What if I'm wrong, what if I've lied
What if I've dragged you here to my own dark night
And what if I know, what if I see
There is a crack run right down the front of me
-"If I Be Wrong" Wolf Larsen
XxxX
Sanji came home from an especially long feeling day at work completely exhausted. It was raining out and he didn't even own an umbrella or a rain jacket so he was well and truly drenched. He stomped through the doorway shivering and looking generally sorry for himself. The place appeared to be empty, which was unusual because Zoro should have been home hours ago. Although, it was possible that he was having a drink at the Thousand Sunny as he did everyday, although not usually so late. The constantly paranoid part of his brain was highly alarmed had the lack of Zoro but he took a breath, sent a text and went to get away from this horrible wet feeling.
As alarming as the idea of Zoro being gone was he was ever conscious of the slippery slope of crazy he was standing on the edge of. He didn't want to end up like one of those people who walks around with tinfoil around their head to keep the government from reading their thoughts. He was terrified of ending up like that both on his own behalf and that of his friends' he didn't want them to see him end up like that.
He shed his soaking clothes as soon as he was in the bathroom and took a long, well deserved shower. When he came out there were no new messages and his alarm grew. He texted Nami to ask if he was with her before going to pour himself some soup that he had made a few days previously. Soup was always better a few days after it was cooked and it did well to sooth his nerves when paired with some nice bread.
He got no reply from Nami, probably because she was working and her phone was off. Stupid. So he texted Luffy instead and tried to relax and watch Netflix. His phone remained silent and he was far too distracted with his worry to watch Dexter murder people. It was weird that he though a show about a serial killer would make him feel better but in the back of his mind it did comfort him in some way although it was only fractional and amounted to basically nothing.
Time passed excruciatingly slowly and his panic was at about a seven because he knew that logically anything could be preventing Zoro from being there but then there was also the fact that the government might want them dead or missing, he didn't think they were picky as long as they were out of the way. As he sat against the couch arm curled up in a blanket and trying to suppress his panic his phone vibrated, making him nearly jump out if his skin. It was from Zoro, thank fuck.
Zoro 12:34 AM
Sorry, there was an accident on the site. I'll explain at home but I won't be there until late.
Sanji 12:35 AM
Just hurry up.
He was relieved to hear from him but still anxious. Someone else could have texted that using Zoro's phone, he had no way of knowing what was going on behind that screen. He sighed, he was being silly and blowing things way out of proportion. Things would be fine, Zoro would be fine, everything would be fine. Things had never been fine before this but that didn't matter, now it would be fine. This wasn't helping, he was making himself more worked up when he was trying to comfort himself.
His therapist had been telling him what to do in these sort of situations but he hadn't listened, he hated all therapists. He had heard it all before and it never helped. Oh well, what good was it now?
He decided to bottle up all his panic and instead went about in slightly manic action doing whatever he could to distract himself. He eventually fell asleep awkwardly on the couch. Under normal circumstances it would have been a blessing that he would fall asleep like this and he hadn't even been having a nightmare but now he as annoyed because he needed to stay up waiting for Zoro. He was startled awake by the sound of the door opening. He sat up slowly and checked his phone 3:11 AM, ugh, fuck that.
Zoro kicked off his shoes and wandered into the living room. He was surprised to see Sanji on the couch looking up at him, his face slightly puffy and pale from sleep. His skin looked vaguely iridescent in the darkness.
"Sorry to wake you," Zoro said gruffly. He knew how painful it was for Sanji to try sleeping and how rare it was for him to sleep soundly.
Sanji stood shaking his head. "Don't worry about it." He felt overly relieved at seeing Zoro home where he belonged. In his joy he stepped forward and rapped his arms around the green haired man, leaning his weight onto him.
Zoro was mildly surprised at this display. "What? I wasn't gone that long," he said.
"I know," Sanji said, shaking his head again where it rested over Zoro's shoulder. "I'm just weird and I missed you."
Zoro smiled slightly and slid his arms around Sanji's waist. "Sorry, I should have know that you would be lost without me," he said with a little grin that Sanji could not see.
Sanji grimaced, and pulled away slightly to glare at Zoro's face. "Shut up, I was not 'lost without you' I just didn't know if something bad had happened."
"Well, everything is fine so you can relax," assured Zoro, leaning forward slightly. Sanji met him halfway in a slow lazy kiss that quickly got out if hand. They moved with quick motions and fast breathes. But as usual one of them came to their senses before thing a got too out of hand and there was a sex tape in the making. It had been close a few times but the urge to protect that one semblance of privacy was held to high degree. This time it happened to be Sanji.
Sanji drew back with heavy breaths. "As wonderful as this is," he began, "I think we should put this on hold because I'm about to fall over from exhaustion," he said although he cast a look around the room like he thought they were being spied on, it would be hard to see it in the dark like this so he felt comfortable doing it.
Zoro sighed frustratedly but conceded without much objection. If Sanji needed sleep then he wasn't going to prevent him from getting any.
Sanji felt bad about this but he just sighed. "Come on, let's just go to bed." He was too fucking tired for this shit, so he dragged Zoro back into the bedroom and rolled onto the mattress like a lazy ninja. Zoro put on a pair of sweat pants, brushed his teeth, and climbed in after him. Rolling closer to his heat, Sanji was was struck by how comfortable this felt. Laying there in bed together, Zoro slowly pulling his fingers through the ends of Sanji's golden hair.
Zoro was staring at him through the darkness, Sanji could feel those dark eyes heavy on him. His gaze was oppressive but Sanji sent him a crooked smile which he wasn't sure that Zoro could actually see but it didn't really matter.
As it turned out, Zoro could see Sanji well in the darkness. He had very good eyesight. Maybe it was because he was part plant, all that vitamin C. No, dammit, he wasn't supposed to make plant jokes about himself in his head, that was Sanji's job, the bastard was getting to him. Sanji who was currently staring up at him with both of those clear blue eyes, those bizarre eyebrows, that smooth hair, and that crooked smile. He was just so... There wasn't a correct word for it, there was this feeling Zoro got when he looked at him or thought about him for too long. The feeling was warm and hard to embody into words. The closest word Zoro could think of was love but it still didn't seem the quite the right fit. Oh well, language was confining sometimes.
"Are you just going to stare at me like a weirdo or are you going to say something? Because you look like you have something to say," Sanji's smiled turned up into a smirk.
Zoro's expression did not change but he breathed a heavy sigh. "I wasn't going to but now I feel like I have to."
"Well, I'm listening so you better tell me before I fall asleep."
"Okay, you asked for it; I am fairly confident that I am in love with you," Zoro drawled.
Sanji made a face, "You are the worst at confessing your love. You couldn't have thought of any better way to word it?"
"Nah, I don't love you enough to bother with that."
"Wow, now I am offended. I think you should probably love me more than that," Sanji teased.
"I guess you'll just have to become a better person then. You could start by saying 'I love you too' because I'm starting to feel like this relationship is terribly one sided," Zoro said in mocked concern.
Sanji scoffed, "Fine. I, Sanji Black, do hereby confess my undying love to one Zoro Roronoa."
"Funny that despite how eloquent that was mine sounded more real."
Sanji rolled his eyes, "You put up with all the shit I've put you through, you are, like, my favorite person; I obviously love you." He pressed a kiss to Zoro's mouth.
"Much better. I think this is a relationship milestone."
"Is it? I don't know."
"I don't know either."
"We suck at relationships," Sanji huffed.
"Well, as long as we are sucking together it's fine."
Sanji wrinkled his nose, unsure if that was a double entendre or not. It sounded suspiciously close to one if it was not. "Well, it's like fucking late and my brain can't think, so I suggest sleep." He gave up in his efforts to stay focused.
"Very well, good night and don't let the bed bugs bite."
"Shut the fuck up, I hate you."
"I hate you too."
And for once, Sanji quickly fell asleep. Despite his earlier good rest his dreams were dark and turbulent, he was carried through an endless void with no comfort but his inevitable damnation.
Sanji's eyes snapped open. Morning light shone lightly through the curtains. He was laying on his back, looking up at the ceiling. He turned his head to the left to look at Zoro, who was facing toward him and breathing evenly onto the sheets.
As his eyes glazed over his face he was startled to see an big ugly purple bruise had formed on his left cheek. He hadn't noticed anything like that last night but then again it was late and very dark. He lifted his hand to the injury, grazing his fingertips over it. Even that movement made the swordsman's face twitch. He opened his eyes slightly before he blinked them open again for a second time.
"What happened to your face?" Sanji asked horsely, poking again at the discolored flesh. He felt bad for waking him up and internally berated himself for doing so.
Zoro brushed his hand away, "We were getting ready to go and Lufy accidentally whacked me in the face with a board, which made me shoot two nails into my side," he shrugged.
"You what!?"
"I was holding a nail gun. Relax, I didn't hit anything vital! That's why I was so late. They had to do a bunch of tests and make sure I didn't fuck myself up or anything."
"You freaked me out, you should have said something."
"Sorry, I should have texted sooner. I left my phone in the car."
"At least you're here now. So do you have new battle scars then?"
"Yep," Zoro said pulling up his shit to reveal his patched up side, "I more I get the sexier I become."
"Yeah, because that's how it works."
Zoro snickered they were silent for a while, quietly laying around too lazy to get up before Zoro spoke up. "Let's go up to Kelley's Island today," he said.
"What, why?" asked Sanji in confusion.
"You've never been there right?"
"No."
"So let's go be spontaneous. I have a year ferry pass and it's not that expensive if you go across without a car. We can just go get a golf cart." Really they could take Luffy's boat but Zoro didn't want to deal with Nami so that ruled that option out.
"Alright, fine. Let's be spontaneous." They didn't have anything planned and Sanji was starting to go nuts from staying in the same general area at a constant state of paranoia.
Slowly they got up and ready, packing a backpack full of a light lunch and some money. They were in no rush, they had decided to get on the ferry at eleven. As they waited for the boat to come into its dock they watched the seagulls as they few overhead like vultures.
"So, what is there to do on this island?" Sanji asked as they waited.
Zoro let a breath through his teeth. "Let's see, there's inscription rock, which is a rock with a bunch of Native American symbols on it but it sucks because it's really fucking weathered down. There are beaches but it's kind of cold out today and you still have stitches. There are glacial grooves to look at. We can go hiking, or just ride around in a golf cart. Oh, and there's a church camp, I'm sure they'd appreciate two homosexuals showing up on their grounds." If that's what they were. Zoro didn't even know what his sexuality was. It just kind of... was.
"Yeah, I don't think I want to he hissed at today, that you very much. I say we go hiking and ride around on a golf cart."
"Good choice."
Not long after that the boat pulled slowly into place and the cars on board slowly moved off and new cars moved on. When they were done loading, the people on foot got on. There were a fair number of people, as this was the weekend. Most of the people went up to the seating area on top but Zoro and Sanji stayed down with the cars near the back and leaned against the side of the ship.
Sanji smiled down at the murky water of the shallow lake as the ferry began to pull away from the mainland.
"Nothing like the smell if seaweed early in the morning, right?" Zoro said jostling Sanji lightly.
"Yeah, fresh air is overrated. I'd much rather smell seaweed and dead fish."
"Say what you will but I grew up in that shitty polluted water."
"It's not that bad, is it?"
"It's pretty fucked up, it's causing problems environmentally."
"Fuck people, why do we alway fuck nice shit up?"
"Because we fucking suck."
The land behind them was slowing becoming farther away and hazing out if view.
"Look over there," Zoro said pointed out toward a hazy shape on the mainland. "There's Cedar Point."
Sanji squinted and could vaguely see the thin rails of the high reaching roller coasters. Sanji was not a fan of rides, he wasn't scared of them, he would just rather not ride them.
"I don't like roller coasters much," Sanji said flatly.
"I'm pretty much a roller coaster expert. A bonus of having parents who don't give a shit is doing whatever you want."
"You filled the void your parents left with swords and roller coasters?"
"And arcade games." Zoro turned and pointed to something on the other side of the land. "See those smoke stacks? Those are in Michigan."
"Boo, Michigan. Get off the lake."
"They aren't on the lake, they're on their own land."
"And I will not set foot upon it. Unless I want to go there because it's actually a nice place."
"Then why do you talk about it so scornfully?"
"Because football rivalries are a big deal, marimo. A macho man such as yourself should know this. We the buckeyes must irrationally hate those blue and yellow wolverines. Scarlet and red forever, baby! And that is why Michigan must die." Sanji rolled his eyes.
"Whatever, football doesn't really interest me. Look, another thing of interest," Zoro said pointing at what looked like a tall light house poking up off of another island. "That's Perry's Monument, if you go up there you can see like everything. It's awesome."
"Who the fuck is Perry and why did he deserve a monument?"
"A captain or general or something in the war of 1812. They fought a big battle on this lake, it was the battle of lake Erie. There are a bunch of sunken ships out here."
"Weird, it's hard to believe something like that could happen out here. I barely even remember what the fuck the war of 1812 was all about."
"Probably because it happened over two hundred years ago and it was just a failed attempt by the British to take back the United States, or I guess then in was these United States but whatever. Anyway, Kelley's is way better than Put in Bay."
"Is that the other island?"
"Yeah, it's the one with all the bars and drunk people."
"Is there anything else to do other than get drunk?"
"Yeah, There's a massive geode you can go inside."
"Wait, you can go inside it?"
"Yeah, it's fucking massive. It's actually the biggest in the world."
"Holy shit."
"Yeah, but it's lined with limestone so it's not especially pretty like those ones with all the crystals even though it's called crystal cave."
"Ugh, this is weird, I'm learning things. How is it possible that you have the capacity of knowing these things?"
"Because I grew up here and I'm actually kind of smart."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Okay, maybe I'm of average intelligence, big deal, you nerd."
"I'm not a nerd."
"Have you read A Game of Thrones?" Zoro asked suspiciously.
Sanji glared at him, "Lots of people read that book series, not just nerds." But he had read them.
"Have you read Lord of the Rings?"
"Shut up, I'm not talking to you anymore."
"Whatever, by my definition you are a nerd."
Kelley's island was now coming rapidly into view. Kelley's was the second largest island on the lake and from above it looked a bit like a deformed Australia. It had a small population who lived there and was generally a nice little place.
The ferry pulled safely into place and everyone got off. Sanji and Zoro headed into the rental place and got a golf cart. Sanji hesitantly let Zoro drive because he didn't know where the fuck he was going.
They drove through a small town and into a little wooded area. They passed a few golf carts on their way. When they came out of the woods they drove past as series of nice houses and a small school, it was so small in fact that Zoro joked that they always had a graduating class of one. They went past the funny little school and past a little cemetery that Zoro held his breath going by to prevent the ghosts getting inside of him and taking possession of his body.
In the woods to the side Sanji saw something that looked like ancient fucking ruins.
"What the fuck are those?" Sanji asked as they passed the creepy looking structure.
"It's an old winery, there used to be a bunch of them here for some reason."
Then they went by a camp site filled with people. Just past this was the beach where there were a good number of people swimming. Sanji wished that he could swim right now but he wasn't supposed to get his stitches wet or anything. They drove past all of this to the end of the road and parked in a little parking lot.
"So where are we?" Sanji asked.
"We are going hiking," Zoro replied, turning off the vehicle and walking toward the opening of the path. It was well trod and clear, although there were a lot of tree roots growing onto the path and threatening to trip any and all travelers who dared to walk over them. They were about halfway down the trail when looking at the ground Sanji was horrified to see lots of daddy long legs crawling across leaves and over rocks.
Remain calm, he told himself, don't freak out.
The little creatures scurried away from their stomping feet. During Sanji's strain to remain in control of himself he had neglected to keep up conversation with Zoro, who was now staring at him with a peculiar expression on his face. Sanji offered a small half smile that did nothing to dissuade this look.
"Something wrong?" Zoro asked curiously.
"Nope." Sanji shook his head.
"I don't believe you."
"Well, I'm not going to say anything more so you're just going to have to deal with it."
Zoro continued to pester him for a few more steps at which point they had to crawl over a fallen tree and a daddy long leg scampered over Sanji's hand. He flung the thing away in disgust, letting out an undignified yelp.
Zoro turned to him in shock, "What was that?" He asked, "Daddy long legs, seriously? Of all the things you could be freaked out by?"
"Shut up, I can't stand spiders. They're so.." He shuttered.
"But they're like not even spiders, are they?"
"I don't care what they are, they are horrible."
As it happened the daddy long legs were actually a subclass of Arachnids called Opiliones. And the daddy long legs being spoken of had the actual name of harvestman.
"Whatever, just get over here," Zoro said motioning for him to move forward.
Sanji hesitated but wasn't about to make himself look like a weakling so he hurried over the fallen tree. The rest of the walk was filled by Zoro watching Sanji skirt around the little spider like things in amusement. Just to bother him, Zoro picked up one of the things by two of its legs.
"Oh my god, out that thing the fuck down."
"It's fine, see," Zoro pulled apart it's legs and suddenly it had one less leg to scurry around on. Zoro held up the disembodied legs so that Sanji could watch them twitch around.
Sanji looked somehow more horrified, "Don't do that!" Pulling off the thing a legs was somehow more horrible than letting it go free. But Zoro didn't listen to him, he continued to pull off its legs until it had only one to pull itself by. Then he threw it into the woods.
"You are the worst," Sanji mumbled as they continued on their path.
The woods were thicker back in this area and they finally came across a place like those you find in front if monuments but it was in a glass box and too foggy inside to read.
They passed the little box thing quickly, Zoro didn't even stop. The tree line abruptly cut off and they were standing on a small plane of rock on the edge of the lake. Were this a large body of water the waves might have splashed up dramatically but as it was it only splashed weakly at the rock, although the air did have a damp feel to it.
Zoro grabbed Sanji's hand and led him down toward the edge of the rock outcrop and stepped over onto another beside it. It was then that Sanji noticed the grooves in the stone.
"Are these like glacial grooves?" He asked curiously. The rock had smooth and defined grooves that broke off as the rock did, into the lake.
"Yep, we could go to the actual display area, where they are more big and defined but I think this is better because you can touch it." He said crouching down to run his had over the rock.
"I agree," Sanji said in awe as he too touched the very, very old stone old enough to carry the pressure of a glacier when the lake was formed. That was how the lake was formed after all, melting glaciers at least that's what formed the lake it was today. It used to be a series of smaller prehistoric lakes. When the glaciers came down from the Canada area they stopped part of the way through Ohio leaving the state part flat and part hilly with the foothills of the Appalachian mountains.
"Let's have lunch here," Sanji proposed, not waiting for and answer and getting out their food. Her handed Zoro his bit and began to eat his own.
They watched the water move against the cloudy sky for a moment before Sanji realized something.
"Hey, I just realized that this would be the perfect opportunity to talk about stuff," he said excitedly.
"What stuff?" Zoro asked in confusion, there was a lot of stuff they could talk about.
"You know, stuff. It's perfect. We're on a tiny island that we didn't plan on going to, we're alone, we aren't currently around any technology. We can say whatever we want, which is good because I feel like I'm about to explode."
Zoro was giving him a weird look, "What are you talking about?"
Sanji's heart skipped a beat and his stomach sank in worry, "What do you mean, it's kind of a huge deal. What the fuck else would I be talking about?"
"You're starting to freak me out, cook, just tell me what you're talking about."
Sanji felt his panic rising up through his body and his breath caught in his throat, "Please tell me that you are fucking with me," Sanji said, setting down his food and looking at the swordsman desperately.
"I have literally no idea what you're talking about," Zoro said helplessly.
Sanji let out a choked laugh, "Of course not, I knew things were going too well." He felt a lump rising in his throat and he felt vaguely sick.
"Sanji, what the fuck are you talking about?" Zoro looked almost as freaked out as he felt. Almost.
"No," Sanji said shaking his head, "I don't want to tell you now. You'll think I'm fucking insane, maybe I am. Fuck, the universe is doing that thing again."
"What thing?"
"The thing where it fucks me over like a fucking bitch." He felt short if breath and he knew he could feel the onset of a panic attack. He had to calm down. Take a deep breaths and relax. Zoro reached out to him with concern, taking his hand and squeezing it lightly. Under normal circumstances the gesture would be appreciated but now it was like a stab in the heart.
"Relax, just tell me what's going on. I promise not to ditch you. I mean, how much worse can I be than 'I've been abducted by aliens'?"
"Way worse," Sanji moaned, pulling away his hand from Zoro's and scratching at the back of his neck roughly. He clenched his teeth in frustration for a moment before he slowly let air hiss through his teeth and he began to talk.
"Okay, so you remember me being missing, right?"
"Yeah."
"Tell me what you think happened."
"You disappeared for like a month and then I suddenly got a call from you on a farm in the middle of fucking nowhere."
"What did I say happened?"
"You said you didn't remember."
"Okay, here's what I remember. I was abducted by a UFO being operated by the Air Force and taken to an Air Force base where they did stuff to me until you, Luffy, Nami, Chopper, Usopp, and some guy I don't know busted me out. I was dropped off at that farm to make it seem like I just suddenly appeared and we have been monitored since then, probably." And there it was. That look of pity and sadness, with a hint of you are fucking crazy. It hurt even more than Sanji expected it would.
"You're telling me that we broke into an Air Force base, how the fuck would that be possible?" Zoro was humoring him, he had to be.
"I don't know, you didn't give me the details in case I got taken away again and they made me tell. You were all in disguises and your hair was dyed upsettingly. Don't ever dye you hair, it's perfect the way it is." He babbled.
"An you were abducted by a UFO?" He said dubiously.
"Yes... But now I could identify it so it's not really an Unifentifed Flying Object, it's just a flying saucer," Sanji replied weakly. The expression Zoro was giving him made him doubt himself considerably, seeing as it was a ridiculous tale, but he also felt completely positive that it had all happened. "They must have gotten to you last night, that's the only time you've been gone so long, and if they got you they must have gotten everyone else too, now I'm just the crazy one. I guess that's the point, it's so crazy that I must be insane."
Zoro sighed, "Do you always have to make things so complicated?"
"It's not my fault!"
"I know, I'm just worried about this sudden leap to paranoia and conspiracy that you've taken."
"I told you, it wasn't a sudden leap. This is what happened before too."
"And you really have implants under your skin?"
"Yeah, they probably still track me with them."
"Right..."
Sanji clenched his head and sighed, "Look, I know that you don't believe me and I don't blame you for that, but for my sake when we leave this place can you not talk about being involved in this, just in case? On the off chance that I'm right. I'm not asking you to believe me, just don't implicate yourself in my rescue."
Zoro looked at him for a moment, "Alright, but I'm just going to come out and say it; I think you should probably go see your shrink more."
Sanji groaned, "Fine, whatever, just don't fucking talk about it." He laid his hands in his lap, looking down at them blankly. "I'm sorry to put you through this," he said. He assumed that it must be at least a little disturbing to see him like this.
"You can't help it," Zoro said dismissively as he resumed his eating.
Somehow that made him feel even worse than he did before. He had become used to someone believing his bewildering tale, even when they couldn't talk about it, it was comforting to know that he wasn't alone. He was suddenly on his own again and he couldn't think of a way out of it. Maybe it was best to start repressing all the crazy now and save Zoro the trauma.
They finished their lunch and began their walk back toward the golf cart. Zoro held his hand the whole way back but somehow this made him feel even more on his own. As they climbed back onto the vehicle Sanji resolved to not let this mindcrushingly painful event ruin the rest of the day. He pressed down the negative emotions to the best of his abilities and requested that they go on a tour of the island.
They passed many things on the tour: a tiny airplane landing strip, a 4h building, some sketchy looking houses, a weird religious shrine in the woods. The big quarry filled with water, where they stopped to hike down an throw rocks at the fish living inside. They passed the church camp Zoro mentioned, kids were standing in the road waiting to get on boats to go tubing. It looked like a nice little place but when he thought of church camp he automatically thought of hard core right wing republican values and it didn't settle right in his stomach.
All the while they kept up a steady stream of light conversation, like their previous conversation had never happened at all. Sanji wished that it hadn't.
They left the island at six and returned home.
XxxX
A/N: *cough cough* uh, romance is weird and awkward. Why do even try writing it? I don't know either. I just can't and I feel like you suffer for it :( it's even more awkward because I was writing surrounded by people.
Sorry if you're from Michigan but the rivalry between Ohio and Michigan runs deep for some reason. I don't get it either. I've been to Kelley's Island, so I know the secrets :3
And it's the Apple-a-shin mountains not Apple-at-chin. I hate it when it's said that way. Both pronunciations are right but whatever.
Thanks.
