A/N I don't even know guys. I don't. I really, really don't think this is tendershipping and I'm not sure it's friendship either. Dependency? Is that something? Anyway takes place in the Millennium World Arc right after Yuugi and co. defeat Zorc but before the Ceremonial Duel. Major thankies to Bakura's Guardian Angel who recommend the song.
Bolding - Yami no Bakura's memories.
Italics - Ryou's memories.
I have woken now to find myself/I'm lost in shadows of my own/I'm longing to be lost in you ~ Away From Me, Evanescence.
Time has passed.
Ryou doesn't know how much time (he never does) but he knows that it has come and gone. And is passing right now. He feels it, sitting alone in the corner of his dusty soul; he feels it slip away from him like desert sand through a closed fist. When he presses his hand to the walls, sometimes he can feel his own heartbeat and that is comforting because at least then he knows he is alive. He presses his ear to the wall and hopes for sound.
He hears it.
It's not soft murmuring voices like the sounds Ryou has heard in the past. No. It is loud and thunderous…and very far away. Ryou leans in closer, because never had something so strange entered his monotonous life while locked away in his soul room. It persists as it moves, as if whatever was making the sound was traveling parallel to Ryou's soul room. He scurries along the wall, trying to figure out what the sound is – a train, a thunderstorm – no, none of his world's sounds seemed right, this was something totally different…this was something –
The sound stops.
Eyebrows furrowed, Ryou arises to stare at his soul room's door. It couldn't be a coincide, after the past few years Ryou knows there is no such thing as coincides. He places his hand around the doorknob. It doesn't burn him like usually, but Ryou does not know if that is a good sign or not. The doorknob hadn't burned once before and Ryou had foolishly allowed himself to be hopeful and tried to open the door and then spirit had just laughed and laughed…
He tightens his grasp around the knob and ever so slowly (please, oh please let this work) he twists it and then gives the door a small push and a trickle of light comes into his soul room but the door is creaking, creaking – oh gosh someone might hear and laugh at him – creaking, creaking…
The door opens.
Wide.
Wide enough for Ryou to see the spirit of the millennium ring's soul room door is open too. Wide enough for Ryou to that the spirit's soul room is falling apart.
The spirit is standing in his doorway, a mirror image to Ryou, and blocking a complete view into the spirit's room. But Ryou does see some things, at the bottom of the spirit's feet. He sees sand.
(And blood.)
The spirit isn't even standing tall. He (he, Ryou decides to call him…only because he is stilling uses Ryou's form) is slouching, panting and his face is twisted by great pain.
Ryou almost feels sorry for him.
He takes a step forward (either towards the spirit or away from his soul room, Ryou didn't know which at the moment) but stops immediately. Never had he been allowed to be so free in his own head, why should now be any different?
But he is completely out of his soul room…and he is fine. No excruciating pain, no invisible force pushing him back in. He is standing in the hallway that connects both of their souls unscratched.
And the spirit isn't even doing anything to stop him.
He is just lingering there, nails dug into his doorway and glaring at Ryou with deep bottomless brown eyes (that will betray no emotion, because Ryou has stared into those eyes long enough to have them memorized)… that have a hint of fear.
Fear.
Suddenly, Ryou's eyes widen and his own heart is gripped by fear. If the spirit is afraid of something (very afraid, if Ryou can see it so clearly in his eyes) then shouldn't Ryou be worried, too?
A loud cracking sound breaks Ryou out of his thoughts and he turns and looks back into his soul room to find one of his pictures has fallen right off the wall. Ryou stares, not knowing what to do. No matter how many times he had tried to tear those frames of the walls, they had never even budged. But now there was a frame, fallen and broken on his soul room's floor.
Out of instinct, Ryou moves toward t to place back on the wall, but before he can even make one step – the frame is gone. Dissolved into a light blue, almost white sphere of light, just floating there and then it rises like a small sun (slowly, very slowly) and it's just floating there. Ryou takes a step closer and quicker then he has time to process the sphere turns into the beam and pushes through him making this horrible –
– ripping sound, he is so familiar with that sound. How many times had he ruined a shirt by trying to struggle out of a bully's grasp? They always find him, no matter how many times he changes schools; they are attracted to him like moths to a flame. (He can burn them too, if he wants, if he wants…)No! He doesn't want any trouble, it is trouble that finds him, and he just wants them to go away. He doesn't want them to hurt.
He doesn't want them to hurt.
He doesn't –
Ryou lets out a strangled cry when the expected blow finally comes. A trickle of blood leaks out of his mouth (how dare the do this to him!) and Ryou looks up with pleading eyes. The scene is so familiar…in the back of his mind he knows what happens next.
"Please just leave me alone. Please," he begs, grovels and he is (weak, pathetic) just trying to save them from something he cannot seem to find the words to name.
"Aw, does the little baby want his mommy?" The biggest one mocks, Ryou doesn't even know is name, all the bully's blur together in his mind…they are so very much the same. Familiar.
(And Ryou knows what happens next…)
A kick this time, right to his chest. Ryou let's out a small, low scream at the one, the kick seemed to have pushed the tassels of his millennium ring into his chest and oh God, it hurts…
But he welcomes the pain, and the blood leaking out of the corner of his mouth does not stop his smirk.
Ryou sees the world go fuzzy and he feels like someone is dragging him down, down, down –
And everything goes –
Ryou stumbles back, clutching the doorway of his soul room. He's panting and his face is twisted by great pain. He looks towards the spirit, hoping for a smirk or a laugh – any sort of sign that the spirit had done this too him, that the spirit was in control. But when he looks into eyes that for all extends and purposes are his own (yet so very dissimilar from him) he sees nothing but confusion…and pain.
"Did…did you feel that?" Ryou asks and immediately regrets it. They had never spoken, not really. The spirit did not talk to him; it simply did what he wanted to Ryou without any sort of conversation. Occasionally, he would hear directions or snide remarks in the back of his head but they were never directed to him. It was more like the spirit was talking about him, but Ryou was never really there. And Ryou did not talk to the spirit because the spirit was something taboo and omnipotent, something that Ryou could not talk too. He would have nothing to say.
But all the reasons and analysis were pointless now, because the question had been asked. The spirit glares at him (hates him) but slowly nods. It sends shivers down Ryou's spine, because the spirit had always been in control. But now, the spirit had not controlled, he had reacted.
(Maybe even malevolent gods are only human…)
The spirit opens his mouth to say something but a beam of dark blue light flies out of the back of his soul room and straight through the spirit's heart. Before Ryou realizes that the exact same thing had just occurred to him moments ago, the dark blue light bursts from the spirit's chest and is now flying towards him! Ryou covers his head and braces for impact and everything goes –
– black. Pitch black, darker than the nights he lives in – the nights have stars and the moon but here there was only blackness. The thief tries to move his arms, but they are bound by rope. How very foolish. With ease that could only be accomplished from years of experience, he wiggles out of his bonds. He doesn't even have to use his knife. Those that had captured him must not have realized who they were dealing with.
He was a king.
The thief can feel his village smiling at him, proud of his accomplishments. They were always so quick to doubt him, doubt his passion – even though he was born out of their hate and he only lived to serve their revenge – doubt his strength. But he always conquered in the end. He always got what he wanted.
He hears the guards approaching; he'll be free faster than he'd ever dared to hope.
Then he would set all of Egypt – the world even! – on fire for his village. For their justice, so they could be happy and proud and together they would watch the fires burn and burn and burn and –
Ryou lets out a gasp as he falls backwards.
"Yyyou," he stutters, "Was that you?"
The spirit looks up at Ryou from across the room (somehow the blow from the light had knocked him to his knees) and glares. With his sleeve he wipes blood from the corner of his mouth, like the way Ryou had done so many times when he faced bullies.
Horrified, Ryou looks down and finds his wrists have rope burns.
"Us, yadonushi, us," The spirit says, the words come out pained and stunted but give Ryou goose bumps nonetheless.
The spirit returns his gaze to the ground and claws desperately at his doorway, trying to get up. He can't.
Instinctively, Ryou goes towards the spirit to help him (because Ryou is always trying to put broken things back together, ever since he was a child) but before he can reach him something tears through his chest and Ryou can feel it –
– burn. He feels his heart burn every time he looks at a picture of Amane laughing and his mother smiling (though his father has taken most of them down, there is still that picture hanging in his room). He feels it burn every time his father looks at him with cold, dark eyes. Ryou wonders if he would be looking at Amane with the same eyes if he had let her out of the car first (like she'd wanted) and Ryou had been the one still in the car when the drunk driver plowed into them. Ryou would have been the one trapped as the fire burned (and burned and burned) and it would be Ryou hooked up to all those wires and beeping machines now instead of Amane. If that had happened, would his father look at Amane the way he looks at him? Would he hate Amane the way he hates him?
And even though he is young, he knows better than to ask. He just might get an answer.
He feels it burn the worst though right now, when he is riding in their other car (the car that wasn't burned). The car is so empty. There is no Amane making her demands heard loud and clear, no Mother to quiet her down. There is his father, but he hasn't told Ryou one story since Amane and his mother have been in the hospital, so he might as well be gone too.
He'll tell Amane a story though, when they get to the hospital. And Ryou will get to hold her hand and ask her to wake up, beg her to wake up but by the time the story is over, Amane will still be asleep.
He heard the doctor once say she'd never wake up, but Ryou doesn't believe him. Amane always overslept. On weekends she'd sleep till noon! So she was just sleeping extra late. Ryou was sure one of these stories would wake her up and then she'd would bounce on Mother and get her to wake up, too.
(His father must believe the doctor though, because Amane's room has already been packed up.)
They park the car and Ryou follows his father into hospital. Before the reach Amane's room, his father grabs Ryou wrists. His father pulls Ryou towards him and gazes long into Ryou eyes. Ryou stares back, and finds his father's eyes are red and puffy.
"Now, when you go in there I want you to tell your sister that you love her –,"
"I always tell her that," Ryou interrupts, confused. His father frowns and his grip tightens. It hurts.
"I know. But this will be the last time you get to tell her that, son. This is goodbye."
Ryou blinks. "Is Amane moving?"
His father closes his eyes, when he opens them again they are even redder than they had been before.
"Yes. She and your mother are moving some place real far away, but really nice too. Better than here, so much better…"
This time Ryou frowns. "Why are they moving? When can we visit them?"
"We will see them again. Someday. Just not for a very long time. Trust me, this – this is for the best. Do you understand Ryou?"
No! He wants to scream, he doesn't understand at all. He wants to scream and shout and cry but most of all he wants Amane and his mother to wake up so he won't be alone anymore, so he won't have to look in his father's eyes and see nothing but coldness…
But he doesn't. He just nods and walks into Amane's room.
(Amane was always the screamer, Ryou was always the quite one.)
Ryou looks back at his father, who is standing in the doorway.
"Aren't you coming?" He asks meekly. His father shakes his head.
"I'm going to see your mother right now. I'll be back though, in a little while."
Ryou doesn't like his father's tone of voice. It is cracked and shaky; it makes Ryou feel scared. But he nods anyway and turns back to Amane.
She looks very peaceful…but not at all happy. He'd long ago given up hope that she'd ever look like herself, (her face was too badly burned and she never smiled her crocked grin in her sleep) but he'd hope she would have at least look happy.
He just wants her to be happy, because when she's happy he's happy.
Ryou touches a scratch on the unburned side of her face. The doctors probably think it's from the accident but it's not. Ryou did that too her. They had been climbing a tree (Ryou had only done it so Amane wouldn't get in as much trouble if they got caught) and Ryou was helping her to the next branch. He'd offered her his hand and she took it, but not before making Ryou promises that he wouldn't let go, that he'd never let go and he'd promised. Then Amane had taken his hand (her hands were warm and sweaty) and Ryou pulled her up but too soon he let go –
He let go.
And she fell and scratched her face against the branch.
All because he let go.
So now Ryou holds her hand extra tight, so he really won't ever let go when she needs him but it's not the same. Because Amane's hands shouldn't be this cold and clammy, and she shouldn't look so pale and lifeless…
And suddenly he is crying into his sister's hair, apologizing for every wrong he'd every did to her and promising he'd do better, he'd be a good big brother if Amane would just wakeup and soon that all disappears and the only thing coherent in his sobs are –
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm – "
Ryou is collapsed on the floor now, tears streaming down his face. He doesn't want to remember that, doesn't want to think of that last time he saw his sister before his father…no! He didn't want to remember!
"You're pathetic," the spirit sneers, still at his doorway while Ryou is lying in the middle of their hallway.
Ryou looks at the spirit with red and puffy eyes that are wide with shock. Even though he should be used to it, the cruel words and evil actions, every time they occur it is fresh betrayal. Because Ryou had always trusted the spirit, it was in his nature to trust. Was.
"You're weak. Just like the pain you feel. Heh! You know nothing of true pain," the spirit continues, spitting words at him like venom.
Ryou shakes his head in disbelief. Even though the spirit is so clearly dying on the floor, even though Ryou is here dying with him he still, still finds ways to make Ryou suffer.
"I hate you," he says and has never been more certain of anything in his life.
The spirit smirks wickedly and laughs, laughs even as the dark blue beam plunges through him.
It plunges through Ryou next, forever imprinting Ryou's distorted face of hate into his soul. And suddenly he regrets the words, suddenly he is almost –
– " – Sorry."
He sees lots of guards that night, but that is the only one that apologizes. The guard whispers it as he drags the little boy's mother (her belly swollen with a child) away. The little boy stares, frozen with fear. When he tries to call his mother's name, no words come out.
Soon more guards come and they drag everyone else away. Everyone, all his friends and neighbors are screaming and crying, so he starts crying. Because he can't scream. Ever.
All the people around him are gone now, the guards having gone with them too. The little boy picks himself up and sneaks along the shadows. He needs to find his family. He can't be alone.
The little boy hears the screaming before anything else. Is not like any screaming he has ever heard before. Even the fathers are screaming this low deep eternal scream. They sound like monsters, not villagers – not his family.
He creeps along the wall, staying at of sight just the way his father had taught him. The little boy looks down and sees the sand by his feet is bloody. Then he sees them. Familiar faces screaming as flesh is melted off the bones, hands reaching up for salvation but the Pharaoh's guards push them back into the vat. The flesh falls off and he can see their bones – and they are still screaming!
And the little boy watches, protected by the shadows. Watches and can't scream.
They've spotted him. The guards' cold, emotionless eyes turn to him and the little boy turns and starts to run. The guards chase him, shouting commands and threats but the little boy does not stop running for anything. And even when the guards give up, he just keeps running. Running forever and –
Ryou coughs hard, like someone had just been choking him. He looks at the spirit – who is glaring and snarling but Ryou can see the hint of a trembling child locked away deep in his eyes.
He tries to speak, but there are no words.
There is silence in their souls until hesitantly, very unsure, cautiously Ryou reaches out his hand.
Then, the common feeling of being ripped in two. Would this keep happening forever and–
– Ever. That's how long it feels like he has been waiting. Forever and ever.
Ryou just wants to see Akira (his friend, his friend, Akira had said it himself while Ryou had set up the Monster World board), it shouldn't be taking so long. It didn't take this long to see Amane.
Soon (but not soon enough) a nurse strolls out the room and motions him inside.
Ryou can't look the nurse in the eye when he asks, "Has anything changed?"
The nurse shakes her head.
Ryou's posture slumps even more. When he opens the door he finds that what the nurse said was true. Nothing has changed. The flowers are the same as they were when he came last week (of course someone must have changed them because otherwise Ryou would see some signs of decay), the machine that Akira is hooked up to beeps monotonously, just as it had before. Even Akira himself is in the same position he was when Ryou last visited him. Akira doesn't move.
Not ever.
Ryou pulls the chair right next Akira's bedside and sits down. Most of the boy's visitors held his hand or told him stories, but Ryou never did. People noticed that too. Once the nurse had told him that they say people can understand you while they sleep and that he could try talking to him.
(Talking, or apologizing, or crying, begging, promising to never let go and lying.) But Ryou is older now, fifteen years old instead of nine, and he will not delude himself.
"He's not sleeping," he had said to the nurse, and the nurse never once tried to give Ryou advice again.
Akira doesn't stir. Ryou's not sure if he even breathes.
He watches intently, trying to figure it out, trying to decipher what had happened to his friendly raven-haired classmate.
(Somewhere, deep down inside of him, he already knows the answer.)
You did.
And before he realizes it he is crying and apologizing (because it is all his fault, Akira only went into a coma after they played the game that he had wanted too). He grabs Akira's hand only to find that it's cold and clammy, like Amane's was, – like Amane's was!
Ryou's bolts out the chair and runs down the hallway. Escaping. He couldn't stay, not with him. He runs faster and faster, just thinking of how he has to get out of here, he has to get –
Ryou barely has time to catch his breath before he sees the dark blue beam coming from the spirit's soul room.
His hand is still reaching –
– Out.
He is finally out of the millennium ring's darkness. Not that he minded, he was the darkness but now that he was free he could move along with his plan. Spread the darkness across the world.
He stands, for the first time in millennia. Soon his soul – or the bits and pieces that are left of it – form around him into his room. The door finishes last and he eagerly opens it. It has been a long time since he'd had a host, after all. Excitement was only natural.
The door opens and across from it his sees another door. It is a soft white with a golden knob, the painting is peeling a little bit at the bottom but that was the only thing of interest about it. It was very plain.
He smirks. What fortunate luck to have a host that would be so easy to break. But that would before another time, he thinks as he retreats back to his soul room. For now he needs to watch and plan. Because this time, he wouldn't lose and the Pharaoh would pay. This time he would –
The spirit reaches back for Ryou. Clutching, Ryou's wrist, the spirit pulls Ryou straight into his chest.
And holds him.
It's the strangest hug Ryou has ever had. It's not affectionate or gentle, the way his mother held him. It's not playful and hard, the way Amane would hug him. It's tight and possessive…and desperate? In fact, to Ryou it really isn't even a hug. It was more like a cling.
The spirit is clinging to him.
(Ryou lays his head down on the spirit's chest, and clings to him, too.)
I need you, I need you…
Two beams of blueish light enter through them both at once. As it does, Ryou realizes what is happening could never be stopped. They could never –
– win. He knows already that he will.
They underestimate him, don't suspect him soon enough because he is still a child. This is partly true. But when they look at him, all they see is a beggar child.
They do not see a thief.
And he is one too, more of a thief and less of a child and one day he will be the greatest thief there ever was.
It's all he has.
– win. Ryou already knows he will. His played this game about a million times now; he has it down to a science. And besides, his opponent wasn't even a real person, it was a computer.
He looks at his father, who is focused intently on driving. Ryou turns back to his hand-held game. Though he'd never tell his father, he really hated video games. It wasn't the same playing against a computer as it was to playing against someone who could think and breathe. Plus, controllers could never be the same as rolling dice and moving game pieces.
And the video games his father bought him regularly did not make up for a lack of any sort of conversation between them. Ever. Ryou just wants to talk to his father, laugh with his father. Like he used to when he was young.
The guards are chasing him again, away from this village because they have finally figured it out. But he can out run them. He's a fast runner. But something happens, he trips and falls. Now they are gaining on him now the little thief is not so sure he will win.
They are standing above him now, spears in their hands. The kingdom does not take kindly to thieves, they sneer and he doesn't bother telling that he hates their kingdom, hates their Pharaoh.
The little thief keeps his eyes wide open, so he can see death approach. And escape it of course, because there was always a way out. But before he can even think of a plan, a white mist wraps its self around the guard. He chokes and sputters but the other guards are fighting against the same white mist.
The next second they are all on the ground dead.
His father looks at him from his mirror. (He never lets Ryou sit in the front seat.)
"Son," his father says.
"Yes?" Ryou looks up and his voice is a little boy hopeful.
"I think it's time we talked."
Ryou's eyes fall and he gives a small nod. "Talking" with his father never lead to anything good.
The little thief stands up and faces the mist. He is not afraid. It seems…familiar. The mist collects itself and soon he can see the faces screaming in terror and arms reaching for help that won't ever come.
His family.
The mist embraces him and shows him images of that night. He glares and tells him that he remembers, he remembers every single day. They agree with him and son, they say son we need you to help us.
Of course, he says, anything. Anything.
"You pretty old now right. Fifteen years old, I mean –"
"I'm fourteen, I just turned fourteen," Ryou says and looks away.
His father laughs awkwardly.
"Of course! Anyway, I've just been offered the chance of a lifetime, son. The want me lead the archeological dig in Cairo, Egypt!"
And they tell him. Tell him what he needs to do, how they know he needs to grow up first, but one day he will be strong enough to face the Pharaoh. He believes them, because he is still partly a child. The mist tells him where to go to next and then starts to fade away.
No, he screams like they screamed. Where are you going?
They turn to him, the mist forming faces half melted away. They tell him to calm himself, that they will never be to far from here. They say that they will always be with him.
That is not enough for the little thief.
Ryou smiles, his father seems so excited.
"So we're moving to Egypt?" Ryou sounds a little excited too.
"Well, no. I was thinking you should stay here in Japan. You've already got use to it and I think it would be a lot better for your education. Plus, you'd probably be so bored if you came with me," his father laughs again. Ryou doesn't like that laugh.
"So…I'm going to be living by myself?" Ryou whispers.
"Won't it be fun, Ryou? Every teenagers dream! Think of it as an adventure. Doesn't that sound fun?"
Ryou stares at his feet and gives a small nod.
"Good."
Promise me, he shouts at them, Promise me you'll never leave! They laugh sinisterly and swarm about him, promising to never his side until he avenges him, but the little thief doesn't like that at all. He doesn't want them to leave. Not ever.
Please don't leave me; Ryou screams silently, I don't want to be alone. Please, please, please.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
That one thought rings from their soul rooms in perfect unison.
For a split second Ryou…hope isn't the word – needs, Ryou needs the spirit to stay.
(He doesn't.)
The spirit's soul room collapses with a violet roar and the spirit clutches Ryou even tighter. Ryou buries his head into the spirit's chest and closes his eyes.
The spirit blows away, like sand on wind (maybe because Ryou was holding on to tight? Not tight enough?) and when Ryou opens his eyes again it is not the spirit's arm wrapped around him, it is Jounouchi's.
And then time passes.
A/N Yeah. I know. First off, I know I told you in my response to your reviews thank you for the quotes but seriously THANK YOU FOR THE QUOTES! Part of the reason of why this chapter is so late is because I had so many cool quotes to chose from! I have plenty of inspiration now. On this chapter. I don't know guys, I just don't.
I hope you liked it though! =) Review!!!
