Chapter Five: Verse
Dear me,
I'm not going to send an owl to Hermione.
I'm not going to send it because I'm a coward, and I'm not going to send it because that will be like admitting she's right.
Even if she is, it's not fair to boost up a person's ego like that. If you tell someone that they're great all the time, and they have to live up to standards, there's going to be a day where they discover that that's not true.
For seventeen years- almost eighteen, now- I have not known who I am.
…
Dear me,
I knew who I was the moment I killed my father: a murderer. Someone who cannot be excused for the things that they have done.
Somehow, the world excused me. It doesn't make me have very much faith in the world.
...
Dear me,
I am also the kind of person who lays on the floor of a dusty bookstore and contemplates the ceiling.
Is that the act of a murderer, or of someone who doesn't know how to exist?
…
Dear me,
I have always been afraid.
I don't know if that's an excuse, or if people should be excused for being who they are just because they've had trauma or a horrible upbringing, but it's something to take note of.
How would you have turned out, if you had your parents-
Your father-
Rubbing your face in how you should act every time you turned around?
"Malfoys are the purest of the pure."
"We are above everyone else."
"Walk when I tell you to, say what I want you to, and be what I know you should be."
…
Dear me,
Why did I kill my father?
….
Maybe the answer to that question is so complex that I don't even know what the simplest answer is.
…
Dear Hermione,
…
Granger,
…
Insufferable know-it all,
…
To Miss Hermione Jean Granger,
With regret we inform you that Draco Abraxas Malfoy, the former resident of Malfoy Manor, has passed away at the age of 17 due to a strain of Unicorn Virus. We are informing you of this because, before he died, Mr. Malfoy indicated that he was owing to you an answer to a personal question. Being dead, Mr. Malfoy has no answer to give.
Thank you for your time,
Confiscate & Conquer law firms.
…
Malfoy,
Nice try.
Hermione Granger
…
To Miss Hermione Jean Granger,
Mr. Malfoy is unable to reply to you at this time, because Mr. Malfoy is dead.
Please do not bother us with more letters.
Confiscate & Conquer law firms.
…
Malfoy,
You forgot that I am a war hero working in the ministry, and the ministry keeps records of:
a) all wizarding companies and corporations
b) strains of all viruses, even rumored ones, and
c) when people die.
Come up with a better excuse yet?
Hermione Granger
…
To the most insufferable know it all ever to walk the face of the Earth,
Fine. Perhaps I'm dead of fright, due to your scary amount of hair and your Gryffindor propensity to want to talk about your feelings.
Draco Malfoy
…
Malfoy,
Please, I thought you were a man. Are you ever going to answer my question or are you going to hide from me 'cause the poor little ferret is afraid of the big bad Gryffindor?
Why do you hate yourself so much?
Hermione Granger
…
Buck-toothed and bushy-haired,
I AM a man, and I don't need to prove it to you. Ask any number of the girls from Hogwarts.
Maybe I have good reasons to not like myself.
Draco Malfoy
…
Ferret,
Trying to insult me is not going to get me off your case.
Are you going to tell me or not? What makes you such an awful person?
Really, I don't see why you think you're so horrible.
Hermione Granger
…
Granger,
Fine, I'll ask nicely. Will you please leave me alone?
You don't get it, do you? No matter how many times it's shoved down your throat, you don't seem to understand that I'm the bad guy. I was the Dark Lord's puppet. I stood by while they murdered people, and… I haven't done things to be proud of, alright? Maybe this is my repentance for everything I've ever done. And maybe you and the world should understand that me not being in it is the best possible thing for all of you.
Bugger off, won't you?
Draco Malfoy.
…
Malfoy,
You're being a total bloody idiot.
You're getting all mired in unnecessary guilt and regret and you can only live if you don't let those things weigh on you. You should be strong person, despite your Slytherin tendencies. You have lived through things that some people can only shudder in horror at the thought of, and you've survived. You are strong, even if you don't believe in it.
Dwelling on stuff makes life worse.
Give me one good reason, just one, that you can't open up to people.
Give me one good reason that you have to not move on from this.
Give me one good reason to stay like this, not living and not dying, just existing, nothing more- what good reason do you have to do this forever?
The answer is: there is no good reason.
Really, Malfoy? You're nowhere near a bad guy. You're just confused.
And guess what? There are all kinds of wizards and witches in this world, and if you'd quit hating on yourself and look, you'd find people you can relate to, and open up to.
Like me, for example.
Hermione Granger
…
Malfoy?
…
MALFOY,
You'd better bloody respond to that letter or I might show up at your Manor again. And this time, I won't leave until I get a response.
Hermione Granger
…
Granger,
Since I find myself under extreme threat, I will grace you with a response.
Being a total bloody idiot or not, that doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to go out into the world, tell everyone all of my secrets, and expect them not to judge me.
There, that's one reason that I can't and won't open up to people. They will judge me. Then they'll decide, as a mob, how to treat me from there, and it will be reflected in every facet of my life.
And the reason I have not to move on? If you did something terrible, and you weren't sure why you did it or if it was justified, then would you be able to move on from it- just like that?
And how, then, am I supposed to relate to you? You've never had to anything like I have. I guarantee it.
Draco Malfoy
…
Malfoy,
What's this thing that you did that is so awful, then? I bet you're blowing it way out of proportion.
And not all the awful things in the world happened to you.
For example, not that I expect you to react like you care or have feelings that extend beyond yourself, but- for example.
I can't find my parents. They were in Australia, and I tried to make them safe, but it looks like Voldemort caught up with them anyways.
We have more in common than you think. I've lost family, just like you.
Hermione Granger
…
Hermione,
I'm sorry for your loss, and I mean it. I'm so sorry.
I wish it never had to happen.
But I'm still not going to tell you.
Draco Malfoy
…
Draco,
You called me Hermione. I think you might actually be sorry.
What a surprise.
Thank you.
You're not going to tell me?
Hermione.
…
Hermione,
No.
Draco.
…
A/N:
So, there you go. That was the "different" thing for chapter 5: writing letters. I'm thinking that I might do this every 5 chapters, and eventually there will be letters involving Harry and other people in Draco's life as well. Let me hear your thoughts on it.
Anyways, I promised this by the end of the weekend and here it is!
And thank you to Fulgance- with your incredibly detailed reviews, it made me smile so much, thanks- and irmaida for reviewing.
As well to all of you who continue to add this story to your watch list!
So, on with their lives. I think they're getting to know each other better without losing their character. Draco will tell Hermione eventually… but it will be in person.
Thanks for reading!
-Isefyr.
