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Dick lies in Starfire's arms as she strokes his hair. And I love you… And I love you… And I love you… He thought he'd never hear those words again. He feels her lithe hands snake through his long hair. It's grown past his eyebrows. He had kept cutting it after the Titan's disbanded, but remembered a few months ago how Starfire had described the Nightwing she met. He wanted to grow his hair out for her. She said she had liked the way it looked.
She told him that she loved him. His heart fluttered. After all these years, she still loved him. He wanted to ask her why she was on Tamaran for so long, but he just couldn't yet. He didn't want to say a word for fear that he would shatter this dream. He tightens his arm around her waist and she responds by hugging him tighter as well. She sighed, but it wasn't a sad sigh. It mean contentment, finality. She was finally with the boy she loved the most.
She said she loved him. She knows that she really, truly meant it. But something is still bothering her… Why didn't he say it back? She looks down at him, seeing his eyes closed. She brushes her fingers along his cheek, up his nose, under his eye, and around again. He smiled slightly, loving the feeling of her feathery touch. He still can't believe that it's real.
But there was that nagging feeling in the back of his mind. So much has changed in his life. Things that he can't even begin to tell her about. But he's just so happy to have her back that he can't ruin this with his words. He doesn't want her to leave him again. But at the same time, she needs to know.
His stomach grumbles, and he chuckles. Starfire places her hand over his tummy.
"You are hungry, Nightwing?"
"Richard."
"What?"
"Please, keep calling me Richard."
"Very well. Would you like to go downstairs to eat, Richard?" She nearly purred his name, and he shivered. Tonight was the first time she had ever called him that. He never knew how amazing it was to hear. Never knew how much she would remind him of his mother. He grasped her hand on his stomach and stroked it with his thumb.
"I could eat. You?"
She nods. "I am the starving."
Dick smiles. "I missed the way you talk, Star."
She frowns. "Well, I forgot English. I had to recollect the knowledge when I came back to earth."
"Forgot? How?"
She smiles sadly. "It is a long story that can be explained later."
He nods. "So… you kissed someone?"
Starfire laughs sharply. "Richard, you know I don't see it as a display of affection. Only with you, do I kiss. With others, it is merely lip contact for knowledge."
"Well I don't like it. From now on, you are banned from kissing for knowledge." His tone of voice was playfully demanding. He laughed with her before abruptly stopping. "I'm not kidding, Starfire," he says seriously. Her smile falls, until he grins again and bounces up from the large bed. He holds his hand out to her, still smiling brightly. She takes his hand and he pulls her up from the bed and into a proper hug. He buries his head in her hair, taking in her scent.
"It feels as though you have grown."
"Yeah, apparently my 18th year growth spurt didn't come till I was 21."
"You have not only grown up, Richard, but outward as well." She squeezes his arms. "You have more of the muscle."
He shrugs. "I spent a lot of time in the gym taking my mind off of… you." He averted his eyes, hanging his head. She places her hands on his cheeks.
"As I said before, Richard… I am here with you now. So be happy." She leaned up to kiss his forehead.
"Trust me, Star. This is the happiest I've been in a long time."
"And that reminds me," says Starfire as she takes his hand, leading him out his door and down the hall. "We are in need of a chat about how you treated our friends."
He visibly cringes. "I know, I know, I'm an asshole."
"I will not agree, but I also will not disagree."
He sighs as they walk down the stairs, hand in hand. They enter the dining room to find the ex-Titan's, as well as Alfred and Bruce. Alfred has just finished placing several dishes of food on the table. When Bruce sees Dick holding Starfire's hand, he narrows his eyes. Dick knows what he's thinking, but he sure as hell better not say anything to him.
The reunited couple take seats next to each other at the table so they can continue to hold hands under the table. The others share conversations, but neither Dick nor Starfire listen. They just silently enjoy each others company. That is, until someone walks in the room.
"Hi, all," says a familiar voice. Barbara Gordon walks into the dining room, smiling and looking down the line of people sitting at the table. But then, she sees Starfire.
"Oh. My. God. Starfire?!"
"Barbara!" Starfire lets go of Richards' hand to fly over the table. The two girls hug, squealing happily.
"You're not dead? Of course not, I'm hugging you! Oh my God! It's just so great to see you!" Babs is genuinely happy to see Starfire. There had been a few occasions where the Titans came to stay with Bruce. Babs had spent a lot of time with Starfire when she would come to visit. Starfire had finally found someone to do the girly things with.
Dick watches as they hug and talk and cry. He remembered that Babs and Starfire were friends. She had gone to her memorial service. And while he's glad that Starfire gets to see her friend again, she really wished she wouldn't have come to dinner tonight.
"This is glorious! I did not expect you to be here tonight, Barbara. I was going to request for you to visit tomorrow."
"Yeah, well Bruce invited me over. But he didn't tell me this!" She glares at Bruce, who glares at Dick, who glares back at Bruce. Suddenly, Raven lets out a gasp. They all turn to look at her. The empath's eyes are wide as she stares at Dick, but her cheeks grow pink as she realizes that there are eyes on her.
"Umm, sorry," she says. But she keeps her eyes on Dick. She could sense the tension in the atmosphere when Babs walked in. And now, she understood why.
"Please sit, Miss Barbara. They just started eating," said Alfred before exiting the room. Conversation sparked between Babs and Starfire, talking about old times and whatnot. But Raven would not stop staring at Dick. He knew that she knew, but he certainly wasn't going to talk to her about it. She'd probably send him to the depths of hell.
Dinner ended with everyone satisfied, full, and content. Well, not everyone. Dick, Bruce, and Raven look at each other with a mix of confusion and fury. Raven could feel that Starfire remained oblivious to the tension in the room, but Cyborg and Beast Boy couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. But Raven could also feel something in Barbara. She was not upset. She was not actually angry. She was confused, but she also had an air of understanding and acceptance around her. Raven herself has never been so completely pissed of at Dick. His name really fits his personality.
"Dick, can I speak to you for a moment?"
"But-"
"Now." And as though he was still the eight year old kid that Bruce brought into his house, he followed his daddy like a good little boy. Raven tensed. She knew what Bruce was going to do. What he was going to try to talk him into.
Dick sighed and stood up from his seat. He followed Bruce into the kitchen. Dick was already cringing, preparing himself for the shouting that would probably happen. But Bruce just stared at him. He was shooting daggers at him, but he wasn't yelling.
But finally, Bruce let out a long sigh. "You still love her."
"Of course I do. It's only been four years."
"And what if it had been more than four? You probably would've forgotten about her in a few more years."
"No, Dad I really don't think I would." Dick crosses his arms like a pouting child.
"What are you going to say to Barbara? Sorry, I still love my ex-girlfriend?"
"She was never my ex!" Dick shouts across the room to his father. In the dining room, Starfire jolts. She remembers how Richard and Bruce used to fight. She was hoping that it wouldn't be that way now that Richard was a little older.
"We never broke up, Dad, she died!" He shakes his head. "Well, we thought she died."
"Yeah, you thought. But you don't know what she's been doing for the past four years. You don't know what she was doing on Tamaran. How do you know she's even the same person?"
"I'm not even the same person. But as far as I can tell, she is no different at all."
"And you've been with her for, what, like an hour?"
"That doesn't matter! All I had to know was that she loved me still. She told me that. What, is she lying?"
"You never know." says Bruce. He frustratingly pounds his fist onto the counter top. "Damn it, Dick. I thought you were getting better."
"No. I was just getting better at hiding it." Dick sighs. "You have no idea how much I missed her, Dad."
"No, I don't. But she's not really what I'm worrying about right now, Dick. What are you going to tell Babs?"
"Let me handle it. Get out of my fucking business." Dick storms out of the kitchen and back into the dining room. He grabs Starfire by the shoulder and pulls her up from her seat.
"Let's go talk," he says angrily.
"Richard, please, stop!" But he keeps a hold on her arm, leading her back up to his room. He guides her through the door, but turns around to slam it shut. He places his forehead against the wood of the door. He lifts up his hands to pound his fists against the door repeatedly, letting out a frustrated scream. He stops, and it is silent. Until he hears a small whimper behind him.
He turns swiftly. Starfire has tears welled up in her eyes.
"Have I done something to make you angry with me, Richard?"
His face falls, feeling a stab in the heart for making her upset. He rushes over to her, sweeping her up in a tight hug. She lays her head against his chest, quietly sniffling.
"No, no, no, Star. I'm sorry." He kisses her forehead. He's been avoiding kissing her on the lips, as much as he really, really, wants to. But he knows that it wouldn't be right. Not to Barbara.
"Okay, Star. I-I need to tell you something. And I don't know how to say it without driving you away." His voice breaks with emotion.
"You will not drive me away, Richard." She looks up at him with sincere eyes, nodding her head for him to continue. He swallows.
"Okay. Well… okay." He takes a deep breath and puffs it out. "After I thought you had died, I drank. A lot." Starfire widens her eyes slightly. "Yeah, I know. Its not like me to drink till I'm drunk. But after you were gone, that was always my goal." He sighs. "Because when I got into that haze, that drunken stupor… I saw you. You would talk to me. And touch me. And it was almost like I could feel you." His voice shakes as a tear falls. He saw her shoulders drop. She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "And so I drank all the time, trying to get to that place where I could be with you again. But then I got so bad. I wasn't taking my classes seriously, and Alfred was getting really worried about me." She places her hands on his chest, stroking her fingers against the fabric of his shirt in soothing circular motions. He grabs her hands. "But that's not what I wanted to tell you. When I gave up in drinking, I went crazy again. I had lost any connection I had to you. I felt so alone. I tried… dating." He shudders. "Bruce forced me on some dates. But I always ended up leaving early. I couldn't stand a single girl. None of them matched up to you. And there was no way they ever could." He saw hurt in her eyes, at the thought of him being with other girls. "I never kissed any of them, Star. Never even held their hand." He remained silent for a while. He wasn't getting to the hard part.
"Please, Richard, that is not all, is it?"
He shakes his head. "I had shut out my friends. I couldn't even talk to Raven, my sister, without having an overwhelming feeling of loss. But finally, someone broke into me. Bruce had Babs over to try talking to me. I hadn't come out of my room for weeks and had switched to online classes. She spent a really long time just sitting with me in silence. I let her keep coming over, and we gradually moved into small talk, and then to conversations. Soon, she was the only person I would talk to. She was the only one who made the pain feel less painful." He closed his eyes tightly so he wouldn't see her facial expression. "She's kind of my girlfriend."
Starfire didn't make a sound. She didn't move. He didn't even hear her breathe.
Starfire felt as though her heart was ripped out of her chest. Not because she felt betrayed by him, but because this is what she was afraid of. He had started a new life, and she had come just in time to ruin it.
She pulled her hands away from his chest, no longer feeling that physical contact was appropriate. She distanced herself a few steps back. He reflexively moved back toward her, but she put her hand up to stop him.
"This is what I did not want to happen when I came back, Richard."
He looks down. "I'm sorry, Star. If I had known that you were ever coming back, you know that I wouldn't have started dating her."
"I am not upset that you are with her. I am angry with myself."
His sad face turns confused. "Why? You did nothing wrong. I wronged you."
"Do not think that way, Richard. I blame you for nothing. I have made things more difficult for you. I was afraid that my coming back would uproot your life. You have changed, and your life is different. I did not want to cause any problems with you."
"Star, you uprooted my life when you left."
"But you have made amends. Who knows where you would be if I never came back?"
"I never want to know, Star! I don't care what could have been if I hadn't seen you again. All I want now is you."
Starfire wasn't really listening to him. She began to cry. "If I had known you were with Barbara, I never would have come to see you. It is not my place to change your life. In a few more years, you could have forgotten all about me."
Dick kind of laughs. Starfire shoots a look at him. "You have more in common with my father than I thought. Look Star… whether you had come back in ten years, thirty years, or fifty years, I never would have gotten over you. I loved you with all of my heart, more than I thought possible. You were my entire life, and after you died, I would have given up anything in this world that could've gotten you back." Starfire shakes her head. He moves closer to her to grab her upper arms, jerking her so she would look at him. "Listen to what I'm saying, Star. Babs or no Babs, I want you. I've always wanted you."
"But you said 'loved'," says Starfire quietly, moving away from him. "Richard, I will not take you away from Barbara." She begins to walk around him, staying out of his reach. "I… I must go," she says, her voice betrays her emotions. She closes the door behind her, surprised that Richard does not follow her out the door. She looks down the hall. She has no idea where she is staying. As she walks down the hall to the stairs, more and more tears begin to fall down her cheeks until she full on sobs. She runs into a closet, curling up into the ball feeling sorry for herself. She never meant to meddle in Richards life. She doesn't want to come between him and Barbara. Maybe his life was finally getting better without her. But now, she's ruined it all by returning.
She doesn't know how much time has gone by, but through her sobs she hears the closet door open. The white-cloaked figure takes a seat on the floor next to Starfire and pulls her into her arms, soothing her as she lets out her sorrows.
