Merlin stiffened for a moment with surprise, then dropped his forehead onto Gwaine's shoulder and bunched his fists into his hauberk. "How long have you been carrying this by yourself?" Gwaine asked gently, and Merlin clung to him, relieved to drop his façade of strength for once.

They stood like that for a minute in silence as Merlin's shoulders shook. Finally Gwaine stepped back, though he kept one hand on Merlin's shoulder as Merlin wiped his face with his sleeve. "Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked, his voice still gentle.

"I'm sorry, I—" Merlin gulped. "It's so dangerous a secret, for anybody I tell. It could get them killed, and I didn't want to put you in danger for my sake. And Gaius—would have been disappointed. He's always told me to keep it secret. Besides," he added, clearing his throat now that his tears had stopped, "I didn't want to put you in the position of having to choose between loyalty to me and loyalty to Arthur."

"So what changed?" Gwaine asked shrewdly.

"Anna knows."

Gwaine's face immediately became blank. "Mm," he said noncommittally, picking up his firewood again.

"No, Gwaine, listen. She figured it out, the night Bergam and Cranog attacked me, and she's helped me a couple of times since. I realized before the tournament that Bertilak was using magic." He had Gwaine's attention now. "I thought at first it was his axe that was enchanted, and I sneaked down into the armory to test my theory. Turned out I was wrong, and Bertilak caught me. He was threatening to—well, I don't think he would have actually killed me, but I thought I was at least going to end up like I did with Bergam and Cranog again. Anna saved me—she stumbled up and acted like she was drunk and I had come down to the armory to find her and repair her damage. She flirted with Bertilak a little to get his attention off of me, and then we escaped. I realized it was Bertilak's sash that was enchanted, and I had to get him to take it off."

"The wine at luncheon…"

Merlin nodded. "He took it off to let it dry, and I stole it out of his tent. I was about to put it back, but Arthur insisted I help him with his armor—so Anna volunteered to sneak it back into Bertilak's tent. Only Bertilak was back in his tent already. You know better than me what happened there, but she did tell me that she managed to find an excuse to put the sash on him so he wouldn't notice what I had done to it to disenchant it." He put a hand on Gwaine's arm. "Gwaine, when she said she was helping a friend, she wasn't lying. She was helping me. And Arthur—if Bertilak had worn that sash when he fought Arthur, he would have killed him. Arthur would have been powerless to stop him. She said—she said that it was all to save a friend, and that you would understand."

Gwaine dropped his gaze, frowning. After a moment of silence, Merlin looked around. "It's getting pretty dark." He picked up his armful of firewood again. "We should probably head back to camp."

"There you are!" Arthur exclaimed as they walked back to the group. "Leon, I thought you said they were almost done when you checked on them! Come on Merlin, let's get this fire going and get some supper. I'm famished."

Gwaine was almost silent throughout dinner. The other knights, thinking he was still upset about whatever had happened with Anna, left him alone, for which he was thankful. He had a lot to process. Merlin with magic—well, he had to admit that it explained some things. How Merlin always seemed to know what was going on before anyone else figured it out, how he knew that those two thugs had enchanted blades at the last tournament he had won, how Merlin had managed to get past those wyverns on his own in the Fisher King's castle despite his lack of any weapons—how Merlin managed to not get killed in a number of fights, come to think of it. That had always puzzled him, and Arthur's flippant comments that Merlin just ran and hid had never seemed quite right. Turned out the only thing Merlin was hiding was how well he was fighting—with magic.

He jumped as Leon sat down next to him. "I saw you and Merlin earlier," he said. "Up on the hill." Gwaine felt himself tense—what if Leon had heard them? "I just wanted to make sure you're both alright," Leon continued, and Gwaine relaxed.

"Yeah—yeah, we're fine. Thanks."

Leon smiled and got up again, taking Gwaine's empty bowl over to Merlin. Good old Leon—always taking care of everybody else, like a big, handsome mother hen. But if he had heard anything, Gwaine was sure of what Leon would do next: tell Arthur. No questions asked. Leon was Arthur's man, a faithful, law-abiding, by-the-book sort of knight. He would have considered it a point of loyalty. Gwaine suddenly realized exactly what Merlin meant when he had said he had wanted to spare him a division of loyalties.

High treason—that's what such a secret was, by the laws of Camelot. The thought of what he was keeping from Arthur, of what Arthur and Leon and the other knights, and even Gwen, would think of him if they found out—it hurt more than he had thought it would. Time as a loyal knight had washed away some of his former devil-may-care attitude toward law and fealty. He wondered if Merlin felt like this all the time. Poor kid.

But he was sure that whatever else Merlin was, he was loyal to Arthur. Even if he was technically breaking Arthur's laws, if Gwaine knew anything about Merlin, he knew he was using his magic to help him. He might be committing treason according to the letter of the law, but he was doing the opposite in spirit. Merlin, like Leon was loyal—it was only the legality of magic that made the difference. Leon didn't have magic that he could use to help Arthur. Merlin did. And Merlin used whatever he had to hand to help. Gwaine was on Merlin's side on this: he was loyal to Arthur, and would help Merlin use any good means possible to help him, even if Arthur didn't like those means.

Just like Anna had done. Gwaine rubbed his forehead. If Merlin was right, and he had no reason to doubt him, Anna had used what she could to help—to protect Arthur, and as it turned out, himself. It made sense—at least, Anna pretending to flirt with Bertilak made more sense than her actually cheating on him. She had been right; it wasn't in character. And there was what Bertilak had said about her coming on to him drunkenly the night before: Anna never drank enough to be drunk, and Gwaine himself had walked Anna home the night before. She had been stone sober.

But was it really necessary for him to let her kiss him? Did she really have to do all that flirting?

I'm coming at this from the wrong direction, he thought. He was assuming her guilt instead of her innocence. What if he took Merlin's explanation at face value?

Bertilak caught Merlin in the armory with the axe: he needed some sort of excuse for being down there. Anna pretended to be drunk, giving him an excuse. She needed to distract Bertilak—what better way than by flirting? Plus, it seemed in-character for drunkenness. Then, with that foundation, she walks into Bertilak's tent while he's there to surreptitiously return his sash. She would need some excuse for coming in, and the flirting the night before was a good one. Plus, it gave her a chance, as Merlin had said, to put the sash onto Bertilak herself. Having done that, she could hardly refuse the kiss and still stay in character. It would have been suspicious.

It did indeed all add up. And just because she had let him kiss her didn't mean she had enjoyed it. She had done it to save a friend, and had done so in good faith, assuming that if Gwaine did know the truth, he would trust her to do the right thing in the name of friendship.

And he had let her down. It was no wonder she had thrown his supposed faithfulness and chivalry in his face like that. She had acted for a friend, she had submitted to a kiss from a brute for a friend, she had kept a secret for a friend, and he, who valued friendship above all else, had mistrusted her and refused to listen.

Well, he had a chance to make it right. As soon as they got back to Camelot, he was going to sit down with her and apologize. He only hoped she would accept it.

Gwaine looked up to find Leon smiling at him across the campfire. The clearing was surprisingly quiet, and Gwaine realized that all the others had turned in for the night: Leon was taking first watch.

"Do you plan to sleep tonight?" Leon asked quietly, with a twinkle in his eyes.

Gwaine grinned, the first smile he hadn't had to force in days. "Yes, I think I'll sleep well tonight."

000

Gwaine had his chance to apologize sooner than he thought he might. The trip only took a few days; Arthur and the knights discovered that the Saxon bands had moved east again and the villagers in that part of the kingdom had set better watches and armed themselves. The knights made sure they could defend their homes, and then turned back toward Camelot.

Gwaine's comrades had noticed the change in him since the second night. His forced cheer had gone, as had his irritability. He was quieter than usual, pensive, but no longer angry. He also volunteered to accompany Merlin on firewood-gathering every night. They figured Merlin had talked some sense into him: what they didn't realize was that Gwaine was grilling him on the details of his magic use and his former adventures.

"So you can just move things by wanting to?" Gwaine asked. "What does it feel like?"

Merlin was grinning; he had been fielding these questions from Gwaine for days. "It tingles just a little—but I'm used to it."

"Is it difficult?"

"It's actually harder not to use it than to use it. Gaius figured out that I had magic the first week I was in Camelot when he knocked a bucket of water off the table and I automatically caught the water in midair. I had to train myself not to do that sort of thing." He grimaced. "It's much harder when it happens in Arthur's chambers, because I know I'm going to have to clean it up myself later."

"Have you ever cleaned Arthur's chambers with magic?"

"No, but I won't say the temptation hasn't been strong." He smiled sheepishly. "I have cleaned Arthur's things in my room with magic, however."

Gwaine laughed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm almost hoping we get attacked by someone before we get home, just so I can try to catch a glimpse of you fighting with magic. I would love to see that."

Merlin groaned. "Don't jinx us. It's really hard to fight with magic without being seen."

Luckily, Merlin didn't have to try: they reached Camelot the next afternoon without any mishaps.

Gwaine had forgotten his wish for action. Instead, he was imagining a reunion with Anna. Maybe she would be waiting for him in the courtyard. He would have to take her someplace more private for the conversation, of course. He would explain, apologize… What would be her reaction? Would she be stiff, grudging? Would she make him beg? Would she tease him?

The instant they rode into the courtyard he was looking around for her face. He didn't see him among the onlookers, and he dismounted, handing his reins to the stablehand.

"Llio, have you seen Anna?" he asked, snagging the first maid that walked by.

Llio's eyes grew large. "Oh, Sir, you haven't heard!"

He frowned. "Haven't heard what?"

"Anna is dying, Sir."

TBC


AN: Bwa ha ha ha

Sorry for all the recap of the tournament goings-on in this chapter, but I wanted to depict Gwaine's thought process.

This chapter is a milestone: at 26 chapters, this is now my single longest fic, beating out the 25-chapter "All Who See These Times". Of course, that was part of the Katie Chronicles, which are 104 chapters in total. But, y'know… still a milestone. :P

Please review!