Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.

No one can find the rewind button boys,

So cradle your head in your hands,

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breathe

When I woke up that morning the sun was shining seeming to mock what I had to do today. I showered and dressed in a knee length black dress, pulling a cardigan over my shoulders and pinning my hair back out of my face.

I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I wasn't hungry but felt like I was going to need something to get me through the morning. I looked through the cupboards finding old cereal, coffee and vodka. I weighed my choices and decided that the vodka was the best one.

I grabbed a shot glass and sat down at the table, pouring and downing four shots in quick succession. By the time I swallowed the last one and stood up I was unsteady on my feet, despite that I put on my flats and headed out the door to Soda's.

xxx

When I got there I stopped to throw up in the flowerbed, I loved the buzzed feeling from the vodka, but never had been able to handle my alcohol well.

I tripped in the front door and fell into Soda's arms. "Hi." I said looking up at him with a grin. "Whew, you smell like a distillery baby...and vomit..." Soda said pushing me to my feet and helping me over to the couch. "What were you doing this morning?"

"I just...vodka seemed like a good breakfast food" I said shrugging.

"Ya...good choices there Ali Cat, lemme see if there's any coffee left."

Soda came back a few moments later with a cup of coffee and a few pieces of white bread. "Here, see if we can sober you up a bit before we leave, I need you at least walking on your own today."

I nodded, I knew this had been a bad choice today, but after so many years of seeing my mother deal with her problems this way it had made sense this morning. I ate the bread and sipped on the coffee, starting to feel more like myself by the time we went to leave.

We all piled into Darry's truck, and Two-Bit's car, I couldn't help but notice that we fit into the two cars a lot easier then we used to...

The drive to the cemetery was quiet, for the last few days we had been able to pretend, but now, driving to the funeral we could no longer deny that our friends were gone. We pulled up to the gravesites that Johnny and Dally would have side by side, the modest flat markers already in the ground, nothing fancy when you are being buried by the state.

I took Soda's hand as I slid out of the truck, careful to not stumble as the last of the buzz wore off. Looking around me the first thing that I saw were the two caskets, poised just slightly above the two empty holes they would be placed in. I couldn't help the sob that escaped me at the sight. Soda put his arm around me and squeezed.

There was a priest standing between the two graves, which I found funny. Neither boy had been religious and when it came down to it, what had God ever done for them?

Cherry and Marcia stood off to the side by a tree, unwilling to completely join us in our grief. Other then the girls there was no one else there. No parents, no family, or friends, just us, the priest and 2 socs.

In the end it was fitting though, the people that had been there for them in life were there to see them off in death.

We slowly approached the gravesite, eyeing the priest nervously, none of us were religious and no one was sure what was about to happen here.

The priest approached Darry extending his hand "I am so sorry for your loss son, how did you know the deceased?"

Darry shook his hand, thrust into the role of adult again. "Johnny...he was...um..."

"He was my best friend." Pony said, coming to stand by Darry. Tears welled in his eyes, "He saved my life, and he died saving the lives of a bunch of little kids." Darry put his arm around him as he began to cry.

"And Dally was...he was one of us." Two-Bit explained, choking up as he talked. I reached foreword and took his hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

"Should we be expecting anyone else?" The priest asked.

"No...We're probably it" Darry said quietly.

"Would you like a religious ceremony, or would you prefer to say something?"

Darry looked back at us all. "Well, sir, I mean no disrespect but religion has never really done anything for us...I think we would rather say our goodbyes."

"Yes, certainly son, I'll be off to the side should you need me." The priest walked a few feet away and stood watching us as we all approached the caskets. We all looked at each other nervously, no one wanting to be the first one to step up, the first one to make it real.

"I um...I'm gonna miss you guys." Two-Bit said stepping foreword a bit. "Johnny, nothing will be the same without you kid, and Dally, make sure you take good care of Johnny up there. Taking care of him and Ali was always what you were best at." Two-Bit struggled to keep it together as he finished talking, he squeezed my hand before dropping it and walking back towards the cars.

The next to speak was Steve, coming forward and laying a few flowers he had pulled up from someone's garden on the caskets. Having never been one for many words Steve's words were to the point, but from the heart. "Ya'll are two of my best friends…and I'm not good at expressing my feelings but…I love you, and I'm gonna miss you."

Steve turned quickly as he began to cry and walked quickly towards the cars where Two-Bit was waiting. As he walked by I reached out and gave his shoulder a squeeze and a tight smile, Steve returned my sad smile before walking away.

Soda stepped up next, placing a hand on the end of each casket and standing quietly for a moment. "Johnny, thank you so much for everything you ever did to keep my little brother safe, that means the world to me and I'll never forget it. You two really are…were…the glue that has held us all together through the last few years…I promise I won't let you down."

Soda let out a choked sob as he stepped away from the caskets, I opened my arms to him and he buried his face in my hair. Shaking with sobs for the first time since Pony had been brought home. I rubbed his back in slow steady circles and whispered that everything would be ok. Again it was my turn to be strong for him, and I did my best to hold my own emotions stable.

As Soda's tears began to slow I carefully pulled back from him and made my way over to the caskets, "I never thought we'd be saying good bye to you like this." I began as I stared at the closed caskets of two of my best friends. "but we have to take the lumps life gives us and move on…Dally, I promise to keep an eye on the boys for you and make sure Pony doesn't get hard, I know that's what you…what you both would have wanted. Johnny…I'm sorry that life turned out this way kid, you really did deserve better with such a kind soul…" At that point I couldn't hold it together any longer and walked crying back to Soda who put his arm around me and held tight while we watched his brothers approach the caskets.

Pony let out a little sob as he looked at the caskets; Darry remained strong and silent, putting his hands on his brother shoulders. "I…I don't know what else to say that we didn't say sitting in that church…I love you both, and I'm going to miss you more then I know how to say…" Pony dissolved into choking sobs that shock his whole body, Darry tightened his grip on his brother, showing his support in his own way.

Pony turned into his brother and cried into his chest; crying so hard I was afraid he was going to pass out. Darry looked at a loss as to what to do with his brother crying into his shirt, looking at me with a mixture of fear and helplessness. I squeezed Soda's hand before detangling myself from him and moving towards his brothers.

"Come on baby" I said soothingly, taking Pony into my arms, "I know darlin', I know it hurts, but it's going to be ok, I promise." I shifted so that my arm was around his shoulders as I led the crying boy past his brothers and back to Darry's truck. Two-Bit and Steve hugged us both before climbing in their own car and heading back to the house. Pony and I climbed in the cab of the truck to wait for his brothers; he didn't let go of my hand.

While Pony stared straight ahead I watched Soda and Darry out the back window as they said their last goodbyes and talked briefly with the priest. The boys shared a rare embrace before heading back to the truck. Darry slid into the drivers seat and Soda slid in next to me, taking my free hand in his as we drove back to the house in silence, ready to learn how to live life without Johnny and Dally.

A/N – The song is Breath (2am) by Anna Nalick

I hate funerals and am truly bad at dealing the emotions of myself and others (just ask the young man I brought to college 18 hours from home this summer…) so I hope I did this some justice since we have no idea what S.E. Hinton had in mind. Send some love my way and we'll get back to the more fun parts of life!