Here we go again. Thanks for your lovely reviews, and thanks also to those that reviewed 'Get It While It's Hot'. For those that missed it, it's a one-shot follow up to Best Served Cold that I posted last week. Just a little bit of smut that I felt like typing, since we're still quite a way from that in this story. Fear not though, we will get there eventually. There is a plan.

To Vaskon: JJ, Freddie and Effy will be making an appearance before too much longer. They are going to put a spanner in the works for Naomi Campbell and Co...

Enjoy! Myrtle.


Chapter Nine: Ruled By Secrecy

Naomi

On Tuesday morning, I woke up alone. But then, I always did. I know Cook and the twins assume that I'm promiscuous, and sleep with most of the people that they see me with, but it's just not true. In reality, I haven't had sex in... well, lets just say that it's been a while. I admit that I've never set the others straight about their assumptions of me. Sometimes it's just easier to let people make their own minds up. That way usually avoids any awkward questions from arising. My reluctance would be difficult to explain anyway. It's not due to any bad sexual experience, I'm not a virgin, I'm not scared of sex - nothing of the sort. I just don't want that intimacy with anyone right now. Sure, I get off with people that I find attractive. You could even say that I'm a bit of a serial snogger, if you like. Things may even get a bit 'handsy' at times, but it never goes any further. As soon as I suspect that they're looking for something more than just a bit of kissing, I manage to sneak away and slip back to my hotel room alone. If I find that I'm particularly het up, I release the tension by myself.

I had only just woken when there was a pretty insistent banging on my door. I crawled out of bed and opened it. Katie was stood there smirking at me, impossibly bright-eyed and well groomed for a morning after a night out.

"You were supposed to be down in the theatre twenty minutes ago" she informed me. I snuck a glance at the clock. She was right, I was running late for our rehearsals. I had a vague memory of simply rolling over when my alarm went off earlier. I had tried to instil into everyone the need for regular get-togethers while we're putting the new show together, so I wasn't really helping my own cause.

"Sure, I'll get ready" I grumbled in answer. I hoped that Katie would go away at that, but she stepped with confidence into my room. She peered around her with the air of someone keen to find out secrets.

"Rough night?" She asked with a smirk, whilst staring at the unmade bed. I just shrugged. "Oh my GOD!" She suddenly exclaimed in startled amusement. "What the fuck kind of kinky stuff are you into?" Katie leaned down and snatched up a three foot long piece of rope from the floor. She held it gingerly at arms length and gazed at me with her eyebrow arched, challenging me to offer an explanation. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Katie, that's magician's rope" I insisted. "I use it for magic, not for tying up non-existent sexual conquests." I spread my arms wide and motioned looking around the room, to emphasise that there was no one else present. I found myself wondering vaguely if 'tying-up-fun' was particularly out there anyway, in terms of 'kinky stuff'. I always thought it was the sort of thing that most people tried at some point in their life, but I kept that opinion to myself. I snatched the rope back from Katie, who's smirk had now become a very smug look. Clearly, she thought that I had spent the whole night tied to the headboard, by someone who had risen and left early. I was in no mood to argue my innocence further. "Was there something else you wanted?" I asked pointedly. Katie finally took the hint and left me alone to get ready.


The week went by pretty quickly. The early stages of pulling the show together went as smoothly as we could have hoped for. By Thursday though, Cook had to fly back to England to sort out the paperwork for his inheritance. I knew he wasn't going to be gone long, but I felt a bit lost without him around. We had been together as a partnership for quite some time now, and he really was my right hand man. Plus he's usually the one to say when we're working too hard and need to take a break. He can read my moods really well, and can often see straight away when I'm getting wound up about something. My tendency is to keep going whenever something begins to get problematic - an approach that frequently leads to frustration and a loss of temper. Cook's technique is to take a time-out instead. That way we come back to a problem with a calmer mind. I can see the sense of his reasoning, but without his presence, I am more likely to persevere with things beyond a sensible level.

I could have done with his influence during the week's latter practice sessions. Without him around to talk ideas through with, I was getting wound up about one or two things. Things were getting a bit strained between myself and the twins, too. Katie and I both have a similarly short temper, a certain recipe for friction. As for Emily, I really don't know what's going on there. I thought we were getting on better, but she's been somewhat aloof around me all week. Our casual banter of recent times has disappeared, replaced by an awkwardness that wasn't there before. And whenever we do talk one on one, she seems determined to bring up Chloe. I mean, I know I was the one to encourage Emily to get with Chloe, but does she have to keep banging on about her? It all made me very uneasy, and added to my already stretched temper.

On Friday morning, I was in the rehearsal room as usual with the twins. I was trying to walk Katie through some of her moves for a particular trick, but she just wasn't getting it right. She was getting more frustrated by the minute, and was beginning to act like a right stroppy cow. Emily wasn't needed for that particular piece, so she was sat to one side of the room texting someone. The constant beeping noise from her phone was grating on my nerves. Not to mention the fact that I was convinced it was Chloe she was texting.

"So I stand here, and extend my arms like this, right?" Asked Katie, getting it wrong yet again. I rolled my eyes at her.

"No, just do it how I bloody showed you!"

Katie's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"That IS how you showed me!" She insisted. "Don't fucking shout at me you fucking magic-freak." I felt my temper bubbling over at her use of the nickname.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I snapped back, getting right in her face. Emily looked up sharply from her phone, but I didn't look away from Katie. Katie bristled, and looked set for more harsh words. "You've been a right bitch all morning" I carried on. Something inside me told me to back off, but I ignored it. "If you've got PMT, it's not my fucking fault."

More anger than I had ever seen flashed in Katie's eyes for a second. I felt sure that a barrage of words were about to be hurled at me, but instead she did something that I wasn't expecting. She turned and stormed from the room without a backwards glance. I stood there gaping stupidly at the space she had just vacated. I had never expected Katie to back away from a fight like that.

The sound of Emily rising to her feet brought my mind back to the room. I turned and stared at her, expecting her to look as stunned at Katie's actions as I was. Instead, she just looked pissed off. Very pissed off, and it was clearly directed at me. I squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Brilliantly handled" she said sarcastically, as she moved to follow Katie. It took the wind right out of me.

"But... I'm sorry, I..." I burbled pathetically. Emily cut me off with a wave of her hand.

"You should think about other people's feelings every once in a while, you know?" With that, she followed after Katie without another word. I stood by myself in the rehearsal room, dumbfounded by what had just happened. Sure, I had lost my temper needlessly, but had I really been that unfeeling? Katie and I had sniped at each other before this, but she had always given back just as much as she took. I couldn't shake the feeling that Emily was referring to more than just this particular incident.


I felt ill at ease for the rest of the day. There was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, that only parted company as I stepped out onto the stage for my afternoon show. Being on stage gives me a calmness that I rarely feel elsewhere. For me, performing takes complete concentration, and forces my mind to remain in the moment instead of dwelling on other concerns. It is the perfect way to avoid getting stuck in your own thoughts.

As I finished the show, the unsettled feeling descended once again, and I knew that I would be unable to relax until I had resolved this. I headed up towards the twins rooms, desperate to sort this out. Their rooms were next to each other, and I stood awkwardly in the corridor, wondering whose door to knock on first. Finally, I made a decision and rapped soundly on a door. At first, there was no reply, and I wondered if I might not even be able to find them. Then the door slowly opened to reveal Emily. She took one look at me then walked back into the room leaving the door open, wordlessly but not graciously inviting me in. I took a deep breath and followed after her.

"How's Katie?" I asked. Emily shrugged.

"She's okay. She's gone shopping, to cheer herself up." I chuckled at the thought that retail therapy would always be Katie's answer. Emily looked up sharply, so I quickly stopped.

"Look, I don't know what happened earlier, I..."

Emily sighed and sank down onto the bed, all of her anger seeming to trickle out of her.

"You weren't to know, I suppose" she said resignedly. I moved closer and sat down next to her.

"Know what?" I pushed. I had felt all day like there was something going on that I wasn't aware of, and now I was sure of it.

"When you mentioned PMT, that's what pushed Katie over the edge" said Emily. I frowned at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "Katie went through the menopause early." Emily left those words hanging in the air between us.

"Oh" was my only response at first. My initial thought was how lucky she was to not have the bother of periods anymore. But then I realised what else that meant, and I suddenly felt so callous. "Shit!" I exclaimed aloud as awareness reached me. "Katie can't have children."

"That's right" answered Emily with a small nod. "She was twenty one when it happened. She thought she was pregnant, so she went to the doctors, and that's when she found out what was going on." I just stared at Emily, not knowing what to say. I felt awful for my unfortunate choice of words earlier, that had understandably had a big effect on Katie. Emily continued. "She'd just gotten engaged. She was mad as hell at first, thinking that a baby was coming before the wedding. But they had already talked about starting a family, so they were coming round to the idea."

Katie hadn't mentioned being engaged. I had no idea that she had been that close with somebody.

"They split up?" I asked. Emily nodded sadly. I could see that what Katie had been through had affected Emily heavily as well. My heart went out to the two of them.

"Yes, a few months later" she told me. "He said it wasn't because she couldn't have kids, but I think that's always what Katie thought."

A memory stirred in me of something that Emily had mentioned once.

"You said you didn't come out to your family last year because some family stuff came up?"

Emily gave me a doleful smile.

"Yeah, that was when they split up. Katie seemed to be dealing okay with the early menopause, but splitting up with Scott really hit her hard. I think being with him had made it a bit easier to deal with, so when it ended it was like she felt both losses at once. I couldn't come out to everyone while she was so upset."

I reached my hand across to Emily's and gave it a gentle squeeze. We both lapsed into silence for a while, as I took it all in. It explained a lot about Katie that I hadn't understood before. No wonder she wasn't looking for the traditional 'happy ever after'. She thought she had that already, but it had been cruelly snatched away. I could appreciate how that could make her cynical about love, and determined to use something else to fill that void.

"So that's why she wanted to come to Vegas" I said at last, voicing the result of my train of thought aloud. Emily let out a bitter little chuckle.

"No, the final straw was finding out that Scott is about to become a dad."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, that really hurt her. She knew that he had a new girlfriend, but the fact that she fell pregnant so quickly just felt like a real kick in the teeth to Katie."

"So you both ran" I said absently. I wasn't judging them for it - far from it. I know fine well what running away feels like. It had been my own solution some years ago. "I should apologise to her." Emily shook her head firmly.

"Don't tell her that I told you all that. Just apologise for losing your temper." I opened my mouth to argue, but thought better of it. If Emily said it was better that Katie believed me to be ignorant, then I would trust her on that. Besides, with all the secrets already floating around the place, what was one more to throw on the pile?

I looked across at Emily, who looked deep in thought. She still had hold of my hand, but I wasn't sure that she was even really aware of that. I could see how much all of this had affected her. She cared deeply for her sister obviously, but it had also taken another toll by making Emily decide to stay in the closet. A decision that, from what she had told me, was probably a factor in her failed relationship. And while Katie's pain had been known by their family, Emily had been forced to endure her own distress alone and in secret. A lesser person would have been eaten up with bitterness, but I was sure that no such emotion had entered Emily's heart. I found a new respect for her as I thought about what she had gone through. The urge to confide some of my private thoughts to Emily rose up inside me. The feeling was alien and uncomfortable, like a new pair of shoes yet to be broken in.

"You really should tell your family the truth" I said gently. Emily's eyes focused on me once more as she left her internal musings. "There's never going to be a 'perfect' time to tell them, but if you keep it a secret, you could end up regretting it." I took a deep breath and broke eye-contact. I gazed steadfastly at the sheets covering the bed. "My parents are both dead" I said quietly. A sharp intake of breath told me that Emily had taken in my words. "I was sixteen, and they were in a car crash on the motorway." Emily squeezed my hand reassuringly. This time I had forgotten that our hands were still connected. "The last time I spoke to them, we argued. Nothing important, you know?" I gave a shrug, and swallowed hard. "Just the usual stuff that a teenager argues about with her mum and dad, but that's the last thing we ever did together." I took a deep breath, trying to wrestle the tremble in my voice back under control. These were old memories - it happened about ten years ago - but I rarely spoke about them anymore. Usually, I found it easier to keep personal things to myself. Cook knew this stuff, but hardly anyone else in my life now was aware of it. I wasn't even sure why I was sharing this with Emily, but something was making me open up to her.

"That must have been tough" said Emily, a clear note of concern in her voice. "But I'm sure they knew that you loved them." I nodded, buying time until I felt sure of my vocal chords.

"Yeah, they did" I answered at last. Emily was right. Our last words may have been in anger, but I knew that I had been on good terms generally with my parents.

We carried on chatting for quite some time more. It felt good to feel the atmosphere between us lift. Emily seemed to recognise that I had been more open with her than I had been with anyone for quite some time. I found it quite scary that I had opened up to her so willingly - and without the aid of alcohol - but I also felt strangely tranquil about it. I feel a peace in Emily's presence that is similar to how I feel when I'm performing my show. And like when I'm on stage, there is also an accompanying fluttery sensation, somewhere in the depth of my core. It's a pleasant emotion, and on stage I know that response is necessary to keep me on my toes because anything can happen. But with Emily, those vibes both alarmed and enchanted me in equal measure.


Exhausted but happy after the second of my Sunday shows, I headed towards my dressing room with every intention of collapsing onto the small sofa there. All thoughts of that disappeared as soon as I opened the door. There stood Cook, returned from his visit to England. I grinned happily at him, and wrapped my arms around him as he pulled me in for a trademark hug.

"How was England?" I asked.

"Wet, and fucking miserable!" Answered Cook with a laugh to his voice. "Same as ever. What about things here?"

I hesitated, not sure how much of my spat with the twins I should fill him in on. I had spoken to Katie after my chat with Emily, and we had managed to clear the air between us. I had apologised for being quick tempered, and Katie had laughed it off as just a case of getting out of the wrong side of bed. I hadn't mentioned what Emily had told me, and Katie certainly had no intention of telling me herself.

In the end, I opted for telling Cook that there had been some short tempers, but I didn't tell him what I had learned about Katie. Nor did I tell him what I had shared with Emily.

"So the second my back's turned, you lot scratch each others eyes out!" He declared with a laugh. "Oh, I wish I'd been here. I love a good cat-fight."

"It wasn't like that" I insisted, but I could see that Cook had already made his mind up about it. He waved away my defence with a casual gesture.

"Just make sure you let me know before the next one" he told me, a dreamy look in his eye. "There could be oil of some kind involved."

"Fuck off" I told him, but I couldn't stop a broad grin from spreading across my face. I had missed Cook, with his crude jokes and constant innuendos.

"So, did you miss me then?" He asked suddenly, as though reading my mind. I gave him a casual shrug.

"Well, it was much quieter, without you here. But yeah, I missed you, you stupid fucker." He beamed happily at me. "The guy who stood in for you as the bear was crap" I added after a beat. Cook smiled softly at me.

"Yeah, you missed me, Blondie" he said while placing a kiss on my forehead. I didn't argue with him.


And I think we just had the first Buffy quote of the story there.

Let me know what you think! (Of the chapter, not Buffy)