A/N Format.


The only thing that's going to bother me/Is that you'll all call yourselves my friends/Why can't you look me in the eyes one last time? ~ You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance, A Day to Remember.


He waits for the question.

It comes, everyday without fail. Ryou hates it. More than the scars on his chest, more than the fake smiles he sees when he sits down to eat his lunch. Nothing compares to that question.

"How about you Bakura?" Honda asks, "How have you been?"

(Angry, depressed, ecstatic, insane, lonely…)

"Good. I'm fine."

-0-

Ryou doesn't remember buying the coat, or wearing it. No, all he remembers is waking up in. Remembers falling back into himself, falling on stairs, falling into the arms of Jounouchi…

It's black and Ryou thinks it is very suiting of the spirit. Dark and cold with lots of hidden pockets.

(He strokes the fabric almost longingly.)

In the pockets, he finds a knife. (There is still some dried blood coated on it.) When he takes the knife into his hands, a sharp buzz travels up his arms. Each nerve, each atom of his hand awakens and suddenly his own arm does not seem like part of him. It feels separate.

(Separate…)

He keeps the knife with him at all times from that moment on.

-0-

The walk to school is pleasant, in an annoying sort of way.

Usually, Hondo and Jou will say something that doesn't sit well with Anzu and then Anzu and Jou will have to bicker back and forth until they reach Domino High. It's predictable and boring but it's better than being alone.

(And he is so alone now…so alone…)

"Hey guys!" Yuugi says, in a usual way, "Where's Honda?"

They look around (even Ryou) and finally realize Honda's absence.

"I haven't seen him," Jou proclaims and Anzu shakes her head in agreement.

Yuugi frowns.

"Bakura-kun, you haven't see Honda have you?"

Ryou blinks and then shakes his head.

"Me? No I haven't seen him, Yuugi. Sorry."

(It's just one little lie…)

He smiles at Yuugi, and then slowly Yuugi smiles back.

"Probably just got sick…he'll be here tomorrow for sure!"

Yuugi runs up back to the front of the group where Jou and Anzu have started their same argument yet again.

Ryou falls behind a bit and watches.

-0-

He's glad he packed himself a little thermos of tea, the day has been stressful.

(It's good thing both Jou and Honda are gone today.)

Ryou is quiet as always, but today Yuugi is too.

"What's wrong Yuugi?" Anzu asks, speaking Ryou's own concerns.

Yuugi frowns and suddenly he looks very tired.

"Honda's not answering my calls and neither is Jou," he sighs, "I'm worried about them. Why haven't they called?"

Anzu's eyes glimmer a bit, and Ryou knows she feels the same. But for the sake of Yuugi (always for the sake of Yuugi) Ryou can predict what she'll do next.

"I'm sure everything is fine Yuugi! You know them, they'll probably just doing something stupid," she laughs uneasily. Even Yuugi can barely smile back.

Ryou just takes another sip of his tea.

-0-

Ryou finds it funny. No matter how many times he holds his knife, it never loses its buzz.

(The blood never really washes out either, but that's another matter entirely.)

-0-

The first words out of Yuugi's mouth are:

"Where's Anzu?"

Ryou looks up, quite perplexed. He glances side to side then back at Yuugi.

"I guess she's absent."

Yuugi's eyes harden.

"She walked to school with us – she was perfectly fine this morning!"

Ryou shrugs. It's not as though any of this pertains to him.

"Perhaps she got sick and had to go home." That sounded plausible enough.

"She would have told me!" And suddenly it is very clear that Yuugi is vastly different than Pharaoh. The Pharaoh would not have sounded so weak and pathetic.

"I don't know, Yuugi-kun. I haven't seen her. "

Yuugi looks as if tears will burst from his violet eyes any second.

"Maybe you should go the nurse," Ryou says caringly, friendly and all the other fake emotions, "You don't look so well."

Yuugi collapses next to Ryou.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you Bakura-kun…it's just… it seems like everyone is disappearing and I'm so worried all the time…"

Ryou smiles and takes Yuugi's hand in his.

"It's already Yuugi-kun. I'm sure everything will turn out okay."

Another smile, this time Yuugi returns it.

"I have something that will cheer you up!" Ryou declares and pulls something out his pocket.

"Come on Yuugi, how about we play a game?"

-0-

By the time Yuugi regains consciousness, Ryou is already half way done.

Gloves on. Check.

Bound and gagged. Check.

Fingertips cut. Check.

Everything is in place, so he takes his first real cut as Yuugi opens his eyes.

The boy screams of course.

"It's okay, Yuugi-kun," Ryou consoles.

Another mark and the buzz radiating from his knife intensifies to unparalleled levels.

"I've gotten better at it," he tells Yuugi as Yuugi sits dying.

"I have!" Ryou assures him when he receives no answer.

He takes his knife and slash more crimson is spilled.

"Honda had it the worst. I didn't know what I was doing then. But I'm better now!"

Ryou smiles at Yuugi. Then glares.

"But you don't believe me do you? Don't believe me, you never believed me! When he left – when you took him from me! – I saw the way you looked at me. Watched you watch me. You were just waiting for me to break. Even though I told you – I told you – I was better… And I was! I was – am, am better. Without him. I hated him. I'm not doing this for him. I'm not. But you probably don't believe that either. How can I call you my friend if you won't even trust me?!"

Yuugi makes some muffled noise, but it's hard to talk when your throat is slit.

"I didn't want to do this. I had too!" Ryou is shaking now, quivering so hard it's a miracle that his knife just doesn't slip right out of his hands.

"I had too." For once, he says this more to himself than Yuugi.

"You were all going to leave me eventually. You had already left in your minds. I could see it in your eyes. You hated me. Hate me. But now you can't ever leave."

(Yuugi lets out a moan.)

Ryou laughs; it is unhinged. He laughs and laughs until all of a sudden nothing is funny anymore.

"I'm so pathetic. I didn't even…I hated him. I don't want him back. I just…I didn't want him to leave! But this isn't about him! I..it's me…all I want… And you, Yuugi, all I ever wanted was to be you friend! That's all I wanted I swear!"

His frenzied eyes look to Yuugi's but they are glazed over.

All he wanted was friendship, everything he had ever done was in search of it.

"I just don't want to be alone!" He shouts and the part of his mind tells him how disgusting he sounds.

Then, a whimper.

"Is that so wrong, Yuugi-kun?"

Ryou waits for answer.

("Yuugi-kun?")

There never is one.

A/N I suck. Majorly. You guys are so awesome, especially you reviewers and I awarded with late, short, crappy updates. Forgive me?