Chapter Two: Broken


"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you"

- Broken by Lifehouse


Location: Montpelier, VT

Date: Monday, March 2, 2015

Olivia tossed around on the mattress as she heard her phone ringing notifying her that it was 6:00 A.M. She went to use the restroom, and then walked to her sink to wash her hands, and brush her teeth. She stepped in and turned on her shower. She got all cleaned up and dressed. She put her make-up on, which only caused her to be more beautiful. She was wearing an Akris Punto blazer with Armani pants and Jimmy Choo shoes. Olivia walked into her kitchen and began to make herself some morning tea. She walked to Gerry's room and gently started to play with his curls; something she missed doing to Fitz. Gerry's eye fluttered open to see his mom.

"Good morning baby, did you sleep good?" Olivia asked smiling. Gerry just nodded, she didn't expect much from him.

"Okay, let's use the restroom, get dressed and brush our teeth so we can go to school to learn. What do you want mommy to make for breakfast?" Liv asked now picking up and pulling back his sheets so he could get out of the bed.

"Can we have donut holes?" Gerry said now excited that he may get his favorite breakfast.

"Grandma is taking you to school today, but we can ask her bring you donut holes. How does that sound? Does that sound good?" Olivia asked hoping he wouldn't get mad that she couldn't take him to school today.

"Yes, momma," Gerry said squeezing her, taking in her scent, she was wearing Coco Chanel Mademoiselle perfume and the aroma smelled delightful.

"Okay go get ready, I'm going to set your clothes on your bed, and then I'm going to get Belle ready," Olivia said as she shuffled through his closet to find him an outfit.

Olivia walked into Belle's room and turned on the light. Isabelle was in her crib playing with her stuffed animal, which was the red crab from The Little Mermaid. His name was Sebastian, but she couldn't say it so she called him "Sabby." Once she saw her mommy her eyes lit up and you could see her grin with dimples.

"Momma" Isabelle called Olivia's name as if Liv didn't see her.

"Yes, Momma. How is momma's baby girl?" Olivia asked as she picked her up and set her on the changing table.

"Milk. Want milk momma." Belle responded to her mom as Olivia was changing her diaper. She was getting her out of her pajamas and dressing her into to some clothes for daycare. Once Isabelle was completely changed and had her shoes tied, Olivia fixed her hair. Gerry walked in as Isabelle was hopping off her mom's lap.

"Bubba, Bubba" Isabelle ran straight into Gerry's knees hugging him. As Olivia watched, it melted her heart the relationship between them two was absolutely adorable.

"Okay let's get going Grandma will be here soon," Olivia said as Gerry held Belle's hand and helped her down the stairs, being extremely patient with her. They made it downstairs as Maya rang the doorbell to inform then she was here. Vanessa was on the couch waiting and opened the door for her mom. Maya walked to Olivia to grab Belle and her diaper bag while Gerry and Vanessa went to the car.

"Thank you, mom, I really appreciate it. I just need to go check with Stephen to make sure the document was approved and filed; then pick it up. I will come by and dropped it off to you at your house before I go to counseling."

"Olivia are you sure? This is a big decision, do you want to think about it?" Maya asked. She didn't understand why Olivia was doing this, why she was making this decision.

"Yes, and if I end up not getting a divorce then I will change it. However, I have thought long and hard. I'm making the right decision, for me. This has nothing to do with Fitz, and everything to do with me. Please trust me, and just accept it." Olivia said with pleading eyes. Maya nodded her head. Olivia kissed Belle on her head, as Maya walked outside. She stopped so she could lock her front door; she twisted the key until she heard a click to know she locked it.


BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Fitz heard his alarm go off as he rolled over to hit snooze. 6:30 A.M. is usually not bad, but he could not fall asleep last night, so he is exhausted. He throws the sheets off of his body as his bare feet touch the wooden floor. Fitz walks into the bathroom and turns on the shower. He can feel the heated water on his face as he stands under the stream. He doesn't feel like crying, but he doesn't feel like smiling. He is just in complete confusion, how did he get to this point? How did he become the man that is going through a divorce with his wife? He prays to God to send him strength to help get through this because it is becoming unbearable. He finishes taking a shower, wrapping a towel around his midriff. He walks to his closet attempting to find an outfit to wear for the day. He is putting on his navy blue tie that brings out his eyes; he knows that it is Liv's favorite. He quickly puts on his shoes and makes a phone call to his secretary Lauren to let her know he wouldn't be taking phone calls from 8:30 A.M. to 9:30 A.M.


Olivia strutted into Olivia Pope & Associates passing Quinn and Huck getting coffee, she could see in the conference room Abby and Harrison were doing some research on their current client. She didn't speak to any of them just walking straight into Stephen's office. She opened the door and quickly closed it.

"Did the document finally get filed? Did the judge sign it?" Olivia asked praying and hoping everything went perfect, she filed the document right after she filed for divorce. However, this one had to go through a whole different department at the courthouse.

"It was very hard, but yes the document has been filed and signed by a judge. Everything is good to go Liv." Stephen could see her let out a breath she had been holding in for way too long.

"Thank you! I really needed this. I've got to drop this off to my mom, and then go to this unnecessary marriage counseling. Call me if anything changes with our client." Olivia said as she opened his door and walked out of his office.


Olivia dropped of the document to her mother's house as quickly as she could; she only had 10 minutes to get to the marriage counseling appointment. At first she was okay with being a little late, you know things happen she thought. However, she thought about it and knew Fitz would try to use it against her. He would try to turn it around on her to say that she wasn't attempting to make this work, and she didn't have time to deal with him and his attitude.

Olivia arrived one minute before the appointment started, and just as she walked through the building's door the marriage counselor was calling their names. Fitz had an attitude; he didn't want to be here. They walked into her office and Olivia sat all the way on the right side of the couch, and Fitz sat all the way on the left side. Two people could easily fit between them that was how much space there was. They were even looking in opposite directions. The counselor closed the office door and walked to her seat.

"Hi, I am Dr. Kim Dawson. You must be Olivia Grant, and you must be Fitzgerald Grant, it's a pleasure to meet both of you. I just wish it wasn't in this circumstance." Both of them shook their heads up and down, not saying a word and smiling a smile that didn't reach their eyes.

"Okay, well let's jump right in why are we here?" Dr. Dawson looked around trying to figure out who was going to talk. Fitz looked at Olivia to see if she would say something, but she still was facing the wall.

"My lovely wife decided to go behind my back and file for divorce without telling me. She likes to make decisions without me and the judge won't approve of it without six months of marriage counseling." Fitz made sure to put an emphasis on the word 'lovely' to be sarcastic.

"Oh, I go behind your back? I like to make decisions without you? Oh, that's the pot calling the kettle black honey." Olivia said rolling her eyes. She couldn't believe how he tried to turn this on her like it was her fault they were in here.

"Okay, Olivia why don't you go first, explain why you filed for divorce," Kim asked now knowing that she was the one who wants out of this marriage.

"Okay, it all started on January 26. . .

flashback

Location: Montpelier, VT

Date: January 26, 2015

Olivia was just leaving the doctors office, she was in tears, today marked 6 months of trying for a baby, and she still wasn't pregnant. She had made an appointment the week before and had over fifteen tests ran, that cost tens of thousands of dollars. Dr. Julie Vogel had told her that she was perfectly healthy and that sometimes it takes over a year to get pregnant, but she still was certain that something was wrong. It only took one month to get pregnant with Gerry and only three months with Isabelle, why was it taking so long now. They went from having sex four to five days a week to twice a day trying to conceive. However, she still wasn't pregnant.

Olivia remembered that Fitz had been in a car accident a little over a year ago and wonder if that had something to do with him maybe not being able to reproduce anymore. She thought she would give a call to his doctor to make an appointment to check his sperm count. She wiped her tears and took a sip of her water to clear her throat. She dialed the number for his doctor.

"Dr. Michael Zahm's office, this is Charlotte."

"Hi Charlotte, my name is Olivia Grant, I was wondering if I could make an appointment for my husband?" Olivia asked as she was tapping her fingers on her steering wheel.

"Okay, what is his name?"

"His name is Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III."

"Okay, let me grab his file really quick." Charlotte went to find his folder; once she found it she walked back to the phone and took it off hold.

"Okay, now what is the appointment for?" Charlotte asked in a very happy voice.

"We have been trying to get pregnant for over six months now and I just wanted him to come in and get his sperm count checked," Olivia said as she was still looking over all of her test results, getting sadder by the moment. Charlotte looked at the file and was very confused.

"Ma'am his file says he had a vasectomy so there would be no reason to check his sperm count, it should be zero ma'am," Charlotte asked really confused why someone who had a vasectomy was getting a sperm count check. Olivia felt like she was getting hit with a brick in her face.

"Wha... What? What do you mean?" Her voice was so weak and cracking, she couldn't believe this.

"Ma'am I'm reading his file right now, it's in front of me. It says he got a vasectomy on April 25, 2013." Olivia's mouth went dry, all the oxygen left her body, and she couldn't breathe. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening.

"I think you have the wrong file, my husband didn't get a vasectomy. You may have his fathers folders, but not my husbands." Olivia said now getting angry.

"Can you hold on for one second?" Charlotte asked.

"Yes," Olivia answered with an attitude.

Charlotte went to Dr. Zahm's office and knocked.

"Come in"

"Yes, Dr. Zahm I have a patient's wife on the phone asking if she can schedule an appointment for a sperm count test…" He cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"We do that, so just schedule it," Dr. Zahm replied.

"Well that's the thing his folder says he had a vasectomy, but his wife says that it is wrong. She is insisting that his and his father's lab work got mixed. I'm confused."

"Who is the patient?" Dr. Zahm asked now looking at her. Charlotte handed him the file.

"No this is correct, I remember him. This is correct." He responded. Charlotte nodded her head and grabbed the folder from his desk. She walked back to her desk and took the phone off of hold.

'Mrs. Grant I just spoke to Dr. Zahm and he confirmed that the file is correct; he even remembers the surgery. Would you still like to make the appointment?" Olivia didn't hear anything after the word 'confirmed'. Her heart was literally hurting, it was a real pain that she never know she could feel.

"Can… Can I come in and get a copy of his file?" Olivia asked as tears streamed down her face, and her voice shattered.

"Yes ma'am I can have it ready for you, you just need to sign off that you are his wife."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." Olivia hung up the phone and now started her car. She started screaming this sound, a sound where you could hear the agonizing pain she was in. She eventually was able to regulate her breathing and drove to his doctor's office.

She walked in and signed for the copy of the folder, as she was walking out, she read over the part of his operation for a vasectomy. She immediately felt nauseous; she saw a small tree and began to throw up.

She got in her car and called Stephen. He answered the phone call in two rings. She spoke before he could say a word.

"I need you to file divorce papers for me." She said as tears were running down her face.

"Olivia what are you talking about? Who is getting a divorce?" Stephen asked so confused.

"Me! I need you to file the papers as soon as you can, meaning it needed to be done yesterday!"

"Olivia…" Stephen couldn't finish his sentence.

"NOW!" After she had screamed, she hung up.

end of flashback

"That was not when all of this started. It all started on April 21…" Fitz said.

flashback

Location: Montpelier, VT

Date: April 21, 2013

Olivia was thirty-six weeks pregnant; her belly was big and round. She felt like a whale, but Fitz constantly told her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She had been diagnosed with preeclampsia about a month ago, which explained why she checking her blood pressure at four o'clock in the morning. She was shocked to see it so high, it was 165/102. She immediately woke up Fitz and told him. Fitz called Maya to come pick up Gerry, and once she made it they immediately left for the emergency room.

She was brought to a room as eleven nurses and doctors swarmed around her to check and make sure she was okay, and so was the baby. Dr. Julie Vogel prescribed her to take Magnesium Sulfate to prevent a seizure while she was giving birth. Dr. Vogel would have loved to just do a caesarean section, but Olivia wanted to give birth naturally unless there was an immediate danger to the baby. After six hours of letting her cervix reach ten centimeters, she was finally ready to push. Fitz had placed a cool towel on her forehead and spoon-fed her some ice chips. Once he fed her, he set the cup filled with ice chips down and grabbed her hand.

"Okay, Olivia on three you are going to push for ten seconds. Okay?" Olivia shook her head up and down. The doctor noticed a contraction was coming and spoke to Olivia.

"Okay, 1. 2. 3. PUSH!"

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"That was perfect Olivia, Do it again." The doctor noticed another contraction was beginning and spoke again. "Go now, Push!"

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10."

"OHH MY GODDDDD!" Olivia screamed, this was extremely painful for her because she had chosen to not have an epidural.

Ten minutes passed and Olivia had grown extremely exhausted.

"I can see her hair, Olivia, she has beautiful brown curls. Just a few more pushes momma. Push again!"

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6…."

"Dr. Vogel her blood pressure is rising she is at 179/111," the nurse told her doctor.

"… 7. 8. 9. 10."

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Olivia made another scream. She was now having shortness of breath but didn't pay attention to it. She just wanted to give birth to take this pain away.

"Her head is out Olivia she looks beautiful, I need one more big push! One push and you get to hold your baby girl. Okay, Olivia push!"

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8."

All you could hear is a high pitch screech, which came from their beautiful daughter, Isabelle Marisa Grant. She had been born into the world at 10:44 A.M. The doctor placed her on Olivia's breast. She looked just like her mother, and time stood still as Daddy got to meet his daughter for the first time. The nurses were cleaning all of the vernix caseosa off of the baby as Fitz just stared at her, in pure bliss. The doctor asked Fitz if he wanted to cut the cord. He cut it, and then continued to stare at the most beautiful baby in the world. He was snapped out of his moment when he heard his worst fear, a piercing noise known as a flat line on his wife's heart monitor. He saw a nurse pick up the baby off of Olivia's chest; all you could hear were people screaming. Olivia's body was convulsing uncontrollably as the nurses and doctors around her were trying to help her.

"Make the bed flat."

"She's having multiple seizures."

"Heart stopped."

"CODE BLUE!"

"CODE BLUE!"

"GET A CRASH CART"

"Charge the pads to 200."

"Clear"

*Boom* Olivia's body was shocked.

"Still v-fib nothing."

"Charge them to 300."

"Clear

*Boom* Olivia's body was shocked again.

"300, Anything?"

"Charge to 360."

"Clear"

*Boom* Olivia's body was shocked once again.

Dr. Vogel dropped the paddles and started manually doing CPR.

"Come on Olivia."

Dr. Vogel picked up the paddles once again.

"Charge again."

"Clear"

*Boom* Olivia's body was shocked for the fourth time.

"Anything?"

"I see sinus rhythm, blood pressure is coming up. Pressure is returning. Heart rate is coming back.

"She is stable. How is the baby?" Dr. Vogel glanced back towards the nurse who was checking out the baby.

"The baby is doing great, heart rate is great, Apgar score is an eight. Checking her weight and height now. She weighs 6 pounds 14 ounces, and she is 17 inches long."

end of flashback

"How does Isabelle's birth have ANYTHING to do with us getting a divorce or you getting a vasectomy? PLEASE TELL ME!" Olivia screamed at him, she was tired of him avoiding the elephant in the room.

"EVERYTHING." He screamed. "Olivia it has everything to do with the reason I had a vasectomy. Do you not remember what happened? You were lying there with no heartbeat, lying there as I watch your body shake uncontrollably. I don't think you remember…"

"I WENT THROUGH IT, OF COURSE, I REMEMBER," Olivia screamed.

"You went through it, you didn't watch it. You didn…" Fitz's voice began to break, and he let out a huge breath. "You didn't watch the love of your life take what you thought was the last breath escaping their lips. You didn't watch people shock you four times, YOU DIDN'T WATCH THAT. You have NEVER watched me almost die in front of you. So no, you DON'T remember because you have never gone through it." Fitz was shaking, he was breathing really hard, he took a deep breath to calm down.

"Fitz how did you feel at that moment?" Dr. Dawson asked.

"Like my world was crumbling around me, that this was one of the happiest days of my life because my daughter was born, but… But was about to turn into the worst day because my wife will die. She doesn't know, but I have nightmares all the time of that same day except she does die in my dream. I just couldn't deal with that again."

"That still doesn't explain why you did it, it doesn't explain why you lead me on. About why you held me when I cried about the fact that I wasn't getting pregnant knowing that I was NEVER going to get pregnant. About why you told me that it would happen when it was in 'God's plan'. Why? Why couldn't you have just told me? We wouldn't be here! Do you understand that? We wouldn't be here if you could have just told the truth and said 'I don't want to have any more kids.' Why couldn't…" Fitz stopped her.

"DON'T EVER SAY I DON'T WANT ANY MORE KIDS WITH YOU! I would LOVE nothing more than to have a hundred babies with you, BUT I CAN'T. I can't because I would rather have two beautiful, amazing children with a wife then have three or four kids and my wife be dead." Fitz said as tears started to fall down his face. Olivia just turned her head towards the wall, as tears began to run down her face too.

"Olivia what is the biggest issue that you have, because I don't think it is because Fitz got a vasectomy?" Dr. Kim asked.

"He lied. He lied to me. He lead me on, he let me cry myself to sleep thinking that there was something wrong with me. He let me feel like I had something wrong with me. I felt like a failure as a mother, a failure as a wife for six months. SIX MONTHS. Six months of crying myself to sleep, six months of hating myself, six months of blaming myself. When in fact it was my husband, who felt he would take matters into his own hands, and make a decision without his wife and then lie to me. He lied to me instead of being a man and telling me the truth." Olivia now turned her head to him.

"We are a TEAM! There is no 'I' or 'Me' in this Marriage, there is only 'WE'! You don't get to make decisions about our life and not tell me! THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE." Olivia spoke directly into his eyes.

"You want to be a TEAM? A team Olivia? You want to make decisions together?" Fitz asked her.

"Yes I want to be a team, I've always wanted to be a team. We were a great team before you started to lie to me." Olivia asked now breathing out a deep breath.

"For someone who wants to be a team so bad, you weren't a team when you filed for divorce. Now were you? For someone who talks about that it isn't acceptable to make decisions without their partner, you sure made a decision without talking to me." Fitz said now throwing her own words back at her.

"DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND TURN THIS AROUND ON ME! YOU ARE THE REASON WE ARE HERE! YOU AND YOUR LYING." Olivia yelled at him.

"NO YOU ARE! YOU FILED THE DIVORCE PAPERS NOT ME." Fitz yelled back.

"Okay, let's take a step back. Olivia, what is it going to take from Fitz for you to be able to forgive him? Can he gain your trust back?" Dr. Dawson asked.

"I honestly don't think that I can forgive him. I don't think I have the strength to forgive him, to allow him in my heart again, to trust him with the possibility of him to hurt me once again. He hurt me once, and I barely made it. If he hurt me again, I wouldn't survive." Her voice was so weak and breaking that they barely heard her.

"Fitz in a perfect world, what outcome would you like after the six months of marriage counseling are over?" Dr. Dawson asked.

"I would be still married, not filing for divorce. I would be at my own home not in a house that I rent. I would be laying in my bed kissing my wife every night, and waking up kissing her in the morning. That's what outcome I want." Fitz said smiling thinking, and hoping that it would come true.

"What about you, Olivia? Now, remember I asked in a perfect world, not right now, not real life, in a perfect world what would you want to happen?" Dr. Dawson asked Olivia.

"I want exactly what Fitz said, but I don't think that it is possible," Olivia answered as a tear rolled down her cheek once again, because she honestly believe that in six months they would be signing divorce papers not doing what she wants in a perfect world.

"Apparently that's not what you want then," Fitz spoke to Olivia.

"Why would I want anything else? Of course, I want you home, and to be lying in bed with me. Why wouldn't I? But the thing above all I want, is to be happy, I want to be able to trust you, and believe you and I don't think I can do that." Olivia responded now just exhausted. She was tired of fighting tired of being in this session, just ready to go home and go to sleep.

"If you wanted you would try, you would try and not stop until you achieve it," Fitz yelled at her.

"I can want to fly every single second of every day, and I can try for months to fly, but I will never fly. You want to know why? Cause in life you don't always get what you want, no matter how bad you wanted it." Olivia yelled.

"YOU KNOW WHAT…" Fitz was screamed but got interrupted when Olivia's phone started ringing.

"I need to get this," Olivia told the marriage counselor. Olivia accepted the phone call as she listened to the other person on the line.

"Okay, I will be there in a few minutes. Thank you". Olivia hung up the phone as she grasped her purse.

"I have to go it an emergency. Can we pick up here another day?

"Your job isn't an emergency Olivia," Fitz said angry and putting extra emphasis on her name.

"Our daughter is, and that was her daycare. Now if you get out of my way, I can get there faster." Olivia said getting pissed at him for the way he was speaking to her.

"We can meet tomorrow at 9:00 A.M., a couple canceled. Does that sound good?" Dr. Dawson responded.

"Perfect I will see you tomorrow," Olivia said quickly leaving the office to get in her car so she could pick up her daughter who had a fever.


Olivia arrived at the daycare in less than ten minutes after they call her. She hopped out of her car, quickly pushing the lock button on her key. She walked in the daycare and she saw her daughter. She had sweat dripping down her face; which she assumed was from the fever her daughter had. She walked toward Bella and picked her up kissing her forehead.

"She has a fever, we gave her some Tylenol about thirty minutes ago and it has already slightly went down," Miss Sarah told Olivia.

"Thank you. Hopefully, her fever is down by tomorrow. If she still isn't feeling good by then, I will take her to the doctor. Hopefully, we won't have to, and you can see her beautiful face tomorrow."

"Okay. I hope Belle feels better. Have a great rest of the day Mrs. Grant."

Olivia went home with her baby girl, instead of going to work. She made a quick phone call to Stephen to let him know he was in charge today. She made Isabelle some chicken noodle soup and put on Beauty and The Beast. They laid together on the couch spending the day with each other; which was the best medicine for the both of them.


Date: Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Olivia arrived at the marriage counselor's office five minutes before their appointment. Fitz was already waiting when she walked in. They sat on opposite sides of the waiting room, waiting to be called in the office. Dr. Dawson called them in the room. It felt like déjà vu, they once again were sitting so far away from one another and facing opposite directions.

"How are we doing today? We left on a very rocky point yesterday. Olivia, how do you feel?"

"I feel like I'm not in the wrong but Fitz is trying to find every way to turn this on me. I feel like he doesn't understand what he did, and how he hurt me…" Fitz interrupted Olivia.

"Oh, that is…" Fitz starts to yell at her but Dr. Dawson yelled at both of them.

"No! We aren't going to start this again. Yesterday I allowed you two to yell at each other like children. We are adults; you aren't going to interrupt each other. Now Olivia please finish what you were saying." Dr. Dawson asked looking right at Olivia hoping she would continue.

"I just feel like he thinks saying sorry is going to fix this, but it can't. I have these emotional scars that are never going to go away. He can't throw this under the rug and think it will pass. If he doesn't want a divorce, he need to learn to accept that he hurt me, and work on trying to heal theses scars that he created all by himself." Olivia said not breaking her voice, she spoke honestly and how she truly felt.

"What about you Fitz how do you feel after yesterday?" Dr. Dawson asked now wanting to know how he felt.

"I feel… I don't even know. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm angry that Olivia doesn't understand my reasoning, angry that she is too upset that she is only willing to look at it from her perspective. I'm hurt, about how she feels. My intention were never to hurt her, that why I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want to see the look on her face that we wouldn't have any more kids. I can honestly say if I knew what I knew now I would have told her. Cause that look she gave me when she found out, was a look I never want to see ever again in my entire life." Fitz said much like Olivia, not screaming or breaking his voice. He said exactly what was on his mind; he said what he felt.

"I think it may be time to hit the reset button," Dr. Dawson said.

"Yes, let's hit the reset button please, how?" Fitz asked.

"Have you two ever considered spending some time apart? Sometimes a break can show you if you really want to live without someone, or if you really truly need him or her. It can be very beneficial. You two have gone through so much, you two are completely different people now than when you two first got together. It can help you two rediscover who you are. Take a break from each other."

"No! Hell NO! We a trying to stay married, not get a divorce. We don't need more space." Fitz didn't want a break.

"Couples come to counseling for one of two reasons. Either one person want out and they need help telling the other person or both people desperately want to make this work."

"I think we should take a break. How long would the break last?" Olivia spoke up.

"For six weeks. You have children so you need to work out a schedule ahead so you will know who will pick up who, and who will have what kids what day. You will live separate lives. No talking. No communication except in emergencies. Lastly and this is important, no intimacy, no sex with other people or with each other. You will each see me once a week to discuss how it is going. Olivia will be at 8:30 – 9:00 A.M., and Fitz you will be at 9:00 – 9:30 A.M."

"Got it?"

"Got it." They both said it in unison.

"Okay let's discuss the children's schedule before you to leave."


Date: Tuesday, March 10, 2015

DAY 7

It had been exactly one week since they began their break. They had been living apart for almost a month so it wasn't hard to not see each other. However, they hadn't spoke in over a week, which was something Olivia and Fitz were not used to. They usually would find a reason to talk, so to not hear his voice in over a week was killing Olivia. It was also killing Fitz; thankfully Fitz had a voicemail from Olivia before she filed for divorce, that he would play every time he missed her. It warmed his heart every single time he hears the ending; 'I love you baby'.

Olivia just dropped off the kids at school and daycare. She was on her way to see Dr. Dawson it was the first check in since they started this break. She was nervous. She had been the one who was all on board with this, but now she rethinking it. She hated it. Although she was angry with him, she still loved him and wanted to know that he was okay. She opened the door and sat in the waiting chair. They called her name and she went to Dr. Dawson's office. She sat in the chair waiting for her to speak first.

"Good morning, Olivia. How are you?"

"Good."

"How has the break been so far, good, bad, or okay?"

"Okay. I didn't realize how much I miss his voice. It's not his body or his presence that I miss but his voice I do miss. It's the sense of calmness that washes over my body when Fitz speaks to me. I have been on edge all week. I'm honestly dreading this Friday when he gets the kids because I won't have my babies. However, I can't wait because I know I will hear his voice. Even if he isn't speaking to me, I will be grateful just to hear his voice."

"Have you given any thought about the vasectomy from Fitz's perspective? Do you understand why he did it?

"I have and I can see why he choose to get a vasectomy, but, to be honest, that's not what is hurting me the most, it the fact that he didn't tell me. I mean I am upset he got the vasectomy, yes, but I'm more upset that he didn't tell me. I'm hurt that he led me on. So yes, I can see why he got the vasectomy, but I can't understand why he would lead me on knowing that I could not get pregnant."

"Let's talk about before you filed for divorce? How was married life?"

"Perfect. I mean we fought over little things and had disagreements but at the end of the day we would lay in bed and all the problems from that day would fade away. We would say sorry and it would be all better. Until that day I filled for divorce, life was perfect; I had two beautiful children and a husband I loved more than life itself. Even thinking about it right now it makes me sad. I would do anything to go back to before. Do you know what I would do to be able to go back to where him hugging me tightly and kissing my temple could erase all the hurt? Except I can't, cause how do you heal when the only person who can heal you, is the one who hurt you?"

"You have to learn to heal yourself, by yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but you need to heal yourself. This weekend I want you to go out, have a few drinks and relax. Go get a massage or a pedicure. Take some time for you. You have been running non-stop for everyone that you have forgotten about yourself. You said so yourself, Fitz has the kids this weekend, you go have fun. Okay? That is your homework. I want to hear all about it when you come back too."

"Okay." Olivia now said smiling. She wouldn't mind a girls day.

As she got up and walked out of the door, she saw Fitz sitting down in a chair in the waiting room. She smiled a tiny smile that still didn't reach her eyes as she walked out of the building. Fitz got up and walked into the office, greeting Dr. Dawson with a smile and a hug. He was in a lot happier mood than Olivia and she noticed that immediately.

"Good morning, someone seems really happy. I'm going assume this break is going great for you." Dr. Dawson asked him with a big smile.

"It's not my ideal situation, but I'm going to make the best out of it."

"Do you miss her?" She asked him, trying to break down this tough guy act she could see him holding up to protect him from telling her the truth.

"Of course I miss her, but there is nothing I can do. She wanted a break, so that's what I'm giving her. I hope she is enjoying all of the 'space' between us." He did air quotes around the word 'space'.

"How are holding up then? How are you handling not seeing her or hearing her voice?" Dr. Dawson asked now writing something in her notepad.

"Well I talk to my kids through Facetime every night, and I get to see my beautiful children who are a mix of both of us. Except Isabelle, she looks identical to Olivia." He smiled thinking about Isabelle. "And as for hearing her voice, I have this one voicemail, that she left on my phone a few days before she filed for divorce that I listen to over and over every day. She tells me that she loves me in it and as much as I love it. It is not the same, it's not the same as from hearing it straight from her mouth and knowing she means it."

"Have you thought about Olivia, and why she filed for divorce? Have you given any thought to how you hurt her?" Dr. Dawson asked, wanting to know if he had taken in anything Olivia said last session and given it any thought.

"I can see where she is coming from, I tried to put myself in her shoes and I can understand why she is so upset. I can see how much I hurt her, and how bad she feels, however, I still don't know why she filed for divorce. I didn't think we were at the point of no return, where we need to file for divorce." Fitz responded, still not actually understand Olivia's point of view.

"Fitz in your file it says that you come from a family of a lot of girls. Is that true?" Dr. Dawson asked now trying to go another approach.

"Yes I have three sisters, and I'm really close to my mom."

"Okay, let's take a step back and be an outsider. In the story, one of your sisters is married okay. Her husband and her agree that they are going to have a baby; however, he had a vasectomy and never told her. They are trying for months, and he is encouraging her on, he is letting her believe that this is possible. Until she finds out that he had a vasectomy. She is crying to your mom, and to you. How would you feel about her husband? Would you want your sister to still be with him after all he has done to her, after how much he has hurt her?" She watched as his face dropped now truly seeing Olivia's perceptive.

"I would hate him, I would want to punch him until he was screaming and crying and in as much pain as my sister." Fitz responded but didn't answer the one question that Dr. Dawson wanted him to.

"Would you want your sister to still be with him after all he has done to her, after how much he had hurt her?" Dr. Dawson asked again.

"No. No, I wouldn't. I most likely would be the first one telling her to file for divorce." Fitz said looking at the floor refusing to look at her.

"Fitz your homework this weekend I want you to spend time with your kids, be that great dad that they know and need. However when you have some free time I want you to think about Olivia. I want you to try to think of a way to show her you love her and you are sorry and want to fix your marriage. Okay?"

"Okay."


Once Olivia left Dr. Dawson's office she went to the hospital; she had an appointment with her primary care physician. She needs to inform her about her panic attacks and make sure everything was okay. She walked in the waiting room and signed in. Her appointment was at 9:30 A.M. and she was about five minutes early. She sat in the chair waiting for them to call her name. She noticed her client's interview was on the television, and he was doing wonderful. He was saying everything Abby and Quinn had coached him to say. The nurse opened the door and called her name. As she stepped through the door, the nurse brought her over to check her weight and blood pressure. Once she did all of that she brought her into the little room and told her that the doctor would be with her shortly. Dr. Jamie Randles walked in and smiled at her. She sat down in the small chair off to the side.

"Olivia! It's been a long time since I've seen you. I hope all is well, except you're in my office so I'm going to assume that is not the case." Olivia knew Jamie from college; they were friends so she didn't have a problem being honest with her.

"No, life is not so great. I recently split with my husband and when I had to give him the kids for the weekend I had a panic attack. It lasted for about 25 minutes and I had to go to the emergency room. The doctor told me to come see you a week later so that you could check on everything." Olivia responded as open and honestly as possible. She did not want this to happen again and wanted her to have all of the information so she could help her prevent another one happening.

"Did you take any medicine during or after the panic attack?" Dr. Randles asked after she scribbled something down.

"Yes, the EMT gave me Alprazolam on the way to the hospital when I had the panic attack. Also, the doctor prescribed me Alprazolam for if I were to have a panic attack again." Olivia said holding up the prescription container to show her.

"Okay well, we are going to run a few test on you to make sure everything is good. If you can walk down the hall, they are going to take some blood and then you can come back to this room. I will run it, and come back with the results." Dr. Randles responded with a smile on her face.

Thirty minutes the doctor came back in, the look on her face told Olivia that she found something in the blood work. Olivia braced herself, as she placed her hands in her lap.

"We found something…" Dr. Randles said.


AN: So there is a tiny cliffhanger. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I decided to go a different route on the reason Olivia wanted a divorce. I wanted this to be a completely different fanfiction book than you have ever read before. Who's side are you on? Team Fitz or Team Olivia? Any reviews are welcome! Until next time. :)


AN UPDATE: So one of my reviewers pointed out that Olivia's doctor's office violated at HIPAA violation when Olivia received Fitz's medical file. I'm so sorry I didn't catch that. (I honestly thought it was possible.) However, I will try to my best to research any future medical advice for this story before posting it. :)