Chapter Nine: Trust

And he heard it. The terrified scream from upstairs. He dropped his tool on the table and took the stairs two at a time. And there was his agent. Thrashing in his sleep, no longer screaming, but mumbling. Gibbs sat on the floor in front of the couch. Tony, who was facing the back of the couch, was trembling. Gibbs gently placed a hand on the man's back and quietly said, "Tony, you're okay. Relax."

Tony didn't wake up, but slowly relaxed under Gibbs' hand. The mumbling slowed and he stopped shaking. His breathing slowed as well.

Gibbs looked at his agent sadly, fearing that if he moved away, Tony would become frightened again. So, he didn't move. He stayed right where he was, moving his hand in small circles on Tony's back in an effort to keep the young man in a calm state. After about two hours, Gibbs realized he needed sleep too, and moved over to the recliner, careful not to disturb Tony. And he quickly fell asleep himself.


Three hours later had Gibbs awake and looking at his watch. 0500. Tony was still sleeping on his couch. He walked to the kitchen for coffee.


0615. Tony awoke, sitting up on the couch. He gasped as the pain of sitting up coursed through him. He felt disoriented. Where was he? And it hit him. He'd fallen asleep at Gibbs' house. He hadn't been invited, but he needed to go somewhere, anywhere that wasn't his apartment. But then, he couldn't remain awake any longer and had fallen asleep on his boss' couch. He suddenly flushed with embarrassment at what had happened.

But, Gibbs hadn't woken him up and told him to get out. He let him stay there, on his couch, for the whole of the night. Somehow that made him feel worse. That meant that he had looked so pitiful, Gibbs had allowed him to stay. His boss was pitying him which was not Tony's intent. Tony didn't want to be pitied in fact.

As Tony continued to sit, feeling awful, Gibbs called, "Problems, DiNozzo?" Tony turned so quickly, it caused him to cry out in pain. "Care-ful," Gibbs warned, holding his fourth cup of coffee.

"Boss. I am- I'm so sorry," Tony said quickly.

Gibbs frowned as he asked, "What're you sorry for?"

"What am I…? For invading your house!" Tony said, confused as to why Gibbs wasn't more upset.

Gibbs had to try not to laugh. He walked in and stood in front of Tony. "It's not a fortress, DiNozzo. It's a house, and my door's always unlocked. And you're always welcome."

Tony furrowed his brow as he asked, "Why?"
"Why what?"

"You said I was always welcome. Why? Is it pity?" Tony asked honestly.

Gibbs looked up at the ceiling, exasperated at his SFA. Tony was smarter than this. "No, DiNozzo. In fact, it's not pity at all! It's the fact that I'd rather have you be able to come to my house when you feel anxious in your apartment rather than to have you wandering the streets because you think I'll be upset! Well, I'll tell ya, DiNozzo! You coming to my house because you're frightened doesn't upset me. Now, you thinking that I would be upset, that kinda does upset me. You need to know that I'm never gonna forget about you, Tony. I'm not gonna replace you or let you run away because you're scared. I'm not gonna just let you fend for yourself or find your own way out because I'm busy. I know! You need guidance. You need someone to count on. You- You're not just an agent, Tony. Okay? You are a person, and I see you as such. Yeah, you're a great agent. Knew that the first time I met you. But, you are more than that. You matter."

"To who?! I'm just- People don't expect things from me. I'm never anyone's first pick. Hell, I wouldn't even pick me! I can't do anything special. I'm not...special. I'm average. People only need me till they find someone better. I'm a substitute and I'm temporary, but nothing's permanent. You- You're my boss, Gibbs, and I do respect you. But, you shouldn't have to deal with my baggage. You hired me for your team, not to listen to my problems," Tony replied.

"I did hire you to be an agent. But, that doesn't mean you can't come to me. And, you know what? You're a great asset to the team, DiNozzo. You talk, DiNozzo, a lot. You may not think that's anything, but several times, your thinking out loud is the reason the case was solved. And you matter...to me. DiNozzo, you are special. Three years I've known you, I have never been so involved in an agent's life. I have never cared, but you? I did for you. I cared about you because you were broken. You were valuable, but broken. You needed someone, anyone to care because you were falling apart. And you needed to be helped, saved because you were and are good. You are still the only one that doesn't know this! It's obvious! But you were broken, and you put on a good facade. A happy, carefree facade that was almost believable. I'll give you that. But you didn't forget. Everyone in your life that you had trusted had lied to you, had pretended, had played the part. And, I bet that's why you can't seem to fully trust me. Because every single person you trusted stabbed you in the back, betrayed you! Or...left you behind. Well, Tony? I'm not gonna do that. Whether you believe me or not, that's up to you. But, I've never been one to lie to those I care about. It's 0630. You might wanna go home, get ready. I'm not making exceptions for you, DiNozzo, even if you do have a few busted ribs. Because I know that a few broken ribs are nothing to you, considering your medical history. 0700. Not a minute later," Gibbs told him as he walked up his stairs. As Tony began to head for the front door, thinking he'd never heard Gibbs say that many words at one time, Gibbs threw over his shoulder, "And you're my six, DiNozzo. 'Course I'd pick you."

Tony smiled a soft smile as he shut the front door. Did Gibbs really care? He wasn't sure. But he knew that he did want to trust Gibbs, but he'd forgotten how to trust. When you trust, you get hurt. Tony didn't want to hurt anymore.


0700. Everyone was seated at their desks, working. Everyone except Gibbs, who was on a coffee run. Tony was told to stay in his seat. He was tapping his pen on his desk, bored out of his mind. Less sweltered than earlier in the week because, ever since he had been discovered, he could wear short sleeves as it no longer mattered if people could see his bruised arms. But, bored. They didn't have a case, only cold cases, all day. And, even if they had had a case, Tony would be forbidden from going to the crime scene. So, there he sat, tapping his pen, bored out of his mind.

"Tony," Kate called from her desk across from him. "You think you could stop it with the pen for five seconds? I can't concentrate."

Tony sighed, not in the mood for a whole thing. "Whatever," he said, standing up.

"I thought you were supposed to stay at your desk, Tony?" McGee asked from his own desk.

"Probie," Tony said, soundly slightly exasperated, "Gibbs isn't here. I'm going to the head. Would you like to accompany me?"

McGee shook his head. "I'm good."

"Alright then," Tony said, heading to the nearest restroom.

If truth be told, he didn't actually need to use the restroom. He just needed to move around. He was getting restless. He was bored and he didn't want to just sit behind a desk all day, everyday for two and a half months. It was, in short, a living hell.

Suddenly, the door busted open, revealing a not-so-happy Gibbs, saying, "I thought I told you to stay at your desk?"

Tony, still with his hand over his heart, said, "Boss! You nearly gave me a heartattack! Why didn't you just come in like a normal person?"

"Why didn't you stay at your desk?"

"I was going to the head," Tony told him.

"Really. Because you have gone to the head eight times in this past hour. So, what's the real reason?" Gibbs said.

"Well, how'd you even...? I mean, you weren't even...! I didn't...? Kate. Fine. I have gone to the head eight times in an hour. But, only because I am bored out of my mind! I wanna be in the field."

"No one's in the field right now," Gibbs reminded him.

"Yeah, but even when we get a case, I'm gonna be stuck here! It sucks. I didn't ask for my ribs to break! It's not fair."

"No. It's not. But, it's for your own good. I let you in the field, it's doing nothing to help you heal. You might be down longer than two months if you don't take some time to rest. I want you a hundred percent, and I won't have that if you don't take time to heal." Gibbs nodded towards the bathroom door. "Go."

Tony scowled at Gibbs, but nevertheless walked out of the bathroom and back to the squad room. He plopped himself down in his chair with a huff, crossing his arms. "What's your problem?" Kate asked.

"Why'd you snitch on me?" Tony asked her.

"When?"

As Gibbs walked in, his phone rang. He answered it with, "Gibbs."

Tony whispered loudly to Kate, "When you told," Tony mouthed 'Gibbs', "that I'd gone to the head eight times in the hour!"

"What? He asked me where you were. I told him you were in the bathroom. Then, he asked how many times you'd gone to the bathroom in the past hour. So, I told him. I didn't know it was a secret. Did you want me to lie for you?"

"No. You were supposed to cover for me, like a partner does?" Tony told her.

Kate rolled her eyes as Gibbs said the words Tony was partially dreading. "Gear up. Got a dead marine in Quantico."

As everyone was gearing up, Tony thought maybe he could just, like, grab his gear and come along. And, by the time anyone remembered he wasn't supposed to be there, it would be too late. You just have to act the part. Act like your ribs don't hurt like hell. Before Tony could move more than a quarter inch towards his bag, Gibbs said, "Don't even think about it, DiNozzo. Desk duty means no field work."

Tony sighed. Why couldn't Gibbs just let it slide. He thought about it. Something didn't quite add up. "Boss, come on! If it was you who had three broken ribs, you would never be confined to your desk!"

Gibbs shook his head as he holstered his gun. "Nope. Probably not. But you will," he told Tony as he followed Kate and McGee to the elevator.

After they were gone, Tony muttered to himself, "Of course. Do as I say, not as I do. Typical."

"I think it's a sign you're going crazy if you start to talk to yourself, Tony."

"Abby! Pleasure seeing you up here. What are you doing up here?" Tony asked.

"I figured you were bored. Thought you could do with some entertainment," Abby told him.

"Entertainment? What kind of entertainment?"

"How does Forrest Gump sound?" Abby asked.

"It's a good movie. I like Forrest Gump. Let's watch it before I, you know, go crazy," Tony told her.

"That's probably a good idea," Abby told him, playing the movie on the plasma screen. She sat on Gibbs' desk.

As the movie went on, Tony's eyes started to feel droopy. His head started to feel very heavy. He didn't even feel it when his head hit his desk with a thump. However, Abby heard it.

"Ooh. Sorry, Forrest, Lieutenant Dan. We'll have to finish this movie some other time, presumably when Tony's well rested," Abby said, bouncing up quietly and stopping the movie. She walked toward the elevator, after giving Tony a soft hug. Tony needed peace and he needed quiet, which Abby didn't mind giving him. She was gonna have a lot of work to do when the rest of the team returned anyway. So, taking the elevator, she escaped to her lab to ready for the oncoming case.