A/N: The title is actually a song by Gnarls Barkley. I didn't originally intend that, but it just popped into my head.
I think my parents finally realized that I have a problem. But I think I realized that no one cares about my problems. They've figured that something's wrong, but I don't know what they're going to do. Maybe they'll ignore me, just like every other damn trainer does. I've always thought about suicide. Maybe Pokémon-assisted suicide, just for the sheer irony.
I'm sure my fear is out of self-preservation, but I'm growing more and more inclined to kill myself. Why am I afraid of touching disease-ridden creatures when I'm devoted to death anyway? I guess I want my death to be as quick and painless as possible. A Scyther would do the trick. It could slice my head right off. Or a Scizor could crush my head in a second with its massive claws. Or I could get something to target me with a blast of vaporizing energy.
But I still don't get why I can't get myself out of my room to find death. I'm too afraid to go outside, but I don't know why. Killing myself would be the strongest thing I have ever done. Peeling myself off of my bed requires more immediate strength, though. Maybe, if I stay here for a while, I can work out a plan that'll be executed (heh) as smoothly and painlessly as possible. If I don't know what to do or where to go, someone with good intentions could catch me. I don't want that to happen. Anything that could my life is to be avoided.
I'm going to go now. If I don't, my nerve will shrink to the size of a pea. I'm going into the forest, where no one can catch me.
If I can get up first.
