Chapter 10: Stop This Sickness Taking Over
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Call it a moment of weakness, but Loki has been badgering me for this chapter, and it's about time. Without further ado...enjoy! :)
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"I cannot stop this sickness taking over. It takes control and drags me into nowhere.
I need your help, I can't fight this forever. I know you're watching, I can feel you out there."
― Starset's "My Demons"
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Jane's twenty-seventh year
Rain entered through the doorway of the balcony, drenching the tapestry and dampening the marbled floor of the great, silent room. Jane held her left knee tightly against her chest while her right leg dangled off the side of the large, velvet-covered bed in the center of the dark room.
Night settled over the palace distantly, peacefully. The madness and bitterness between the Allfather and betrothed princess ended. Yet the horrors of the Aether still lay dormant, yet menacingly beneath her skin.
Her fingers trailed along her leg as her back hunched over in the swift motion when her body fell against the bed. Her eyes relaxed after narrowing while she exhaustingly exhaled. The morning would rise in only a few hours. Logan was asking for her, but she hadn't the strength to face him. Not yet.
He would be angry with her. He had every right to be.
Jane never knew her mother. She wasn't bitter for the stolen memories. She didn't have the required energy to exert for the refuge of revenge. All Jane Foster...a ghost of a name she would never be able to shake away.
All she wanted was to focus on everything she had right now. The love of a family who loved her in the best way they could. A son whom she treasured above her own life. The unforgiving power of an unknown source within her veins. Asgard was apart of her. She had always belonged. She was never just a human.
Her mother used magic quite like Loki and Frigga did. She was a skillset above the queen, but she was never recognized for her skill while serving the lover she could never have...and who would never have her. The woman provided the princess with a kinship strength to stand alone when required. Jane hadn't ever been alone...only when she was a child...before she was lifted here.
Jane was asked by Odin if she would attempt to master magic. Jane immediately refused. Her natural ability to heal and to move things was enough power for her. Jane feared any more would feed the darkness slowly calling out to her day by day. Eventually, she would depend on this strength to walk away from everyone who loved her. She had to keep them safe.
Her body was healing itself against the Aether. For now. That was Odin's theory. Jane wasn't sure if she could believe that. The princess was indeed still half a human.
Her eye twitched, but her body remained still. The brown eyes moved to the right, glancing at the ceiling while still laying down on the bed. Her eyes closed and she casually sat back up. Her hand moved toward her nightstand. Idly, she opened the drawer and casually shifted through the contents, appearing almost bored.
When it seemed should could not locate the item in mind, she stood up and moved toward the open glass doors of the balcony. Rain slithered over the curves of her small body. The cold frosty touch of the wetness stung against her skin, but Jane closed her eyes and allowed the sensation to calm her. She deeply inhaled and slowly exhaled, opening her eyes to see her breath before her in a foggy haze.
The gown she wore was drenched in only a few brief seconds of exposure. Her whole body shivered, but Jane did not move. Without another second wasted, she turned around and threw the dagger in her sleeve behind her by the door. Jane threw her hand toward a small flame flickering gently in the opposite corner of the room. She slowly brought it toward her and directed it to the direction of the dagger. Instantly, she saw Loki standing unfazed staring at her passionately.
He exhaled with a chuckle, "I didn't expect that you'd find me so quickly."
Her brow raised, "I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to stick around. I gave you a chance to run while I moved the candle." She did not move.
The dagger grazed his cheek. A small trail of blood sagged down from the wound slowly down the roundness of his pale cheekbone and over the strength of his jaw. "I am quite tired of running," he stated.
She rolled her eyes, "And I am tired of you living."
He bitterly laughed, "You were never going to see me die."
Her hand launched the candle toward the fireplace, and the flames fed over the wood stacked neatly within. As she shadows receded a bit, Jane had the opportunity to examine him. "No matter what happens, Loki. I shall be the one who kills you."
He swallowed and reached up for the dagger, but Jane held out her hand and retracted it back to her without moving an inch. His eyes straightened, and his mouth firmed, "You stand in line with countless others, then."
Jane held his stare regardless that he moved toward her by a step. She gave away no free emotion or thought in her eyes to him. She knew he didn't know what she would do. This was exactly where she wanted him. He held up his left hand, but she lifted her hand and tightened it in his direction. His clothes and armor weighed over him and tightened over his skin, keeping him in place.
"Thanos is a kinder enemy, Loki. Words will no longer work," she told him evenly. "I am loyal to Asgard. You've tried to take that away from me, but you've failed. You've always failed me."
He swallowed, and coughed when his collar threatened to strangle him, "You were always going to cast me aside for them, Jane! It was never going to be any different if I hadn't betrayed Thor or plotted with Thanos."
Jane stepped closer to him, "You've brought only death by living. I should kill you now and reap the praise from Odin in the morning."
Tears filled his eyes, but he did not allow them freedom. He held them captive in his eyes as he stared at her. His voice broke when he retorted, "You killing me would be the sweetest kindness I could ever know. You're so eager to start a life with our brother! Don't pretend anymore! Just fucking kill me."
Jane's features tightened, finally breaking. She rushed over to him, but kept control over the materials he equipped. "Eager?" she started quietly, brokenly. Her voice shattered, "I grieved your death every day until recently, regardless if I allowed myself to know or not. I spent every day of my life for years believing my son was gone...killed by my own father. I was always all alone."
Jane looked away, and tears fell from her heavy eyes. She exhaled, "Thor was the one who helped me without questioning me. He never knew about us. He never asked me why I was held prisoner in this fucking room for months until my son was born! He never knew about Logan until I had to bring him here to protect him. Thor never asked for anything he has endured. None of us has!"
"When all the people in the realms told you of my death, you so easily believed them!" Loki devastatingly shouted, his teeth bare as he inhaled a sharp breath.
The future queen of Asgard stepped forward. Jane's eyes stung, as they were vulnerable to the cool air surrounding them. Shaking her head as she placed her hand over her heart, she defended, "When all the people in the world did convince me, I died with you."
She noticed her power over him waned for a moment. He quickly cast away his clothes and accessories, so she could not repeat her control over him. He closed in over her clad in nothing save the exterior magical skin he always wore.
When he outstretched his arms toward her, her arm sagged down to her hip as she quickly moved backwards, but his tall form powered toward her until she was in his arms. She pushed at his chest roughly, "Get off of me!" Her voice sounded unsure and wavering.
His blue eyes captured her attention, and Jane felt his strong body through the thin bed clothes she donned. She swallowed, but continued to shove at him. Tears fell from his eyes more openly as he continued to stare down, "I have betrayed you in the most unforgivable ways, Jane."
His voice was but a whisper.
His forehead lowered against hers, and she ceased her struggle against him, "None of that matters anymore. You could have had a family, Loki."
"You could have died," he muttered absently. His intense eyes shifted with an unfamiliar vulnerability she did not recognize. "I left you to die…"
Jane closed her eyes and lowered her head against his bared chest, snuggling against his cool throat, "I can't tell if this is a dream or not…I haven't had it feel this real in years."
"It has to be a dream. You would need to kill me if otherwise," he replied softly. His arms molded around her body. "You're shivering," he observed. His natural body temperature did little to help the matter as he gently moved his fingers over her back and arms.
Her arms hung lamely at her sides as he held her. Her eyes closed tightly. She listened to his pulsing heart and his heaving chest. Jane felt the weight and strength of emotion pouring from his embrace. The rain from outside still bounced against her exposed leg. The sleeping gown she wore hung only to her knees. She only started to notice that her hair, long and dark and thick, seemed to absorb the moisture. The ends were soaking wet.
He was right, of course. She was shivering. Jane only hoped it was due to the cool, nipping temperature invading the area. The princess didn't bother to think about the fact that he was naked. Despite the icy conditions, something erotic and intoxicating and familiar and wonderful became noticeable at her belly.
Jane caught her breath, but stayed still. Her eyes were glued to the piece of floor her dark eyes bore into. "It's not fair," she quietly told him. Her large eyes sagged with remorse and doubt. "Logan, he...he looks exactly like you. He eats the way you do. He thinks the way you do, too. He talks the way you do. He..."
Loki brought her closer to him by adjusting his arms around her. His lips smoothed over her hair, "He loves the way you do, Jane." Now he was shivering, she noticed as she stood hostage in his arms, "You've already saved him. He'll never be like me. His heart is pure like yours."
Jane faintly chuckled and smiled sadly, but her arms moved around him until her hands rested at the exaggerated curve between the edge of his bum and the low of his back. Her face turned so that her lips brushed against his chest. She still didn't look up at him. She swallowed, "I am no longer pure, Loki. I don't recognize myself anymore. I had to change when I found out I was with child."
He sagged against her, but kept himself from causing her to fall. He held onto her in a way he never had before. Jane continued to stand idle in his arms. "I've never deserved you, Jane. I've always known that...but I need you to look at me."
She felt like a doll thrown on the floor. She had no control of her limbs or her movements. Her brain was in control of her, and she was helpless to fight against the storm of emotion it imprisoned...shielded from her heart. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Loki," she aloofly stated.
He grabbed her face with both of his hands gently at her jaw and lifted it up. Still, her eyes were dangling beyond him. He let out a desperate, needy whimper, "Jane..?" When it was clear to him of her fate, he searched her face and lowered his mouth on hers kindly...affectionately...passionately. Upon contact, her eyes snapped back in her control and against his vulnerable gaze.
His eyes were open. He watched her and pulled away.
She had an intense, delayed reaction - seemingly lulling against a heavy spell. She stared at him in wonder. Like he was a ghost. Maybe he was. Her brows sank down toward her eyes as she gazed up to him with overwhelming emotion. Her chest heaved dangerously, deepening and rapidly adjusting to the surge of need bursting in her bones. Her shoulders moved up and down erratically.
Her hand moved from his back and slithered up the expanse of his pale chest, following each curve and dip across the large area. Her other hand deliberately inched up to his cheek. Her fingertips shook rapidly with anticipation. Her eyes never left his. She swallowed and found herself eager to touch him, to love him all over again. And the weight of that horrified and electrified her.
Deep in her belly, she experienced a profound ache that seemed only to grow as her hand got closer to his cheek. She released her breath as her hand stopped short of his tightening skin. Her hand resisted against a hard, unseen force between them. A sensation washed over her and caused her eyes to water in response.
The movement of his hand approaching her throat caught her attention. She remained in place as she watched his own hand rise up toward her. His hand tilted as his long fingers wiggled wildly as his hand hovered over the base of her neck a few inches.
The hand placed at his chest shook with need and agony and excitement. Jane memorized his expression as they held still: raw, dark, yet completely innocent. The mix pulled her closer to him, but she still didn't touch his face. Her eyes dropped to his lips and back up to his eyes. Her eyes released the tears when her brows lowered with confliction.
Loki's eyes framed new emotions as he watched the tears slide down her cheek. His features tightened as he looked furious. But he broke the invisible barrier between them and tore her out of the shell she'd built the last few years, shattering the cosmic, colliding feelings eclipsing reason itself for her. Her hand unfroze and shoved roughly to him as she leaped into his arms as her legs wrapped around his hips.
His erection rubbed against just the right place, which afforded a hidden, guttural, and feline mewl from her throat. Jane's hand unclenched as it shot to his black, thick, and long hair. She pulled it roughly, and he groaned pleasurably. Their eyes mutually closed as he shoved her against the nearby wall and swept his arm across the table hugging the wall beside them, launching the contents of its surface loudly against the floor.
He wouldn't let them hear it, of course. She counted on him for that. It was what he always had done. The noise ushered in a fraction of reason back within her brain, but as she stared into those ghostly eyes, once lost to her forever, Jane discovered she didn't care if she would be caught with him. In his arms, she would gladly die.
He set her down on the surface as he tore off her bed clothes and pulled down her undergarments in a hastily, unbridled way that exhilarated her. Her chest exhaled loudly, deeply, lustfully as she watched him discard the garments among the blankets atop her bed.
She was his for the taking as she always had been. And he lifted her up, claimed her lips savagely, and thrust inside of her. She winced at the initial impact, but she was lulled back into the ambrosia state as he took her small breast in his mouth. Her back arched as he pounded inside of her over and over and over again into endless abandon. She opened her eyes and saw him staring up at her with an unlocked emotion she once knew him capable of feeling.
He lifted his head and claimed her lips gently as he quickened his efforts. He stared at a falling tear tumbling down her cheek with awe, but she distracted him by nuzzling against his neck and playfully nipping at the cool flesh. When she retracted her teeth, she traced the spot with her hot tongue. He rewarded her with a wondrous groan. He'd taken her to that place again. So quickly, they would know paradise, always together and never apart.
Her back arched and she extended her neck as she looked up with closed eyes toward the ceiling. He lowered himself against her and held on tightly as their bodies shook violently. Her hand moved to his cheek as he worshipped her more ardently, desperately. She moaned his name in response and he chanted hers in kind.
As they ascended together, it was not paradise they visited. The world was coated in a shocking shade of crimson and crystalline littered the area. She saw Loki standing with Logan: hand in hand. They were far away from her, but she could still make out what they told her. They called her "monster" in unison, and she reached out for them.
Suddenly, Jane flashed over to where she observed Jane on one end of her peripheral vision and Loki and Logan on the opposite side. She watched her expression as her extended hand glowed an orange red and launched a thick bolt of the red crystalline to both of them. She shouted as she darted toward them, but when she drew close, the ground shook and crumbled beneath her feet.
Reality snapped back as she stared up Loki from the floor. She clutched his arm tightly. He was blue and his eyes were bright. He was a Frost Giant, and somehow she was harming him. Her eyes sluggishly moved to her hand, and noticed it glowed a bright orange. She shouted an expletive and when she did, the light went out, but a cold, seething pain shot through her arm as it turned to a dark color of gray.
Her body shook, but she managed to glance up at him. His color was returning, and the pain was fleeting away until it was gone. He shot up and cried out while staring at his hands. Tears were pouring over his features and his teeth were barred.
Jane stood and moved to him, but he shoved her away despite her touching him again without the pain. She shot back up and saw that his color was fully back. He stared at her, "How did you survive that?"
She lowered her eyes and saw that he was bleeding at the spot she had held, "Loki, you're hurt!"
He backed up against the wall and emotionally barked, "Stay away from me! I'll kill you yet!"
Her eyes became glossy, "It only hurts me briefly, Loki. I've touched Logan and other Giants before. My body heals itself when I'm hurt quicker than anyone's here. It's a part of my power." She tried to approach him, but he faded away and shouted again behind her. She quickly spun around and slowly walked to him, "More importantly, Loki, did the I hurt you?"
He shook his head, "That wasn't you, Jane. It was the Aether within you."
"Loki, let me hold you. You're back to yourself..." she soothingly uttered while still approaching him.
She watched him cautiously but still pursued him carefully. He watched her with fear prominent in his hues. But he did not move. "I saw you kill us, Jane."
That caused her to stop. She stood a few feet away from him, "You saw that?"
He nodded and wiped at his eyes, "Do you see that often? Do you know if that was real?"
She swallowed, "It's a piece of something. I have no way of knowing if it's real or the future or a warning or an inevitability." She shrugged and looked up to him longingly, "You're alive, Loki."
He stepped closer to her hesitantly, "I had to stay away to protect you. And before that I was trying my damnedest to snatch a throne."
She stepped closer to him and lifted her hand up. He moved the distance between them and her hand cupped his cheek, "I can't believe you're real." She swallowed, "Thor told me he watched you die, that you were gone forever without hope."
He lowered his head against hers, "Forgive the poorly timed and quite insensitive question, but I have to know...have you slept with Thor?"
Her brows drew close together and she narrowed her eyes, "Of course not! I've only let him kiss me...if you could call it that."
"Why not? I do not deserve your faithfulness."
Her hand shook slightly, "I've tried to stifle it, but I said I would always love you. I fear I still do despite everything...such wasted effort, really."
He lightly kissed her then. Her eyes flickered up to him more attentively. His hands moved to claim hers and bring them to his chest. The way he stared at her told her an abundant amount of information, but they did not have the time. "Jane, I..."
She raised to her toes and kissed him gently, "We don't have the time, Loki."
"There's never been time for us," he commented aimlessly.
She lowered her head to rest on his shoulder, "Why bother cloaking yourself to look Asgardian when you do not hide your body temperature? You were never as warm as Thor or the others, but I don't remember you feeling like that."
She felt him swallow against her forehead. He lowered his mouth to be close by her ear, "Are you repulsed by it?"
She moved so she could look at him, "No. I could never be disgusted by it. I would have loved you in any form I could have you."
He chuckled ironically, but said nothing.
When the silence was boldly pronounced between them, Jane glanced up at him and saw he stared at the window. So, she said, "So much has happened..."
He nodded, "I shouldn't have come to you. It was a moment of weakness."
"We can't let that vision come true, Loki."
He inhaled and looked down as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. His hand stroked her disheveled hair gently, "I won't let anything happen to you or Logan."
"I need you to do something for me."
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Breviary-Rose
