Chapter Seventeen: Heights

So it was that Draco ended up, early one morning, standing on the doorstep of the Parkinson Manor. He eyed the door cautiously, brushed off his formal robes, and hesitated. Which was ridiculous, of course. The door wasn't going to bite, after all.

He didn't move. For some reason, this door was more intimidating than that of the Burrow.

He sat down to tea with an impeccably dressed, flawless Pansy, looking as if she had been carved by a master sculptor. Not a hair was out of place, and her polite manners only supported this picture of untouchable perfection.

She was, of course, wearing Slytherin Green, and all he could think of was how he liked Hermione in red.

After the first awkward throes of the conversation, Draco finally started to relax. Pansy was smiling, and they were laughing and reminiscing, and generally having a good time. After one particularly hilarious anecdote about the Giant Squid, Pansy finally stopped laughing enough to ask:

"Draco, how long have you been seeing Hermione?"

He stopped laughing with a strangled noise. "I'm not- I don't- I-" Deep breath? "I'm not dating Hermione."

There was the faintest blush on his cheeks, he was sure of it. Pale skin had its disadvantages. To Pansy's credit, she ignored this and paused to rephrase her question.

"How long have you been friends with them?"

Pansy was one of his oldest friends. And she was a Slytherin, so she knew the value of keeping secrets. She wouldn't do any harm.

That's what Draco told himself, as he told her the entire story, from the final battle onward.

That's what he told himself, but he really just needed to let it all out.

She was quiet the entire time. She didn't gasp in surprise, or make noises of disgust, or look at Draco with anything but a quiet understanding and solidarity. Her expression did not change. And when he finished, surreptitiously wiping away the wetness under his eyes, she only asked one question.

"Why did you pick her over your father?"

He didn't know what to say.

He could see the faintest reflection of himself in his tea, and he stared at it while he replied.

"I think," he said slowly, "that I knew it would be better for everyone if he was gone."

"Even if it meant killing your own father?"

He looked up at Pansy sharply, but he knew that the question was not meant to be harsh. She was simply weighing all the facts before she judged him. It was a skill that she hadn't had in Hogwarts, so he wasn't used to it now.

Draco let out the breath he was holding.

"I don't think I thought of that at the time. It was just…. They needed her. How far had they come, how much had they been through, it was too much to be suddenly gone. They'd already lost enough."

"So had you."

"I don't matter," he said simply.

There was a loud SMACKing noise, and Draco realized that Pansy had slapped him.

"Don't you ever say that, Draco Malfoy, don't you ever say that!" Pansy yelled at him, breathing heavily. "You're the best of all of us, and you think you don't matter?"

He just sat there, stunned. She sat back down, composing herself, smoothing her skirt out.

"What I mean to say, Draco," she said in her normal voice, "Is that out of all of us, you've redeemed yourself the most. And you've been through the most. None of us had the Dark Lord in our homes. And we may not be as emotional as Gryffindors, or intelligent as Ravenclaws, or caring as Hufflepuffs, but we should stick together and support each other, because right now we're all we've got."

"I don't understand," Draco said.

"We're basically outcasts, Draco." Pansy said, closing her eyes. "Nobody wants to speak to us, even though none of our parents were Death Eaters. We were allowed to your trial, but even though we have legal credibility, we have not been accepted. My parents are in France. The Greengrass family is trying to marry their daughters off outside of the country as fast as they can. Blaise's mother hasn't been seen in public for ages, because she won't leave her estate."

She stirred her tea. "So of course I'm going to stick by you, no matter what, no matter whether you've killed your father or if you're in love with a Gryffindor, I will stand by you."

"Pansy," he said, and walked over to hug her, because there were absolutely no words for the feelings in his heart.

Then they were both crying, and Draco couldn't tell who was holding the other up, but maybe they were both leaning on each other.

Gryffindors were all very well and good, but they were so open. Draco didn't realize how much he'd missed being around people who understood him without speaking, and being around people like him.

And maybe, just maybe, he thought, I can hold on to some of the past while still moving forward.

Finally, they sat down again, and Pansy delicately dabbed at her eyes with a napkin.

"Narcissa doesn't know," she said quietly.

He shook his head.

"When are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know."

Draco left the Parkinson Manor feeling as if he'd run for miles. He was tired, and it felt like he'd been hit with something in the general vicinity of his heart.

But he felt better. Better than he had since the final battle, better than he had for a long time.

And after so long, he felt like he might be healing.

It was the Weasley dinner tonight, and Draco was unusually quiet. Hermione, who was next to him, put her hand over his and asked him if anything was wrong.

He looked at her, and slowly raised a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her hear.

"No," he breathed. "Everything is exactly right."

And she smiled.

Of course, Ron took this perfectly inopportune moment to swallow a canary cream hidden in the potatoes, and between all the yelling and laughter, the moment was lost.

Alright, it's been a long time and I do really apologize for this. I have been so busy with school and everything that I haven't had any time to do any writing.

However, I am writing the next chapter as you read this, so it should be up shortly- today or tomorrow- to make up for it.

Before I do my usual thing and reply to my reviewers, I want to reply to KodeV in specific, because you mentioned in your review that you'd recently lost your mom, and I wanted to put up another chapter for you right away but things started to pile up. So, I dedicate this chapter to you and your mother, and I really hope that you are okay and things are looking up.

Lady in Red- thank you very much!

Pug1998- well, of course Draco has feelings. He's just not out there like all the emotional Gryffindors ;)

KodeV- thank you for all the positive feedback! I was so pleased to see this essay on it. And Draco is growing up. This story is Draco's journey, and he's going to help the rest of the Slytherins along. I have great plans for them. :) Once again, thank you.

Fulgance- I am always happy to read your reviews, you always have something insightful to say! And, Pansy is going to play a part, I think. Thank you so much!

Melsocrazymarie- and thank you too for reviewing!

All right, let me get on this next chapter!

-Isefyr