Spoiled brat is the only thing that comes to mine. He acts like I took his shiny new toy and kick sand in his face. "Do you always act this way when you are told no? Because frankly that might be a deal breaker baby boy." I waited a few beats, he is predictable that way sometimes. Sure enough his eyes snap up. "There you are, hi."
"The baby boy is very much a deal breaker for me!" his tone shows the depth of where that goes but I leave it at a nod. "And no I don't but, I don't know why is it twenty years and a life time and a half of experiences mean jack shit when I am sitting here with you?"
I would love to give him something profound and worldly but I can't. All I can give him is what I don't understand.
"All I know is we had a path we were on, it wasn't working and now we are maybe on the right one?" yup a grasp at straws but I hope he got it.
"But why the fuck is it so fucking hard? Why the fucking hell does it have to be so shitty? What ever happened to the shit in that one guys books? Sparkles or what ever? He has it always so sweet, then it gets rough but it all works out so smoothly and shit."
I honestly am biting my tongue trying not to bark out a laugh, it wouldn't be right. I take a few deep breaths and finally hope to keep my voice even. I can't keep the smile at bay though.
"Sparks babe. And when, I mean, well, how?"
"I had a queen as a roommate at," his pause shows me so much on his train of thought. "I yeah well he was hooked and I was really bored that blizzard. I was reading by flashlight and being a quick reader I think I went through about four of them before going and counting the popcorn on the ceiling."
"Let me tell you something. Life is never gonna be easy for us. If it wasn't hard enough just being gay, the history, the back story of us. All of it says we work for it or we go home." I pause and look at him and his eyes are somewhere around my knee region. Not ideal but they are on me. "Let me tell you this. I may not be in a place I purchased, I may not have familiar things around me but I have you in sight and I am home."
His eyes are on my face in a heart beat and I see them dancing. He has the urge to lunge and use sex again. I count to five and he is settled. His left hand is on my right calf though. It's rhythmic squeezing shows me he is using me as his ground wire.
"I didn't want to hear how I would never measure up, how I am so damaged not even you could love me." It was a soft spoken worry of a scared little boy. "It ws better to have one good memory then none when you left. When you saw how broken I was."
My heart fell and crashed in seconds. Thankfully the practice of quick recovery and masking comes in handy. "I have never seen you are broken, a bit bent maybe. But never broken. And I have told you before, I have always loved you."
