A/N: As per request, the Robin in this chapter is the same Robin as the one in Chapter One! However, you can read this without reading the first chapter—but you should go and do that anyway if you haven't. (coughcough) But in case you don't wanna, FYI this version of Robin is meant to be gender-neutral. Interpret their gender in whatever way you'd like.

Also, the usual reminder: if there's any version of Robin from the previous chapters you'd like to see more of, feel free to say so!


"Don't worry," Robin said confidently. "This is all part of my master plan."

Chrom leaned his head against the stone wall with a thump. "We are in an underground jail cell, without our weapons, in the middle of a secret Plegian hideout swarming with guards, and the others have no idea where we are."

"Okay, you got me there." Robin stared out through the bars gloomily. The Plegians had done a good job. The room outside the cells was occupied by four soldiers armed to the teeth. One of them caught Robin's eye and leered menacingly.

Robin sighed. "Hey, is the floor of your cell damp? Mine is. It's really gross."

"No," Chrom replied.

"Hey, how come your cell is better than mine?" Robin glared at no one in particular. "I demand equal treatment!"

"King Gangrel was right," one guard murmured to another. "Ylisseans are idiots."


"In case you were wondering," Robin informed Chrom cheerfully, "it's been two hours and thirty-eight minutes since we were captured."

"Thank you for that relevant piece of information," Chrom said. He wondered, once again, how he had managed to get stuck with such an irritating person as his tactician.

"It is relevant because I drank three cups of coffee before we set off," said Robin, "and I'm about to un-drink all that coffee. If you get my drift."

Chrom groaned.

A guard heard them and stomped over. "Need to piss, brat?" he sneered at Robin.

"Yeah, about that—could you take me to the bathroom?" Robin asked cheerfully.

The guard grinned. "Your cell comes with a bathroom," he said, jabbing a finger at the corner of Robin's cell.

Robin looked.

"Uh, that's a bucket."

"Yep," the guard said, baring his teeth in a crude semblance of a smile.

"I'm not going to use a bucket."

The guard reared back suddenly and slammed his fist against the wall. Both Chrom and Robin flinched. The other guards guffawed.

"You're locked up in a cell and you've got the gall to think you can call the shots?" he roared. Chrom, who was in a separate cell from his tactician, cursed quietly and leaned against the bars in the outer wall to see what was going on. "I've got news for you, traitor—you're at our mercy now. My mercy. The king wants you alive—Grima knows why—but I don't think he'll be too mad if I just beat the shit outta you—"

"Don't!" Chrom yelled, grasping the bars with a sudden urgency. The guard might have been stupid, but he was a huge man and Robin was so small, he could probably break Robin's ribs with one blow—

The guard's head swung towards Chrom like a dog catching a scent. He prowled over, reaching his hand towards the bars. Chrom realized his plan and ducked backwards towards the far end of the cell; the guard's hand grabbed at Chrom's lapel, but barely missed. He settled for spitting on the ground near Chrom's feet.

"The heroic prince," he sneered. "How will Naga help you now?" he leaned forward. "Or your little friend? You wouldn't want to see 'em hurt now, would you?"

"I'll kill you," Chrom breathed, quietly furious. Threatening him was one matter. Threatening Robin was another.

"Fine, I'll use the bucket!" Robin said loudly, breaking the silence. "Can you leave now, please?"


More time passed. The guards were playing cards on a spindly wooden table. It wasn't a game Chrom recognized—probably a game native to Plegia, then. They weren't too distracted by it though—once in a while one of them would glance up and glare at Chrom and Robin, as if to remind them that they were still being watched.

Chrom sighed a long gusty sigh and held his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry," Robin said suddenly. It was a quiet whisper, loud enough for Chrom to hear but somehow went largely unnoticed by the guards.

"Why?" Chrom replied quietly.

"Because I complained about the cell and made the guards angry," Robin said. Chrom heard the sound of restless pacing in the other cell. "And also because you had to hear me—uh, use the bucket."

"It's alright, I covered my ears," Chrom said.

"But mostly," Robin continued, "because I got us into this."

Chrom closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall dividing his cell and Robin's.

"And you'll get us out," he said finally. "I know you will."

There was a brief pause.

"You can't see me, but I'm smiling right now," Robin said.

An image flashed through Chrom's mind—the sloping curve of Robin's mouth into a grin, the way the tactician's face softened almost childishly with each smile. Chrom felt his spirits rise slightly despite the severity of their situation.

"Thanks," Robin said.

"Thank you," Chrom said, the tiniest bit more cheerful. "I'm glad you're here. I'd rather we not be imprisoned, obviously, but I'm thankful you're with me."


"Bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-banana—"

"I spoke too soon," Chrom muttered, massaging his temples with one hand.

"Shut up!" a guard howled, throwing a rusty tin kettle at the bars to Robin's cell. The kettle clanged against the metal bars and glanced off harmlessly. "That is the stupidest fucking song!"

Robin didn't even flinch. "Bah-na-NAH-ah-aahh, poh-TAY-TO-daaAAaahhh—"

"I WILL beat the shit out of you!" the guard who had been tormenting Robin snapped. "I will do it—"

"Sure, but you should unlock the door first, and I looked at the runes for the magic inhibiting circle in this cell. They deactivate when the door's open," Robin said. "Bad design, don't you think? Bah-bah-bah—"

The guard snarled but stepped backwards rather quickly.

"I can't take this anymore," one of the other guards groaned. "I need some fresh air." The others muttered their assent. The door was flung open and three of them exited the room, muttering angrily about 'crazy Ylissean tacticians.'

Only the first guard was left. He seemed to realize this and pointed a finger threateningly at Robin. "Don't get any ideas," he said threateningly. "They'll be back soon enough."

"Never said they wouldn't be," Robin said casually. "To-ga-li no, po-tay-toh ni-ga-ni-bah ni-ka-no-ji-gah—"

"You're not even singing real words anymore!" Chrom said despairingly.

"Bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah—"


At least fifteen minutes had passed. The other guards had not returned. More urgently, Robin was still singing.

"Bah-bah-bah. Bah-bah-bah-NAAAAAAA—"

"That does it!" the guard snarled, grabbing his sword and moving forward. Chrom stiffened suddenly. The guard could try anything right now and Chrom wouldn't be able to stop him.

"You piece of shit, you traitor," the guard hissed, stalking towards Robin's cell like an angry cat. Robin had stopped singing "It's not enough that a Plegian has to serve those Ylissean blackhearts—you have to be a complete and utter dimwit, too! The King wanted you captured, not in one piece—I'm going to cut you till—"

There was a sudden bang, and a sudden silence.

"Robin?" Chrom called frantically, stumbling towards the outer wall of his cell. "Robin!" he pressed his head against the bars, craning his neck to try and catch a glimpse of the guard. "You bastard, if you've hurt Robin—"

"He can't hear you," Robin said.

"Robin! Are you alright?" Chrom said. He could see the guard, slumped on the ground. "What happened?"

"I knocked his head against one of the bars," Robin said cheerfully. There was a jingling sound. "Oh look, he has the keys!"

"Thank Naga," Chrom muttered, leaning his weight on the bars and letting out a heavy sigh. He heard more jingling, then a click.

"And I'm out!" Robin said, sliding into view and grinning at Chrom from outside the cell.

"Great! Let me out!" Chrom said.

"What's the magic word?"

"Robin!"

"Okay, yeah, my name is pretty great. Like magic." Robin unlocked Chrom's cell and pushed the door open. "You can thank me later."

The guard lying on the ground stirred and groaned. Chrom stiffened, but before he had a chance to react Robin seized the guard's sword and whacked him over the head with the flat of the blade. He went out again like a light.

"That was close," Robin said, dropping the sword. "All that yelling and he was scared of my magic, huh?"

"Wait, I thought you need a tome to use magic," Chrom said.

"Yeah, but he probably didn't know that, did he?" Robin shrugged. "Hey, I want to dump my bucket on his head—okay or too far?"

"Too far," Chrom said.

"You never let me have any fun."

Footsteps sounded from the other side of the door.

"Shit," Chrom cursed.

"Okay, part one: jailbreak, of the plan is down," Robin said quickly. "Now it's time for part two: escape."

"Alright," Chrom said hurriedly, "what's the plan?"

"That's the problem," Robin said sheepishly, "I only planned so far as part one."

Chrom groaned. "We're a joke," he informed the unconscious guard, "and I'm the punchline."

The door burst open. Chrom and Robin turned, Chrom reaching for the sword on the ground and Robin lunching to grab, of all things, a stool.

But the doorway did not contain a mass of Plegian guards. It contained very bulky, and very familiar man in a suit of armor.

"Kellam!" Chrom said joyfully.

"Who?" Robin frowned.


"Let me get this straight," Sully said slowly, "you sang a song and it helped you escape."

"Pretty much," Robin said modestly. "Want to hear it?"

"NO," Chrom yelled.

While Chrom had been right in saying that the Shepherds had no idea where he and Robin were being kept, he had been wrong in assuming that they would be unable to find them. Panne's taguel form had a superb sense of smell and Nowi's manakete form, as it turned out, was good for more than giving Donnel (and occasionally Robin) dragon rides.

Sully exchanged a glance with Frederick. "No offense, Robin," Sully said slowly, "but that sounds like a terrible plan."

"I had a great plan!" Robin said.

"It appears that you had no real plan," Lon'qu commented.

"Of course I did," Robin insisted. "How dare you insult me like that? I am a professional and genius tactician."

"Of course you are," Sully said, patting the white-haired tactician on the head.

Chrom looked at the ragtag group of Shepherds, weary but triumphant, and felt a swell of gratefulness and pride. "I think," he said, "it's high time we returned to Ylisstol for a break."

Vaike whooped. Sully grinned. Even Tharja looked vaguely happier at the promise of rest.

"That sounds nice!" Robin grinned. "There you go, you were right!"

"About what?" Chrom said, surprised and confused.

"I got us out," Robin said, pleased.

Despite himself, Chrom felt a weary smile break out on his face. "That you did," he said.


"Bah-na-NAH-ah-aahh—"

"Naga above and Grima below, WHY must you do this to me?" Chrom shouted towards the sky.

Oddly enough, neither Grima nor Naga answered.


A/N: The song that Robin sings is the "Banana Song" sung by the Minions in Despicable Me. It was the most annoying song I could think of on short notice. Short notice, meaning, I wrote this in forty minutes while sleep deprived when I should have been doing other, more important, things.

...*glances at review count*

Wow. I didn't think we'd get this far. Thank you to everyone who has read this story! I've got something special planned once we hit 100, but it's not ready yet so I decided to post this chapter first as a break from all the angst.

As always, reviews are appreciated!