Sorry for the delay, people. Work got demanding all of a sudden.
This was a surprisingly hard chapter to write, too. I hope it shows the changing adequately.
The marriage
Chapter 8: Renegotiating
At first CC had to suppress a wave of panic at the thought of Niles rubbing in her face their declared feelings. It was not fair that he would fall again into those old routines they used to live for, now that their life had a brand new and more satisfying pattern…
But after a couple of weeks she realized he would not do it, so she calmed down and the subject was kind of forgotten.
It was like they had an unspoken agreement: he had not insisted in talking about it, she preferred not to talk about it, and everything was settled as if that night of confessions had not existed.
That was what she wanted since the beginning, after all: a deal where just the comfortable aspects were acknowledged. This way, there was no need to rethink their agreement, and day-to-day routine would prove things had not changed from the smooth beginning.
Of course, one never knows the ironies Fate has in store. Next days proved CC she could not just pretend she did not notice things were, in fact, changing.
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First time Niles got sick after their marriage, the blonde Broadway producer thought she would go crazy with worry.
She knew by that point that she was not the cold person everybody, including herself, always thought she was; in fact, she cared about people a lot more than let show.
However, seeing Niles physically vulnerable made her realize she cared about him at incredibly levels.
She was a bit terrified by her own reactions.
He just got the flu, after all. Everybody gets it, from time to time.
Seeing him suffering or uncomfortable in any way and not being able to do anything to help made her climb the walls: what kind of wife was she, if the simple ability of making her husband feel better was beyond her capabilities?
The consoling part was that she was very attentive of him, and that was why CC knew, before everybody else, that he had started feeling under the weather. She noticed how he grimaced at times when he shouldn't – she had not said something confusing or particularly nasty, for example, and there he had that little pained face.
First time she saw it, she commented on it, and was answered by a surprised expression and a grateful smile.
She didn't quite understand the gratitude, but then Niles started kissing her and saying everything was all right with the world, and she could never resist him when he had that happy smile on his lips.
Or her lips on his lips.
But then, the grimace was happening again in other opportunities, and she discovered no matter how many times she asked, he would always say there was nothing to worry about, that he was a bit sick but soon it would be over.
She kept following him around the house through two days of flinching, looking at him as if she could see into his soul.
He even made some jokes about her trying to take his soul away, what could have been useful to calm her nerves – a teasing Niles was a healthy Niles – if he hadn't made them with a sore throat.
She started to panic.
When she saw him taking a pill because he had a headache after a scene with Nanny Fine (that voice was a nightmare, but people in this house had grew used to it, or they would be all deaf by now), she started plotting how to take him to bed – and not for the usual reason.
Of course, he was aware of her intentions and evaded her as much as he could.
That made CC really frustrated: sick Niles was able to fend any moves she did to protect him, and it was infuriating, because she couldn't bring herself to be annoyed for that. With no target for her fury, she didn't know what to do.
Until, of course, the morning of the third day.
They had had breakfast in the mansion, after sleeping there (CC was proud of herself for at least convincing him it was better to stay there and rest a little bit more), and she went to the kitchen to check on Niles before going to the office.
She always did that, but with him sick, she had an urge to make sure he was alive.
CC entered the kitchen and saw the butler by the island, looking at the fridge as if he didn't know what it was doing there.
'It serves to the cool things, if I am not wrong', she mocked him.
'Uhm?', he looked at her, confused, his voice rasping.
'You were looking strangely at the fridge. Haven't you forgotten why this is here, Old Man?'
He gave her a tired smile and turned to the island, 'No, I was just starting to plan lunch', CC noticed he suppressed a shiver, 'Is there anything special you wanted to ask?'
She knew he was talking about lunch, but she went to him and put a hand on his nape, a gesture she loved to make, because usually made him stop anything he was doing just to relish on her touch.
He flinched, this time, and commented, 'What a cold hand! Go back to your coffin, Frankenstein, or your dead parts will break…'
He stopped talking when he realized what it meant, and she reacted putting her hand on his forehead, 'I'm not that cold, Niles! You got a fever, you stupid man!'
He had the famous deer in headlights look, and she grabbed the opportunity to use her no-nonsense voice, 'Go to our room'.
The butler tried to protest, but he was really in bad shape and it was obvious she couldn't stand it anymore, so he accepted her orders and went to the room to lie down.
CC pressed the intercom and informed her partner, 'Maxwell, my husband is a sick man, this time in the literal sense, and he will be resting in our room for the day'.
She informed his boss that Niles had the day off because he was sick…
'Of course, CC. You have commented about him getting the flu... a lot of times. What is it, Miss Fine? Oh, yes, CC, will you call a doctor?'
Good idea! Damn Nanny Fine! 'Obviously. Go back to work, Maxwell, I have things under control, here'.
She turned off the intercom feeling kind of empowered again, and for some moments things were perfect: she was ordering the two men of the house around. Life was good.
CC called a doctor, went to see Niles with him, sent the man away and started a frantic day of going to the room to give Niles the proper medication and make sure he was resting, as much as she could, then going to the office for some work and going back to the bedroom, and back to the office, and so on.
Niles slept almost all morning, and CC was just a bit panicked when Maxwell asked her to go with him to have lunch with the Director of their new show.
At the theater.
She protested and got the reunion at a small restaurant closer to the mansion. This kind of meeting could stretch for hours, and she would not be able to see Niles when she felt like, but it was better than crossing town for the theater.
When they arrived home in the middle of the afternoon, she literally run upstairs to see her sick man before Maxwell was able to close the front door.
She opened the bedroom door and found Nanny Fine there, sitting at the edge of the bed.
'What is happening here?', was all she could say, her hands clenching on her hips.
'Oh, Miss Babcock!', the woman turned to her, smiling, 'I came to see how Niles is doing, as you asked!'
CC had, in fact, asked, desperate by the idea of leaving him alone, but now she looked at him and he was just looking back at her, seemly tired, 'I see. Nanny Fine, can we have a word?'
'Of course! It was good to see you, Sweetie!', Fran patted his hand and got up when he managed a weak Thank you as an answer.
They exited the room and CC closed the door behind her, 'Listen to me carefully: my husband is sick. Do you know what it means?'
'I thought I knew…', Fran said, noticing the furious stance of the woman in front of her, 'Now I am not so sure anymore…'
'It means he needs peace and quiet, and not your bubbling presence pestering him'.
'Hey!', Fran crossed her arms in defiance, 'I was trying to make him comfortable. I've got you had an important meeting, and I just wanted to help'.
'We don't need your help', CC blurted out and then regretted it, 'I didn't mean exactly that… Well, thank you for taking care of him. You did your best'.
Fran looked at CC and understood the woman was jealous and afraid of loosing her place besides her husband. It was cute, in a crazy way, 'That's all right, Miss Babcock. I'm Niles' friend, I miss him around the house, and I thought a good chatting would do him good'.
The strategy went right, and CC softened, 'I understand, Nanny Fine. I'm just worried'.
Fran smiled, 'You don't have to. You are doing great', the smiled turned into one too much innocent for CC's taste, 'He is getting a bit delirious, now, but I think it will not take long for him to get better'.
CC tried to maintain her calm façade, 'The doctor mentioned it could happen'.
Fran nodded knowingly, 'I already put some cold water and cloths next to the bed'.
'Why… I mean, how did you…?'
'You must not respect me as a nanny, but I really know how to deal with some things'. The brunette patted the blonde's arm, 'You can call me anytime, but I know the man is yours, and you want to take care of him. Use the cloths to put down the fever and you two will be OK'.
CC entered the room again when the woman disappeared.
She had a bad feeling about the smirk on the Nanny's lips, but she preferred the woman out of the way.
Niles heard her and turned his head, smiling. She sat down at his side, smiling back and forgetting about her insecurities, 'How are you feeling?'
'Guilty by the death of a friend?', he had slightly dazed eyes.
'Oh, no, I didn't kill her; I just tried to put some sense in that head. Of course, having sense would kill part of her so acclaimed good nature, but I don't care, once she is far from you'.
'My hero', he smiled weakly and closed his eyes. 'It was nice of her bringing the cloths and staying for a while'.
He was pretty good at controlling his discomfort, but she knew better. 'I'll change the cloth on your forehead some times and go back to work, so you can rest'.
'Uhum'.
'It will be just some hours, now', she assured him, folding the cloth and putting it on him.
'Are we going home then?', he asked, flinching a bit by the cold cloth.
She was surprised at that, 'Don't you prefer staying here?'
'No, I want to stay with you'.
CC realized he was confused and regretted sending the nanny away. She would know what to do.
Well, she was CC Babcock, this man was her Butler Boy, and she was able to deal with him. 'I'll sleep here, Niles, with you. You won't get rid of me, anyway'.
'I like the sound of that', he opened his eyes and looked at her, 'Promise me?'
CC felt a strange good emotion and caressed his face, 'Yes, I promise you. I just have to work some more hours, and then I'll come to stay with you. Will you wait for me?'
'I won't go anywhere'.
'Good boy'.
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Again, he was asleep almost all afternoon, and she went to see him every hour, changing the cloth on his forehead and making sure he was comfortable.
She came to stay as soon as she could, too. She didn't remember having dinner so early in her life, so she could retire for the day.
Maxwell was surprisingly perceptive saying she should go to Niles, once she 'couldn't concentrate enough to do proper work' and was 'yelling more than usual at their people'.
When she entered the room, she noticed Niles was awake and trying to get up.
'What are you doing?'
He looked at her from his seated position at the edge of the bed, 'Oh, hi', his voice sounded a bit better, 'I feel like showering'.
'I don't know if it is a good idea', she confessed her uncertainty coming to stand in front of him.
'I know you are against baths in general, being a feral animal, but I really need to feel clean. I'm all sweaty'.
She went to him and put a hand on his forehead, 'Are you feeling better?'
'Yes, I am', he noticed her distrustful glare, 'I swear. You were right, I admit. I needed to rest, and I'm almost my old self, already. You had a wonderful bedside manner'.
CC smiled and nodded. It was good to hear him praising her. 'I'll stay with you', she said and pointed at the bathroom.
'Ok, Boss', he smiled, seeing she was pacified, 'I'll feel safer this way'.
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When CC finished her preparations for the night and got out of the bathroom, Niles was asleep again.
He was under a comforter, just his head out, and there was no sweat on his forehead, or any shivering. He was on his side, hands under his head, a peaceful expression on his face.
She knew she had not taken that long and that he was feeling better (they had chatted while he was showering and he had said some strange things, but his health was really improved), but the idea of him being alone for a while and having to change the bed linen without her help made her feel a bit bad.
She seated by his side and started thinking of her reactions to him and their life together.
In the last weeks, she had a kind of fear of being with him, because since the drunken night it was evident they had not married just because it was comfortable. They really liked each other.
Better saying: they really liked being together and enjoyed even the things that other people didn't like in them.
If this acceptance and feeling of belonging to every thing that the other had was not what was described as love, she had not understood correctly all of the popular culture she had been in touch with.
Now she was torn between two possibilities: she could struggle for control, settling again in the kind of environment she trusted; or she could forget about trying to understand things and just enjoy the tenderness they felt for each other and that turned them instinctively into sweet loving birds from time to time.
Maybe she should choose this new kind of happiness.
However, should she dream about that? Wouldn't she blow up everything, just by the decision of NOT controlling things? Why should they let go of something that they knew was working, and choose something they didn't know what could lead to?
Sometimes she thought she should talk to Niles about it, but what if he didn't get her point? One of a million times, he would not understand her… when she needed him most. That was what happened when she tried to explain her feelings to the important men in her life: they couldn't understand what she meant, and she got frustrated. It was like this with her father, with her brother, with Maxwell…
Niles turned in his sleep. Now he was on his back, with the comforter at his chest, because he put his arms out of it to rest his hands on his stomach.
CC smirked at him, because he had no shirt, and she could imagine a lot of things to do with him if he was really better by the morning.
She rested a hand on his arm. He sighed contentedly, but it formed a small fit of coughing, and CC took his hands in hers, in an impulse.
He grabbed the hands back, coughed a bit more, and then calmed down, without opening his eyes.
She adjusted herself to lay down at his side over the covers, maintaining one hand on his, her head supported by her other hand.
He got restless at the arrangement and she let go of his hand, got up and turned the covers to lay with him.
Then she saw he was, in fact, nude.
Shaking her head in amusement, CC took off her own clothes and laid down, molding her body to his side, put the comforter to the level of his chest again, and took his hand.
He moaned at her warmth and smiled.
CC felt like melting down.
God! What would she do with this feeling?!
Their bonding was already very strong before the marriage, created in years and years of fighting and teasing and provoking and showing how they really knew each other; now, they had to deal with these actions that made them feel all trusty and safe with each other.
Now, for example, he was grateful for her touch and presence, almost as if his happiness depended on her.
It was strange thinking that someone would turn to her for comfort and joy.
Would she be able to return such a thing?
CC didn't worry about returning his feelings – she already returned them, and knew for a fact that her own happiness depended on Niles. What worried her was the possibility of not knowing how to deal with the needs he had.
Niles was a sweet man, he had spent his life taking care of other people (what included her even before their marriage), and now he believed she was able to fulfill his need of attention and care.
Yes, she paid attention to him, and it was natural to her.
But what if she was not able to recognize his needs? He was worth someone who could give him back all the affection he offered in a regular basis. Was she that person? Right now, for example, laying nude with him was the right thing to do?
He moved again, turning to face her, flinched slightly and grumbled something, maintaining her right hand in his left one, now between their bodies.
CC scooted closer, 'What is it, Butler Boy?'
He smiled, and his right hand went to her waist, while the left closed a bit more firmly around hers and brought them to his chest.
CC looked at their joined hands and marveled by the way he felt at easy with her. He didn't open his eyes, he just trusted her to be with him by her voice and his hold on her hand.
She took the united hands to her mouth, kissed his and then let him rest them against his chest as he seemed to want.
Her gesture made him smile foolishly and get even closer to her with a funny happy face.
Finding it the cutest thing in the world, she put her free arm under his head and brought him closer, so his head was resting on her breasts.
It felt surprisingly good to be the one that Niles turned to when he needed comfort.
And more: it was incredibly easy to make him happy.
CC always thought sexual gratification was the best thing in a relationship, and she was even more secure of that after the amazing intimacy she had with Niles when they got together. But now, feeling his head on her chest, one of his hands holding hers and the other resting on her waist, relaxed and in peace just by their closeness, she really could feel what all of this was about.
CC felt happy and couldn't resist the teasing, though, so she moved enough to rub her breasts slightly on his face.
'Stop that, Babcock', he murmured, trying to settle again.
She suppressed her laugh and did it again.
'I'm still too sick for this', he muttered, and she could hear the sleepy smile in his voice.
CC resisted the urge to laugh out loud and repeated the gesture.
He chuckled and pleaded, 'Don't tease me, Love'.
She froze. She heard that, really? He was sick and telling her how out of game he was, and still the nickname for the occasion was not 'Babs' or 'Witch', but… 'Love'?
The l word again.
What should she do? What he needed to hear? What was the right thing to say?
She breathed deeply to calm down. When she thought she had understood everything, she was lost, again.
'What is it?', his voice sounded sleepy, but he was paying attention.
The only answer she could give him was the truth, 'I'm still nervous when you say it'.
Silence.
CC felt him adjusting his body to hers, and his breath reached the skin of her breasts (the feeling was great!), and she thought that probably he was so tired he wouldn't mind answering. She was not sure she wanted an answer from him, in fact. They could talk about it later, when he felt better, or any other day, when she felt like bringing…
'It's ok. Calm down your heart', she heard him ordering, very low, his lips moving softly against her skin for the words and then for a soothing chaste kiss.
And she realized how he must feel when she did the same to him – when she rested her head on his chest and stayed there feeling his reactions.
It was a glorious sense of being bare and without fear of being seen.
In fact, he could hear her heart without her having to explain anything.
CC felt like melting down again, kissed the top of his head and murmured back, 'Ok'.
And that was enough for them: he sighed contentedly and both fell asleep quickly, knowing they had reached an agreement.
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When Niles woke up, next morning, he felt strange.
First, he was naked.
Second, his wife was, too.
He felt a lot better from the flu, but he was sure last night was not spent in any physical activity. He was not up to it yet, he was sure. The fact they were spooned and nude, however, meant that…
'Good morning!', her voice sounded, interrupting his thoughts.
He was surprised by the amount of positive energy CC was showing – she turned to him, threw a leg over his waist and kissed him soundly.
'Good morning', he answered, smiling, 'I see you are in a good mood'.
She caressed his hair, 'You are feeling better. It is a wonderful thing'.
'Yes, it is', he kissed her, 'You took good care of me'.
She blushed, 'Well, thank you'.
'No, I thank you. And I'm sorry I was a handful'.
'Oh, don't worry about it. I had an amazing night'.
'Really?', he was confused, 'I… can't remember if I was part of it'.
'You were here', she hugged him, 'Of course you were part of it'.
'What do you… Oh', he felt her tenderness and got what she meant – it was not about sex, this time. It was about being together. He smiled at her, 'I don't remember taking off my clothes, so I was kinda confused. Sorry'.
'No problem. You said you wanted to have a shower, you did it and came to bed. When I arrived you were naked and asleep. I liked the idea and joined the club'.
'Wow, I don't even remember showering'.
'I suppose you still were a bit delirious'.
'Did I do anything improper?'
'No, you British. You were wonderful – tender and sweet'.
'Why do you make it sound as if we were talking about making love?'
'I like talking about making love to you', she answered, smirking, 'And making it, of course'.
'I have noticed'.
He threw her such an inviting stare she felt a wave of desire and let her hands touch him in more daring places.
'Don't tease me…', he said and frowned.
'What?'
'Nothing. A sense of déjà vu. Don't worry, darling'.
'Darling?'
'What? No good?'
'I think it is the first time you call me this'.
'Don't you like?', he turned serious, 'We can blame it on the flu, if you want'.
CC understood he was, again, letting her out of the hook. But she didn't want it anymore, 'Don't need to. I like it very much'.
'That's great!', he grinned, 'Now I'll call you sweet names every time I feel like doing it', and he started kissing her neck.
'And what about me? May I do whatever I feel like doing?', she turned her head to give him more access.
'You must!', he stopped and looked her in the eye, using his still rough voice, 'What do you feel like doing, now?'
'Oh, don't worry', she answered in the low tone she knew he loved and would make him shiver in a good way, 'I'll show you'.
He chuckled, delighted, and resumed his assault at her body – what was really easy, once both of them were naked.
When he reached her stomach, she made him stop and climb back to her, 'Come here'.
'Uhm?', he asked, adjusting his legs between hers.
'I want you to make love to me while calling me the thing you called me last night'.
He looked at her in doubt, 'You will have to give me details, for that'.
She took his face in her hands and pecked his lips, 'Love'.
The deer in headlights look again. 'Are you quoting me?'
'Yes. And I hope I'm quoting your new coming nickname'.
'Will you really let me…?'
'Uhum', she grinned, 'I'm sure I'll still prefer Oh, Miss Babcock, but I want to know how this one will make me feel'.
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The blonde was so furious while entering the building she was sure the smile she threw to greet the doorman seemed more a menace than the acknowledgement she intended.
While waiting for the elevator, she realized how much Niles consideration for other people had made her a different person: right now, she really cared about the impression the doorman had on her. The man had worked for years there, greeting her every night, and she never greeted back. She just talked to him, in fact, if she needed some information related to the building.
Niles had come to pick her up for a party where he was escorting her, some years ago, and she noticed he had answered to the man's good-night with an attentive gesture.
She thought it was something about classes – Niles was pointing to her that he belonged with other people, and that he was not denying it just because he was with her. Even if he was discreet about the greeting, all she could think was of him trying to annoy her some way.
However, now they were married, and Niles kept answering the man and still treated him with educated consideration. CC surprised herself with the notion that it would be wrong not doing so.
It made sense when she thought of Niles' typical behavior around people that were not of what CC considered their class: for example, he had no obligation to threat Sylvia Fine with consideration, but he did more than that – he did everything she asked for.
He had a good nature, and now it seemed she was learning how to act accordingly.
That is the reason why tonight, after a bad day at work and a choreographer who has said the wrong thing to her at the wrong time (and now she had to manage her angriness, because Maxwell thought the man was a genius and decided he must stay in their show), she felt a bit guilty for lashing some of her wrath on a person who had nothing to do with it.
She sighed when the elevator doors closed. She could make it up for the poor old man next time they met. She promised herself she would throw him a radiant smile.
Maybe she had the chance to do it tomorrow – Niles and she had the day off, and maybe they could go out for lunch and have a relaxing time together.
Remembering how furious she was, she thought that in times like this she was happy for not being the witch Niles accused her. If she had any kind of superhuman power, that choreographer would be dead, now.
Maybe not dead, but expelled from New York in shame.
Maybe not expelled, but tied to a rock in some place in Manhattan, having his liver eaten by the stray cats…
But the world was not a fair place, and she sighed at her impossibilities, while taking her key from her purse.
It was late, she was frustrated and feeling like everything was against her.
Thank God it was Friday night; Niles would calm her down. He probably had some dinner ready, as he used to do when she was late like this.
The elevator doors opened, she exited it and went to the penthouse door. Tomorrow, with the day off, they could stay together and enjoy their little private world.
'Hello, hello!', she entered the penthouse, smelling lasagna and feeling immediately better.
Niles' voice answered from the kitchen, 'Hey, blonde!'
She smiled once she saw him, organizing some things on the table. She went to him, they kissed and then she hugged him strongly.
'What happened?', he caressed her hair, noticing her distress.
'Some people are idiot. I don't want to talk about them', she went out of his arms, 'Something smells good. Where is it?'
'In the oven. I didn't know what time you would arrive, so I let it ready. Do you want to eat now?'
'As much as I am salivating – yes, Niles, as Pavlov's dog – I need a shower and a change of clothes'.
'All right', he said, smiling, 'I'll prepare the table and warm the food for us'.
CC smiled back and decided to ask about the papers scattered on the table. 'What are you doing?'
'It's for Miss Margareth's party. I promised I would make some special dishes'.
'Oh, the Big One and her teen parties. I wonder how Maxwell copes with that'.
'Very bad, in fact. That is why I have to be there tomorrow, remember?'
'Tomorrow?'
'Yes. I agreed to help Miss Margareth and Miss Fine to organize things tomorrow morning, and then be there to serve people in the afternoon'.
Her hands went to her hips, 'How is it you agree on working in your day off and don't tell me?'
'I told you, Crazy Woman'.
'When was it?'
'You were here with me, in the kitchen, and I told you how Mister Sheffield wanted someone to keep an eye on the younglings. I even made a joke about the danger being gone, now that they are too old for you to want them for your rituals, and you answered I didn't know a thing about witches if I thought any danger was gone'.
She remembered something along those lines, but she was not making it easy, 'He pays a nanny for that. Why he needs you there?'
'He doesn't think that specific nanny can be… wise enough for this kind of situation'.
She nodded, her eyebrows still frowning, 'Are you sure you told me?'
'Of course! You even thought I was covering for Miss Fine. You menaced me and said I should confess if she needed a day off and I was offering to help her'.
Damn Niles and his amazing memory to things related to the people he liked, 'I'm still not sure… I can't remember it'.
'Really? You don't even remember the torture you used?', he looked pointedly at the sink.
Now she remembered!, 'You mean that night when we realized how to do… that against the sink?'
He blushed at the memory – it was one of their most daring ones, and sometimes he still felt a bit shocked by the things they did while in the throes of passion. Luckily, she was proud of all of them and usually would celebrate their most unusual practices. And, luckily, he just remembered to be shocked after they did things.
Niles shook his head to dismiss the shyness, 'The same!', he went to her and patted her forehead, 'Good girl! Want a cookie?'
'Stop that', she groaned, a bit angrier than intended.
He noticed her reaction and frowned. In the past, such a thing would not hurt him – well, it would, but not that much – but now that they were married, the fact she didn't see the humor in the situation made him worry.
He didn't want her to be angry at him; he wanted her to laugh, especially because she was late from a difficult day at work.
Niles put a hand on her arm, 'Why don't you go to your shower? You'll feel better'.
CC nodded, understanding he was trying to preserve them from conflict, retreated quickly and walked to the kitchen's exit.
She stopped there and felt like she had to say something to close the previous conversation. 'Well, it is not like you really have to go'.
'I beg your pardon?', his voice sounded surprised.
She turned and looked at him, that frown back on her face, 'I had a horrible day, Niles. I wish you would stay with me tonight and tomorrow, just relaxing'.
He joined his fingers in a nervous way, 'I can see it, but I promised the girls and Mister Sheffield I would help. I can't simply call them that late and inform I won't go'.
'Why not? It is a question of choice. You are a free man. You can stay here with me or spend the day working for them'.
Niles blinked some times, having difficulty to get her point, 'It is not a question of being free or not. I agreed to help them because I like them and they trust me. Those people are counting on me'.
CC felt a strange rage building inside her, clenched her fists and retorted coldly. 'Oh, I understand. You like them, and they count on you. Then, why are we discussing this?'
She was turning to go away, but Niles knew the rage behind that cold tone, 'We are discussing this because you didn't pay attention when I talked to you about it'.
She stopped for a moment, resumed walking and threw over her shoulder, 'Just go there, Niles. I don't care'.
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CC spent a lot of time in her shower. She needed the hot water to relax some of her nerves, and Niles would need the time to inform the family about his decision.
Because it was obvious to her what would be his decision.
She knew him enough to know she was a priority.
And more: she had power over him, and that gave her a kind of satisfaction that made the day seem a little less horrible.
She got out of the bathroom in a robe and was surprised to see Niles sitting on their bed, his shoulders slumped and his head on his hands.
He looked at her when she appeared. His face showed he was anxious, and his fingers were doing the nervous wringing again.
CC couldn't deny she was disappointed. She wanted him happy for being with her, not thorn by the decision he had to make.
And then she realized that maybe he had not taken the decision she had thought.
'You have not called them?', she put away the towel she was using to dry her hair.
'I… couldn't. Yet'.
CC huffed and paced, 'Oh, for God's sake! If you can't say no to Nanny Fine and Company, just forget what I said!'
When she stopped, they locked stares, and she could see he was really miserable.
Now she was confused. What did he want to hear from her? She had already said he could go, and now she had sincerely said that.
'Miss Babcock...'
Oh-oh, the respectful approach. It usually means I've made a mess. She tried not to sound so defensive, 'What, Niles?'
He sighed, looking at the floor, 'You must know I would choose you any day… But I have promised them I would be there, and I am not one to let people down like this...'
That was true. Niles was dependable, and she thought it was one of the most wonderful things about him.
She was counting on him tonight and tomorrow, and that was the reason all of this started.
CC started to understand what it meant to count on someone, and how she needed to share this man with other people. More people needed him, and it was not right to try to take him all for herself.
He was still talking, 'If you want me to stay with you, I'll stay, but it is not easy for me', he added, now looking at her, 'I just hoped you could change your mind'.
CC was surprised by her own blindness. She didn't have the right to ask him to let other people down just because she had a bad day. And more, she had the horrible habit of not caring for some of the news he brought her about the family he had considered his for a lot of time, and her misconception about him being with her tomorrow was all her fault.
The guy had made her dinner, asked for her day and she paid him turning his night into a miserable one, making demands and acting like she felt left aside.
CC felt her stomach turn, and went to the bed to sit by his side.
The bad feeling for not greeting properly the doorman was nothing compared to this – she really felt like she was ruining everything for this man, and the grip of guilt was really painful.
'Is there anything wrong?', Niles asked worriedly, putting his hands on her arms, 'I meant what I said. If you don't want to be alone tomorrow, I can…'
'No!', she interrupted him, frowning, 'You don't have to stay. I understand… I just… I thought it would be good to make you choose'.
She didn't know why she had told him that, but she wanted to explain her behavior. It was not noble, but was the truth – and saying the truth was kind of righteous.
Niles kept looking at her for some moments, as if seeing her face would help him understand what was happening. Then, he looked away, sighed and joined his own hands in front of him again.
He was silent in a crisis moment, and CC didn't like it. 'Tell me, Niles'.
He looked at her and nodded. When he talked, he still had the soft voice she knew meant she really had messed things up, 'Now that you know my feelings for you, this is just plain cruel. Why are you doing it? What have I done to you, that you feel good when making me choose between people I care for so deeply?'
Their eyes were still locked, and CC was hit by the understanding of how much disappointed he had the right to be at her. She was so occupied enjoying the possibility of winning she didn't wonder how he would feel.
But his voice and his posture made clear how much it affected him.
'I told you I would ruin everything!', she said and sniffed.
Niles looked at her, surprised. The woman was now sobbing, and he hurried to bring her to him and hug her before she could flee, 'Calm down, Babcock. We can solve it'.
'No, you're sad because of me', she cried on his shoulder, 'This is the kind of thing I do!'
She cried on him for some time, and he patiently waited for her to calm down a bit. When he thought she was able to hear him, he resumed talking soothingly, 'You said I should warn you if you hurt me. You were hurting me, and I came to tell you. Now we must find a way to make both of us satisfied'.
He rubbed her back and, feeling her still trembling against his body, decided to try a different approach, 'We are intelligent people, we can make it work if we use our heads. If we think hard enough we can find a rational solution… It is like a business deal, remember?'
CC sat quickly straight, dried her face with her hands, and looked at him. She could see the concern in his face, and she understood he was bringing the business terms again to make her feel comfortable, and that her controlled face right now confused him.
Her change in demeanor happened because this was not about business. This was about how they felt – how he wanted to make her happy, and how she didn't want to make him suffer like this ever again.
She was calm because she had taken a decision.
'Niles', she licked her lips and breathed deeply, 'I am sorry'.
'That's all right', he smiled, relieved, 'You forgot a conversation, I didn't stress enough that I had changed the plans for tomorrow… It happens'.
'No, not about that… I'm sorry because I still don't know how to love you'.
That froze him.
'I swear I am trying', she resumed, 'but I'm so self-centered, sometimes, that I'm surprised you have not hit my head with some kitchen thing, yet'. She noticed he had relaxed a bit at that, and added, 'I just wanted you for myself, and for a minute it seemed obvious that you would forget about the rest of the world if I asked you to do it'. She took his hand, 'You care for a lot of people, and I feel like… it is difficult to care for anyone but me…', her eyes were full of tears again.
'No, CC, it is not that', he put his hand under her chin and made her look at him, 'You love and you care…', he kissed her softly and brushed her tears away, 'The fact we are here trying to find a solution is the proof of this. You have a wonderful heart, you are ready to show it to me – please, let it be in a metaphorical way', that made her chuckle, ' – as much as I am ready to cherish it, as complicated as it seems to be'.
She was grinning, and shook her head, 'You should not do this'.
'This what?'
'Call me CC and then say a lot of important stuff. That is why I don't pay attention. I was still savoring my name in your voice, and you went on and on with things I should have listened!'
'Oh, witch!', he kissed her again, happily, 'I have my own magic tricks… What makes me remember – there is some lasagna waiting for us'. He got up and took her hands to help her stand.
She accepted the invitation but rested a hand on his chest to call his attention, 'I haven't decided if I will go with you, tomorrow'.
'I understand. You don't have to decide now', he answered, 'And I promise you we will pick my next day off together, so I can make it up to you'.
Ncncncncnc
So, the l word was not exactly prohibited anymore, but there was a kind of batting around the bush, when the matter was concerned: they could use it, but not dwell too much in the concept.
Fran had made two albums with the photographs of her Birthday party: one of them had zillions of photographs, and was copied and distributed to all of the people that came to the celebration.
The other had just the shots of people who Niles and CC knew, and included commentaries under the photos of the couple ('Dancing cheek to cheek' was the tamest one Fran wrote). It was made to be given to them as a gift.
Fran had handed Niles the album in the kitchen, he got all excited about it and called CC to see it with him.
The producer came, and they spent a good half hour laughing at the shots and Fran's comments.
Fran went some steps back to look better at them, and was surprised by the easiness they showed in her presence while seeing the images: they stood side by side at the island, his arm around her waist, for some minutes; then, she went to the fridge to take a bottle of water and came back, putting her arms on his waist from behind and her chin on his shoulder.
When they finished seeing the album, the couple had sweet smiles on their faces. They looked into each other's eyes and kissed tenderly.
'Aren't you the loveliest couple around?', Fran asked, crossing her arms and looking at them in challenge.
She had expected furious denying; what she found was shy but sure admittance.
'Yes, we are', CC answered, pecking Niles' cheek and exiting the kitchen, smiling to herself.
Niles looked at her until she disappeared, stayed looking at the door for some moments more, and then remembered his friend was still there and turned to her. Noticing her somewhat shocked stare, he opened his arms in mocked defeat, 'What do you want me to say?'
It was impossible to ignore how happy together they were. Even for them.
