It is with great sadness that I cast my eye back across Mindoir for the final time, as we board the ship that will take us away. Our brief stay here was truly wonderful, seeing Faith finally cleanse wounds that have haunted her for much too long, the both of us simply enjoying each others company in a way that, truthfully, we have never been able to before. On the first Normandy, things were always busy, conversations were snatched between missions, our relationship as much something forged from the two of us pushed together in a high pressure environment as by choice and preference.
And the years following her death... they were the hardest. Knowing that I had done something dreadful, in allowing a group like Cerberus to toy with Faith's remains. Allowing them to perform some horrific procedure to bring life from nothing, for motivations I still refuse to consider: was it for her? For the galaxy? Or for me? Knowing that every day in the information trade my actions were rippling out, tearing apart bonds of family and friendship, causing death and sadness. Trying to reason that my own actions were to prepare for the war, that when I ordered assassinations I was saving more lives in the long term, that my threats were to avoid violence rather than cause it.
I had not realised how lonely it was until Faith arrived on Illium; the first physical contact intoxicating, the argument we had tearing down what I had thought was a strong professional persona, the reconciliation almost reducing me to tears that she was still there for me, granting me her strength if I ever needed it, accepting me despite how much I had changed. The years of solitude had melted away then, almost as if they were just a dream, but the pain remained. Faith had still rejected me, that night before Ilos, torn between finally accepting the position I had taken in her life, or maintaining her self-imposed burden, a decision I know still haunts her. Allowing myself to take that risk again, opening myself to her again, was the most terrifying thing I have ever done despite knowing that she had, at some point during my absence, come to terms with her feelings and was finally ready to let somebody else in.
In truth, trying to track the complex dance that has been our relationship seems impossible. That with two years and more than one argument, the old feelings could still remain was so improbable, but when we finally opened ourselves, admitting our mutual faults as well as the happiness we had shared, something became clear. We need each other, as much as simply wanting each other. I never thought to find acceptance for everything I have done, but she grants it to me without reservation, letting me know that I am not losing myself, that there is something left that another person could care for.
Strong arms wrap around me, warm breath tickling across my cheek, and I feel it again. A simple happiness, that we are together now. With all of the hardship that led up to us being here, simply knowing that yes, we can live something approaching a normal existence, that we can enjoy each other, want and need each other in the good times as well as the bad, has given me hope.
I lean back into her hold as she whispers softly. 'Thank you so much for this, Liara. You've given me so much when it feels like all I've done is take.'
'You give me more than you know.'
Acceptance. Happiness. Strength. A reason to like the person I am.
'I want to do more.'
With a smile I turn in her grip, and plant a kiss on her lips. 'I love you for the person you are, Faith, you do not need to prove yourself to me.'
'But-'
'Is it so hard for you to believe that you are desirable for who you are, rather than what you do? I could list reasons, if you wish. I have a very large vocabulary,' I tease, paraphrasing her comment to me as we watched the sunset last night.
Her face breaks into a soft grin. 'I'd do anything for you, you know that?'
I wrap my arms around her waist, ignoring the fact that the pilot of the ship we are supposed to be leaving on is rather obviously staring, head half-hanging out of the cockpit.
'I know you would. You already fought the Shadow Broker for me, remember?'
'Well, if you need any more giant monsters slain, I'm...' her face drops as her words trail into nothing, and I feel my own heart sink. It has been so easy to forget, out here, with no politics, no worries, no fighting. I am about to murmur a soft platitude when Faith speaks, voice full of steel, eyes flashing harshly. 'I'm going to do it. For you.'
'How much have you learned so far?' She asked the hologram projecting ahead of her. The dark skinned councillor sighed wearily.
'More than I could ever have asked for, Shepard. The technology there is incredible. We're lucky: the Collectors weren't using Prothean tech; the stuff is far older, more advanced and mostly intact. The archaeologists have said that, without a doubt, it isn't Prothean. We know it's Reaper technology. The Reaper itself has shown itself to be made of a similar construction to the bits we recovered of Sovereign. More proof.'
Shepard frowned, and Liara stood slightly out of where Anderson could see her, also frowning. They both heard the tone of his voice.
'Then what's the problem?'
'The Council... we... can't decide what to do now. Tevos and Valern still aren't convinced that there is a full scale invasion coming. Surprisingly, Sparatus is the most sympathetic to us, but then turians know war. To top it off, even if we get them on our side, be it through evidence found on the Collector Base, or something else, a whole host of other issues come up. The biggest concern is the Treaty of Farixen; the one limiting the building of new dreadnoughts. If we stick to it, we'll be limited by the number of dreadnoughts the turians build, by a ratio of 5 to 3.'
Shepard snarled, but Anderson continued. 'I know Shepard, let me finish. The reason I'm not just advocating that we scrap the treaty is because of the impact on the citizens of the galaxy. If we start preparing for full scale war, there'll be mass panic. Non-council races will see it as the turians flexing their muscles, and push for economic reassurance. The batarians might well see it as an aggressive move and decide it's an excuse to start the war with humanity they've been dying for. That's not even mentioning the Terminus systems: we'll need them on our side as well, and can't just ask for an alliance while arming up.'
Shepard's head started to hurt. She was a soldier, not a diplomat, and was sick of this kind of endless argument that only wasted time. 'What's going to happen, then? How soon can we get around all of this?'
'We can't just "get around" it.' he held up his fingers in air quotes, immediately flaring Shepard's temper. Anderson might not want to admit it, but he was becoming as much a politician as the others. 'We need to do this properly, otherwise we'll just spook everybody, and we'll tear ourselves apart before the Reapers even get here. Think about it: say we actually start the preparations: what then? We have no idea how they'll attack. Will they be one giant fleet ravaging us system by system? Or will they send detachments to multiple consecutive ones? We don't even know how many there are, and we saw the damage just one did-'
'Stop it.' she snapped, glaring at Anderson. 'God, you're becoming just like the rest of them! I know all of this. But why the hell are we thinking about that, rather than the fact that we're about to get wiped out? We need more soldiers. More armies. And most importantly, more ships. We need to stockpile supplies, harden communications. We need shelters for refugees who can't fight, hospitals, thousands and thousands of training camps. We need to get people ready for the idea that they are going to be fighting for their lives, that their kids will be forced to fight, that there won't be anywhere they can flee to that isn't a damned war zone!' She took several deep breaths, forcing herself calm.
Anderson scowled, clearly angry at her insinuation. 'You think I don't know that! It isn't that easy! This war is going to be complicated, messy, god damned horrific, Shepard. If we've got scared people, what you do think will happen?'
'Complicated?' She gave a bitter laugh. 'I'd say this war's going to be pretty simple, Anderson. The Reapers are going to wipe us out. This isn't about resources, or space, or economics, or power. We can't win a war of attrition against them, outmanoeuvre them, or lobby for peace when we're nearly defeated. Every day will be one they destroy more of us, and grind down our chances of any kind of victory! I'd rather get people scared now, then get over it, than get into a blind panic when they arrive.'
'So what, you think we should just tell them? Declare martial law, begin arming up and to hell with the consequences?'
'Not to hell with the consequences. We deal with the consequences. It's going to be long and hard and I don't envy you one damned bit. But you're the best one for the job. Udina's too self interested, though he'll be useful to keep around. I don't know nearly enough people high up in the Alliance or any other government to be anything other than the person you can point a finger at.'
She sighed again. 'And do it, if you have to. Have people blame me, hate me, as long as it all gets started.'
'And what if we can't do it? I'd jump on this, Shepard. Throw the treaties out of the airlock, increase recruitment, turn of our colonies into ship building factories if I could. But doing that right now will just get us kicked off the Council; isolated, put under trade embargoes and military sanction. You know we need to begin preparing together, all the species, all the governments. What if I can't get them to play along?'
She glanced at Liara, who gave a reassuring nod. 'If we can't get the support from the top we need, I'll make the pressure from below unstoppable. I've got resources like you can't imagine, Anderson. I'll make sure every single person in the galaxy knows about the Reapers, and tell them exactly what they need to be doing. It'll probably be mostly ignored, but if even one percent of the population of humanity starts pushing, if the turians see that war is coming again, if the salarians get their hands on the data I have, what do you think will happen?'
She let the moment sink in. She had hoped not to need to say this, but it was clear that dancing to the political tune was not going to get them prepared fast enough.
'But more importantly, it'll be me that they follow when the war starts. That you are forced tofollow. Because I'll be the one who warned them, while you and the others sat around denying me. I don't want that. I don't know how to fight a war. But if I'm the only one willing to do it, I will go around you and the others and let the people know exactly what is going on.'
Anderson's frown deepened. 'If I didn't know better, Shepard, I'd say that sounds like a threat.'
'Good. Because that's exactly what it was. I know you're on my side, Anderson. I need you to get the others on my side as well; I'm sick of playing their game. I want the Council, the Alliance, all the other militaries, all together on this, and that kind of thing will go smoothest if it comes from the top. But I'm not waiting around any more. If you can't get it done, I will.'
She had to resist the surge of fear as she spoke. She did not want to alienate Anderson, who was one of the few sympathetic characters at the high level she needed... but she would. She would have every one of them hate her, she would happily have herself declared pariah if it got people listening, signing up to the military, creating pressure to increase the size of the fleets.
Anderson looked furious, and she braced herself for his barrage, before he suddenly sat back, taking his head into his hands for several seconds. When he looked at her again, he just looked tired.
'Shit Shepard, it's so easy to forget what it's like, up here with the politicians. Listen, I know how frustrating it is. Give me a little more time. We both know it'll be better if we do this willingly, with the support of the Council.'
She nodded, feeling her own head clear, just a little. She wished she knew how much time they had before the Reapers arrived, she wished everybody else could see what she had seen: the Prothean beacon, the death of a civilisation stamped into her brain. Her conversations, arguments, with Sovereign and Saren, feeling the words of the Reaper blast through her as if they were immutable facts of the universe. Vigil on Ilos, the VI sounding almost sad, lamenting the death of its people, as they were surrounded by the last ruins of the Protheans. The death of the human-Reaper, like the death of a God, quite literally chilling the air around it.
She could understand the appeal of burying one's head in the sand.
The Reapers were terrifying. Unimaginable. Even if she could somehow marshall the entire force of the galaxy, she had no idea if it would be anything approaching enough. What could she do that countless Cycles before had had not done? Sovereign had torn through an entire fleet, and that was just one Reaper.
But she had to try. To do something.
A final shake of her head. 'Fine. I'll wait one lunar month before making my move. And don't be afraid to tell the other Councillors that: I don't care if they disbar me from the Spectres or send somebody out to arrest me; with the Normandy you know I'll never be found. Just get it done Anderson.' She suddenly felt as tired as the man looked, and her next word was almost begging. 'Please.'
She did not want this responsibility, to be the only one willing to do something! She was just a soldier: a good one, sure, but she was just somebody who was lucky enough to be in the wrong place at the right time often enough to be forged into something useful, who was lucky enough to get tangled in the ludicrously complex web of events that had led to this moment, who was lucky enough that some people believed her valuable enough to break the laws of nature to resurrect.
Lucky... ha...
She looked again at Liara, who was still watching, clearly wanting to support her... but they had agreed that for now, Shepard be the only one in touch with the Council. They needed one face to present to the galaxy, and Faith was the one who had stopped Sovereign, who had stopped the Collectors.
'I'll try, Shepard.' Anderson spoke quietly, clearly quite surprised at the emotion she had poured into her plea. 'I promise you, I'll try.'
The man surprised her by saluting crisply, before the feed cut.
Liara was there instantly. They were in the vid-comm room on the Shadow Broker's ship, having travelled there on Liara's shuttle; the Normandy still was docked around Omega. Shepard had briefly contacted Garrus and Tali, learning that Aria's crew had finished, that the Normandy was spaceworthy once more, and that her ideas for upgrades had all been set down in schematic format. She was impressed, but had several more things to do before working out just how she was going to have the upgrades installed.
A soft hand wrapped around her own, blue eyes wide with concern.
'Thanks, Liara... I suppose that went better than I expected. I hated having to drop that threat, but I'm sick of the Council doing nothing. At least Anderson can dress it up a bit nicer than I could when he tells the others.'
'Offering to wait for one month was unexpected.'
She nodded. 'I figure one month either way won't make much of a difference, whereas Council support will. We couldn't get much of substance done in that time anyway... but I'm not just going to sit idle. I don't want to fully hit the extranet with our data, but we need to speak to all the people who already know something about the Reapers: the people who scavenged Sovereign, the people you led to Ilos, all the rest. Get them to begin shouting a little louder. Maybe get some journalists on board as well.'
Liara smiled gently. 'I believe you are better at this than you give yourself credit for.'
Faith smiled grimly in return. 'Ha - when everybody else is doing nothing, it seems like what I'm doing is more than it is. I guess then there's only a couple more things to work out - what we're going to do, and where Cerberus stand. The Illusive Man's probably going to be... ha... frustrated, that I gave the Collector Base to the Council rather than him, but I don't think he's stupid. He's got resources; manpower as well as material, and I doubt he'll risk galactic extermination just because I hurt his ego.'
'The man is supremely egotistical, Faith. The old Shadow Broker kept a close watch on him: for good reason. It may interest you to know that he planned to take this ship, had I not occupied it myself.'
Fear shot through Faith. 'What? Why didn't you tell me!?'
'Because he did not go ahead: one of my agents in Cerberus told me Miss Lawson convinced him that I would be a suitable stand in. Given her...' Liara's gaze dropped, and Faith felt a soft despair sink through her. Nearly all of Cerberus' representatives on the ship had died: only Kelly, Ken and Gabby remained, and of those she suspected only Kelly held any kind of loyalty to the organisation. 'Given what happened, I will have to increase my surveillance of Cerberus.'
Faith shook her head. 'It might just be easier to cut ties altogether. But they're a resource... one I know won't flinch at the hard choices.'
'I agree. They can be brutal, but I would rather live with a dirtied conscience than let the galaxy die.'
Faith looked again at Liara, saddened by the words. She knew the asari had always carried a ruthless streak, but that Faith's dragging her into this whole situation had burned away the endearing naivety that surrounded it, that the upcoming war allowed her to so openly admit it... 'I wish it didn't have to be this way, Liara.'
Liara's eyes flashed sadly as well, looking to the ground. 'As do I.'
Faith reached out, and tilted Liara's head up. 'We'll get it done. And we'll be together as we do it.'
Dark blue lips curled into a small smile. 'It still seems so... strange... to imagine that despite everything going on around us, we managed to find this for ourselves, does it not?'
'I'm not going to complain about it.' Faith smiled in return, then broke the contact. They, sadly, still had work to do, and she started wandering back to the main "office" where Liara's monitors were. 'I guess that just leaves... well... us. Garrus and Tali will probably want to help upgrade the Normandy, as will Ken and Gabby. Kelly's going to be training with Karin, and Joker... I'm not sure I want to know. I was hoping you could help me get the ship's complement back up to strength. I need a weapons tech, a communications specialist, somebody to both fly the shuttle and do mess and maintenance duties, and a few more people for the ground squad.' She smirked. 'Do you think the Shadow Broker could get me the best?'
Liara gave a soft smile in return. 'I am certain I could. But - have you thought about contacting the Alliance?'
'I'm not in the Alliance any more, Liara.'
'I know, but cutting ties entirely with them will be counter productive in the long run. Even if you are not a Lieutenant Commander, you still command a great deal of respect there, and will be relying on them in the war. You could offer them a chance to have one or more representatives on your staff as a gesture of goodwill: and we know that Alliance personnel will have received the correct training, and can be relied on in a combat environment.'
Faith nodded, smiling, relieved that Liara was here. Having to do this on her own would be a nightmare. 'You're right. I'll think about it, I doubt they'll just hand over some of their best, but we'll see.' She looked up at the huge bank of monitors, all displaying enormous amounts of data. How Liara could possibly keep track of all of this astounded her. 'Makes me wonder about all the other militaries. The only one properly equipped for large scale war is the turian army... and the batarian.' Her mood soured. She had never been able to see the batarians as anything other than slaving monsters: she knew it was unfair to judge them as a species, but her feelings; tension in their presence, a bubbling anger when she was forced to speak to one, did not go away for knowing it. She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. She would never get the batarians to work with her, not after Torfan; that task fell to some other unfortunate diplomat.
'What about the others?' Liara prompted. 'We will need all of the species together: I admit I am somewhat ignorant as to the military structure of most.'
'The salarians just aren't built for full scale war; we can't sabotage the Reapers, trick them, beat them without firing a shot. Same with the asari; you're powerful, but don't have huge armies the same way we do. But both have powerful fleets, and very deadly strike teams. Good for hit and run attacks, but won't be able to last in a drawn out war.' She thought to what she knew of the other species. 'The volus and hanar don't have soldiers that could fight Reapers; they just aren't built for it, and the elcor are only a little better; I've never seen it myself but apparently they're like walking weapons platforms. Slow, but deadly; they won't win any battles but will be good support. On top of that, none of them will give up their fleets easily: they are small enough as it is, and leaving their worlds undefended...' Faith shook her head.
'I'm starting to see what Anderson meant, this is going to be a mess. We won't be able to restructure a species' entire military in time so we'll have to find the best uses for them as they are. Wrex might be able to help, gathering the krogan like he is, but they don't have a fleet. They'll be good, maybe the best, on the ground, but they'll be useless otherwise. The quarians are the other way around: we'll need their enormous fleets, but they can't fight a ground war. I can't imagine they'll be pleased about working with me after I insulted most of their admirals for exiling Tali, the idiots, but they are hopefully military minded enough to put it behind them.'
She looked at Liara, whose head was tilted attentively. Faith felt a small flush of happiness, knowing that Liara most likely knew most of this anyway but was allowing her to speak it all, to secure it in both of their minds. She very much appreciated the gesture. 'Last, I guess; the geth are an interesting one. Most of the other species probably won't happily work with them, but they've got a massive fleet, an enormous army, are more expendable than all the organic races, and Legion says they're willing to fight the Reapers. I bet out of all of the species, the geth will actually be the least trouble to mobilise.' Shepard smirked sardonically. 'It's almost ironic, considering that it was the geth that first led us to the knowledge of the Reapers.'
There was silence for a moment, before Shepard raised a hand to her head, rubbing harshly.
'Liara, I've got no idea how we're going to get all of these people to work together, unless the Reapers show up on the damned doorstep... and even then I'll be trying to convince them that I'm the best one to lead, rather than one of their own leaders.'
'It sounds as though we have a substantial task ahead of us.' Liara spoke softly. 'But do not think this is all your responsibility. We do have others we can rely on, and the Shadow Broker... I... have numerous high ranking agents in most governments and militaries.'
Faith looked again at the huge bank of monitors. Liara had yet to even fully explore the resources she now had access to, but the implication of what she just said was enormous. They would not, could not be ignored. If Liara ordered her agents to, they could increase internal pressure, or even...
Shepard swallowed, not liking to think it, but the thought would not go away. The asari's agents would be ideally placed to fill any power vacuum. If it came to the worst, the option was there to replace governments with agents loyal to Liara.
With a dry mouth, she nodded. 'It's good to know. Can you give me a basic idea of how to navigate this information?' she gestured to the monitors. 'Even if we amass the biggest fleet, the biggest army, the galaxy has seen, it might not be enough. We need to know how the previous Cycles fought, why they lost. We need to know as much about them as possible, to adapt our weapons and tactics. You said the previous Broker had files on the Reapers: I'd like to see them. As much as we can find, and I'd like some of your agents dedicated to this as well.'
Liara nodded firmly. 'It will be as you say, Shepard. I can also retrieve some of my notes on the Prothean extinction; there may be useful information there for you.'
As the pair got to work, Faith did not notice Liara's change in address.
A/N: For some time now one of my previous chapters has been bothering me: Whilst I'm usually happy to leave imperfect chapters up to chart my progression as a writer, that one had not left my mind after several weeks. To that end I have posted a revised version of my chapter 11: it is still a harsh, uncomfortable chapter but I am more satisfied that it now portrays what I was trying to write.
