He never wanted to speak of it. Even back then. They all asked and he would never tell. It was put on the books as an assault officially, most thought it was I was beating him up. Only he and I really knew though.

"Did you ever tell anyone? Did you ever admit what a monster I was? Even to yourself?"

"You were only a monster to yourself. That's what you don't get." I have to bark out a laugh at that. "You never would have done it." Now an even bigger one.

"Emmett I had you pinned, I had you..." the memories for me were as clear as if it were happening now in my mind.

"I know very well what was going on. You were scared and confused and. Well lets just let it slip out of your mind because even if you hadn't heard the door and they hadn't come in, it still wouldn't have happened." I wish my faith in the facts and what ifs was as strong as his. "Believe me it wouldn't have."

"How the hell can you be sure of that? I remember all to well,"

"So do I Ed. You my have a photographic memory but I think you forget a lot of things." I have to scoff at that.

"I never forget, not a thing. Even high as a kite I don't. That is the problem."

"No! Your problem is you see it all skewed. You see it from one point. That's it. You were gifted and cursed all at once. You see and remember but did you ever see beyond your own eyes?" He was angry before but now seems to calm and pulls his legs out from under himself crossing them now and leaning his arms on his legs.

"That little boy you saw content and hated? That was me making the most of what I had. I knew i was different early in life and I had the silly notion that I would make the most of it. Somewhere around age eight I realized I liked the boy that always was picking on me. By the time I was thirteen I realized why I was different and let him pick on me. By the time I was fifteen I had given everything over to the idea that I would take whatever I could get."

"You would have let some punk ass show off take you? Like that? In the locker room with nothing more then a shove against the wall and some really nasty names?" I had tried to keep myself where I was but I had to move. I was on my feet pulling at my hair and pacing and trying to wrap my head around anything that woud make sense.

"Like I said you wouldn't have, but even if you did," he kept calm and in his spot in the center of the bed.

"What you would have just resigned yourself to your fate?" I had to scream. I didn't want to but I was angry. Not at him really, well maybe at him. But more at me for the sick power my cruel asshole self had over him. "That is really sick, really fucking sick."

"I can't help it, this is fate, this has always been in the stars for us ." he turned to face me but still keeping his calm position. It only serves to jack me up more. On my last hair pull I remember my calming breaths. I feel like an ass doing them in front of someone else but I really want to keep it together.

"This isn't some pop song Em, this isn't a fairy tale. This is," I am not sure how he moved without me hearing him but he is in front of me. Cutting me off and pulling my fists from my hairs.

"No, it isn't this is life, real fucking life. This is the good and bad and ugly you have hidden from. This is what we deal with. It's not pretty, it's not kind. It is nasty and painful and tough as hell." This time his hands on my wrists are firm and not letting my hands go. "This is what you have been hiding from and will go back to hiding from if we don't figure it out."

"Fate"