'...Wow.'
Faith Shepard had seen a lot of the galaxy in her thirty years.
The first half of her life had been spent exploring the vast, deserted plains of Mindoir. Hot sun baking the back of her neck, hard labour unknowingly preparing her for a life of combat, a tight community of friends and family, that would one day be shattered. On returning, she had rediscovered her love for the planet that had been home to her sadness and joy. The empty horizons, the unexplored caves and sunsets that set the world on fire with blazing light - an experience made all the more magical for being shared with Liara.
After that, she had stepped on exactly forty three different worlds, moons, stations and asteroids over her career. She had forged herself in the dank rainforests of Brazil on Earth. She had proven her mettle at the nightmare on Torfan. She had her actions condemned in public, then sanctioned in a back room on Arcturus. She had been paraded around Elysium to impress tourists. She had seen the beginning of the end of the galaxy on the shattered paradise of Eden Prime, been granted the galaxy's most infamous status on the Citadel, had even located the mythical Prothean ruins of Ilos.
Most times, she dismounted her shuttle, tactically assessed the area, and set out to do whatever she was there to do with a cold efficiency.
But as she stepped out of Armali Spaceport, a spike of cold winter air cutting through her heavy military-style jacket, Faith found herself wordlessly staring at the vista before her, drinking in the view like a regular tourist.
A thin snow filled the air, seeming to glitter as it silently breezed to the ground, heavy enough to set but not enough to obstruct vision.
In the distance ahead was Armali itself, graceful peaks of elegant buildings reaching towards the lilac sky, silhouetted against the rising sun like delicate fingers dancing over fire. The city was huge, but it appeared far more spacious than any equivalent city on a human colony, or even Illium; the tallest buildings were spread wide, and from what Faith knew of Thessia the architecture was designed with beauty, as much as practicality, in mind, meaning there were few cities that packed its residents tight like those on Earth.
The land separating the spaceport and the city was a vast forest of trees and flora, all coated with a perfect layer of snow that glistened with sparkling sapphire in the light of the star Parnitha. From where the human stood it all appeared expertly manicured; it was just the right level of wild, and she could see several asari walking slowly through the trees, leaving trails of soft footsteps in the snow.
Far above, countless skycars silently soared back and forth from their location to the city, mere specks against the unusually coloured sky, all following a single trail so as to minimise their visual pollution.
It was... perfect.
Thessia was known as the "crown jewel of the galaxy," and it was instantly obvious why.
The natural beauty of the planet - the sky, the flora and even the snow, glittering with traces of element zero - shone through and bolstered the amazing architecture, forming into a view Faith knew she would never forget.
This is Liara's home.
Faith herself had grown up in a place where hard work was paramount, where resources were scarce, where nobody was better than anybody else because of where they came from or what they did. The small colony had no room for such divisions, or shirking of responsibilities. It had formed her into the person she was today, and Liara had commented as much when they visited Mindoir.
It was very easy to see that the same could be said of Liara, and this planet.
With some difficulty Faith tore her eyes away from the magnificent sight to look at the asari, clad in a soft black coat trimmed with white faux fur; something she had acquired during her time on Illium.
The look on Liara's face melted her heart.
Her cerulean eyes were wide with the same amazement Faith herself felt, dazzling as they caught the light of the sun. Her lips were curled into a small but true smile, the stresses and emotion of the last few days forgotten in the face of such elegant, natural beauty.
Liara was truly beautiful. The knowledge itself was not strange, but how she seemed to re-realise the fact every time she looked at the asari was a constant source of pleasant surprise.
Until she met Liara, the soldier had barely given any thought to romance. She had been the oldest "child" on Mindoir; the next oldest person there being ten years older than herself, and the community was so small that those younger than her were more often than not her charges or even students, as well as her friends. The nearest she had gotten to a relationship was an inexpert, sloppy and deeply unsatisfying kiss with her best friend Mikey, an experience she vowed never to repeat with the boy.
After the attack on her home, she had been absolutely uninterested in such things. She'd gone on a single, disastrous date with one of the other N7 candidates before the training began. And after that, after Torfan, nothing. Duty and death was all she knew.
Faith allowed her gaze to trail down Liara's body, following the graceful curves emphasised by the tight coat. She had never found the female form any more visually appealing than a man's, or been especially attracted to women... and even now did not find herself any more excited by the thoughts than she used to be.
But there was something about Liara that threw all of that apparent disinterest out of the window, something that brought out a sensualist side she never knew she had, that filled her mind with images she would barely have thought herself capable of just months previously.
Faith shook her head with a smile, and dragged her gaze back up to Liara's still enraptured face. There was no point trying to analyse her feelings, and she was more than happy to simply enjoy and share them with the one person who brought her life some modicum of peace and joy, to do her utmost to give Liara as much happiness as she could.
Faith stayed silent for close to a minute, simply drinking in the look on her lover's face, the tiny movements of her eyes as they found a new wonder to watch, the curve that never left her lips.
Eventually, Liara looked back, and seemed to realise that the human had been looking at her rather than the view. She smiled, and asked, 'What?'
Faith said nothing and simply turned back to the view with a mysterious smile, taking Liara's gloved hand into her own.
This cannot last.
The ever-present knowledge burned at the back of Shepard's mind.
It had been bothering her more and more, over the past few weeks that something was not quite right. She had been enjoying the time she shared with Liara, the time without the need for constant combat, without the need to be The Commander. She had enjoyed it more than she had any right to. But when she had returned to her ship, when she had put on her uniform, when she had stood in the CIC, adopted her clipped, authoritative voice, things had felt... right.
It's necessary.
An uncomfortable thought intruded, unwelcome; that it was the only way she knew how to exist, that the last few weeks had been a novel break, that now she was back to the life she was more comfortable living.
Faith banished it.
She had this opportunity, now, to enjoy a relative peace as best she could before an endless war burned throughout the entire galaxy.
And as she squeezed Liara's hand in a comfortable silence, gazing over the beautiful snowy landscape, she resolved to make the most of it.
'You're probably getting sick of me saying this... but wow.'
Glancing down at Faith with a smile playing across my lips, I reach out to take her hand, and she helps me step from the shuttle.
'This is all... yours?' The awe in her voice rings true... and serves as a reminder of a life I lived, then left, so long ago.
It is all mine.
It barely seems real.
The huge building standing proud on the hill before us, gracefully constructed and perfectly maintained, is mine. It does not serve as the living quarters it once did, when the T'Soni family numbered in the dozens, but is instead now a palace of diplomacy and learning, and from the small shuttle bay I can see several asari through the windows nearest us.
The smaller buildings spotted around the grounds to either side are mine; the living quarters, the commando barracks, the small museums and arts displays the visitors to the estate can wander between meetings.
The grounds themselves are mine; a vast plot of land that would take over half a day to walk the perimeter, with a lake, several woods, a decorative flower garden, a large vegetable garden and vast orchard... all coated in the lovely winter snow, glittering in the sun.
Goddess...
The Shadow Broker controls an unknowable amount of money, owns hundreds of companies, and even has power over several whole worlds. But yet I still see that as somewhat different to my own resources; the money I made on Illium, the allowance mother once granted me... and now this, my... inheritance.
Thinking of it all that way brings the absolute truth of what happened into a sharp light.
Mother is dead.
She died three years ago.
Has it truly been so long?
Several weeks after it happened, soon after we halted the attack on the Citadel, I was contacted by the estate's custodian; a kindly matron who has no desire to involve herself in politics or galactic decisions. I informed her that I would not return to Thessia in any immediate capacity and trusted her to oversee everything, as she had for decades previously.
That was, in honesty, the last time I thought of it.
It was easier to bury myself in the cold persona of an information broker, to lose myself in work, than to remember this life, where I would hide from my guardians, where I would spy on the meetings, where I would dig holes in the gardens to mother's chastisement...
Mother...
Compared to the responsibility of operating the Shadow Broker network, this seems so relatively small... and yet, seeing it all spread out before me, a sight I have seen hundreds of times...
This is mine.
I swallow thickly, and turn to Faith. Her beautiful eyes are full of concern, of that absolute love I know she harbours, that she can find so difficult to express.
But I know her mind, I know that behind the occasional awkward word, the professional shell and the often conflicted emotion, is a woman who cares for me in such an honest and absolute way, and that strength, that knowledge, reassures me that we can get through this, that she will be there for me, whatever might happen.
I smile shortly, and nod, forcing myself to sound calm, finding comfort in facts, in things I have control of. 'Yes. It technically belongs to me, though everything is managed by one of mother's oldest friends, who I wish to speak to before we find our room. Because of mother's ongoing trial, though, my ownership is currently... the subject of some debate. I believe that is one of the things the matriarchs will wish to question me about.'
I take her arm, and slowly lead her up the path - cleared from snow - to the main building of the estate.
'What can you tell me about the trial?' she asks, softly.
'What do you want to know?'
'I...' She shakes her head. 'I'm sorry, but I don't know much about non-human legal systems. We were taught about militaries in the Alliance, and I've been researching how the different governments work because it'll help prepare for the Reapers, but-'
I silence her with a quietly amused hum. 'You do not need to apologise.'
We are still several minutes' walk from the estate, so I think of the best way to present the knowledge: comparison to human legal systems would probably lead to the quickest understanding.
'Our legal systems are decided by regional democracies and upheld by local governments, but nearly all comply to a single doctrine. Our systems are quite different from humans, and I believe part of this lies in the difference between our cultures.'
I feel a little awkward comparing, knowing that I will probably sound arrogant, but it is the truth, and I know Faith will not take the words personally...
'Amongst asari, and on Thessia in particular, petty crime is practically unheard of. Acts such as vandalism are incredibly rare, and more serious offenses such as fraud, or the dealing in restricted goods and substances, do not happen often. For these offenses, our system is similar to your own, with a heavy fine, or incarceration.'
I glance over to her, seeing her look back, interested. 'Do... you imprison people for long? For a human getting ten years is a big part of their life, but for an asari, it's far less.'
I slow our pace, realising this might take longer than I anticipated. 'I would need more specific data to compare exactly, but I believe incarceration periods are roughly similar, or perhaps slightly longer. Just because we live for longer, it does not mean we experience the actual passage of time any differently.'
She nods slowly. 'That makes sense. If you scaled up you'd be locking people away for a century for a fairly minor crime.'
'Correct,' I reply with a nod, 'it could drive those incarcerated insane, in a very literal sense. You will find many matriarchs have actually been imprisoned before at some point in their lives, either by our own government or an alien one. But our philosophy is that when the punishment is complete, we do not continue to judge them for the action, and so it is never held against them. One thousand years is a very long time to live, and everybody makes mistakes.'
Faith smiles. 'The asari have a very forgiving attitude.'
'It is not forgiveness, as such. The punishment is still carried out, and reparations may need to be made for some time afterwards. But we try to hold to the mantra that the punishment seals the crime away.'
She nods again, more slowly. 'I quite like that idea. For a human, having a criminal record makes it much more difficult to get a decent job, and it never goes away.'
'The conviction lingers?' I ask, curiosity briefly banishing the worries being here has caused. Humans arrived on the galactic scene after my education and so what I know, I know from my own research, which living amongst humans frequently reminds me is woefully incomplete. 'Why would you release the criminal if you wished to continue punishing them?'
Another smile forms on her lips, sadder this time. 'Not officially. But if an employer has two candidates, and one's been in trouble, they'll choose the one who made better life choices to that point.' She shakes her head. 'When you put it your way though, it doesn't really make sense. There'll be some people who, like you said, made a mistake and just want to get on with their lives. Keeping that on them makes it harder.' The smile turns to a grimace. 'But then we've also got criminals who just keep on offending. I'm sure they all have their sob story, but when all they do with their lives is hurt and steal, I don't feel much sympathy.'
That humans would release a person they know will just return to a life of crime...
Discussions such as this constantly remind me just how different the species are, in ways far beyond how we look. Humanity seems so full of contradictions; at once eager to prove themselves to the galaxy, and resentful of having to do so; being one of the most liberal species in terms of interspecies acceptance and relationships, and yet harbouring some of the most vicious xenophobia; and capable of feats of both incredible greatness, and terrible horror.
Their rapid explosion onto the galactic stage has been met by a great deal of confusion and concern amongst all species; for all of humanity's boisterous and occasionally bullying ways, they have also prompted a period of the greatest technological and political developments for centuries. Their expansion is astounding: their population is still less half that of the next most populous Council species - my own - but they have grown exponentially, and even avoided the worst of the problems usually associated with such expansion. They push the rules, but no further than any other species does, always applying for proper colonisation rights and contributing more than their required share to galactic fleets, peacekeeping efforts and governments, avoiding a repeat of the krogan rebellions. Perhaps, for all the less desirable traits humans can harbour, they are what the galaxy needs... especially with the Reapers coming. A staid and predictable galaxy would stand no chance.
I squeeze Faith's arm, feeling her muscles tense pleasantly in return. For whatever can be said about humanity as a whole, I know one thing for certain. I love my human, and nothing will ever stop that.
Our walk slows further as both of us take in the beautiful snowy surroundings, clutching to each other for shared comfort and wisps of warmth. 'I would be remiss to omit that serious felonies such as aggravated assault, violent robberies, smuggling of element zero, and of course murder are punishable by death, if the perpetrator did so purposefully and maliciously.'
Faith's eyes widen in surprise, then her brow furrows. 'I always wanted to talk to Samara about that. Death is a very final way to punish somebody, and she indicated she had a very high body count.'
It is true, I suppose, but these crimes happen so rarely. Justicars are often the ones to carry out the punishment, but the will is there for our courts to do so if necessary. 'It might seem strange to compare this to the way we treat lesser criminals, but those offences punishable by death are those that, through a conscious action, violate the victim, or undermine the asari as a whole. Property can be repaired, money repaid. But if somebody leaves a person injured, or fearful to wander the streets... the asari believe that unacceptable. The Justicar code is modelled on the larger legal system, with the difference being the Justicar herself is entrusted to carry out the judgment and punishment.'
'I guess that explains why there's such a low crime rate,' Faith says quietly, 'Though... what about mercenaries? I've had to fight asari mercs more than once. Does that not count?'
I shake my head. 'Not unless they operate in asari space. These laws are only applied here, and we respect any foreign laws when we visit other planets. Likewise, most do not travel to the lawless areas of the galaxy expecting a safe existence.'
I pause as we near the building, before a small parade of trees, all coated in sparkling snow. What can I say of mother's... crime?
When I first heard her voice on that tape, talking to Saren about an attack that left thousands of humans dead, I could scarcely believe it. And even once acceptance began to seep in, events happened so fast, until that final, fatal moment...
Seeing her like that...
So cold...
I did not hesitate.
She attacked Faith with her biotics, and left herself open.
Perhaps she did not expect me to shoot.
But I did. Without thinking, without considering the decision.
Again the thoughts, the worries, the horrific memories bubble up like the blood that frothed at her lips as she spluttered-
Goddess...
I clench my eyes shut, and lean into Faith's body, taking a slow breath, forcing myself again to think of facts, that I can relay without that terror rearing itself.
'The... the exception is the crime my mother is being charged with. Treason is the rather ill-defined crime of "Lessening the asari people," an act determined by the matriarchs we will be meeting soon. This can be through actions or reputation, and can be committed by any asari, anywhere in the galaxy. There are different levels, depending on the severity of the accusation, and the prominence of the asari in question. M...' I take a deep breath. 'Mother's charges are the most serious imaginable, because of the scale of what she did, and her fame across the galaxy. The punishment is always severe, but for her...'
Treasonous... traitor...
Those words and more were used across the galaxy to describe her not so long ago.
I was even brought before the Citadel Council, where they demanded I be given to their custody for questioning, and the three most powerful people in the galaxy called her that... and implied I was involved, for a crime I could barely comprehend my mother committing.
My breath hitches, and I have to bite the flood of emotion at the memory, to stop my chest from shuddering, to stop my eyes clenching shut.
I was so scared then, of those C-Sec agents, of the Councillors... even of Faith, of the Spectre who stood her ground and defended me when she had absolutely no reason to do so. That terrifying and wonderful human, telling the galaxy she trusted me...
'How do they decide guilt?' Faith asks softly, and I can feel her gaze on the side of my face... but I look steadfastly forwards at the trees, determined to keep my voice steady when I know seeing that affection could reduce me to nothing.
'By... by determining motivation. What mother... what she did is not in question. Over the past three years the actions of her whole life have been considered by those charged with deciding her fate, to help judge if her final actions were malicious, or misguided. If she is found guilty, she would have been executed by means of assassination, and all of her... all of this-' I gesture to the vast grounds, 'will be confiscated by the local government, then distributed or used as seen fit. Her investments will be seized and used to repay any debts, and whatever status the name T'Soni holds will be reduced to less than nothing.'
The words sound so cold from my own mouth... could that actually happen?
Everything else has been hard enough, but to have all the good mother accomplished reduced to nothing, because she fell victim to indoctrination? Because she believed she could guide Saren onto a path of light?
My mother, my mother who was so strong and honest and good in her intentions to make the galaxy a better place, now subject to a criminal trial!
And she cannot even defend herself!
'It's not fair,' I whisper, turning to look at Faith, whose dark gaze full of love and care finally melts the last of my shell, exposes the feelings buried for so long.
Our linked arms slip as she turns, to take both of my hands in hers. Her hands are always so warm, so comforting, and her touch so soft despite skin hardened by years of fighting.
Safe...
'No, it's not,' She replies, close enough that I can see moisture clinging to her lips, her breath steaming in the cool winter air. She speaks again, softly. 'Are you ok, being back here?'
'I-' I begin automatically, but something stops me reassuring her.
I am not ok, being back here.
I shake my head, and glance to the cleared path beneath us. 'N-no. It has been so long, and...'
I gently remove one of my hands as she holds the other tighter, then point to a vegetable garden in the distance, distinct under the snow. 'There... that is where I... I did my first dig. I was convinced there was treasure there because the vegetables were always so perfect, and I ruined a whole crop, and mother was so mad...'
I look back to Faith, smiling stupidly, eyes swimming, remembering the look on her face. 'She was so proud of this place! She had so little time, but always found enough to tend to that garden herself... and after she had finished shouting at me, she went out and bought me my first history book.'
Faith smiles softly at that as well, no doubt imagining a smaller me being berated.
'She... she loved the estate. She would involve herself in the building restorations, and would show visitors around herself rather than assign the task to one of the staff, and I would follow them, hiding behind the trees...'
I sniff, and close my eyes, seeing the memories perfectly, comforted by the warm hand holding mine, the strong presence shouting safe. 'She always knew I was there, but let me think I was hiding...'
That innocence seems to long ago now... so nearly forgotten beneath arguments and distance and so much blood... did she feel the same? Could she have been here today, with me, if things had gone differently?
Would I have even known that woman?
Or would we have been strangers?
Goddess, how could we have grown so far apart?
Another image floats through my mind, forcing me to clench my eyes shut against the harsh truth. 'I keep expecting her to come out through those doors, Faith! To... for both of us to apologise, and everything to be right again, b-but I know she won't, and... and...'
Strong arms wrap around me, and I bury my face into her shoulder, finally letting go, knowing she is there, that she will help and care for me, after all this time of keeping it to myself...
Three years...
How could I have buried it for so long?
Forgotten her? Insulted her memory like I have been doing?
I look up. 'It hurts being back here, Faith.'
It hurts.
Admitting it brings it all to a head.
Mother is gone.
Ended, by Saren, by indoctrination, by my bullet.
Gone.
And she won't be coming back. She will not appear at the door. I cannot tell her how sorry I am for growing so distant, for pushing her away.
I cannot even remember our final words, before she disappeared with Saren.
A stupid argument, no doubt.
My trying to justify myself to her, to convince myself she did not have my own interests in mind.
Just like the time before, and the time before that.
When was the last time we spoke words of love?
Years?
Decades?
Goddess... I do not remember...
She was my mother, whatever our differences, I wish...
'I... I wish I could have said...'
I cannot finish, tears choking my words, but Faith does not mind, simply holding tighter, muttering wordless comfort, soft breath warming across my crests.
Thank you...
Every time I think it is over, another tiny memory, another argument remembered, another gesture of kindness bubbles up, forcing me back into that comforting embrace, so strong, so understanding.
Time passes, in the silent winter air.
I could not say how much, but eventually, when I feel I have nothing left to give, I finally draw in another shuddering breath, looking up. 'Thank you for being here, Faith. It... it... Goddess... it hurts, but-'
She nods, eyes full of compassion, arms wrapped around me, warming, protecting in this cold place. 'But it's not all a bad hurt.'
Her words ring with a quiet certainty, and I see that she sees my feelings about this place, knows them, had felt just the same when we visited Mindoir.
'No, it is not. I... think she would have liked me being back here, for-'
The sick reality of what is happening hits me once again, and I break our embrace slowly.
'She... she would not want this place left to the hands of her competitors, or the government. It is all I have left of her! I do not want them to take it, or call her-'
A soft touch turns my face, and the intensity in Faith's dark eyes reminds me of that same fire that defended me on that day, all those years ago, in front of the Council. 'That won't happen. We won't let it.'
We do not trouble ourselves with empty reassurance, if there is none to give. That is for her soldiers, for those who look to her when hope is impossible to come by.
Not for us, as partners.
But there is no room for doubt in her voice.
And, Goddess... I believe her.
A/N: Thank you Jay8008 and Vector 71 for your continuing help, and to all of my readers for the amazing support on this journey!
