*Peeps out from behind netbook*
Okay, so that last chapter surprised one or two of you! In all honesty, that was my intention. There weren't really any clues beforehand, because I wanted you all to find out when Emily did. Naomi has referred to her marriage on a couple of occassions, but they were only veiled hints.
Anyway, thankyou so much for the response to the last chapter! To the reviewer who mentioned the chapter title: yes, I was definitely referring to the original version of that song. I love The Who, and they are one of the best live acts I've ever seen.
Shall we meet Naomi's other half? For those of you that hate any alternative partners for Naomily just on principle, I've made it easy for you...
Chapter Nineteen: Grounds For Divorce
Naomi
I had spent the last three days in a blind panic, barely able to focus on anything around me. Ever since that fucking phone call. Well no, that wasn't the start of my panic – not really. That was the confirmation, but ever since I discovered that our act had been covered in the British press, I had been braced for him to get in touch. My little bubble was shattered, and the past that I had run so far from had finally caught up with me. Just as I was beginning to let my guard down.
Of course I tried my usual tactic first of all. I closed myself off, and acted to those around me as if nothing was going on. When Emily came demanding the truth, my plan was clear: secrecy, denial, silence. In short, anything that would deflect her from the truth. After all, he may not even come to Vegas. Okay, so I didn't really believe that, but I could probably stop him from meeting the others. No one need even know.
Just one problem with that plan. I didn't take into account how much Emily has gotten under my skin. Seeing her so hurt over my behaviour – it was more than I could stand. I could hear the unshed tears in her voice, and I hated myself for it. And then she turned to leave my room - and quite probably our relationship - behind. All my efforts to push her away, to stop her getting closer were for nothing. As I stood on the brink of pushing her away for good, the thought of being without her suddenly terrified me more than confessing the truth. And so it spilled out.
"Emily, I'm married." Fuck, that was far too blunt. Maybe I should have thought this through first. The tears that were threatening to fall from Emily's eyes were now much closer to the surface. Shock was written all over her face. Whatever she had been expecting me to say, it's a pretty safe guess that that wasn't it.
"What?" She gasped out. It was about all she seemed capable of saying.
"No, I mean…" Shit, this was going to take some explaining. I took a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. "We're separated."
"Right." She nodded, but I wasn't sure that my words had really registered. "So, you're divorced then?" I shook my head sadly.
"No, we're still married."
"Fuck." Emily shook her head gently, and a couple of tears stared to fall. I moved closer, desperate to comfort her, but she just stepped away from me. "Since when?" She asked, with her back turned. I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself.
"I got married when I was seventeen" I answered softly. Emily span round to face me.
"Seventeen?" She gasped. I answered with a curt nod. "You've been married for nine years, and it never occurred to you to mention that?" She threw her hands up in defeat. "Fuck!"
"I was young" I insisted. "Justin was my boyfriend when my parents died, so…"
"Justin?" Asked Emily, a bitter tone to her voice. I nodded. This felt very strange – I hadn't even uttered his name in years. Emily sank dejectedly down onto the bed.
"Do you love him?"
"I did" I told her, emphasising the past tense. "But getting married was a big mistake. It's been over for ages."
"But you're still married!" She snapped. She rubbed furiously at her eyes, trying to remove any trace of tears.
"I filed for divorce! But Justin refused to sign the papers, so by law, I can't divorce him until we've been separated for five years." My throat felt parched, so I walked over to the mini-bar and grabbed a bottle of water. I was tempted to reach for something stronger, but since it wasn't yet nine o'clock in the morning, I decided against it. Things were complicated enough – no need to throw a drinking problem into the mix.
"How long ago did you file?" Asked Emily. Her voice sounded flat, like all of the energy had left her body.
"Just over four years ago" I told her. I could have told her the length of time exact to the day, and quite probably the hour if she had asked. This wasn't going the way I had hoped. I was desperate for Emily to understand things clearly. "Emily, getting married was the biggest mistake I ever made."
"But you were with him for five years before you reached that conclusion."
"No, I…" Shit, this wasn't right! I wanted to explain it all, to tell her what an awful marriage it was, but it just wasn't coming out right.
"What does he want?" Asked Emily with a frown. "I assume that was him on the phone the other day?" I nodded.
"I don't know" I confessed. "I hung up before they could put his call through, and he's never phoned back." In truth, the fact that he hadn't tried calling again had me more panicked than if he had been constantly ringing. Justin was not one to give up easily. The fact that he hadn't called again made me think that he was probably on his way to Vegas even as we spoke. If he wasn't already in town, that is.
The beep of a mobile phone interrupted our thoughts. Emily sighed, and glanced down at her phone.
"It's Katie" she muttered. "Letting me know she's in the theatre."
"Let them wait" I insisted. "I need to tell you about Justin." Emily raised her eyes back to mine, and the anger I saw in them shocked me. I had never seen her so mad before.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" She asked. I opened my mouth, but no sounds emerged. The answer to that question was hardly straight forward. "You're fucking married Naomi, and you never once thought about telling me!"
"I wanted to, I just…"
"No you didn't. You didn't tell me, because you don't want to let me in." Well, that had at least been a part of the truth at first. I had never wanted to let her in even a little way, but somehow she just kept on getting further and further in. Why couldn't she understand that?
"Emily, I've got closer to you than I've ever got to anyone!" Emily sighed and rolled her eyes.
"I used to think that. I even thought we were starting to make some progress! But how can I believe it, when you've been married to someone for nine years? And when you've kept that fact hidden from me?"
I shook my head, wishing that I could make her understand. Emily sighed again. She sounded ready to concede defeat.
"I can't deal with this" she muttered. She stepped closer to the door, and a wave of panic ripped through me.
"Emily!"
"Just give me some time Nai, okay? I need to get my head round it all." I nodded, not really sure what else I could do. I knew I owed her whatever she asked of me, but I still had so much that I wanted to explain. "I can't face rehearsals today" she added.
"I'll make an excuse." Emily nodded, then left my room without a backwards glance. As the door closed behind her, the accusing silence surrounded me, sucking the air from my lungs. I snatched up my key card and headed down to the theatre.
Half way through some very half hearted rehearsals, there was a knock on the door. Since only one twin was present, I called out for them to enter. A young stage-hand poked his head into the room.
"Miss Campbell? There's a man here to see you." The uncertainty in his eyes, and my conviction that Justin would be making an appearance any day now, combined to fill me with fear.
"You know not to disturb us during rehearsals!" Snapped Cook. His temper had been a little short all morning. He had looked at me with suspicion when I told him and Katie that Emily couldn't join us due to a migraine. But nothing had been said, and the two of them seemed to accept it without question. I had difficulty talking Katie out of visiting her sister, but eventually I had insisted that we needed to press on with our rehearsals without Emily. Which didn't exactly leave Katie in a good mood either.
The stage hand nodded at Cook.
"I know, but he said… well…" He turned back to face me, and my ribcage felt like it was closing in around my heart. "He said he's your husband."
"What!" I hardly even heard Katie's surprised exclamation. I simply turned to Cook with a pained expression. He was frowning back at me. I had told Cook once about getting married, and had even given him a basic outline about Justin, but I had let him believe that we were officially divorced. In an instant, I made up my mind. I felt stronger facing Justin with other people present.
"Send him in" I told the stage hand. I took a deep breath, and tried to prepare myself for seeing him again. It wasn't enough time. It would never be enough. Within far too few seconds, the man himself walked into the room. He was almost as I remembered him. Black hair, now slightly longer than when I last saw him, broad shoulders, hunched posture, misshapen nose. He smiled the same soft smile that I had fallen in love with all those years ago.
"Hi Naomi!" I glanced to the side and saw the other two watching him closely. Cook seemed to be sizing him up, while Katie was staring at him with curiosity written all over her face.
"Hi" I answered shortly.
"What have you done to yourself?" He asked with a frown. I was so used to seeing blonde hair when I looked in the mirror that it took me a second to realise what he was referring to. Self-consciously, I touched my hair.
"Oh, I dyed it." Was the only answer I made. Justin twisted his mouth slightly, a gesture that long experience taught me meant that he didn't like it. He glanced to the side, and seemed to realise that other people were present. "This is my partner Cook, and my assistant Katie" I told him with a wave of my hand. Justin gave them both a firm handshake.
"Partner?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Business partner" I clarified. Justin stared at me for a beat more.
"Right" he said with another soft smile. "So…" He turned his eyes expectantly towards Katie.
"No fucking way!" Snapped Katie, correctly guessing what his unspoken question was. "Not even if Hell froze over! I'm straight." I rolled my eyes at Katie's constant need to clarify that, before remembering that I had much more pressing concerns.
"What do you want?" I asked Justin.
That same gentle smile was turned in my direction once more.
"You're my wife, Naomi!"
"Ex wife" I deadpanned.
"Not yet" answered Justin, a hardness creeping into his voice for the first time. It was gone the next instant. "I just wanted to catch up with you, that's all. Do you know how long I've been looking for you?" I crossed my arms over my chest, making my body language as cold as possible.
"And it never occurred to you that I didn't want to be found?" I asked harshly. "I've got nothing to say to you." I longed to stare him down so he could see that I was serious, but I couldn't raise my eyes from the floor. Cook stepped nearer to me, and I felt the warmth of his protective presence. I felt sure that he must be glaring at Justin.
"We're trying to work at the moment" said Cook with a firm politeness. "So perhaps you can play 'catch up' another time." Still I couldn't lift my gaze, so how Justin looked at this entreaty, I had no idea.
"Well I'm in town for a while, Naomi" he insisted. "So we will talk later." He turned and walked from the room. Not for the first time in my life, I felt grateful that Cook could summon up a very threatening persona when he wanted to. As soon as Justin was out of the room, Katie rounded on me.
"Since when are you fucking married?" She asked, reminding me of the excruciating conversation that I had already had with her sister. The biggest difference being that Katie seemed delighted to have some fresh gossip about me. I didn't answer her. Instead I just turned to face Cook.
"Thanks" I told him. His jaw was set, and he looked a little angry.
"Thought you were divorced" was all he said. I nodded.
"I would have been, if he'd given me one." I sighed. "Cook I'm sorry I didn't explain properly, but you know I hate talking about him."
"So how long have you been married for?" Asked Katie, completely ignoring my last statement. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Let's forget about rehearsals today, I'm not in the mood." Without giving anyone a chance to argue, I left the room. I had no wish to go bumping into Justin again, so I headed straight for my dressing room and locked myself inside. I sank down onto the sofa just as the tears started. All the emotion of the past few days, and today in particular, just came bubbling to the surface, and I could contain it no longer.
Emily was careful to avoid me when she turned up to get ready for the show. I had no chance to speak to her at all before it was time to step out onto the stage once more. Somehow, I managed to put everything else to one side and perform the show to the best of my ability. Being in front of an audience fills some people with dread, but to me it just feels like home. No other thoughts or concerns can bother me, I am purely in the moment.
Until the second I left that stage, and came face to face with a very stern looking Emily. I let Katie and Cook take the second bows alone, and stepped closer to Emily, hoping she would let me talk to her.
"I'm sorry" I began with. Emily just sighed. "I never meant to hurt you!" I insisted. Emily just shook her head.
"I've had to listen to Katie going on about your husband the whole time we were getting ready." I didn't know what to say in answer to that, so I settled for a shrug. When Emily fell silent, I began again.
"I know I should have told you. I want to tell you everything – if you'll hear me out." Cook and Katie rejoined us at that moment, so we took a casual step apart. Soon after, we all moved off towards our dressing rooms and the chance to talk was gone. I decided to let Emily take her time to decide if she wanted to listen to me. Once I was changed out of my show costume, I headed off to my room. I prayed that Emily would follow me there, but she didn't.
It wasn't until after our show the following evening that I heard a faint tap on my bedroom door. Emily and I had had no chance to talk alone throughout the day. I wasn't sure how much of that was due to circumstances, and how much was by Emily's design. I was so relieved therefore, to see my favourite red-head stood in the corridor when I opened my door. She stepped quickly into the room.
"You said you wanted to talk" she said softly, as she sat down on the bed. Her demeanour gave nothing away about whatever was in her mind. I sat down next to her, keeping some space between us. I longed to wrap my arms around her, but I didn't feel like I had the right to do so anymore.
"Yeah, I er… I wanted to tell you about Justin" I began awkwardly. Emily nodded to show that she would listen. I took a deep breath and tried to arrange my erratic thoughts. No amount of time would make this any easier – I had to just launch in. "I'd dated other people before I met Justin, but he was the first person I was serious about. He was my boyfriend when my parents died, and he helped me through it all. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes straight away. I thought it was what I wanted, but I know now that I was trying to replace the family I'd just lost." I allowed myself a moment of bitter reflection at that thought. If mum and dad had been alive, they would never have let me get married at the age of seventeen. Instead, permission had been granted by an uncle who was glad for me to be someone else's concern. "He's a few years older than me, and I thought he was so smart, and so knowledgeable. But he just wanted to control me."
"Control you?" Asked Emily. I could hear the familiar note of incredulity in her voice. This was the part that was so hard to explain.
"He was a bully." Emily stared at me with a horrified expression, and I knew instantly that she had jumped to the wrong conclusion. "He never hit me" I insisted quickly. It was true – Justin had never raised a hand to me. But it was always the first question anyone had asked whenever I tried to explain my concerns to my friends.
I blinked furiously to stop the tears that were threatening to arrive. This was going to be hard enough without the waterworks starting up. Once I felt back in control of myself, I continued.
"He was jealous and possessive. It wasn't that bad at first - I thought it was nice that someone cared that much about me. But it just kept getting worse. He started to complain whenever I met up with friends, he didn't want me to work, or to go to University. He lost his temper whenever I did anything he didn't like. Soon I just started doing what he said. It just seemed easier to give him what he wanted." A stray tear splashed down my cheek. I hastily wiped it away.
"Naoms that's awful." Emily reached forward and squeezed my hand with hers. The gesture gave me the confidence to keep going. In the past I had struggled to get people to understand the true nature of my marriage. Friends had always told me that they would love to have a partner who took care of them the way Justin did with me. They didn't understand that I had given over so much ground to him - so much of myself. In the end, I stopped confiding my fears to my friends. As his hold over me had grown, I stopped hanging out with my friends anyway.
"It all just happened gradually" I explained. "I didn't even realise how much hold he had over me until I felt like I couldn't do anything without him. He would chip away at my confidence all the time. He made me feel stupid and useless." Emily smiled softly at me.
"Nai, you're the smartest woman I've ever met." I shrugged. Tears began to flow again, but this time I ignored them.
"I didn't feel like it when I was with him. Looking back, it's amazing how much control I let him have over me. I was such an idiot." Emily shook her head firmly.
"Naoms, you were young and very vulnerable. He's the idiot, for not appreciating what a wonderful woman he was with! He took advantage of you." She edged closer to me and slid an arm around me. Grateful to be in close contact with her once more, I snuggled into her embrace. We sat quietly like that for a few moments.
"I know I should have told you" I muttered at length. I raised my head from where it was resting against Emily's shoulder, and looked into her eyes. "I'm really sorry, it's just I've tried so hard to forget my past." Emily nodded.
"You should have told me."
"I'm sorry" I repeated. Suddenly my reluctance to confide in Emily seemed so ridiculous. Talking to her about it actually made me feel a little better.
"I know" she breathed as she closed the distance between us. Her lips pressed softly against mine, and I drank in their taste once more. I closed my eyes and raised my hand to gently caress her cheek. I was surprised when I felt Emily's lips part, her tongue seeking out mine. I gladly gave in, a low moan escaping from my throat at the contact. Perhaps it wasn't forgiveness just yet, but at least it was a sign that Emily wasn't going to leave me.
A knock at the door made us break reluctantly apart. I frowned, wondering who it could be at this hour of the evening. As I opened the door, my exhilaration of moments ago evaporated in a flash.
"Justin!" I gasped.
"Hi Moany" answered Justin, easily. I shuddered at the all too familiar nickname. He stepped confidently into my room before I had any chance to argue. His confidence faltered when his eyes fell on Emily. He arched an eyebrow at her.
"Katie. Isn't it a little late for discussing magic?" He cast a quick glance in my direction, before staring at Emily again. "Still claim to be straight?" Emily rose to her feet. She shifted her weight onto one hip with a sassiness that was pure Katie.
"For your information, we're friends" she snapped. "Good friends." She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. Justin shrugged dismissively.
"I saw the show tonight" he told me with a nod. Since I made no answer, he continued. "It was good. You've fooled a lot of people" he said smoothly. Although his comment could have been referring to magic, I knew that wasn't what he meant. He turned to face Emily again. "I'd like to speak to my wife if I may, so why don't you leave us alone to do that?" His tone was polite, but there was an air of steel just beneath the surface of his words. Emily drew herself up to her full height, still several inches shorter than Justin.
"I'll leave when Naomi wants me to." Justin simply turned to face me, an expectant smile on his face. I took a deep breath. I had long since persuaded myself that I was a different person – a stronger person - to the one who left England four years ago. Perhaps it was time to prove that to myself.
"It's okay" I told Emily. "I'll speak to him." She opened her mouth to argue, but I didn't give her a chance. "I'll be okay" I insisted with a smile. Somehow I sounded more convincing than I felt. "I'll see you tomorrow." After a moment's hesitation, Emily reluctantly turned to leave. As much as I knew that I had to start fighting my battles alone, I still felt my shoulders sink as Emily closed the door behind her.
And the Fitches are still to arrive! I'm starting to feel a little swamped by all the threads I've got running through this story.
