Author's Note: Let's see how Bella's coping, eh? Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Chapter 32
Bella's Point of View
I felt like a zombie. In fact, I was a zombie.
At nights, I had nightmares. It was that same nightmare from four months ago, and it was exactly the same as the accident that had taken my baby away from me.
I woke up sweating bullets and screaming. Luckily, someone was always there right next to me. They tried to calm me down without much success, and I nearly always went back to sleep from exhaustion of being hysterical.
During the day, I did nothing. I merely sat there in my bed, refusing to eat anything. I stared blankly into nothing, thinking absolutely nothing.
I knew that I was worrying my family. But I couldn't help my depression. I'd just lost someone who'd been the most important to me. My baby…
"Bella," Jasper pleaded softly. "Try to eat something. You haven't eaten since you woke up. Please, Bella. For me."
With others, I would merely snap and throw the food at the wall, but this was my brother. His mere presence had always calmed me, and I didn't feel like wasting my energy to disappoint him.
"Please, Bella?" Jasper asked. He held out a spoon. "Please."
I stared at the spoon for a while, then took it slowly. Jasper exhaled in relief, then pushed the bowl of porridge towards me.
"Go on," he urged. "Eat."
I dipped the spoon inside the bowl and played around with the yucky stuff, but I made no move to eat it.
"Please, Bella," Jasper said. "You have to eat. I know she was everything to you, but you're going to have to try to move on. She's gone now, and there's nothing you can do."
I knew that he was right. But the reason I was being so stubborn was because of Edward. It was all his fault.
I hadn't seen him since that day I'd woken up. He seemed to know better than to show his face. I hoped I won't have to see him again.
I resented him. He was my husband, but I resented him. He'd made me lose my baby. He was the cause of my loss.
"Bella, please," Jasper sighed. "Do it for me. I'm worried about you. The least you could do to reassure me is to eat something. Now come on."
I lowered my gaze to the bowl of porridge. It became blurry, and the tears fell down my face. Slowly, I raised the spoonful of porridge to my mouth.
"Good girl," my brother whispered softly.
Crying silently, I kept eating. Soon, I was finished, but I made no move to put down my spoon.
Jasper took the spoon away from my hand gently, then removed the tray from my sight.
"Thank you, Bella," he said, sounding relieved. He brushed away the tears from my cheeks. "I love you."
I finally broke down. I began sobbing again, and he hugged me tightly.
I was glad that I, at least, had him. Jasper would always be on my side, no matter what.
Everyone seemed pretty relieved that I'd started to eat again. Though I still stared into nothing and my nightmares continued, at least I wasn't looking so painfully thin anymore.
I'd heard what had happened with Tanya and Edward. It didn't make me feel any better. I should have been jumping up and down joyfully. But instead, I merely lay back down silently, and closed my eyes.
I didn't know what Edward was doing these days. I didn't see him, and no one brought him up. They knew that I didn't want to hear even his name.
Jasper seemed thoughtful as he spent many hours in silence by my side. He stared into my haunted eyes, and he didn't say anything at all. He was different than the others, who urged me to try to move on and focus on getting better.
Emmett, who was always cheerful, looked down these days as well. Though he tried to be his usual self for my sake, he wasn't succeeding very well. He made jokes when he visited me, trying to make me laugh.
Alice brought me fresh flowers every time she visited. She tried to get me to talk to her, but I merely stared ahead blankly, not hearing anything.
Charlie and Renee were nearly always quiet, afraid of setting me off. Carlisle and Esme were apologizing for Edward, and persuading me to give him another chance.
I was lying down, staring at the ceiling with Alice at my side, when Jasper came in with a huge envelope in his hand. Alice stood up to greet him, then froze. She stared at the object in her lover's hand in horror.
"Jasper…" she breathed, shaking her head slowly. "You can't be serious. I thought you were joking!"
"Alice," Jasper said calmly, though his voice was steely. "Will you please step outside for a moment? I'd like to speak to Bella privately."
"Jasper!" Alice protested. "You can't do this to him! It'll kill him! It'll kill both of them! Are you trying to ruin your own sister's life?"
"No, Alice," Jasper said quietly. "I'm trying to save her life."
Alice stared at him, then glanced at me. Unhappy, but giving up, she exited the room.
"Bella," Jasper said. "I can't watch you like this anymore. You're obviously trying to find a way to survive without your child. She was your everything, and the fact that she's gone, and that Edward's responsible for that is too much for you to take."
His tone caught my attention. He seemed determined. This was something new.
Vaguely curious about what he had to say, I sat up slowly and looked at him. I waited for him to go on.
"I decided to help you find a way to live," Jasper said. "If Edward's the only thing in your way of coping with your baby's death, then I'm going to make sure that he's out of the picture."
I stared at him. And for the first time in weeks, I spoke. "What do you mean?" My voice sounded dead.
He stared at me for a moment. Then, he laid down the huge envelope on my lap.
I took the envelope and opened it. I slid the documents out of its pocket and stared at it in shock. I turned to look at Jasper, my mouth slightly parted.
"It's an option I'm providing you with, Bella," Jasper said. "I'm not forcing you to do it. This is your choice. I'm merely offering you alternatives."
"Jasper…" I whispered. I hadn't realized that there was this option. I hadn't even considered it. Funny.
"I want you happy, Bella," Jasper said firmly. "That's all I want from you. Nothing more. And I trust you to make the right choice for yourself."
He rose, and he left the room.
I was still stunned as I stared at the documents. I couldn't believe that Jasper would even consider this. All for my happiness.
"Jasper, why did you do that?" I heard Emmett outside the door. "You can't honestly want this for your own sister!"
"You can't do this to Edward!" Alice said, sounding like she was crying. "You know he loves her! This was just a mistake! You can see that he regrets hurting Bella! It's obvious that he'll do so much better if she gives him another chance! Why couldn't you just wait, Jasper?"
"How do you expect me to just wait?" Jasper asked impatiently. "She's my sister. I can't watch her be unhappy like this. And yes, if it'll help her survive, if it'll help her cope with her loss, I would do anything for her. Hell, I would even die for her. And this is nothing compared to all that. I gave her the option, but it's her choice. If she wants to survive without Edward-"
"Jasper!" Alice whispered. "No…!"
"My sister comes first before my friend," Jasper said quietly. "She's my first priority."
I heard footsteps walking away. Alice made a choking sound as she started sobbing, while Emmett tried to comfort her.
"Edward…" she sobbed. "Why…why…"
I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall from my face freely. Did I have to go this far? Was I desperate enough to go through with this option Jasper had provided me?
I heard Emmett and Alice's voice fading away, and I knew that no one was around my room.
I opened my eyes, having come up with the easiest solution. I slid the documents back inside the envelope and placed it in the drawer of my bedside table.
Then, quietly, I yanked the needles from my arm and got out of bed. I walked outside to the corridor. No one was in sight.
It was almost too easy. I walked up the stairs slowly, in no hurry at all. Finally, I reached my destination. The roof.
I walked to the edge of the building. And I stared down at the ground for a long time.
I laughed bitterly to myself. How had I come to this? When had I become so suicidal? But really, this was the easiest.
I didn't know how long I'd been gone. But apparently, it had been enough to alert the entire hospital about my disappearance. Pretty soon, a crowd of doctors and nurses, and even patients had gathered below on the ground.
They shouted for me to stop. They waved their arms and called my name to gain my attention. I saw my family pushing through the crowd. Their eyes grew wide and fearful when they recognized me on the roof…
There were footsteps right behind me. But I didn't acknowledge it.
"Bella!" Edward said desperately, stopping a few feet away from me. "Don't. Don't…don't do this, Bella. Don't… I'm sorry. It's all my fault. You can hate me all you want, and you can even tell me to go kill myself, but you…you can't do this. Bella, please… Come here."
It was so painful, hearing his voice. The agony ripped through my chest, reminding me of my loss. I'd lost so many things because of this young man. So many precious things that have been lost…so many…that I didn't want to live anymore.
I took a breath of fresh air. I closed my eyes. Hopefully, one good jump would end all of this…end all my pain and suffering.
I leaned forward, my eyes still closed, and then…
I was falling.
AN: Any hunches on what Jasper gave Bella? I think it's a bit obvious…
Reviews, please!
