CHAPTER TWELVE

No one can hunt the same mouse forever, as Brownstripe would say. From the medicine cat's perspective, xir paws were washed of the direction over Adderpaw. That was for Lilyfang to handle now, and since the white warrior was no closer to Doveheart than xir connection as the old littermate of Leechwhisker, xe did not hear much from that end. Anyway, it wasn't Doveheart's place to oversee the discipline of the apprentices or regulate the members of the Clan, and so xe tried to keep xemself neutral to the issue, which to xem meant not checking up on what others were doing or going to see the elders. Xe had already helped Wrenface, xe kept telling xemself. Unless something went wrong, xe would not need to head that way again. So, permitting xemself that avoidance, from that point on Doveheart resumed getting most of xir updates from Leechwhisker, listening to xem talk about the oversight of Emberpaw.

"Xe has this problem where xe challenges others and then can't handle the results. That's what we're dealing with right now. You know how xe is, not showing much forethought before xe speaks. As soon as xe saw Adderpaw yesterday, xe made fun of xem for having to take orders from a medicine cat," the tortoiseshell muttered. Xe was flicking the tip of xir tail, laying on xir side in Doveheart's den. With a shake of xir shadowy head, xe added, "The cat's got no sense."

Doveheart's pelt bristled, for many reasons, not least of which being the idea of anyone—and mere apprentices at that—resenting xir rightful authority and wisdom and the veneration due to a medicine cat, but also because the last thing Adderpaw needed was a reason to start another fight.

"Xe didn't take a swipe at them, thank StarClan," Leechwhisker explained, and mentally Doveheart noted to xemself that StarClan, blessed though they were, probably had nothing to do with it. "I stepped in and gave Emberpaw a talk," the warrior went on. "Adderpaw looked furious, but I get the feeling xe's not eager to get into any more tussles after that brutal showing at the border. Honestly, did you ever find out what got into Whitefang?"

"Whitefur," Doveheart corrected.

"Whatever. It's a terrible thing to have happened, but it's brought some realities to the surface for xem. Every apprentice is eager to learn and use their fighting skills," Leechwhisker generalized, and Doveheart added in xir head that there were plenty of exceptions. "—but now xe's having to learn that those might not be the most important organs in the Clan's survival. Xe even spoke up and said some words in your defense."

Xir gray ears perked up.

"Or might have been more for xir own defense, but counted toward yours as well."

"I'm glad."

"You don't look it."

"Sorry."

Leechwhisker laughed, taking it as a joke, but when Doveheart did not laugh with xem, xe fell quiet and rose to xir paws. "Honestly, Doveheart. I think you're helping. Lilyfang can testify, it's not easy to get through to xem, but something you said made a difference."

The medicine cat remained quiet, for xe believed xir friend, but that wasn't what xe was thinking about.

"Doveheart..." Xe took a step closer to the tabby, who was laying on xir belly with xir paws tucked in and xir tail wrapped around, xir eyes cast down. Gently, the tortoiseshell asked, "Do you want a wash?"

"...Yes."

The warrior lowered xir head toward xirs and licked the small tabby's forehead, from xir eyebrows to between xir ears. Doveheart was surprised by the forcefulness of it and the warmth of the rough, sandy tongue. It felt like a wakeup call, like Leechwhisker was only swatting xir face in a friendly way, to snap xem out of this and get xem into a brighter mood. However, the warrior went on licking. The medicine cat had been so accustomed to not getting what xe wanted, all at once xe was feeling as though xe didn't know what to do, and as the tortie's comforting licks went on, Doveheart puzzled over how much xe deserved this and tentatively began, "Leechwhisker, I—"

The warrior stepped to the side and continued licking down the rest of xir pelt, and finding no words, the medicine cat rolled onto xir side and turned xir head to look at xem, watching as xe got a thorough washing. It was odd, and a little embarrassing, but nonetheless xe felt xemself warming to the attention, beginning to purr, and realizing how much this was what xe needed, Doveheart became even more glad that xir friend had come for a visit. If only Leechwhisker knew what xe meant to xem.

Then xir apprentice Emberpaw appeared at the mouth of the den, dipping xir head in respect to the medicine cat in the stiff deliberate manner of a young one who had been recently reminded to do so, before chirping, "Leechwhisker, can we go do hunting practice now?"

Leechwhisker looked up with a grumpy look and teased with dry disappointment, "Oh, you found me."

"Yep!" Emberpaw's tail was high.

The warrior dragged xemself away from Doveheart and ambled off to teach xir apprentice, but not before turning back to the medicine cat and making a face. "You taste like sorrel."

Doveheart twitched xir whiskers and shot back, "Get out of here, you leaf-whacker." It took everything xe had to keep up a look of good cheer.

As Leechwhisker turned away, the gray tabby turned away xemself, curling up and covered xir muzzle with a paw, closing xir eyes and hiding xir face as xe throbbed with jealousy, an aching absence that yet had a presence of its own. Xe wanted to have someone to call xem away. Xe wanted to be needed like that—sought out by happy bright eyes. A medicine cat was everyone's best friend in the midst of tragedy, wanted when pelts were torn and flesh rent apart, but all other times it seemed like there were few who wanted much to do with xem. Xe shouldn't be complaining—xe was safe and sound and more or less well-fed in a Clan full of warriors to protect xem. Xe had good relationships with xir littermates and some other members of the Clan, and xe wasn't alone.

But if only Frostkit had lived.


Maybe it was just xir imagination. Wrenface wasn't known to be as good a hunter as Leechwhisker or Lilyfang, but it seemed like the fresh-kill pile looked smaller in the days since the brown tabby's retirement. Or maybe Spiderclaw was eating more. Or maybe both. Doveheart was unwilling to seek xem out to quiz xem on how much prey xe had usually brought in per day to find out. After the thick silence Doveheart had received from Wrenface the day of xir injury and the row with Redfang and Ravenfur, Doveheart had xir reasons to keep away from the elders' stump. Although xe could have gone over for an examination of Wrenface's eyes or inquired about any change of tune from the old warmongering storytellers, xe kept to xir den and insisted that xe was only interested in updates concerning others' health. From what Molenose told xem, it seemed Redfang's cough was getting worse. The look in the warrior's eyes told Doveheart that xe could not put off any longer. Xe needed to check up on xem for xemself.

The scarred elders were watching xem as xe walked up. Wrenface appeared to be away at the time—a quick scan of camp told xem that Spiderclaw wasn't around either. Xe didn't think xe would miss xir presence, but it might've been nice to have a potential intercessor between xemself and the hoary ones. The realization made xem hesitate as xe approached the two of them alone.

"It's about time," grunted Redfang, xir voice hoarse. "I've got a deal for you. Get me some more of those leaves, and I'll claw up the rogue so you can get to heal it again. What do you say?"

"No."

Redfang snorted. "Don't you have a sense of humor, medicine cat?"

"No. No more tansy. You have to be careful not to consume too much."

"Xe doesn't need much. Xe needs more. Simple difference," Ravenfur stated.

Just then, Redfang began one of xir coughing fits. To Doveheart's ear, it was definitely worse. The lungs of the old cat wheezed and heaved dry air through a scratchy throat that needed relief.

Ravenfur flicked xir tail with a shrewd gaze as Doveheart simply watched the pale elder cough. "What's the matter, not inclined to help a cat who's actually in your Clan?"

"What xe needs is honey. We don't have any of that."

"You'd better go and find some then."

Doveheart opened xir mouth to say something about how Yellowstar didn't want xem leaving camp. As far as xe knew, the ban hadn't been lifted—unless the trip to the border was supposed to signal as much. But did that really matter? A medicine cat was loyal only to xemself. For a moment xe thought about telling Adderpaw to go and fetch it for xem, but then xe thought better of it, and not just because Adderpaw's medicinal assignment had been for Wrenface. Xe liked picking xir own herbs and gathering xir supplies xemself. Xe would enjoy the company of the deep forest again, away from the sight of cats who troubled xem. Regardless of the condescension in Ravenfur's tone, it was something that had to be done. "Right away," xe agreed, hesitating with half a sidelong glance as xe turned aside. Then xe snuck out of camp and delved into the woods.

Among a medicine cat's repertoire, some herbs were harder to locate than others, but honey took the tuna for the most difficult to acquire. Fortunately, xe knew of a tree in KnollClan territory that was harboring a beehive. That wasn't the hard part.

With xir sensitive ears, Doveheart could hear the buzzing from far away. This part of the forest was dense and dark, and xe let the sounds lead xem. One had to be careful with bees—they were small, but they were many, and unlike with dogs, climbing a tree never helped. Xe would be in need of a few herbs xemself if xe didn't watch xemself. The tabby approached the small, narrow tree trunk, which had fallen against another oak, and looked up through its hollow insides at the pale layers inside, thrumming with fat insects. The noises made xir skin crawl.

Having done something like this before, Doveheart picked up a small stone in xir mouth and scaled the nearest tree, digging xir claws into the cold bark. It was Blacktail who should be doing this—xe was the better climber. But the gray tabby wasn't about to go back without the thing xe'd come for. The medicine cat positioned xemself on a high branch, readied xemself, and dropped the stone.

Then xe dashed further up the tree as the commotion started, the bees flaring up in a cacophony of cross vibration. A few of them flew out and dispersed but eventually receded; the damage had been minimal and the hive was still intact. Doveheart watched xir step as xe scratched and skidded xir way down and found the stone at the bottom, wet with golden honey. A bit of honeycomb had been dislodged with it.

One of xir ears twisted to the side. Someone was coming. And it smelled like—

"You've got some nerve."

Rusty. He was one to talk. She arched her back again as she turned to face him, fluffing up her fur, ears flattened to her skull, and bared her fangs in a hiss.

"Relax. I just wanted to see you again." There was a dead mouse dropped at his ginger paws. "Look, I even brought you something."

"You stole that."

"So?"

"It's not yours to give. You're not doing me any favors by taking from my Clan."

"Oh, come on. The forest belongs to everyone. What do you even owe them anyway?"

There was silence. Just like she said before, her only real allegiance was to herself, but she wasn't going to tell that to the rogue.

"They don't appreciate you there. They don't even see how beautiful you are." He started coming closer, red shoulders rising and falling, and she found herself leaning back and flattening herself down on the ground. Her entire pelt was standing on end.

"Oh, don't even pretend. You like my company. Admit it."

"You're just the sort of cat that Brownstripe talks about."

"Brownstripe?" he spat. "What a boring name. A cat, with brown stripes. Imagine that." He kept coming near her, his green eyes focusing on her small dove-gray form as he leaned forward and purred, "Not like—"

Her claws lashed out and raked his face.

The rogue flattened his ears and jerked back, eyes squelched shut, blood beginning to well up from the cuts in his skin. She couldn't hear his yowl for the volume of her own. The medicine cat still needed to gather what she'd come for, but she remained rooted to the ground.

Finally, she growled, "You're standing in my way."

Rusty was blinking the blood out of his eyes to fix his gaze on her. "You're a challenge. I like that."

She swished her tail.

"I know, beautiful, I know. You've got that honey you need to take back to someone who needs it. Probably someone who doesn't care for you half as much as you care for them. I'm afraid we'll have to part ways this time, but we'll see each other again." As best he could, he winked at her with a queasy smile, and then he walked away.

With the rogue gone, her heart still pounding like a woodpecker, Doveheart collected some of the honey onto a leaf and ran back to camp as fast as her legs would take her.