James felt numb as he walked step after step away from M's room. He would respect what she wanted, but it didn't lessen the blow. He knew pain, it came with the job and would eventually disappear after a few weeks, but this pain felt worse than any injury he had received and he knew it wouldn't be disappearing anytime soon no matter how much M wanted them go back to how they were.
A small part of him at least hoped she would have thought about it before deciding, no doubt any other woman would, but he knew M wasn't just any woman. He had known her long enough to know that she would put her job before anything else to ensure the safety of her agents and this country, but for once he just wished she would put the job to one side and focus on her life, without the job interfering.
If it came down to giving up his Double O status, or a relationship with M, he knew he would pick M without thinking twice. He would miss the job, but if he had a life with M he could live with it. He knew she would never agree to it even if he did suggest it, her earlier confession told him that. For the first time that he could remember he was at a loss. Perhaps it would have been better if he hadn't said anything, if he hadn't he wouldn't be feeling the way he was now.
"Bond, I thought you would still be with M." Campbell asked him confused.
"She's given me three days leave."
"Ah, I take it that it didn't go as planned?"
"You could say that, although a part of me knew what her answer was going to be before I told her everything."
Campbell's eyes softened at seeing the look of defeat written over his face.
"I can't blame her given she knows my reputation and she wouldn't let anything interfere with how she does her job."
"Surely she said she would think about it at least?"
Bond let out a grunt, "If only, but you know M once she makes a decision she stands by that decision. No amount of compromising would change it."
"I'm sorry Bond."
"What's done is done. I'll respect her decision and just have to live with it."
"And can you?"
"At this moment Campbell, I don't know."
He let out a sigh, "I had best be off."
He was about to continue on his way, only to be stopped once again by Campbell.
"How are you planning on getting home?"
"I was going to drive."
"Not in your current condition you're not. Come on I'll give you a lift."
"Thanks for the offer, but in case you forgot you have patients."
He turned to the auburn haired nurse behind the desk, who was sorting through some files. "Laura, cover for me for half an hour."
She simply nodded, and watched as they both left, before continuing with her task.
"You know if M finds out about you getting a nurse to cover for you, she won't be happy."
Bond told him, carefully manoeuvring himself into the passenger seat of Campbell's car.
"I highly doubt that Bond, considering when she knows it was for public safety."
"Just because I have a few cuts and bruises, doesn't make me incapable of driving myself home."
Campbell rolled his eyes and started the engine. "Perhaps, but at least this way I know you are actually home, and not at some bar, drinking yourself in stupor then doing something you would later regret."
He reversed out of the parking space, "Besides, just because she said no to a relationship in this moment in time, doesn't mean it's a no indefinitely."
Bond sat thinking over what Campbell had just told him and he realised he was right in a sense, she had told him she couldn't be in a relationship because of the job, she said nothing about after she or he had both retired. He tried not to get his hopes up at the prospect, but maybe, just maybe there could still be a chance.
The journey to Bond's flat was made in silence, with Bond being wrapped up in own thoughts of thinking about what a life with M would be like. Although he had broken into her house on many occasions, he realised that he didn't actually know what she was like when not in her boss persona, or the simple things like her favourite colour. If he wanted to be in an actual relationship with M, he would have to get to know her on a personal level and that wouldn't exactly be easy task. She wasn't one for letting anyone in, or letting anyone get close to her since her ex husband that much he did know from what she told him. He was never one to back down from a challenge, but he also knew he couldn't push her it would get him nowhere.
He let out a frustrated sigh, the sound caused Campbell to look at him from the corner of his eye seeing him stare out the window. It didn't take a genius to work out what he was thinking about, or more specifically who. He just hoped whatever Bond was thinking wouldn't end in disaster, god knows he has a reputation for it.
The car eventually came to a stop outside Bond's flat, with James muttering a thanks to Campbell and was about to get out when Campbell's voice stopped him.
"Bond whatever you're thinking in that head of yours tread carefully. Use the time you have off to get your head straight then go from there."
"Easier said than done, and chances are it isn't going to go anywhere no matter what I try."
"Perhaps, but don't give up on her just because she told you no to a relationship. Take it a day at a time and get to know her."
James let out a grunt "And how am i supposed to do that?"
"Most people usually ask, but since it's M we're talking about here. Perhaps you could get more information from Q or Tanner. Q has known her for years, and Tanner works close with her, both are bound to have picked up some personal things about her. Just whatever you do, do not raid her apartment that won't win her over, if anything it would probably result in a restraining order or she will have you killed."
"I'll keep that in mind Campbell." Bond rolled his eyes and slowly got out of the car.
"Make sure you do."
His only answer was Bond slamming the passenger door closed, Campbell waiting until he had entered his flat, before driving back to headquarters. He needed to speak with Q, if anyone could help with those two it was probably him.
Once back at headquarters, he made his way to Q branch, hoping Q was still there. Upon entering he saw the older man storing away some items, either that or he was hiding them from M.
"Q, we have a situation."
Q jumped startled at the voice having hearing no one come in.
"What's 007 gone and done now?"
"For once it isn't Bond, it's M."
Campbell watched as the older mans face changed from annoyed to worry.
"Is she alright?"
"She's fine. Bond told her his feelings for her, and the results weren't exactly what he was hoping for."
"I see. Where is 007 now?"
"Home, I drove him there after M gave him three days leave."
"That's something at least, and here i was hoping i wouldn't have to deal with the elephant whenever they were in the same room."
"Quite, Bond's at a loss. Which is why i came to speak with you."
Q looked at him warily "Why me?"
Campbell gave him a smirk, "You've known M for years, perhaps you could maybe talk to her, make her see sense and for her to give Bond a chance at least."
"Just because I've known her for years Campbell doesn't mean i can change her mind."
Q let out a sigh, "And if she doesn't want a relationship with Bond, we can't exactly force her."
"There can be other relationships other than sexual Q."
"And that is one thing I do not want to think about."
He respected M, he had already saw her naked in a sense he didn't need to know about what she or 007 would do if they eventually did decide to have a physical relationship.
"Let's say if I speak to her chances are she'll have my head for interfering and She'll probably think it was 007 that put me up to it."
"If she thinks it's him then tell her who it really was. It's either that or you will have to suffer the awkward atmosphere whenever they are in the same room."
Q knew he was right, he refused to go through that every time he had to deal with them.
"Fine I'll speak to her, but i can't promise it will change anything. It will probably make her annoyed more than anything. She can be more stubborn than 007, and that's saying something."
Campbell gave him a relieved smile, "Thank you Q, I'm sure Tanner will be more than willing to help you. God knows the poor bloke will have to put up with it as well."
Q gave a nod, "She's going to give me a debriefing on protocol I'll bring it up then. I just hope she will be in a good mood."
"Hopefully, she will be. Speaking of which I had best go and give her one last check over then I can send her home. That should put her in a good mood at least."
"For all our sakes Campbell, you had better be right." Q told him gravely.
Campbell tried not to let his nervousness show and simply gave a small nod to Q in understanding, then turned in his heel and left.
Heading back to medical, he had just got through the door when Laura stopped in front of him.
"You took your time, she has not stopped ringing that damn buzzer. Everytime I went to check on her, she kept asking me where the bloody hell you where."
"What did you tell her?"
Laura narrowed her eyes, "The truth, you were driving Bond home. Still didn't stop her though. I know she's the boss, but the quicker you release her the bloody better."
Campbell tried not to laugh at hearing the annoyance in her voice and seeing the look of irritation on her face.
"I'll see what I can do."
She gave him a look of gratitude and stepped aside to let him pass. He just hoped M wasn't in one of her usual Bond's pissed me off moods. Stopping outside her door he took a deep breath and knocked on the door before entering.
"You took your bloody time."
Campbell inwardly groaned he wasn't even fully in the room and she had already started with her dressing down.
"It was either drive Bond home Ma'am or you deal with more budget costs and damages."
M let out a grunt in annoyance, "Well, now you're here, I can finally leave."
Campbell gave her a disapproving look, "You will leave when and only when I'm satisfied you're fit enough to be sent home."
M bit her tongue, the last thing she wanted was to get into an argument with the doctor who would be releasing her.
"Fine, but make it quick. I've still to notify the families of the deceased agents, give Q a debriefing on protocol and I have a stack of paperwork to complete."
"If I release you, you're going straight home all of that can wait until tomorrow at the latest."
"That's an order." Campbell cut her off when he saw she was about to argue.
"You may be the boss of MI6 Ma'am, but when you're in medical as a patient, it's us who gives the orders. Do I make myself clear?"
M lay there silently seething.
"Crystal." She told him through clenched teeth.
Campbell knew he would be paying for this later.
"Then there's Bond."
"What about Ja-Bond?"
Campbell turned away from her switching off the heart monitor so she couldn't see his smile at her near slip up.
"Last thing he needs to hear is that his boss Is back in medical having collapsed from exhaustion."
She tried to remain indifferent at the implication despite what James had told her earlier.
"What would it have to do with him?"
He couldn't believe his ears, "He cares about you. You didn't hear the despair or see the broken look on his face when he realised you heart didn't restart after four shocks. He all but begged me to keep trying, refusing to let you go. I can understand why, he just lost your clone who died in his arms and he was close to losing you as well. Christ he even told you himself how he felt about you, and you rejected him."
He looked towards her seeing her furious glare, and he realised he had said more than he intended to.
"What did he tell you?"
"Not a lot Ma'am, just that he would respect your decision and you wouldn't let a relationship with him interfere with the job."
"I see."
"But with respect Ma'am, I think you've made the wrong decision."
Her earlier doubts about her decision came back and hit her full force. She had hoped that her saying no to Bond would be the end of it, but it seemed luck wasn't on her side.
"It's no concern of yours Campbell, just concentrate on what you're paid to do rather than play matchmaker. If i wanted your opinion i would have asked for it and as for Bond telling you what transpired, that was between me and him no one else."
He tried to keep his face impassive, perhaps informing Q wasn't one of his greater ideas, but it needed sorted.
"Ma'am."
"If you so as much breathe a word of what Bond told you to anyone, you can kiss your job goodbye. Do we understand each other?"
M saw him nod his head in acceptance, "Good. Now i think you had best do that check-up, as i would like to leave here as soon as possible."
Q was right, she was too stubborn for her own good. He continued with her check up and gave her the all clear to be discharged, much to her relief but it did nothing to help lift her foul mood. He left her alone so she could have some privacy, and so not to provoke her mood any further. He only hoped Q would have better luck getting through to her than he did.
/*\*/*\
Twenty minutes later M was on her way home much to her relief thanks to Campbell phoning Roberts for her telling him to have the car ready. If she had to stay in medical for another minute she was going to go insane. She never had the chance to check up on Tanner to see how he was, but she would do that tomorrow along with her other list of things she still had to do. She could feel Ross' eyes on her looking at her every few minutes through the rear view mirror.
"Out with it Ross."
"I was just wondering if you were okay Ma'am?"
"I'm fine, will just be glad to get home."
Ross knew she wouldn't tell him, he just hoped she managed to get over whatever it was that was causing her to be the way she was. To him she seemed depressed and annoyed about something, but whatever it was he didn't know. They had heard about what had happened and many were eager to find out the full details. No doubt there would be an official report carried out on the matter, but he had a feeling there was more to her mood other than Ellis' psychotic episode.
He finally stopped the car, and went to help M out who muttered a goodnight to him. He slammed the car door shut then watched as she walked to her house, she had a defeated demeanour about her, nothing like the confident strong willed woman she usually was. He waited until the door had closed before he left for the night, hoping she would be back to her normal self tomorrow.
M leaned against her front door once it was closed and let out a sigh closing her eyes. She often wondered how she got herself into these situations. She was dreading going into work tomorrow knowing there would be looks and gossip about everything that happened with Ellis, she just hoped word had not got out about anything else.
Reopening her eyes she pushed herself away from the door and made her way to her bedroom, turning on the light she looked around her room looking for any sign of Bond. Although Campbell said he had driven him home, she still wouldn't put it past him to turn up at her flat. She listened for any sound, but there was only silence throughout the house. M felt disappointment wash over her, she had told him to keep his distance and it seemed he was following her orders for a change.
Quickly getting changed into her night clothes, she got into bed laying on her back and stared at the ceiling as her thoughts went into overdrive. The chances of her getting any sleep tonight would be slim. She couldn't get the hurt look of James' face from her mind, and kept mulling over his and Campbell's words. If she gave James a chance of being a part of her life, she wouldn't be able to let him go. The full situation was a mess to say the least. She willed herself to try and get some sleep, no doubt tomorrow would test her limits more than usual.
