First we make our habits, then our habits make us. ~ Charles C. Noble


His alarm clock rings, and another day begins.

As always, Ryou wakes up at the first ring of his alarm. He never presses the snoozes button. He doesn't knows how long he'll be in control anymore and the few precious minutes of consciousness he has, he will not waste on sleep that will only be plagued by nightmares.

(Or worse, dreams.)

Ryou pushes the covers off of himself and then neatly makes his bed. He doesn't like an untidy house. Ryou is many things (too many for one person), but the one thing he can pride himself on is that he is not a slob.

Ever the busy body, Ryou brushes his teeth while he makes sure all the homework he had been assigned is finished. (It never is, at least not anymore, but Ryou checks regardless. He is a creature of habit.) When he is done brushing his teeth, he puts on his clothes and makes sure the ring is tucked carefully underneath his shirt.

He always lingers at this part. Always.

(Maybe I could rip out; maybe it will be a part of me forever.)

Ryou dashes down the stairs, not because he is in a hurry, but because he does not want to catch his noise neighbor Mrs. Saito. She likes him and that was reason enough to avoid her. Walking to school was relatively easy, all things considered. Occasionally a girl or two would follow him, but most of them never made contact so the spirit of the ring kept to the ring. For now.

School was a different story. It always was a different story.

Yuugi.

It was all because of Yuugi. He would never say it was Yuugi's fault though, he would never blame Yuugi – because the spirit blames Yuugi and Ryou needs to keep some part of himself separate from the spirit, he needs to know that they are different. (Even if that is the most blatant of lies, because the spirit is his other, so therefore they are one in the same.)

He walks into school and like clockwork he is fifteen minutes early. The teacher's don't mind though, because he's quiet and harmless.

Quiet and harmless…

Well, at least half of that is true.

Ryou files into his homeroom seat even before Mr. Watanabe himself. He could work on all that unfinished homework, but he wouldn't understand it anyway. Most of the time he has no idea what is going on in any of his classes. So instead he stares out the window, committing every single thing he sees to memory. This way, he'll have a piece of freedom to keep him going when he is once again imprisoned in his soul room.

The first three periods blur together, they always do. Ryou enjoys that, though. Drifting through a day is better than actively fighting through one. Or not being part of it at all.

But he and Yuugi have fifth period together.

The spirit is restless then.

Not that the spirit is impulsive, no, if anyone knows patience it is his other. But the spirit is restless and Ryou can feel control draining from him. The spirit wants control, the spirit wants power and Ryou can do nothing but spend the period holding desperately onto the tiny thread of power that's left. He is used to it though. Ryou spends every day fighting like this. In fact he doesn't even know who teaches this class, he is so preoccupied.

"Bakura-kun!" Yuugi calls from the seat to the right of him, "Are you paying attention?"

"Huh? Oh, well I suppose I dozed off there for a bit," Ryou smiles, "Sorry, Yuugi-kun."

(So, so sorry.)

He hates himself, more than anything and everything, he hates himself. Yuugi doesn't deserve to be deceived, his only crime was just trying to be Ryou's friend and yet Ryou doesn't try to push Yuugi away. The spirit wants him to keep a modestly close relationship with Yuugi and Ryou will do it. (Because he can't, can't, survive trapped in soul room, he'll go crazy – go crazy for good…)

He is a coward.

This realization hits him every day and at 1:25 exactly Ryou heads to bathroom stall and vomits. There is laughter in the back of his mind, but he doesn't care as long as it stays in the back of his mind.

The next period is always the worst because the lack of any sleep the night before (he knows the spirit does not let his body have any rest) finally catches up with him. And as Ms. Sasaki (or was it Ms. Suzuki?) drones on and on about something, Ryou begins to drift away.

He drifts out into the blue sky, the one he memorized at the beginning of the day and floats. For a minute, maybe ten, the floating doesn't matter – it's what happens next.

Ryou is flying. He is souring high above everything and enjoying himself (he is free!) until he looks down and sees the spirit, his other falling. It shouldn't, but his heart tightens and he flies towards his other and reaches for his hand.

Reaches, reaches, reaches…

And Ryou reaches out an unstained hand for his other, and his other reaches back (which amazes Ryou to no end and fills him with such joy. Yes, he wants to help his other and his other is willing "Please, please let me help you!"). Their hands grasp tightly onto each other and then his other face twists into a smirk and he is pulling Ryou down, down, down into an abyss – a void, "where no one will ever find you, yadonushi. Where you will belong to Me, the Darkness, forever." – and he is falling, falling, falling –

He lands.

Ryou is broken and cold and alone (and it is so dark here, so very dark).

Then, suddenly a burst of light illuminates his dark hole and someone is calling his name. In the distant he can see Yuugi crying out for him, reaching out his hand for Ryou to take. He wants to pull Ryou back up.

And he tries to reach back for Yuugi, but in Yuugi's light he can see the blood on his hands. Two arms wrap around his torso and nails dig into his chest like the tassels of a ring. Whispers ("I've tainted you, yadonushi. You'll never be good enough, pure enough for them.") and Calls ("Bakura-kun! Tell me what's wrong, please. You know you can tell me anything.")

The calls are nice to listen. But the spirit of the millennium ring is right; his other is right. Because Ryou can tell by the crimson smeared on his palms, smeared. The blood is not his and he did not put the blood on his hands. It was smeared, smeared when he reached out to help – (and the nails dig into his chest even deeper) –

The spirit.

"You." He trembles and shakes and tries not to cry.

The spirit leans in closer so he can hear.

"You got blood on my hands."

His other laughs (and laughs and laughs) until Ryou is laughing too, because it's just so funny – the blood, the blood it's so funny and red and all over his hands. It won't come off, it won't ever come off and that only makes Ryou laugh harder, and he just stares at his hands.

Just stares and stares. (Laughs and laughs.)

It's so funny after all, so very funny. There is blood on his hands.

There is blood on his hands.

The school bell rings and Ryou picks up his books quickly and quietly. He doesn't want to be noticed or make a scene. All he wants is to fade into the wall. The last period goes by quickly and the only hard thing left is to fake a smile at Yuugi as he leaves school.

He walks as slowly as he can home, savoring every minute of moving his muscles the way he desires. When he gets to his apartment complex, he even runs his hand along the railing relishing the feel of metal against his skin. He can't feel anything when he is locked away in his soul room, so anything he can feel he'll try his best to feel.

Ryou draws closer to his apartment door. The whispers are no longer just in the back of his mind.

The whispers, they say things, always, all day and every day the same things…

Whispers. ("There, yadonushi, are you satisfied? I've paid my rent.")

He ignores them.

Across the hall, Mrs. Saito was just leaving. She sees Ryou and smiles grandly.

"Hello there, Mr. Bakura! How was school today? Did you do anything interesting?"

Ryou smiles.

(Whispers, whispers, whispers…)

"Oh, you know Mrs. Saito, the usual."


A/N I AM SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SO LATE AND SO SHORT. I really am. But my computer didn't work for like two days and then I started writing this chapter and it got way out of control to the point where I am seriously considering making it an entirely separate fic. So I wrote this oneshot in the original chapter's place.

But I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if only for the angst.

Reviews are loved!