feet from him, at the edge of the steps of the throne.
"Who is she?" she asked in the darkness of the hour.
"Her name was Amalia. We grew up together. I as the heir of Asgard and she as my guard's daughter. I always knew I'd grow to care for her, but I should have kept those feelings stashed away when we grew up. Frigga did not deserve my unfaithfulness," Odin shared emotionally exhausted.
Jane nodded once and straightened, "Am I your daughter?"
"No, you are not...however much I yearned you to be."
"She is my mother...right?" Jane inquisitively questioned. Her eyes were tapped out of tears, so she remained as methodical as possible.
"You are correct. She and I continued our affair for many centuries after my joining with Frigga. When it was clear to me that Frigga was a woman who did not deserve such treatment...of the volume of my feelings for my wife, Amalia and I mutually decided it was best for her to leave Asgard. She chose Midgard and spent many centuries there living and learning about humans. Eventually, I obtained the information from Heimdall of her joining with a human...and the conception of a babe."
Jane released a staggered breath, "That's why you brought me here..."
"Heimdall was unable to see her after you were taken from your family. I assumed she was dead, so when you were brought here, Frigga insisted we care for you in Amalia's stead," he told her. He sounded broken. When she remained quiet, he stood up and walked down to her; however, he did not touch her. "I understand why you hate me."
Jane exhaled sharply, and her eyes were once again heavy with moisture. Quickly, she threw herself against him, "I don't hate you, father."
Odin snarled at the word, and he quickly leaned over her, "After all I have done to you, Jane. I do not deserve that endearment from you."
This was the proverbial moment when Jane could let go of her attachments to this man in front of her and the family who raised her. This was the moment she could take her son and set forth her own path. This was the point where she could finally grasp at the slow boiling hatred she used to feel for this man.
But this was the moment where she freely chose to accept her life in the realm of Asgard. She could not bear hatred like Loki could. When she wore it, it acted often as a hot iron burning her skin, rather than use for protection. Hatred was no longer an option for armor against those who had deprived her of the life she'd always dreamed about.
It was love.
Love poured over her every limb. It would take time to fully forgive the Allfather, but Jane embraced the love she felt for him. She would secure enough time for them to fix their impaired relationship. She would do that by first accepting him as her father...something Loki was unable to accomplish in his turmoil.
Her son needed Asgard as much as Asgard needed her right now. Logan bonded well with Frigga, who had showered the boy with an endless pool of affection. He learned from Thor, who had occasionally took time from his duties to show him a few combat moves to try out with Loki's knife.
Most importantly, Jane was tired of fighting with her fate. She was tired of always being strong. She was tired of being alone.
Her arms stretched around him and tightened, "I admit you do not, but I want to try to recover our relationship while we still have time."
Odin returned the private embrace in the dark throne hall briefly before pulling away from her, "What do you mean?"
She swallowed, "Allfather, I swear my allegiance and upmost loyalty to you and the orders you permit me to partake on your behalf. It will be my undying honor to pledge my blades in your name...so long as you will have me."
The girl never had the chance to see this man breakdown. In all her years as this man's alleged daughter and Asgard's future queen, Jane never saw his eyes well up. Though only a few were able to pass through his lashes, he deeply exhaled, "You so look like your mother, Jane."
She helplessly glanced into his eyes, and together, they quietly wept in the dark chamber.
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Breviary-Rose
