We're sitting here. Dan is on his laptop and I'm eating my cereal.I need to try to bring up last night.. But, what if it was really only a dream. I'll be crushed. Well, more than I already am.
"Hey, Dan.." I feel my throat tightening.
"Yeah?" My hearts racing. He's actually talking back to me!
"Can I ask you a question?" He shuts his laptop and turns towards me.
"You just did," He tries to make a joke. I give a little chuckle as he does. How do ask him without sounding like a complete creeper. Dan, did you sneak into my room to kiss me last night? *wink* Yeah.. Perfect.
"I was wondering..." Ugh! Why is this so hard!?
"Yes Phil?" He's staring intently into my eyes making me nervous.
"Did you come into my room last night?" I look at him with scared eyes. Scared that it was all just a dream.
"No. Do you think someone came into your room while you were sleeping?" He sounds worried.
"No.. It's.. It's nothing. Just a dream. I thought.. But. L-let's forget it." I look down into my cereal. Regretting even asking him. Why would I even think it was real
"Phil, do you have anything to do today?" Why would I be so stupid? How could I have let myself believe that it was real? I already know he doesn't like me. So why?
"Phil?" Oh! He's talking to me.
"Sorry. I don't have anything planned. Why?" He probably just needs help with a video.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go visit the park? We haven't really left the house together in a while. I was thinking we could also make a video while out," he says. Kind of in a rush.
"That sounds like fun. When do you want to leave?" I ask.
"Soon. Let's get ready!" He says as he jumps up and throws a fist into the air.
We're having a day out. At the park. While making a video. Just like old times. When everything was perfect. Before I told him I liked him.
All I had to do is put on proper clothes. And now I'm sitting in the lounge waiting on Dan. I have no idea what's taking him so long. It's been like an eternity. Sigh. I get up and go knock on his door.
"Come in," he yells. I go in and he's standing there shirtless. Holding up two shirts. Inspecting them.
"Which one looks better?" he asks. I honestly think that he looks fine without a shirt. But of course I don't say that. He's holding up his cat shirt and his eclipse shirt.
"The eclipse shirt." It's my favourite shirt of his. He nods and puts it on.
"Are you ready now, Dan?"
"Yup!" he says. "As ready as I'll ever be." He adds with a small smile. He grabs his camera, keys, and phone and we're off.
As we walked to the park there were a few fans who noticed who we were. They wanted pictures.. With Dan. They asked me to take the pictures. That made me feel wonderful! Thanks guys!
Once we got to the park, it felt like nothing had ever changed. We played on the swing set, played hide and go seak, and even bought ice cream to enjoy while sitting on the ground, relaxing. We got all of that on film. So i'm no 100 percent sure if it was real or if he was acting for the camera. I hope it's all real but I don't want to get my hopes up just to be let down again.
It's starting to get dark so we start to head home. The camera's put away and it's back to silence. We pass the Tower Bridge and I stop. Staring at it. Dan walks a few steps before he realizes that I've stopped. He turns and looks at me.
"Can we walk across the bridge?" I ask. Not looking at him but at the bridge. He says nothing. He puts his hands in his pockets and starts to walk toward the bridge. I follow, eventually catching up with him.
We get to the middle of the bridge and I stop. Dan stops with me. I rest my arms on the edge, looking out at the water.
"Why?" One simple word I say but with more than one meaning.
"Why what?", he asks a little dumbfounded.
"Why did we actually come out today? It couldn't have really been for a video. You just uploaded a video last night. So why?" I look at him. We make eye contact and then he looks away.
"Maybe I just wanted to spend some time with you." But that makes no sense.
"You see me everyday. You've stopped talking to me. And then all of a sudden you actually want to be around me? Talk to me? Spend time together?" I start getting angry. I think he can tell.
"I.. I don't-" I interrupt him
"It hurts, Dan. Do you understand this?" I didn't plan for all of this to come flying out. But it is and I don't try to stop it.
He doesn't say a word. I stand up straight and pull myself up to sit on the edge. I let my legs dangle over the edge. One move and I could fall.
"It really hurts, Dan. You ignore me. You avoid me. And I can't do anything about it. And you want to know what hurts the worst?" I turn a little to look him in the eyes. My eyes are dry but his are tearing up a little.
"What hurts the worst is that all of this started because I told you of my feelings. Feelings I thought you would accept. Not accept like, 'Oh Phil, I like you, too' but like.. I don't know. I didn't really think anything would change and then you.. You go do this. And it makes me feel like shit." Now I'm starting to tear up.
"Phil. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. Can you please come off of that ledge?" He sounds worried. And I don't really care.
"Why? Does it make you nervous?" I say smirking while a tear finds it's way out of my eye.
"Yes. It does actually." He says. Which surprises me.
"Dan, what would do if I wasn't here anymore?" I ask.
"Phil. Don't say things like that. Please, get down." He's starting to fidget with his keys. I can hear them jingling.
"I don't want to get down, Dan. I quite like it up here." He doesn't say anything.
"Dan, why wont you let me leave if I make you feel uncomfortable?" I ask.
"Phil, you don't make me feel uncomfortable." He tries.
"Dan, it's pretty obvious I do." I scoot a little closer to the edge.
"Phil, please. Just come down!" Dan is trying to stay calm. I can hear it in his voice. I ignore him.
"I love you," I say as I scoot off the edge and start to fall.
