A gentle tickling across her chin and a heart-meltingly soft snore reaching her ears startled Faith Shepard from her deep, dreamless slumber. Biting down a wave of bile and the terrifying sensation of falling that seemed a constant companion to the waking world, she instinctively took stock of her surroundings with a soldier's efficiency, memories of the previous night flooding back to her. She was safe... on Liara's ship. The room was dark - cool outside of the blanket covering her. And most importantly, there was a soft form nestled into the curve of her body.
Liara....
As her heart rate slowed, vague worries melting away, Faith almost cautiously explored her memories and emotions, as if scared of them... which in a way, she was. She was rested, at least - glancing over Liara's head at the holo on the small desk beside the bed confirmed that she had been asleep for nearly ten hours; substantially longer than her normal need of just four. The seething turmoil of anger and worry she had felt on arriving at Hagalaz had dimmed into a gentle murmur in the back of her mind. And, as she thought back to all she had done since leaving for the batarian system... a dense grief settled in her stomach. After finally admitting to Liara - and herself -the truth of what she had done to the civilians of Bahak, she hurt.
When she had taken Liara to Mindoir, she thought the trauma of her past there had finally been purged.
But in remembering the lives of her family- not without stress and struggle but so full of simple happiness - the true pain of their deathshad been unearthed.
Dad... Carl... You died protecting your family... I hope I can live up to your memory...
Mum... Emily... Mindoir lives on... I hope they did not hurt you before your death...
Joy... So shy and smart... You deserved better, than to be killed at the touch of a button, forgotten at the bottom of a nameless pit on a moon remembered only through my name...
Grace... always so cheerful... to see you broken by those monsters, executed before me... I hope my vengeance did not poison your memory...
Faith had used that grief and anger and pain to spur herself on; to be the very best she could be for herself. She could force herself past such fleeting trifles as physical pain. Let go of abstract concepts like petty morality. What was pain, what was right and wrong, when she had seen her life burn? But in holding to that rage, it had poisoned her. Manifested not just into a deep hatred against those responsible, but also an emotional coldness she was terrified to return to. Liara was right. She did not need it any more: she fought for herself now. For her friends. For Liara, and whatever future they could make for themselves.
She felt lighter for finally admitting it, for letting go of the old fury. The inferno still burned, but it was hers now. To unleash on those who dared assault that which she held dear.
Reapers...
The alien name meant nothing to her, but the abstract concept of them...
Heartless.
Disgusting.
Abomination.
Faith's animosity towards batarians had not vanished: because of all of the emotions tied to the batarians and their actions, she would never be able to view them like other species. But she no longer felt the polluting savagery just at the thought of one. The concept of innocent batarians seemed less far-fetched, and a deep sadness ran through her, for the loss of so many lives.
It was a tragedy that she would carry, but one that she could not allow to slow her, or change her course.
Reapers... Horrifying... Unstoppable...
Faith's head started hurting, and fear crept into the pit of her stomach when she thought of them and what it would take to fight them.
Reapers...
If this - this potential for hatred - carried from her past, was to be a lifelong burden, then she would give it a deserving target.
There was so much to do. To translate the flood of Prothean knowledge that the imminent arrival of the Reapers had somehow triggered, into something useful. To explore the Reapers' military tactics, so the admirals of the galaxy's fleets could devise their own. To know the full extent of the Reapers' technology, so the galaxy's scientists could work out ways to defend against them, to fight them, to break them . To know every tiniest detail, to mentally and physically file the disjointed knowledge into something useful, in the hopes she could find something to use, something that would give a galaxy that - if she was brutally honest, currently stood no chance of winning - a fighting chance. And they had only months.
The timescale was terrifying. She would have to check a galaxy map to calculate a more exact time until they arrived, but she instinctively knew it was a matter of months.
I wanted years... we need years...
The fact suddenly occurred to her that the Citadel trap Saren had tried to activate was merely a matter of convenience to the Reapers. If they were able to travel at FTL speeds to the galaxy in just years after their main entry was denied, they never truly needed it anyway.
We can't pretend anymore.
It's time to end the absurd pretence of dancing around the Reapers' existence, of hoping that the Council and the militaries of the galaxy will do what needs to be done through drawn out political negotiating. They must respond to the immediate military threat, with hard and decisive actions, now.
A harsh truth became obvious to Faith; that one of the only ways she had left to provoke such an action was to start from the ground up. The people of the galaxy were still in blissful ignorance as to the truth of what was coming, but it could not last.
The thought of her data packet on the Reapers, sitting mostly unused for months now in the Shadow Broker's archives next to the almost terrifyingly powerful device that would flood it to the extranet, was calling. It was time to update it with what she had learned since then and to use the obliteration of Bahak as a warning. To bite the bullet and make the move that would seal her fate one way or the other. She would prefer more time to debate this with the Council, to have them on her side, before releasing it... and she would ask them again. Tell them alone the truth of her actions in Bahak - they could no more afford the batarians starting a war than humanity alone could - and of her intent. From there...
It was up to the Council to decide how to react. She would continue to prepare the galaxy, with or without their co-operation.
It felt so pointless at times.
Like she was never making any progress.
Like she could push and force and cry and wail and beat helplessly, but it would make no difference.
And worst of all...
The doubts.
That these people she battled every day were not worth fighting for.
Humanity... so desperate to bully its way to power, that its chosen champion is ignored for petty political gain.
Turians... so short sighted, so stubborn, so limited in vision that they refuse to see beyond the threats they can fight now.
Salarians... so self-interested, so full of complex plans and illusions of grandeur... they cannot face this foe with fast words and scientific brilliance alone.
Asari... so convinced that their wisdom will outlast any adversity... so enamoured with their delusion of superiority that the mere concept of a species greater than them is incomprehensible...
The other species... belittled into the belief that they are inferior to the Council races... and when the Reapers come, they will be inferior. An easy harvest. Humanity will not help them, when our own borders are threatened. They rely on the might of the turians, on a fleet that can only be stretched so thin. Salarian support will disappear into a haze of subclauses and vague promises by absent officials. The deceptive benevolence of the asari's economic promises will seem so petty when death is raining down from above.
Faith could not help the bitter thoughts. Every species had its flaws... and they were all looking out for themselves.
The Council and governments worked, for the most part. The constant power play allowed most species to grow, to push for excellence, with the existing balance of power never allowing one to gain any degree of dominance over any other. Faith was not so naive as to believe the galaxy worked in any other way.
But in seeing what the Reapers could do, had done, and would do, Faith felt disconnected from it all. The petty squabbles and short sighted goals needed to be set aside, and there appeared to be no will to do so.
Scoffing at her own hypocrisy, Faith thought of her actions on Aratoht. Of the raging hatred, of the destruction she had caused. I'm in no position to lecture...
The emotions and guilt burned through her scars and sent a sinking despair through her core. Movement... the unconscious shuffle of Liara and her instinct to press into Faith's body for warmth and protection brought Shepard back to her current surroundings. The bed she was sharing with Liara and the wonderful form of the woman she loved... that was her reality.
A bittersweet smile pulled across her face.
She knew the best of the galaxy's many races. Worked with them, lived with them. Fought with them.
From Garrus - so staunch in his pursuit of justice.
To Thane - a dying warrior of a dying race.
To Wrex - the best hope for his people, who struggled with their very nature.
To Tali - devoted, even to those who heaped injustice on her.
To Kaidan - all that humanity could be... should be... a better man than the war deserved.
All of the others she had known and been honoured to call friends.
And... the human tightened her grip around Liara, whilst shifting her head to avoid the asari's crests.
Everything the galaxy told her the asari should be. Graceful. Beautiful. Intelligent. Powerful.
Her true reason. Her friends drove her onwards, give her reassurance that there was something in the galaxy worth saving, but Liara was the core of that belief.
Liara... The very reason she could stomach the thought of fighting an impossible war.
Faith could not remember falling asleep; she did not know how long she had stayed in Liara's embrace, purging the ghosts of her past with bitter tears and silent sobs, but she must have eventually dozed off, with Liara taking off her boots and trousers and helping her into bed before joining her.
Faith let out a soft breath, feeling the elegant tips of Liara's fringe brush across her lips, and lost her melancholy thoughts of war and work to the pure physical pleasure of being so close to her lover. She had to quash an absurd, childish urge to run her tongue across the semi-flexible extremity, tasting the unusual, alien skin and feeling it ripple beneath her ministrations. She knew how sensitive Liara was there, and that doing so would be a fast track to getting an eye poked out.
Instead, she focused on all of the other sensations. Liara always snored, so softly, and the little sound was one of Faith's absolute favourite things. The gentle, slightly nasal rasping as she drew in air. The way her breath always hitched at the apex. The almost imperceptible moment of silence, when Faith never failed to hold her own breath - ludicrous terrors that Liara had stopped breathing pulsing through her - before the asari exhaled in a long, slow, sigh; a deeply sensual noise that rushed a visceral heat through Faith's senses.
She listened to Liara sleeping for twenty beautiful breaths, counting each by flexing a finger, then when she ran out, her toes, before she cast her senses outwards.
The human was lying on her side, one arm tucked under the pillow she and Liara were sharing, with the asari curled into her body. Being naturally warmer than asari, Liara often found herself drawn to her human radiator when they slept. Faith held Liara with her strong arm laid gently across a slender blue waist and her calloused hand pressed tenderly into Liara's full breast, held in place by a smaller, softer, blue hand. Between the touch and a gentle exploration with her leg, Faith could feel that Liara was dressed similarly to her; just a small, thin tank top and underwear. Liara usually slept naked, but given the hardly romantic circumstances of the previous night, the attire was entirely appropriate. Wanting to feel more of Liara, Shepard shuffled forwards, shifting at the waist and moulding her legs against the soft, cool, sky-blue legs beneath the blanket, sharing her natural warmth with the cooler asari so not an inch of skin that could be pressed against Liara, was not already so occupied.
She counted another twenty soft inhalations, another twenty delicious hitches in breath, another twenty husky sighs.
In the near-darkness of the room, Faith could only see the top of Liara's head from her current vantage point. She would prefer to see a little more; perhaps the delicate curve of Liara's jaw, or the perfect slope of her nose, but the magic of Liara's body pressed into her own overrode that desire, and there was much to enjoy before her eyes. It was a sight Faith knew every tiniest detail of, but nevertheless delighted in re-learning at every possible opportunity.
One... two... three... four... Faith started counting the tiny pebbles across the upper rightmost of Liara's crests, despite already knowing how many she would find. The darkened room made the task difficult, and that the tiny bumps nearest her were almost invisible; barely protruding and the same shade as the rest of the asari's skin, did not help. But she eventually reached the scale-like ridges nearer Liara's forehead, those naturally a beautiful snowy white, and was pleased when the final number totalled the same figure it always did. She shifted over to the upper left... tentacle... I need to learn the real name... and began counting, delighted when - as always - the count came out three lower than its partner: some of the pebbles were slightly larger on this one.
Longing for a better view of her lover, Faith basked in another twenty mesmerising breaths, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.
Liara's scent was intoxicating. It seemed to change subtly depending on the situation, but there was always a sweet, slightly spicy undertone of something intriguingly alien; the closest comparison Faith could think of was cinnamon, but that was not quite right. Perhaps if she cooked more, or grew flowers, or travelled the galaxy for anything other than fighting she would encounter a better comparison, but until she did, Liara would smell like Liara, almost but not like cinnamon. She loved how the scent would... she could only describe it as soften... when she and Liara were embracing peacefully like this, awake or asleep. She loved how it would... is "spicen" a real word?... when Liara was aroused. She was convinced Liara was lying when she said that particular scent was not pure pheromones: the smell, combined with a husky command, had Faith instantly bent to Liara's will. Surely her own little preference for Liara taking charge, being just a little bit forceful, didn't account for her body's complete reluctance to follow any order but Liara's? Or, she considered vaguely, perhaps it does. Whichever was the truth, she didn't mind. Faith grinned widely as she wondered how many other scents Liara had under different stresses... and almost chuckled aloud at the thought of asking to sniff the asari in the middle of a firefight.
As Faith's chest bucked at the suppressed laugh, Liara's rhythmic breathing stopped.
Faith's own breath caught in her throat.
She's fine, I just disturbed her, any second she'll start that lovely noise again...
It was a stupid reaction.
It was almost pitiful, how afraid she was.
And yet stupid, pitiful, Faith Shepard held in her breath for three terrifying heartbeats, each lasting a lifetime, before her asari let out a soft sound, as if she were chewing on a muttered word, and resumed her delectably quiet snoring.
For twenty enchanting breaths, counted on her fingers and toes, Faith allowed herself only one.
For the next twenty, she took four.
For the next, Faith forced her breathing back to normal, already chastising herself for being such an idiot, but nevertheless feeling that same tiny twinge of fear each time Liara paused after the hitch at the apex of her breath.
She at once wanted Liara awake to share the moment, and to let her sleep, knowing she had probably not gotten much whilst Faith was away. As tempting as the thought of having an awake asari in bed with her was, after several more minutes of basking in everything Liara, Faith decided to let her sleep. Nestling her head into the crook of Liara's shoulder, Faith felt the pull of the sandman herself, and in just minutes her lover's hypnotic breathing drew her back into a dream-free slumber.
I love you, Liara T'Soni...
A gentle tickling across her chin, this time accompanied by a satisfied hum, brought Faith Shepard from her second slumber. With a warm smile she shifted her head into the soft hand caressing her face, replying with an equally content hum.
The touch shifted up to cup Faith's cheek, a thumb gently stroking her cheek bone.
'How are you feeling?' Liara's voice was soft, uncertain. Realising she had fallen asleep with tears in her eyes, clinging to Liara, Faith opened an eye to see the asari kneeling at her side, delicate cerulean features twisted into concern.
'Better,' Faith replied, 'in... every way I can think of.' She frowned suddenly, realising how her words could be misconstrued. 'N-not that I feel good about what happened, I mean, damn...'
Frustrated, Faith shook her head, and awkwardly looked up at Liara. 'Please tell me you know what I mean.'
Liara smiled softly. 'I believe so. You... see the tragedy for what it is?'
Faith gave a grim nod. She had worked out the worst of her grief, along with everything else, the previous night. Now the incident - as horrible as it was - had been packed away with a soldier's necessity, leaving a deep sadness, another drop to the ocean she already carried. There was nothing else she could do, than ensure the deaths were not in vain. 'Yes. Most of those batarians deserved better than what happened. Than what's going to happen to their memory. I'm going to try to use it to kick start the war effort against the Reapers. Blame it on them.'
'Then though their deaths will be honoured with a lie, it is one that might save billions of lives,' said Liara quietly.
Faith gave a gentle smile. 'Perhaps. But we need to make it worth it.'
'We will,' Liara replied, still kneeling at Faith's side, continuing the soft caress of her human's cheek.
The comfortable silence drew out for several more minutes, before Faith caught Liara's gaze again. 'I... thank you, Liara.'
The asari quirked her head. 'What for?'
'Everything.' Faith sat up a little, propping herself against the back of the bed, and took Liara's hand. 'You... you didn't flinch last night, when you'd have had every right to hate me... or worse. I... don't know what else to say, but thank you.'
Liara smiled softly. 'You do not have to thank me.'
Faith gently leaned forward and playfully touched her forehead to Liara's. 'I'm going to anyway. Thank you, Liara T'Soni, for... for being you.'
They stayed in that position for a long time, until they heard Garrus' heavy, distinctive, footsteps pad past the outside of their room, from his quarters to the huge office room.
Faith sighed sadly at the reminder of the outside world. 'Are you ready to get to work?'
Liara pushed Faith down to the bed and laid alongside her, pressing her body into the human's, crested head nestling into a warm shoulder. 'No.'
The asari spoke playfully, but the word rang with certainty that instantly jolted Faith's nerves in a not at all unpleasant manner. Thinking of the mountain of things to do, Faith began, 'We should-'
Sapphire lips, damp with a moisture that tasted like heaven, silenced the human.
A moment of incomprehension - conscious senses temporarily blasted away - passed, before Liara broke the contact and pulled back, grinning mischievously. 'You are correct. We should. But neither of us have taken a day off since we returned from Mindoir.'
Liara was right... it had been two months of arguing with politicians, two months of dealing with Cerberus, two months of trawling through ancient data that might have absolutely no relevance. Two months where the only break was the occasional few hours caught when they would share a meal with the Normandy crew, or perhaps watch a quick vid, or sacrifice time that probably should have been spent sleeping to make love.
'Y... you want a day off?'
'I am taking a day off. And you are taking the day off with me.' Liara's upbeat voice left no room for objection, and Faith's heart hitched in anticipation of a whole day with Liara, nothing else mattering...
Irresponsible, perhaps...
Liara spoke again, softer this time, as if sensing Faith's hesitation. 'I know we have much to do, but with all that happened...' the asari ran her hand across Faith's stomach, pressing her crested head deeper into the human's shoulder 'I... I would like to spend some time with you.'
Faith heard the uncertainty in Liara's final words, and mentally kicked herself. Liara must have been so worried, when she heard about the relay being destroyed, when she learned the truth of the horrors there, when Faith had effectively broken down in her embrace.
She needs this...
Faith drew an arm around Liara, and planted a tender kiss on the top of the asari's head.
'Thank you, Liara, I love it!'
Kasumi grinned as Shepard and Liara began packing away the armour she had lifted from Kassa on the Shadow Broker's orders. She had set an alert on her tool to signal her when the armour crate was opened: she did not want to miss the moment, and had disappeared, leaving Garrus looking amusingly baffled when the warning finally came through.
The pair were just too damned cute; Shepard's presence seemed to embolden the shy asari, leading the pair to joke together, share secret glances, and all manner of other stuff that she probably shouldn't be spying on. And Liara seemed to banish the usual stoic expression Shepard wore just by being there: Kasumi could not remember seeing the soldier smile so much as she had over the last hour or so.
If the thief was one for justifying herself, she'd rationalise that it wasn't too creepy to hide amidst the crates watching them: she'd never been attracted to women (or asari), but simply enjoyed the warm glow that came with watching people in love. She'd always been a sucker for a good romance tale... and heroic soldier rescues shy scientist, go on to become pair that save the galaxy? It didn't get much better than that. It wasn't like she was in for the sexual thrill or anything.
Right?
Still, Kasumi wouldn't be letting anybody know she had watched them. People seemed to misunderstand her when she mentioned it. Garrus was probably tearing his mandibles off looking for her... but hey, what was a girl to do?
Dressed just in the tight, padded, underarmour, Shepard drew Liara into a hug and planted a kiss on the asari's cheek, grinning broadly. 'I didn't know you knew it was my birthday!'
Liara's face creased into confusion. 'Your what?'
Ooo, the plot thickens!
'My... birthday? Do... asari not do that?'
At Liara's confused head shake, Shepard continued. 'Humans give gifts to their friends and loved ones on the anniversary of their birth... It'll be the date of my birth on Earth in...' she pulled up her omni-tool and tapped a few keys, before looking up and beaming at the asari, 'Four days!'
Liara seemed to think on that for a moment. 'That seems rather inefficient. The exact date and time on any given planet is almost meaningless to those not actually on the planet because of a number of factors, not to mention... You were not even born on Earth! Do all humans set their calendars to your home planet's time?'
Shepard's face joined Liara's in confusion. 'I... I never really thought about it. We stick to galactic standard most of the time in the Alliance for ops and things, but even on ships you'll have people celebrating their birthdays using Earth dates.'
Liara nodded slowly, clearly unhappy with the rather unscientific method the silly humans used, but trying to understand. 'Keeping these traditions alive is certainly to be commended... you celebrate this once per Earth year?'
Shepard nodded enthusiastically. 'I've never bothered since I joined the Alliance, but a lot of people do.' Suddenly the human smiled wistfully, eyes glazing over a little, and Kasumi's heart lit up at how adorable she looked, with Liara eagerly paying attention, clearly happy at Shepard's happiness. 'Dad always used to make sure none of us were working the farms on our birthdays, and we'd all chip in to get a present for whoever's birthday it was. We didn't have much, but we'd try to build a toy out of old parts, or maybe bake a huge cake... sometimes we'd buy things off any traders that happened to stop by. Joy always loved little asari trinkets... she'd have loved to have met you.'
Kasumi's stomach churned with an uncomfortable guilt. She'd heard of the tragedy of the first human Spectre's childhood, of course... and though it was stupid for her to make the distinction between watching the pair get all lovey, and listen to them talk about their pasts... a voyeur needed standards. She was relieved when Shepard brought the conversation back into something she was more comfortable... overhearing.
'Do asari really not do anything like that?'
Liara chuckled. 'We keep track of our age, but do not celebrate its annual accrual. We live for a thousand years... if we did as humans do we would accumulate a great many gifts over our lifespans. However, we do celebrate certain milestones in our lives, many of which occur in childhood.'
Shepard suddenly looked as fascinated as Liara did, as the asari sat down on the crate. Shepard followed suit, speaking excitedly, 'What kind of milestones?'
'Oh, there are many! When we first manifest our biotics, when we successfully complete our first meld as the "active" partner, when we achieve a certain level of education... up to us birthing our first daughter, when we reach our matron stage, and so on.'
Kasumi, hidden directly ahead of the pair, could see Shepard nod, smiling, as she held Liara's hand. 'I like that idea. You celebrate achievements that way, not just an accidental date.'
Liara squeezed Shepard's hand. 'Your species' practices have an appeal, I cannot deny it. A regulated annual celebration? I must remember the date, so I can prepare better next year.'
Kasumi's heart soared at the little back-and-forth; both clearly knew that the galaxy would be going to hell this time next year, but seemed to be quite happy to ignore the fact at this moment.
'So, Faith... how many years you will have accumulated, in four days time?'
Shepard chuckled. 'You're making me sound like some sort of... age... accountant! I'll be thirty two, but I'm pretty sure I could argue for thirty.'
Kasumi had heard rumours of Shepard's disappearance... but to hear her actually talk about it? The thief shook her hooded, cloaked head. Crazy. At least Shepard had the decency to look slightly uncomfortable at the prospect of her possibly being a zombie.
Liara grinned mischievously. 'Perhaps I prefer thirty two. Asari reach the full physical maturity of the maiden stage at approximately thirty years old, so it makes me feel less of a... "cradle-robber."'
Kasumi's eyes widened as Shepard suddenly began choking, coughs echoing around the otherwise deserted cargo bay.
'Goddess, Faith, are you alright?' Liara instantly jumped up, one hand on Shepard's back, looking nervous.
The human nodded helplessly, turning a deep beetroot colour, before taking a deep breath, and looking incredulously at Liara. 'Cradle-robber?'
'D... did I say it incorrectly?' The sultry, teasing asari had instantly disappeared into a wide-eyed, uncertain young woman.
'No... I just... where on Earth did you hear that?' Shepard stood up, cheeks still flushed, though she had an amused glint in her eye, and a grin that mirrored Kasumi's own.
Liara's eyebrow markings crumpled into confusion. 'I did not hear it on Earth. I overheard Joker use the term, and did some research on my own to discover its meaning.' Suddenly Liara's face brightened. 'Humans have so many unusual slang phrases! You must teach me more of them!'
Shepard chuckled, and pulled Liara into a hug. 'If you want to spend more time with me, my cradle robbing asari, I'm sure I can accommodate. But...'
The human lowered her voice to a whisper Kasumi could not hear, though judging by the dark blush that crossed Liara's face a few seconds later, she hoped it was something deliciously lewd and inappropriate.
Deciding to leave the couple to their own devices before she saw something she really didn't want to, Kasumi silently dismounted her perch, and slunk off to find Garrus with a content smile across her face.
A/N: Huge thanks to Vector 71 for helping get this into shape.
This chapter was originally going to be rather different (and longer!), but I have split it into two parts and kept most of the emotional fallout from the previous few chapters into this... so hopefully the next is free to be full of fluff and naughtiness without those pesky Reapers getting in the way :-p It is already mostly written so should be up in a few days :-)
Thank you to everybody who continues to read, follow, favourite and give feedback to this story, it is always lovely to hear from you!
