So I haven't updated in a while, sorry again but here's a decent length chapter to hopefully tide you over. More stuff is revealed.
Chapter 9
"Pass me the lighter"
"Are you sure this is safe?" Bella asked.
"Yeah, trust me. I've done this a load of times"
"When?"
"Back in Texas, some nights it was fun to do cause I was just so bored"
"Okay" she said handing it to me.
I leaned over lighting the little gas lamp and watching as the flame came to life before closing the little door on it.
I looked across from where I was sitting to see Bella's face lit up by the low glow of the lamp. Her face was illuminated in the most beautiful way, half hidden by the shadow.
I couldn't imagine how anyone could hurt her, she was so lovely as a person, as everything.
It was nice here, just the two of us, quiet, peaceful. I could think and decide what to do next, especially after what had happened earlier. My first thought had been to get Bella dry and warm, her normally pale skin was translucent and her blue veins stood out against her.
Her little hands that grasped me were ice cold.
Her desperate pleas had broken my heart and once again I could feel this innate need to protect and watch over her. I had a strange feeling of responsibility over her, I felt as though it were my duty to look after her, keep her safe and be her support.
I didn't understand these feelings and so I simply pushed them aside. Bella had enough to deal with without me adding my own confusion to the mix.
The thing that bugged me, no, gnawed at the corners of my mind was the fact that I still had no idea what had happened that could cause so many people to hate her for no apparent reason. I believed Bella in that she was innocent and people simply took things too far just because they could, just because they enjoyed watching people suffer.
That it was I don't understand about the human psyche, we have this strange built in need to be voyeuristic such as with bull fighting, it's gruesome and bloody yet we can't tear our eyes away from it. Perhaps we shout out in disgust or watch enthralled, either we simply do nothing active, we just watch taking nothing away from the experience.
It was purely entertainment.
The bull is weak compared to the power of man and once they enter that ring they will not leave alive. They have no hope, no chance, no future. When the bull is slain and essentially suffers to death the crowd cheers the matador on, congratulates him but even on those rare days when the bull seems to gain an upper hand someone else simply comes and helps keep him down which is what humans do.
One on one we may be able to handle the situation, even barely but someone else is always there waiting to knock us down.
In Bella's case, this was pretty much all of Forks High School.
Alice shouted at Bella in class, Bella ignored it but then Lauren and Jessica got involved to help keep her down when they probably have no idea of what really happened.
Who actually knew?
The version of events that most of Forks hold could be radically different to the truth but does that matter to them. No. People don't want the truth, they want the pretty lie, the drama. They yearn for it, to see other's pain so that they don't have to face their own.
It's sad.
But right now at least, Bella wasn't. She was smiling, albeit only a small smile but a smile nonetheless.
It was a nice sight to see.
I watched Bella as she swallowed and prepared to say something.
She was nervous, I could tell. She bit her lip and wringed her hands before reaching up to tuck a non-existent strand of hair behind her ear.
"You were right" she began slowly "but you were wrong as well"
"What do you mean?" I was afraid of pushing her too much, in case I made her snap again.
"You were wrong in that I shouldn't have listened to Alice. I should have about some things and ignored her about others. You were right in that I was keeping something from you, something important"
"Bella you-"
"Jasper, please" she looked at me pleadingly "I guess I've kind of been in denial till now about everything, kind of, maybe I was just being optimistic or something but it just didn't feel real at times. None of it. Until today"
She paused sighing.
"Today Alice told me that he would never take me back, ever. That the way he felt about me wasn't real, it was simply childish puppy dog feelings. She said how I was just a play thing, something to pass the time and that we were never destined to last. She said how he'd never want me, that he'd never forgive me. She said that all of it, all of it was nothing" her voice cracked on the last word and a tear ran silently down her cheek. "He never truly cared but I just, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't hear it from her and just take it like that. I know Alice is bitter and vindictive and I knew she was trying to hurt me so I put it out of my mind"
"Then what?"
"Well I was fine, I think, until our talk and then everything kind of came flooding back and then I just wondered round Forks for a bit and before I knew it I ended up outside his door and then he was there and it was like nothing had changed but everything had. We were so close, I could touch him but he wasn't mine to touch, I mean he isn't mine to touch, not anymore. He was mine and I lost him"
Bella took a shuddering breath before taking a sip of water from her bottle.
"I had to ask, I just needed to know that it was real even though we don't have it anymore, I needed to know that his feelings, what we had, that it was something. So I asked and he, he confirmed everything that Alice had said. He said 'I don't love you and I will never be yours' then he slammed the door in my face. I just stood there shocked, just shocked and then I walked away which is when the tears started"
She held onto her throat rubbing it.
"When we first got together, I thought that he was so perfect, a gentleman. He was everything to me, everything was good and then my mum made me move back in with her and Phil and then everything went downhill from there. It was the beginning of the end"
"The end?"
"Yeah"
"Of what?"
"Everything"
"Bella"
"It was the end of my friendships; it was the end of my happiness in Forks"
"What else?"
"It was the end of me and Edward"
She laughed.
"I sound so dramatic don't I? I don't know why I'm surprised by his reaction, I just I am because even though we kind of had a break up scene, he never really came out with anything like this"
"How long were you guys together?"
"About 5 years give or take. I was 12 when we first got together and we didn't break up until, until I was 16 or 17"
"Then you moved back to Forks?"
"A bit afterwards. I wanted to clear the air but that didn't work. I'm pretty certain it made things worse" she smiled wryly.
I heard the distant sound of a door slamming shut and my name being called out.
"I'll be right back" I said to Bella climbing out from underneath the fort we had built using pillows and duvet covers. It was strange, as soon as I'd climbed out from underneath everything just felt different, it was odd like we were in our own little bubble, separate from the world and all the bad stuff in it. We were safe in a way because it was just the two of us but out here there were other people, people who would happily watch us hurt and laugh about it.
I ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time and followed the sounds to the kitchen where Carmen was unloading the shopping. She stopped what she was doing to shoot me a smile and ask me to take a seat.
"How is she?"
"Umm better"
"I was going to make some chicken soup for her, just in case she's really sick. I mean when you brought her in she looked practically corpse like. I was truly scared"
"Same"
"It's strange seeing her in this house again, it's been….it's been a while" Carmen bit her lip as I saw tears fill her eyes.
"So her and Lil were close?"
"The closest, closer than she is to Alice. They had this strange bond. You see we moved here when Rosalie was only 9 as was Bella and they just hit it off on the first day and I was so sure it was going to be one of those friendships that lasted forever but people grow, drift apart yet…." She sighed putting some cans into the cupboard "That's just life, completely and totally unexpected. I can't help but hope though that one day they can overcome everything that happened"
I stood up from where I was sitting.
"When's Lil coming home?"
"Not for a while but I'll be sure to keep her out of your room in case Bella's still here"
"Thanks"
"Don't forget that the fete is tomorrow and you need to get there early to set up your things"
"Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that"
"It's meant to be clear skies tomorrow but if I were you I'd come prepared, just in case"
"Ummm, ok"
"Do you need anything, supplies or anything?" she asked. She was a really sweet person, I wasn't her kid but she took me in as though I were.
"No I'm alright but you should stop by during the day and I can do your picture"
"Maybe" she said with a smile "Now go back to Bella and take this, she loves these and take this"
"Thanks" I said.
As I began making my way back upstairs. I heard Carmen call out to me.
"By the way, don't think I'm not going to have a word with you about ditching school today" she said with a laugh.
As I reached my room, I pushed open the door, walked in and closed it behind me.
The room was enveloped in darkness except for the small glow of light that illuminated from under a small gap in the fort.
"Bella?" I called out in a whisper.
"Yeah?" I smiled hearing her sweet voice and watched as her head popped out from the gap.
"Nothing, I…I mean here" I said getting into the fort "Carmen asked me to give you this"
"Hershey kisses" she smiled "I love these"
She opened the pack and popped one in her mouth sucking on it gently. I was fascinated by the movement of her mouth moving ever so slightly, it was hypnotising. I could feel my heart beat increase.
"What's that?" she asked noticing the other stuff in my hand.
"Stuff for smores"
"I haven't had those in ages"
"Same" I smiled, I loved her enthusiasm, she was like an excited child. It was nice to know that something as simple as smores and chocolate could make her happy no matter how brief the happiness was.
We got to work making the smores laughing as we did so, everything felt carefree, light. It was great. After my fifth smore and Bella's third we began talking about our project and making plans to meet up, Emmett had said that I was pretty much guaranteed a place on the team so I needed to fit meeting up around that as well.
"We could come up with stuff to do, do them independently and then just meet up when we can to work on it together then we wouldn't have to worry about making a strict schedule or anything"
"I guess but I want to finish it as soon as possible so we have time to improve it"
"Trust me, we will have plenty of time"
We sat in silence for a moment.
"Are you going to the fete?" I asked. I figured that she was going to say no.
"Umm, I might actually. Angela and Ben have a stall so I guess I'll just hang out with them"
"Or" I smiled "You could help me out with my drawings, I mean I wouldn't even have the idea if it wasn't for you, so I'd be great if you could hang out with me"
Bella bit my lip. "Maybe but what about, you know…"
"So what?"
"So what?"
"Yeah, so what? Who gives a damn about them, this is between you and me Bella, just us"
"I know but I'm scared I guess, nervous" She looks down at her hands that were placed in her lap before looking at me with her big brown eyes.
"Come here" I said. Bella moved round to where I was sitting missing what I wanted her to do. "I mean…" instead of finishing my sentence I simply picked her up and placed her in my lap, surprising her.
She leaned into my shoulder wrapping one of her arms around my waist getting comfortable.
"I made such a fool out of myself today" she groaned "I feel so stupid. He;s probably told Alice and everyone and that's just more ammunition against me"
"It's going to be alright Bella, I promise"
"Really?"
"Yeah, I do"
Bella's hair rubbed against my cheek.
"I wish I hadn't freaked out on you. I wish I'd told you what had really happened instead of running away"
"It's okay, trust me you're not the first person to run away from a bad situation" it's what I'd done when I moved to Forks.
"I guess. I'm glad you're going to be there tomorrow though, everything always seems to work out when you're there"
"So I'm you're lucky charm?"
"No, you're my Shrek like you said"
"I'm you're Shrek"
"Yeah" Bella giggled getting more comfortable "And you're going to save me from the dragons of Forks"
"Definitely" I kissed the top of her head and then grinned.
I was her Shrek
xXx
I was here early setting up my stuff.
I'd gotten a pretty decent place thanks to Lil with another space to spread out and park my car nearby which made loading and unloading a whole lot easier. The sky was grey like most mornings but there weren't many clouds in the sky so I hoped the weather would keep like Carmen said it would.
I'd driven down at the same time as Lil and her friends to help her set up her kissing booth because my things wouldn't take too long. Most kids in the school were here doing something as it meant that you got the day off to basically hang around and do nothing, only a few people would probably turn up in school.
The fete was to begin at 9 and I'd been there since 7.30 because Lil's booth was more complicated than it looked to set up. It was about 8.40 and my stuff was ready so I decided to wander around a bit to see what other people were doing.
There were dunk tanks, rock climbing and the usual things like this but there were some strange things such as the science experiments that were set up for you to do. As I made my way back to my booth I noticed Angela and Ben setting up and wandered over.
"Hey guys" I said feeling slightly awkward. I hadn't really spoken to them much except for the odd 'hi' in the hallway.
"Hey Jasper" Angel responded enthusiastically whilst Ben simply waved hello "What are you doing?"
"Caricatures, over there " I said pointing in the direction of my booth.
"Oh that's really cool" I stared at there equipment mildly confused.
"What's all…what are you doing?"
"Pictures, graphic stuff, people can basically come over and get there pictures taken, we can edit it however they want, there is also a option to make a short video which can be edited and basically things like that"
"Sounds like fun"
"Trust me it is" Ben chimed in "You won't believe the weird stuff that people want done to them, it's hilarious"
We talked for a bit more before I headed back to my booth. Bella was still nowhere in sight but I'd expected that. I'd asked her to come in a bit later once the fete was in full swing, this way she could blend in with the crowd and feel less uncomfortable.
It was extremely endearing how nervous she was in a strange way, I couldn't help but find her more adorable especially because of the way she acted as a result, almost childlike. I loved it.
The fete kicked off not too long after and people seemed to arrive in the masses. People seemed to love the caricatures and so I was getting a pretty decent amount of business as was the kissing booth if the line was anything to go by. I was surprised by the fact that Emmett was so cool about Lil holding one, he seemed like the jealous, protective type then again he also looked like a bear but was a pretty nice guy.
I had just finished with a drawing when I looked up and saw Bella heading towards me, a shy smile on her face. Her hair was wavy and her cheeks were stained pink. She looked gorgeous. She wasn't wearing anything particularly eye grabbing yet in my eyes she was the most beautiful person here. My hands itched to draw her and I physically had to stop myself but one day I would, knowing Bella she's probably disagree but I didn't care, hopefully I could talk her round it.
"Hey" she said as she sat down beside me. She glanced around nervously.
"Hi, I'm glad you came"
"Yeah, well…." she trailed off a soft look in her eyes.
People had begun staring and talking but it was only a few passer-by's. I didn't care, I wanted people to know we were friends and knowing Forks the news would spread quickly after all it's not like anything interesting really happened here.
"So what do you need help with?" Bella asked twirling a piece of her hair.
"Not much really, pencil sharpening and the paper being set up each time"
"I can do that" a lady with a little girl walked over and I began drawing their pictures whilst Bella got acquainted with where everything was and when I was done she handed me a freshly sharpened pencil and set up the paper.
"It's really easy" she said sitting down next to me.
"Yeah, umm, have you seen what Ben and Angela are doing?"
"Yes, that graphics thingy" she laughed "It's so cool"
"Do you guys have a fete every year?"
"I think so, they did before I moved back in with my mum" she paused thinking "I'm pretty sure they do"
"It's a really good idea"
"I know and it's like a win-win situat-" she stopped what she was saying turning her attention to her hands. I was confused about her reaction and began looking around for the answer when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Jasper" Lil said smiling hesitantly.
"Oh hey" I said awkwardly, Bella's attention was still fixated on her hands "What's up?"
"I'm taking a break and I thought I'd see what you were up to, people keep talking about your thing"
"Oh, umm, ok"
"Yeah"
The tension radiating between the two of them was so thick it could be cut with a knife.
"Bella, hey" Lil said unexpectendly. I looked at her in shock before glancing at Bella to see that her eyes had widened but her attention was still on her hands.
"Hi" Bella's voice was low.
"Listen I-" Lil began but Bella interrupted.
"Actually I need to go, umm, do stuff, I'll be back in a while Jasper" Bella stood up quickly and began walking away before I could stop her.
Lil sat down in Bella's vacated seat, a defeated look on her face.
"She wouldn't even look at me" she said slowly "Not even a look"
"It's okay" I said wrapping my arm around her
"No it's not okay, it's not" her voice broke as she leaned in closer to me.
"It is or at least it will be. This is just the beginning. Remember take baby steps"
"I thought about what you said remember and I need to make amends, to apologise but she isn't even giving me a chance"
"Well, maybe she's in shock. I mean when was the last time you even spoke to her? You can't blame her for feeling like this"
"I guess, I just thought, hoped that maybe, it'd be easy but I guess it won't be. I was going to wait and go to her house after but Emmett pointed out that she was here with you and so I became before I lost my nerve but…" she sighed mournfully "What if there's just too much damage, what if she can never forgive me?" she looked at me.
"Bella doesn't seem like the kind of person to hold a grudge"
"I know but still after everything she's been put through, I wouldn't blame her for hating me. I'd hate me if I were her!"
"But you're not her and you won't get any answers to your questions unless you keep trying"
"You're right" she sucked in a deep breath as she stood up "I need to head back, but, but thanks for this"
"No problem"
"I'll see you later. If you want you could come over and get a kiss. Alice will be there" she smiled and walked off.
Bella came back a little while later, we didn't speak about why she went off, it was better to just keep quiet regarding events that happened in the past. She scooted closer to me and I wrapped my arm around her kissing her on the head. I didn't need to look to see that she was blushing. She was smiling, happy until she looked up and saw Alice and Edward staring our way.
I didn't need a psychic to tell me that things were going to kick off in school tomorrow.
xXx
I am so sorry for that terrible ending but what did you think. R&R.
