Though he would deny it, it was common knowledge in the Took smial that Pippin - who was the youngest of the Tooks and only son - was prone to nightmares more than most other hobbit lads his age.
It was only the usual nightmares that most hobbit lads had, nothing too dark or twisted of course; monsters lurking underneath the bed, the trolls from the tales that Uncle Bilbo told him and the other children as well as dragons from a far off land...while greatly intriguing, it was also somewhat mysterious and scary to young Pippin. He never screamed during his nightmares, nor embarrassed himself in an undignified way - his family only knew when he called out for them during the night, craving to see that they were safe.
His older sisters teased him for it affectionately, of course; he was the true babe of the family, as the youngest, and so he was more than used to the high-pitched giggles and well-intentioned coos directed at him anyway, but it still made his face go pink.
"Dragons? Uncle Bilbo says there haven't been dragons for thousands of years," Pearl would tease affectionately.
"Well," Pervinca laughed, clutching her sides. "Apart from the one he talked to when he went with the dwarves!"
Pippin shook his head. "No, he told me that there hasn't been dragons here in The Shire for a thousand years; there are still dragons in other places!"
His mother, Eglantine, laughed and ruffled her only son's hair. "I shouldn't worry about dragons in these parts, dear; they have much bigger things to worry about than us smallfolk, I assure you."
Even so, Pippin made a mental note to keep on the look out - just in case.
He is dreaming when he sees mountains; when he sees castles fit for Kings of Middle-Earth, when he sees the fires in Moria, and definitely when he sees the blood pouring over the land as the battle rages on. Both Orc and Man are unsafe from the massacre, he realizes, and his sword is dripping with blood. His friends - oh, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Faramir, the list goes on - are caught up in the wave, unable to fight back, and he cannot reach them no matter how hard he fights and stabs at the sea of enemies between them.
And then there's the eye, that eye that never stopped watching, not even to blink, and it was staring at him. It was probing, waiting for the answer, looking down on him. It knew all of his faults, knew all of the stupid things he'd done; it knew that he didn't deserve to be on this journey, not with the likes of great men like Aragorn, or elves trained for this like Legolas...he didn't even really have the brains that Frodo or the other hobbits had. It was probing, hurting, torturing, never letting him go-
"Pippin!"
Pippin jolted awake and opened his eyes to see Merry looking down at him with a worried expression; he was holding a lit candle in one hand, the other securely on Pippin's arm. The two had been staying in a smial not far from Crickhollow together since they had returned from their adventure - though they both had their own homes to return to, they had found that they didn't want to be separated just yet, not after all they had been through. Apart from that, they were needed in the area to assist in rebuilding the destroyed parts of the Shire.
"Merry!" He breathed, relieved to see his cousin. "What's going on?"
"You were dreaming, Pip," Merry whispered, putting a hand to the younger hobbit's forehead. "You were thrashing and fighting in your sleep; is everything alright?"
Pippin gave a small sigh. "No, Merry, I do not think so."
Giving a nod of understanding, Merry sat on the bed with his cousin and placed the candle on the table beside them. "I see. Bad dreams about the fighting, hey?" When the other hobbit nodded, he gave a heavy sigh. "I know how you feel, Pip...I get those flashes too, and I'm not always asleep when it happens. But we did the right thing, I believe, and we saved the many people of Middle-Earth."
"It's not that," Pippin muttered quietly, looking quite unwell. "I know that we were doing the right thing, saving Middle-Earth, but the images still haunt me. I never thought of killing anyone before we left, and now that's all I can remember when I close my eyes." He looked down at the bed sheets sadly. "How are we meant to go back to normal, Merry? How can we, knowing what we did in war...knowing of the people we have met? Everything seems so small and insignificant now compared to the adventure; it feels surreal."
Merry also looked down in agreement. "I don't know. I've been wondering that since we first sat down in the Green Dragon after the Scourging was over with a pint of ale; I thought that all I wanted was to be back here - back home - but now I'm not so sure."
Relieved that he was not alone in feeling this way, Pippin sat up and wrapped an arm around his cousin while breathing heavily. "Is it always going to be like this, Merry? Bad dreams and wishing for the chance to be normal again?"
"I...I don't know Pip," Merry answered honestly. "I hope that it won't be."
Pippin took another deep breath before speaking again, closing his eyes tightly. "He was watching me, Merry. I saw him again...and he wasn't happy with me. I can still feel it; the way he was probing...I still feel violated about it. Dirty...used and useless."
"Do not speak that way," Merry said sharply, his hold on his cousin tightening. After a moment, though, he seemed to soften. "It's over now, Pippin. He's gone. And you are far from useless; you are a Knight of Gondor, after all! No other hobbit has ever had such an honour before, at least not that I can remember...and you are to be Thain of the Shire! That's a very important role, Pippin; not just anyone can do it."
Pippin briefly wondered at his cousin; Merry had suddenly become much wiser than he could remember, though there was still that mischievous spark in there that made him the cousin that he loved and grew up with. It only then occurred to him that the journey had much changed them - all of them who had been a part of the Fellowship, in fact. Sam had become confident enough to ask Rosie Cotton if they could begin a courtship, he and Merry were both somewhat more mature, and Frodo...oh, dear cousin Frodo. He had changed the most, though not for the better.
"Are you feeling better now, Pip?" Merry asked, peering at his cousin's face. "You seem to have regained some colour, which is good."
Pippin suddenly felt rather foolish. "Yes, I have. Thank you, Merry; I think I'll try and sleep some more."
"Alright," His cousin said approvingly, standing and picking up the candle once more. "If you need me, then I shall be down the hall."
She was there when he woke up that one night - that one where he had the particularly dreadful nightmare that returned over and over again - while screaming for help, the most horrible images flashing across his mind and bringing him to tears.
Diamond wasted no time in taking him into her arms, cheek pressed against the top of his head as he buried himself into the crook of her neck. The position was awkward and could not have been comfortable for her, what with the fairly large sized baby bump that was protruding; but she didn't seem to care in that moment for that kind of thing, instead deciding that her husband was more important.
Pippin, on the other hand, couldn't help but feel a flood of relief as his hands pressed against the bump, running his hands over it and muttering to himself under his breath thankfully; they were safe, he told himself sternly, both Diamond and their unborn baby and so to worry was very unnecessary. But tonight it seemed to be really affecting him, and he just couldn't get it through his head that, despite his worst fears brought on by the nightmare, his growing family were safe and sound.
Diamond shushed him gently and sighed. "Will you tell me about it, Pippin? Maybe it might help?"
The thought of telling her what he'd seen in that dream - the images he'd had of her - made him feel sick. "No," He disagreed immediately. "It's not at all pleasant, Di, definitely not suitable for a hobbit lass-"
"I'm not like the other lasses, Pip," She interrupted fiercely. "I can take whatever you tell me, I can assure you. Please, Pippin; it may make you feel better to share what's troubling you."
Lord, he loved her. She was right; she was not like the other lasses, and though it might upset her he knew that she would be strong enough to take it - so he told her of the dream, trying not to shudder as he recounted it.
"It's stupid, Di, but...I remember the Scouring, the ruffians taking over...what they did to some of those poor girls..." Pippin felt a tear in his eye when he remembered; he hadn't seen it for himself, but he'd heard enough stories to imagine - and imagining was far worse. "I know that you and Estella and Rosie - most hobbit lasses - were safe, but some of them...they didn't deserve what happened to them." He took a deep breath. "I can't help it; I worry that it might happen again. I know that it won't - King Aragorn makes sure of that - but it still frightens me...what if?"
"It won't," Diamond assured him softly, running a hand through his curls comfortingly.
Pippin gave a heavy sigh. "I know, but what if, Di? This dream...it's always the same... The Shire is being attacked, a-and no one can do anything about it. We're just prisoners." He shut his eyes tightly. "I see you, Di, in the dream. They...they do horrible things to you...beat you, strip you..." His voice broke. "And all I can do is watch as they...they do it...and you're begging for help but I can't..."
"It'll never happen," Diamond told him firmly, although she did look somewhat paler than a moment before. "Sam won't let that happen, Merry won't - you won't let it happen. I know you; you'd fight to the death to protect everyone - regardless of hobbit, man, elf or dwarf."
"I know," Pippin agreed shakily, nodding his head. "I'm sorry for waking you, Di, but I just worry - it is silly, I know, it's stupid-"
"It's not stupid," Diamond interrupted. "If it's making you worry, then it's not stupid. Not necessary, maybe, but far from stupid." She gave a sigh. "It's over now, love. It was only a dream - a nasty dream, yes, but still only a dream."
They were silent for a moment, just lying there with Pippin's head tucked underneath Diamond's chin, and both of them with a hand on her belly. It was only after Pippin felt a slight shift from the baby that he managed to compose himself properly.
"I'm sorry I woke the both of you up, Di. You need to be sleeping," He apologized, though his eyes never moved from the bump.
Diamond shook her head. "I was barely asleep anyway - the babe seems to enjoy moving very much. He's going to be very much like his father, I can tell."
Pippin was content for all of half a second before it fully registered in his head what his wife had just said. "He? His? Is there something you know that I don't, Di?"
"No," She laughed, highly amused as he sat up to look at her. "I just have a feeling...mother's intuition. I'm not certain though. Why? Do you not want a boy?"
Pippin grinned at her in the darkness. "You know I don't mind whether it's a lass or a lad, so long as they're in good health." He gave the baby bump an affectionate rub. "After all, it's taken us a while to get here; I'd be a fool to care over such trivial matters."
"Well, you are a Fool of a Took," Diamond teased, although he knew it to be in a loving way. "But you're my fool, so I'll put up with it."
