Chapter Twenty: Sugar Rush
The next few days went by in a blur of smiling faces.
His slide into sociability was rather anticlimactic; there was no fanfare or sudden media coverage, just the acceptance of the inevitable. Draco was neither surprised or expecting this to happen, because as far as he was concerned he wasn't anyone's business but his, his mother's, and Hermione's.
…
The group of young people that was at the ball expanded. Draco found himself spending time with not only Hermione, but also Ron, Harry, Ginny, George, Pansy, Blaise, Theo, some more Weasley offspring, and varied people from their school days.
He was a beautiful social butterfly, he thought as he watched Pansy and Ron dance around each other with snide comments and fluttering glances, and he magnanimously spread all the love to the rest of the world.
Still- he thought, glancing down at Hermione in the circle of his arm- he wouldn't have minded some time alone.
…
He floated past any awkward stage of his and Hermione's relationship.
They were together, without any verbal acknowledgement. It surprised him how quickly they slipped into the pattern, as if it was there all along, just waiting for them to come and fill it in. There were arguments, and misunderstandings, but Draco loved the arguments just as he loved the moments when they got to be alone. To him, they were one and the same.
Some days, after he said goodnight, he'd watch her close the door to her apartment with a sigh and wonder what he'd done to deserve this wonderful woman.
…
It was a splinter under his skin, a constant reminder that he couldn't just give in and be happy. It was a pressure behind his eyes when he looked at his mother or his aunt, and an irregularity in his heartbeat when he met Harry's eyes and read the question have you told them yet?
And when he had to shake his head and saw Harry roll his eyes in resigned patience, it was a guilty, sinking feeling in his stomach.
…
"Hermione," he began one day, when they were reading in the Manor's library, "What… what do you think about what I've done?"
"What have you done?" she said absently, turning the page in her book. He smoothed her hair and tried to think.
"I was a Death Eater," he said slowly. "Doesn't that cover it?"
"Oh, that," she said, and closed the book.
"Draco," she said, looking up at him, "You've changed. And you never killed anyone, you tried not to hurt people, and you did your best. I'm proud of you, now. You should be proud of you, too."
He tried to open his mouth to tell her that he had, in fact, killed someone, but her lips were on his and he discovered that he was suddenly distracted by her citrusy scent.
…
Honestly, Hermione too easily distracted him.
…
He tried to ask Harry what he should do, in a rare man-to-man emotional conversation that Draco had initiated rather than Boo-Hoo-I'm-So-Emotional Saint Potter.
(No, being friends with Harry had not taken away the instinct to create witty nicknames for him.)
Anyways, Harry had listened to him worry and complain, and had nodded and said "uh-huh" in all the right places, and Draco had felt reassured.
And then Harry opened his saintly mouth and told Draco that he had to "Either man up and do it or stop whining about it, because I'm not going to fix it for you. Surely there's a way you can break it to your mother gently. Do it when she's in a good mood, and when you're alone."
Draco just stared at Harry blankly, until Harry finally pushed him out of his flat and locked the door.
…
It couldn't be that simple. Nothing in life was that simple. What if his mother disowned him? What if she never wanted to see him again? What if it was published in the Prophet and the entire world, which had just started to accept him, shunned him again?
…
What if, what if, what if.
…
He tried to put it at the back of his mind.
…
Pansy invited herself over for tea, one day, and had the girliest chat with his mother about, all people, Ron Weasley.
Standing at the parlor door, Draco heard the sentence "And he's just so sweet and gentle to me, but I'm worried I'm not good enough for him…" and promptly stopped eavesdropping, overcome with the urge to vomit.
Once he had recovered sufficiently, he went down to say hello.
…
"How's it going, Pans?" he asked sincerely, sitting in the smallest study with her.
If his and Hermione's room was the library, this was his and Pansy's. This was the study they'd played in while their parents tried to draw up marriage contracts, the study they'd ranted about Gryffindors and their parents in, the study where, just before the war started, Pansy had come over, tried to give their relationship one last go, and told him "Don't do anything stupid, Drake, please?"
They'd plotted and gossiped, cried and laughed, and generally become good friends in this little room, and Grown-up Draco liked the idea of continuing their friendship in this room. It was the Slytherin Common Room that they could still get into; it was a place where they wouldn't be judged.
"Great," she smiled tentatively. Her posture was impeccable as ever, and there was still the steely Pansy tucked somewhere in her spine, but she was happier than he'd ever seen her. "Life is… good."
"You sound surprised," he teased, and she laughed.
"I am surprised. I thought the world was done with me for good," she said sincerely. "But you got me out, and I got me out, and I am doing a lot better."
"That's what friends are for," Draco said, "We stick together. Even if one of us is hopelessly falling for a Weasley."
"Or the other is deeply in love with Granger," Pansy added, and smiled.
…
Before she left, she'd asked him if he'd told Narcissa yet, and all he could do was shake his head in the face of her sad look.
…
On Thursday nights, after everyone had finished work or whatever they did for the day, Draco's group (as he liked to think of them) convened in the largest drawing room and talked.
Some days it was just him and the Gryffindors, and others it was him and the Slytherins, but most days it was simply an amalgamation of houses and hair colours, sprawled across the priceless furniture.
He liked thinking of how his grandparents and great-grandparents would have had a fit if they'd found the footprints of Harry Potter on their couch.
…
Tonight it was Theo, Pansy, and the Golden Trio, and they were good-naturedly debating some triviality from their school days. Of course the houses took sides, and Ron was bantering with Pansy on the loveseat while Theo took on Harry and Hermione. Draco just watched and listened, amused at the circumstance and content.
"-And a right bunch of Gryffindork swots can't prove me wrong, by Merlin's pants!" Theo exclaimed, sounding slightly bitter. Draco woke up slightly, wary at the edge in his tone. Theo was the least able to adjust to their group, and sometimes he took it out on others.
"But it's this Gryffindork swot that had possession of the Marauder's map, and knows where all the secret passages were," Harry said, lazily. "Trust me."
"As if I want to trust Saint Potter!" Theo exclaimed.
Pansy looked up. "Theo, calm down. We're all friends here."
"Oh, bollocks," Theo said. "If Draco can kill his own father and get away with it, surely I can profane a couple of Gryffindors."
…
"What?" came Narcissa's voice from the doorway, soft and broken, and Draco closed his eyes against the feeling that he was drowning.
…
He heard his mother leave the room slowly, and Harry saying, "Now you've done it," and Theo saying, "Blimey, mate, I thought everyone knew…". He heard Ron and Pansy in a fierce discussion in the corner, and the beating of his heart, a slow and rolling death-knell.
But he only saw Hermione's eyes asking if it was true, and the hurt in her eyes when he nodded, once.
…
The fun was taken out of the evening. Everyone left with a solemn air, and Draco sat in the drawing room, staring at the embers of the fire.
He was empty again. He was sitting in a room far too big for him, with a weight far too heavy on his head, and this hollow feeling in his chest that he couldn't stop.
He put his head in his hands.
"I was going to tell you, Mom," he said to himself. "But not like this."
…
A/N:
It took me forever to figure out how to write this chapter. I apologize for the wait!
KodeV: well, Draco loves her. He just hasn't entirely figured it out yet. :) And in the future, I think we'll see more of Ron and Pansy as well. I felt it was time to bring Draco's main problem back, though! Thanks for reviewing again and I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much.
Pug1998: Thank you so much!
Fulgance: Thank you! This is the first time I've written a story quite like this, and I'm glad that you think it's working out so well. And, as you can see, you were right about Lucius' death… I hope you continue to enjoy. :)
