I wanted to know, I did. I am the one that took the conversation on that path. I just got a hell of a lot of confused when he answered. I mean I thought he would cut me off at some point. It had been back and forth. We weren't letting the other stray from that. But he let it out there.

I had no idea what I was thinking. I was just shocked at first that he never had a partner. I mean I figured he wasn't a virgin somewhere but I mean I, I have no clue. Then he let it all out there and I got it in the head how different we were. So now I look at myself in the mirror. Really look. I am half naked, wild hair and a face full of confusion, I look. Well I look strung out.

I have no idea what I am doing here. No clue how this is suppose to play out I was just running with my gut. I had two weeks off and now ten days of that were gone. I didn't know if I should be giving him the time off, if it will help or hurt. Hell I hadn't even checked in in god knows how long. On the way here I gave my assistant a call and let her know I would be off grid for a few days but I am sure there are a ton of messages waiting for me. For once since Jason died I really don't care either.

After he passed I threw myself into my work. I had spent so long taking care of him and being the responsible one, even in the end when he was lost in a haze of pills and pain. I was there. I had taken to going to a day or two of work at the most so I was there. Then it all fell apart. Then he was gone and I had no idea what to do.

So I worked. I built my power and kept busy, found a routine. I had a routine. Now I don't .Three days and I have no more of the routine to rely on. I am lost. As far back as I go though I always had one. Now I don't and hearing how he lived so free and out there it goes against everything I had ever lived by. How maybe it should be. How life might have been lived. There is always a fine line between success and happiness. Is it a choice? Do We have to choose. I did and what am I left now? This crap of being cautious has to end. When have I ever taken a real chance?

Seeing my tux jacket hanging on the back of the door I reach in the pocket and send off a quick email. My hands are shaking hard the whole time but I refuse to second guess myself.

As I hit send I hear a tapping, then the soft thud of his head hitting the door.

"Emmett?" his voice is small, and sad. "Are you okay?" I want to tell him I'm not sure but the take charge side of me won't let me. Instead with shaking hands I reach for the door and slowly open it, just in case he is relying on it for support. He must have felt it or saw the doorknob move because as I open it I see him on the other side slightly back but close.

"Sorry I had to have a moment." he looks scared and not sure. I can't help it, I pull him close and he comes in willingly. His hands fist between my shoulders and mine fit low on his back.

Yes I did make the right choice. He shakes.

"Shh, I'm fine."