"Kill me huh?" Angel said to Rodney "Not very creative."
"That's what he said. Kill Angel and the senior partners release the city." Rodney replied
"So why didn't you take the deal?" Angel asked "Don't tell me you're afraid of me."
Despite himself Rodney shared a smile with Angel. "Here's the thing about demons, I don't trust them as a general rule. But when it comes to choosing between demons like you and green or demons like the evil assholes who took the sun away from my city and turned it into a literal devil's playground… I choose you. I don't think they'd keep their word."
Angel surveyed the room, trying to gage everyone else's reaction. Everyone, even Kate, seemed to agree, except for Wesley. "The senior partners always keep their promises, but the loopholes tend to be worse than the situation you're already in. I'm sure the phrasing they used was 'leave the city' meaning first they have to cross over and be in the city, which would be quite bad. Then they raze it to the ground and leave to conquer the rest of the world."
"Yeah well I don't want that." Rodney said
"I should imagine not."
"I'm glad we've removed killing Angel from the agenda." Lorne said to the group as they were all gathered in the lobby. Rodney had said he needed everyone present to tell them what Ricky the vampire had said before releasing him. He didn't want Angel to think he was conspiring against him or couldn't be trusted, and he wanted as many witnesses as possible just in case Angel reacted strongly to the news. Rodney still didn't trust the vampire. "Was there another reason we gathered here or is that all?"
"While we're all here," Wesley said. "I figured out where the real sacrifice is going to take place. Does anybody have a map?"
"I know where one is." Anne stood up and headed for the stairs. "I'll be right back."
"All right Wes," said Gunn, he sounded proud of his friend "Way to come through."
"We still don't know how we're going to stop the sacrifice." Wesley pointed out.
"We know when it's going to be, we know where it's going to be, why don't we just show up and put a stop to the whole thing by rescuing the hostages." Kate said
"We're not doing that." Angel said before Wesley had a chance to "We need to employ a bit more subtlety. What's the exact procedure for the sacrifice?"
Wes explained the procedure for anointing the circle, the bleeding of the innocents, and the sacrifice of the acolytes. "This opens a portal to the hell dimension where the senior partners reside. The innocents are forced through the portal and the Wolf comes through."
"Acolytes, what's their story?" Angel asked
"Probably some of the demons from the senior partner's dimension that they summoned here. Lord knows there are plenty lying around." Wesley said
"But you're not sure," said Kate
"The text wasn't any more specific than acolytes."
"Maybe we can stop these acolytes en route to the sacrifice, make it look random. They can't perform the sacrifice without them." Gunn suggested.
"And you think they'll just let the sacrifices go?" Kate sneered
"Okay, how about this," Conner tried "We find the acolytes, we pretend to track them to the sacrifice, we kill the demons, and then free the innocents."
"Why were we tracking the demons?" asked Spike "Why didn't we just kill them?"
Anne returned with the map. "Took me a minute to find it." She spread the map out in front of Wesley. "The entirety of the L.A. area."
"Are you okay?" Gunn asked her, Anne looked ill.
"Still a little shook up, I'm fine." Anne assured him.
"So where is the sacrifice going to happen?" Kate asked
Wes hesitated "We still don't have a plan."
"We'll think of one." Angel said, but he wasn't too confident.
"Lilah is no idiot, this plan has to be flawless. Whatever we do to disrupt this sacrifice has to look like it went wrong on their end." Wesley insisted
Angel had a flash of inspiration. "Harmony!"
With great effort Wesley prevented himself from rolling his eyes. "We can't trust Harmony, she'd betray us in an instant."
"She'd break under even the slightest pressure," Angel agreed, recalling her earlier betrayal. "But Lilah has no reason to apply any. It's like you said, to the senior partners she's nothing; Lilah won't suspect a thing. We only need Harmony to remain loyal to us for a few hours after the sacrifice takes place, then if she betrays us it won't matter."
"I don't know," said Wes "It's risky."
"It's our best shot, you could tell Harmony to switch some ingredients in that anointment potion. Instead of working its mojo it will cause a crazy lightshow and then a smokescreen will go up. We rush in and usher the hostages out of there. It will look like they escaped on their own and even if someone sees us they'll figure we saw the lights and rushed over to investigate."
Wesley looked at Angel like he was a crazy person. "There are so many ways that could go wrong. Even if Harmony doesn't betray us, and that's a big if, Lilah will know someone tampered with the potion. She'll suspect we had something to do with it."
"I think this will work." Angel said "Trust me,"
Wesley looked into his friend's eyes and remembered not trusting him. He looked at Conner, who shouldn't even be three years old. He stood up. "I'm going for a walk."
"Now?" Kate was incredulous.
"Yes," Wes headed for the door.
Illyria started after him. "Illyria wait," Angel's command fell on deaf ears.
"What was that?" Rodney demanded
"Uh did we just lose Wes?" Gunn asked, unable to believe that.
Angel made a judgment call. "Everyone wait here. Gunn, Spike, Lorne meet me downstairs." Angel headed for the basement to a background of confused murmurs.
…
"Wesley wait," Illyria drew abreast of the man she had comforted when he lay dying.
"Illyria I want to be alone." Wesley insisted
"You have been avoiding me."
Wesley found that amusing.
"Why are you smiling? I do not understand."
"You never will."
"Explain it to me then."
"Illyria," Wesley clutched his head. Her emotionless voice was giving him another headache. Everything she said came out in that same otherworldly tone, but beneath it he could hear her. How had he not heard her before? "I can't teach you to be human."
"You were before. What has changed?"
"I'm dead Illyria."
"It makes no difference, you can still teach me. I need only your knowledge, which you retain. Only your physical presence has been affected by your death."
Something occurred to Wesley. "That's the opposite of what happened to Fred. Her body remains, but her mind was destroyed."
"Is that why you will no longer speak to me, because of the shell?"
Wesley stopped, turned, and looked at Illyria, at her cold dead eyes. "You became her."
"For you," Illyria remembered
"You said what she would have said, somehow you knew what she would say."
"I have many of her memories." Illyria reminded him
"Fred was human, you should therefore remember how to be human." Wesley started to walk away.
"I don't want to be Fred." Wesley stopped. "I became her for you, but I do not want to be her. I remember how she was, but they are just memories. They have no context, there is no understanding. She kisses you, and before she does she say 'screw it'. I don't know what this means. A screw is a device used to hold things together, but it also means procreation. What did she want to hold together? What did she want to procreate with? I don't know, I only remember that she said it. She said it and then she kissed you. I remember what she did, but not why. I can mimic her behavior but I do not understand it. I don't know what these memories mean. I don't understand any of the things in my head, I need to understand. Help me."
Wesley looked at her and for the first time since she came into the world he saw her. He didn't see Fred, Fred's body, or Fred's killer; he saw Illyria. Wesley looked at her and felt sympathy. She hadn't chose this. She had been pulled from her grave into a strange world with creatures she didn't understand. But she was trying. She was trying to make something of herself and showed remarkable potential. Illyria possessed many admirable traits, loyalty, strength, and courage among them. She had joined their noble cause and been an asset to it. Wesley felt a crushing guilt. As the days had gone by and Wesley analyzed the situation and its many variables he had realized one piece at a time that he would have to kill the woman who had comforted him as he lay dying. "I can't help you Illyria."
"Why?"
"I can't. I'm dead Illyria. I'm dead and I'm tired. I want to sleep." Wesley felt a single tear escape his eye. How was that possible?
"Then why did you choose to stay?"
"My friends need me." Well it was half-true.
"You died for them Wesley, what more can they ask of you?"
Wesley want to reach out and touch her. He wanted to feel skin beneath his fingers. "All that I can give. Everything I am belongs to them, they can have it to do with what they will."
Illyria tilted her head, indicating a lack of understanding.
Wesley headed back to the hotel.
…
The three men sat in silence, processing what Angel had just told them.
"If Lilah's just stringing us along," Spike said "I'll kill her. I don't care that she's already dead. I'll rip her head off and if that doesn't work I'll just have to get bloody creative."
"Hear, hear," Lorne declared
"Then we can find a way to bring her back and kill her again." Gunn mused
"Wesley thinks this is for real." Angel said
"We sure we can trust Wesley's judgment?" Spike asked
"We have to believe. If there's a chance we have to take it." Angel replied
"No question," Gunn said
"But I need to know." Spike said "Can Wesley be trusted to make the tough call? Is he too close to this? I've seen him lose it before."
Angel remembered, after Fred's death Wesley had gone off the deep end. He'd turned to alcohol just to get him through the day. But that wouldn't happen this time. "Wes only loses control when he has no hope, when there's no out. Now he has hope, he can do this. I trust him."
"I trust you too." The four of them turned to look at the ghost who had just appeared. "I'll tell you where the sacrifice is taking place. With a little tweaking we can start implementing your brilliant plan." Wesley steeled himself. "But you need to know, that Illyria is going to die."
Angel let the news sink in. "No problem."
…
"Illyria?" Conner stopped on the way to his family's room to look at the old one.
"Why are you just standing there?"
"I do not understand this feeling that I feel. Wesley died and I felt a pain, but it was not physical. Now he is here, but cut off from me, I feel as I did before. I do not understand."
"Love is a funny thing." Conner said
"I do not know what that is."
"Love? Nobody does, that's the point. We don't know what it is but we feel it."
"Your words are meaningless." Illyria stated
Conner sighed. "I don't always understand every feeling I have. I rarely understand some of them. It's okay to not know, that's what it means to be human."
"Teach me to be human Conner." Illyria commanded. But there was a softness to her order, a plaintive quality that wasn't lost on Conner.
"Okay," He considered this. "Would you like to have dinner with me and my family?"
"I would."
Conner offered Illyria his arm, which she only stared at, uncomprehending. "Put your hand on my arm." Conner explained.
Illyria obeyed. "What purpose does it serve?"
"I don't know, it's just part of being human."
…
Kate returned to the hotel from her patrol with Angel. Although she was still angry with him she appreciated that he let them complete their mission in silence. Kate still needed time to think. Rodney and Gunn were using the lobby to practice fencing while Anne watched. Kate walked over to the other woman and sat down next to her. "You mind?" Kate asked
"Not at all," Anne assured her
Kate took in the woman's haggard appearance characterized by sallow skin, bags under her eyes, and sweaty palms. "You don't look at all well." Kate noted
"I haven't been sleeping." Anne confessed
"Is this about the vamp you staked?"
Anne watched her two old friends fight their painful injuries as well as each other. "Yes,"
"You get used to it." Kate promised "It helps to remember they aren't human."
Anne nodded. "I'll remember that."
"Hey Kate!" Rodney called "When I'm done humiliating Gunn you want a shot at the title? You and me, what do you say?"
"Sure," Kate stood up. "I need the practice."
Gunn tossed her his sword. "Practice away, I'll take over your post."
"My post?" Kate was confused. What had she forgotten she that was supposed to be doing right now? Was she supposed to check in with someone after patrol?
Gunn took Kate's spot on the couch. "Keeping Anne company, an important job."
Kate smiled and approached Rodney. She wasn't an expert swordsman by any means, but she was quick and adaptable. The key to any form of combat was identifying the enemy's weakness. Rodney was cocky, and not very flexible, she could use that.
Gunn leaned back against the wall. "How do you feel?" Anne asked him
"Like I could use some of that vampire accelerated healing. There are moments I can't believe I survived. I was just a barely holding together bag of guts when Angel pulled me out of that ally. I guess I'm just too stubborn to die." Gunn smiled at her. Anne looked away, much to his confusion. "Are you all right?" Gunn reached for her hand and she pulled away.
"Look I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to-"
"No," Anne looked at him and gave him a weak smile, the best she could muster. "It isn't that. I'm just scared. I don't want to be. I have to be strong for my kids."
Gunn thought about the dozens of helpless teens upstairs. "You love those kids."
"I would do anything for them." Anne said as though she were trying to convince herself.
"You're wonderful, you know that?" Gunn reached out and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. He smiled at her.
Despite herself she smiled back. "But I'm not a hero like you."
"I'm not a hero, it's all an act." Gunn assured her "I'm just a normal guy."
"You're a hero." Anne insisted "I'm proud to know you." This time it was Anne who reached for Gunn's hand and he took it. They sat in comfortable silence as they watched their friends trade blows, a complicated web of attack and defense.
…
Illyria stared at the metal device in her hand. It could be used as a weapon, though a feeble one. The ends were four prongs, sharp, but barely enough to pierce skin. The device fit naturally in her hand. The shell had used it before, not this weapon but another like it. She had used it to collect food and put the food in her mouth. Illyria looked at Conner who was engaged in similar behavior. Illyria pushed the device into the piece of meat in front of her. One of the shell's memories surfaced. After returning from the hell dimension Gunn had reminded her of the proper usage of this tool. 'You remember forks don't you?' 'Forks, pitchforks, fork it over, fork in the road.' Illyria picked up the device, bringing the meat along with it.
"Illyria?" She looked at Conner who, along with his family, was staring at her.
"Yes," She met his gaze.
"Would you like to cut your meat maybe?" Conner picked up another utensil, a much better weapon. This utensil was like a dagger with a dull blade. Illyria had one of her own next to her plate. She picked it up and used it to slice the piece of meat in half. "In my time," she recalled "We ate the flesh of our enemies while it was still warm, preferably while their soldiers looked on. This was a good recruitment method."
One of Conner's sisters pushed her plate away. "I'm not hungry."
"Well that was a lovely story Illyria." Conner's mother said "How old are you exactly?"
"I am older than the reign of mankind. I am Illyria the god-king and in my time I reigned over the earth. After my death I was sent to the deeper well, but my rebirth was foretold. My essence was put in the vessel of a mortal and I rose again to conquer the earth."
Conner's family stared at him. His sister moved her lips mouthing out the words 'who is this freak?' without actually making sound. "How's that working out?" Conner's father asked.
"I put aside an army before my death, so that when I arrived they would be ready. When I returned to earth my army had destroyed itself in my absence. Now I fight to save mankind."
"Why?" Conner's other sister asked "Why do you care about us?"
"I do not know."
This had a sobering effect on the table and when Illyria placed half a chicken breast in her mouth nobody bothered to correct her. They ate in silence and when dinner was over Conner escorted Illyria into the hall. "Your family does not like me." Illyria observed
"They don't understand you. They don't understand any of this." Conner said in way of explanation. "They don't know how to react to you."
"Should I not speak of my past, who I am?"
Conner considered this. "I don't know." He couldn't think of a better answer.
"You don't speak of who you are. Is that typical human behavior or unique to you?"
Conner flinched. "I do what I have to in order to protect the ones I love. I don't want my family to get hurt, not like…" Conner remembered Cordelia, remembered her lying on a bed immobile, her life force drained by Jasmine. "It's hard for me to keep this secret, but I do what I have to. I'm willing to make the sacrifice."
"Sacrifice," Illyria stood, pensive. "Why must we sacrifice? Why not just take what we want? Why do we have to trade one thing for another?"
"You can't have everything Illyria." Conner said "You try, and you end up losing everything. You have to decide what's most important to you and fight for it."
"I know what is most important to me." Illyria said
"What?" Conner was curious.
"He doesn't want me." Illyria looked almost human when she said that.
"I know what that's like." Conner said "I understand loving someone who can't love you back. I've been on both sides of that." He reached out, touching her shoulder.
Illyria looked at him, confused. "What does this gesture mean?"
"It means solidarity. It means that we're friends."
"We are friends then?" Illyria asked
"We are friends." Conner confirmed.
…
"Hello," The chipper voice invaded Spike's thoughts as he sat smoking on the roof.
"Hey,"
"What are you thinking about?" Teresa asked
"Why don't you just read my mind?" Spike said
"You don't want me to."
Spike threw the cigarette off the building, watched it fall into the alley below. "I wonder if that kid's family got out. Maybe rescuing him was pointless, maybe they're all dead."
"Saving someone is never pointless. If the child is dead, he got to die with people who loved him, instead of ones who were planning on eating him. That's something."
"It's something," Spike said sarcastically
"Why are you so sad?"
"The truth?"
"Please,"
"I thought I'd be dead by now." Spike said
"Are you disappointed?" Teresa asked
"A little bit." Spike admitted "This saving the world thing is a lot harder than destroying it. When I was evil you only had to do things once!" Spike exclaimed. "You kill a slayer, she's dead. Saving the world is like an annual thing. You save it, someone else shows up wanting to destroy it, or rule it, or something equally unpleasant."
"Doing the right thing is always harder." Teresa said "Or everyone would do it."
"I guess," Spike said
"I'm glad you're not the traitor."
Spike looked up, startled. He stood up and walked over to Teresa. "What do you mean?"
"I'll be sad no matter who it is, but I'm glad you're not the traitor. I like you."
Spike grabbed Teresa's arm through her long-sleeved shirt. "Somebody here is a traitor? Who?" He shook her. "How long have you known about this?"
"I had a vision just now." Teresa explained.
Spike pushed her away. "Oh you're just a bloody lunatic!" He said as she stumbled and fell to her knees. "A vision," Spike pulled out a carton of cigarettes. "Nutter,"
Spike was shocked to see as he lit his cigarette that Teresa was crying. She pushed herself to her feet and wiped away her tears. "I tried,"
"Tried what?" Spike pushed down his guilt.
"She gave me a chance. I wanted to be good."
"You are good." Spike assured her "Don't worry about me, I just get aggravated sometimes. I'm a big bully to tell you the truth."
Teresa shook her head and held out her hand. "Touch me,"
Spike backed away. "You don't want to see what's up here."
"I do," She insisted
Spike walked around her to get back inside. "Trust me," He said as he left.
"I do," She whispered to no one.
…
"Look at the busy little worker bee." Lilah taunted
Wesley looked up from the text he was analyzing at his cheerful ex-lover. "Lilah,"
Lilah sat down in front of his desk. "Work, work, work all day long. You are so dedicated. One has to wonder just why you still give a damn."
"This again?" Wesley sounded disappointed. "You're starting to sound like a broken record Lilah. Anyway you're the one that convinced me to stay."
"That doesn't mean I understand why you do."
"Yes you do." Wesley was exasperated.
"For Fred,"
"Ye-" Wesley looked at Lilah. Something was wrong. The way she had said those two words was wrong somehow. Wesley had heard Lilah many times, had felt her many times. He had been lied to by her in many different ways. When she said for Fred she was mocking him, but not his sentimentality. It was as if she no longer believed that was why he was here.
"What's wrong lover?"
Wes knew he had to tread carefully to get as much out of her as possible. "You wouldn't understand how I feel about Fred."
Lilah chuckled. "No you're right, I don't. Apparently you love her."
Wesley stood up. "I'm taking a break."
"Don't be too long lover!" Lilah called after him, oblivious to what she had given away.
"I won't." Wesley promised.
…
"Hi Wes," Gunn said as Wesley entered the lobby. He was taking his turn sparring with Kate while Rodney and Anne chatted on the couch.
"Get everybody down here now." Wes said "Angel, Spike, Lorne, Conner, Illyria, Teresa, get everybody down here." Gunn hesitated, looking at Kate. "Now!"
Gunn headed upstairs without question. "Wesley," Anne said
"What's your problem man?" Rodney asked
"We have a traitor in our midst."
Anne gasped. Kate examined Wesley, eyes probing his face. "Are you sure?"
"Lilah knows I told you about the second sacrifice."
"How?" Rodney asked
"Somebody told her." Spike said as he came down the stairs. "Somebody here has gone over to the dark side, stabbed us all in the back."
"What's going on?" Angel asked as he came up from the basement. "A traitor?"
Soon the group was assembled in the lobby. "Lilah knows," Wesley repeated. "She knows I told you the first sacrifice was a fake and she knows I told you how to find the second one. Any chance we had of saving Fred is gone!"
"Fred," Conner said "I thought she was-"
"There is no way to save Fred," Illyria interrupted. "She is gone."
"You're a liar!" Wesley shouted "Fred's soul wasn't destroyed." Wesley spoke with more calm, but even more anger. "Fred's soul is trapped inside of you, that's why your powers were so unstable when you were reborn, you had a human soul trapped inside you. That's why you feel some affinity for humans, why you stopped trying to take over the world when your army was destroyed. There is nothing human about you Illyria; that was just Fred trying to get out. You're a monster. You pretended to care about me all this time when you knew Fed was trapped inside of you. You pretended to love me."
"I did not pretend." Illyria stated
"It doesn't matter." Wesley's voice was cracking and tears were spilling from his eyes. "I trusted all of you, and now Fred's gone. Lilah knows, it's over."
"The hell it is." Said Gunn "First order of business, find the traitor, wring their traitorous neck. Second order, we will find a way to make Lilah give Wesley that information. Maybe we can trick her into thinking the traitor gave her false information."
"Rodney," Spike remembered something. "That vamp Wolfram & Hart sent to make you an offer, you sure all he wanted you to do was kill Angel?"
"Are you accusing me of something bloodsucker?" Rodney stood up, furious.
"There will be no accusations!" Angel declared. "Everybody is going to sing for Lorne."
"Even you?" Kate asked
"Even me," Angel's voice was firm. "Everybody sings, no exceptions. Nobody leaves this room until they've bared their soul to Lorne."
"What if green is the traitor?" Rodney asked
"Hey, hello," Lorne said, waving at Rodney "I'm standing right here and I have a name."
"I don't think we can trust anything this guy says." Rodney said "He can accuse anyone and we have no way of backing up what he says. I ain't singing for no demon."
Angel walked up to Rodney, the distance between them was only a few centimeters. "I am only going to say this once. Everybody sings. Anybody who doesn't sing gets thrown in the cage down in the basement." Even though Angel was using a menacing whisper everyone could make out each word he said. "Everybody sings, no exceptions. Got it?"
Rodney held Angel's gaze. "Best get out of my face vamp."
Angel grabbed Rodney by the throat and threw him against the wall.
"Angel!" Gunn shouted "Come on man!"
"Everybody line up!" Angel shouted. He pointed to one side of the lobby. "When Lorne clears you walk over there." He pointed to the opposite side. Angel waited for everyone to line up then dragged Rodney in front of Lorne. "Rodney here is going to sing first."
