Chapter Five: Conversation

Previously:

"DiNozzo. Frankly, I don't give a damn how complicated it is," Gibbs said, trying a different tactic. "I want a name and I want it now."

It worked. After a moment, Tony said, "Okay. Alright. A name. It was Anthony DiNozzo...Sr."

"Your father?"

Now:

"My father," Tony assured him.

"Wait. I thought your father lived in New York?" Gibbs asked.

"He did, does. He came to surprise me with a visit a few days ago," Tony explained.

"A few days...Why didn't you tell me?" Gibbs wanted to know.

Tony looked up at the ceiling as he said, louder than he meant, "I didn't think you'd care!" As the room went completely silent, Tony looked at Gibbs and said, "I'm sorry. It's just, I'm your agent. You shouldn't have to worry about me or listen to my problems. You hire me to work, not to talk, right?"

"No," Gibbs said after a while.

"No?"

"No. I hired you to work, yes. But, that doesn't mean you can't come to me if you have a problem, and I'd say you have a very big problem."

"It's not...I can handle it. I have handled him for the past thirty three years. He's not...physical unless I do something. Every single time he's laid a hand on me, it was because I was over the line. I talk too much. I say things as I think of them. It's an impulse. Then, later, I regret them," Tony told him.

"DiNozzo. Are you saying you deserved to be beaten by your father?" Gibbs asked, seriously.

Tony looked unsure as he half shrugged.

Gibbs sighed as he heard the unbelievable truth that wasn't said. "You didn't. I don't care what you said, what you did. Because it doesn't matter. You...you never hurt your child. I don't care if he meant to or what was behind it. I don't care if he was pissed! You never raise a hand to your child. And it'll never be your fault. You should be able to feel safe in the presence of your father. You don't, though. You can't blame yourself for this. You're the victim, Tony. Stop trying to act like it was your fault!"

After a pause, Tony said, "I don't know how. You...you're the first person I've ever told and it's only because you ordered me to. I've always hidden my arms when my dad...got mad. Do I think it's my fault? Sometimes. Do I think it's right? No. And I know that because he didn't touch me at all until I was eight. After my mom died, he lost it. He was angry all the time and sad, I guess. He might blame me for her death or maybe I remind him of her. It hurts him. I get it. Except, I was the only one around to take it out on. So, I let him. I thought it would end at some point. After a few years, I knew it wouldn't. But, you know, even now, I still can never raise a hand back to him. I mean, I'm a federal agent. I could probably take him down if I wanted. But I don't. Ever. Because you know what I see whenever I look at him? I don't see my father, the one I once knew. I see a sad, angry, grieving old man. And, I know I'll never be what a son should be to him, and that's okay. It is what it is. Do I want a closer relationship? Of course. But, Gibbs, I'm never gonna get that, okay? That's why I never told you. It doesn't seem important to me because I know that no one can change what happens between us. Not CPS, not the NYPD, and not you. He's got friends in high places. There's nothing anyone can do, so I live with it."

"Did you just meet me?" Gibbs asked.

"What?" Tony wondered.

"'Cause I thought I'd known you for 'bout three and a half years now."

"So?"

"Well, you just said I couldn't do anything about it, like you just met me."

"Gibbs, look. He comes, does this, apologizes, then leaves. Ten years later, does the same thing. I...I think he feels bad after."

Gibbs shook his head. "Tony. Rule 42: Don't ever accept an apology from someone that just sucker-punched you."

Tony smiled in indignation. "Oh, yeah?! Well, what about rule 14? I've already bent the line several times! If I'd said anything else, that'd be it! The line would be broken! He could've killed me," Tony smile dropped as his facade started to crumble completely. He shook his head slowly. "I know he wouldn't take it that far."

"Tony, I didn't tell you to break the line. I told you to come to me. I told you I'd take care of it. I told you, don't trust him when he says he's sorry. Here's another rule for you. Rule 36: If it feels like you're being played, you probably are. Tony, he's played you, several times. You need to trust me. When he says he's sorry, he's lying."