I feel terrible, I haven't updated in over a month and this chapter really isn't much.

Italics mean it's a flashback

Chapter 10

When I arrived in school I instantly knew that something was wrong.

The car park, usually full and bustling with students, was nearly empty.

As I entered the building there was hardly anyone around, except for the odd students and that confused me because I wasn't that early.

I walked to my locker and put my things away only taking with me the relevant books and began making my way to the library,

And that's when I heard it.

Outside in the back of the school there were voices, loud voices that were muted due to the doors being closed and blocking out the sound.

I made my way to the nearest door and pushed it open and I saw the crowd, it was huge, students were gathered around laughing, smiling with their phones out. It would seem like everyone was having a good time if it wasn't for the maliciousness in their laughter, at what was happening.

People were standing in a circle and I could hear a voice.

Alice's.

I pushed myself through the crowd to see Alice standing in front of Bella, I couldn't see Bella's face as her back was towards me but I could see Alice's.

Alice was angry.

Alice was in tears.

Alice looked ready to murder Bella.

"Answer me!" Alice shouted at Bella and I flinched at the ferociousness in her voice. She slammed her hand on the table beside Bella.

"Answer me, dammit!"

I didn't understand why no one was doing anything.

I could feel the crowd jostling behind me and I could hear the whispers.

"Bella's gonna get it"

"I wonder who'll win in a fight"

"I hope Alice hits her"

Then suddenly the crowd went silent as a slap rung out. I could hear the echo of it and I could see Bella's hand slowly reach up to cup her right cheek. The cheek that Alice had slapped and then I heard her.

Her sobs.

"Why are you crying now?" Alice said leaning in "You're tears won't fix anything, they won't"

Lil stepped closer and I noticed her trying to hold Alice back. She whispered in her ear and Alice's head snapped towards her.

"You're joking right?"

"No I'm not" Lil said "This had gone on long enough, this, what you're doing. It's pointless, all of it"

"No it's not, Bella deserves to suffer like we have. She hasn't suffered at all and that's not fair" Alice cried "It's not fair"

Bella shoulders heaved up and down as she tried to quiet her sobs.

I walked forward and wrapped my arm around Bella, helping her up.

Alice's eyes flicked to mine and shocked filled them before they focused on Bella and hatred filtered into them again.

"How can you even stand to be around her? Especially after what she's done"

I looked at Lil confused but her eyes were focused on Alice.

"Well answer me Jasper, answer me dammit!" Alice shrieked.

I didn't know what she wanted me to say so I stayed quiet.

"Fuck you, fuck you" she screamed pointing her finger at me "And fuck you Bella, just fuck you" and with that she stormed off. Lil ran after her and Edward and Emmett soon followed. Bella simply continued to cry quietly and the crowd around us slowly dispersed until only the two of us remained.

I slowly made my way towards Bella, sliding into the seat next to her. I doubted she even noticed my presence.

I gently placed my arm on her shoulder and she jumped, her head shout up, eyes wide with fear that was placed with sadness once she realised it was me.

"Oh Jasper" she sobbed throwing herself into my arms. "Everything's falling apart"

"Shh, it'll be alright" I said as soothingly as possible.

"No it won't. I, I tried to pretend that everything will be okay again, but it won't ever be again. Never" she cried. I could feel her tears seeping through my thin t-shirt.

I pulled back and she looked at me. Her eyes were bright red and puffy, as was her nose. She had pink blotches all over her face and dried tears.

She was a mess.

I reached into my bag pulling out some tissues and used it to dry her tears, then I handed her another to blow her nose. I smoothed her hair out and tucked loose strands behind her ears before standing up and offering her hand. Bella placed her hand in mine and I began leading her in the direction of the car park and unlike last time she didn't put up any resistance.

When I placed her in the front passenger seat, Bella sunk into it, curling into herself. The silence reverberated loudly in the car, almost unbearably as I drove her to my house which I knew would be empty at this time, assuming that Lil hadn't brought her friends here after they ran off after Alice.

Thankfully as I pulled into the driveway it was empty, so I quickly parked and brought Bella into the house to my room.

She didn't say anything merely walked around the room till she spotted one of my sketchbooks on the desk. She picked it up and opened it to the first page, looking stunned to see that it was a picture of her. After that initial sketch I attempted of her, I'd devoted almost an entire sketchbook to drawings of her, only her.

"It's me" she whispered sounding almost awe struck.

"Yeah" I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly whilst silently hoping she didn't think I was some freaky stalker.

"I look…pretty" she continued in the same voice. "You see me as pretty?"

"No Bella, I see you as beautiful" I stepped behind her as she turned the page to my most recent picture of her. I'd drawn her lying down on the beach, eyes closed, a soft smile playing on her lips. In front of her were half opened books, worn down from being read so much. A daisy chain was wrapped delicately around her wrist which lay by her head.

"I can't see her, this person that you've drawn"

"You should open your eyes a little wider then, she's there, you just have to look" I turned her to face me. "You are beautiful"

She blushed looking down before a wry smile twisted her lips.

"You remind me of him, of James" she said almost absentmindedly before she started crying again.

I led her to the bed and sat her down on it, handing her a tissue from the box on my bedside table.

"Are you ready to talk?" I asked.

She shook her head but opened her mouth to speak regardless.

"I'm sorry that Alice shouted at you, she's angry, she's still angry and she's taking it out on you. She doesn't know that you don't know"

"It's okay"

"No, it's not okay. It's your fault, you shouldn't have to shoulder the blame"

"But it's not yours either"

"Maybe it is" she shrugged, as my brow furrowed in confusion "But still, I'm used to it"

"Bella" My eyes searched hers "What-what's going on?"

She ignored my question, instead choosing to ask one of her own.

"You know when you're parent's died, how, how did you cope? Death, it's so permanent, so how do you cope with such a huge change? Who do you blame? Is anyone really to blame? How do you mourn, do you ever really get over it? Because I don't think you can, not really. You said that you just have to live with it but what if you can't then what?" Bella blurted out.

"I don't, I don't understand" What did my parents have to do with any of this.

"When someone dies, let's say that it isn't expected then what do you do? Do you run and hide, do you face it, what do you, how do you help others especially if you're hurting to, what if they're making it worse. Do you ever really stop hurting?" Bella paused, looking me directly in the eye. "Are you hurting Jasper?"

I paused thinking. "Yeah, but you're hurting more"

"Am I? I don't even know anymore, I can't remember a time when I haven't felt like this. I feel like I've been hurting for so long that I don't even know if I'm still hurting or maybe this is normal, maybe, maybe, I don't know…I don't know what to do Jasper. Death it's tainted everything"

"You're right, death does taint everything but it's not always bad. I mean it's sad that people die but we do have to accept as humans our mortality, everyone dies, in fact everyone is dying, some faster than others. It's just that those that die, that's it, they've gone, but those of us that are left behind, we have to cope with the fact that we once had them and now they're gone" I took a breath thinking about where I was going with this "We have to accept that they are no longer with us and some of us may accept this fact faster than others, some however may take a while to truly accept this and begin to heal, till then we, well we go through the 5 stages of grief. Some people get stuck at anger and are unable to move on to acceptance for the longest of time and eventually we forgive those that we may blame or maybe we don't"

"What do you mean?" she whispered.

"I mean I understand death, I understand that people cope with it differently. I understand that sometimes the death of people are untimely and sometimes it's hard to forgive especially those we blame"

Bella stared at me wide eyed.

"How, how did your parents die Jasper? Who do you blame?"

I paused sitting down next to her.

"My dad" I began slowly "I blame my dad"

"Why?"

"It was his gun, he pulled the trigger" I paused licking my dry lips "The night, the night that he died. They'd been fighting, my dad had become really paranoid ever since my mum found out about Lil. He was constantly accusing her of cheating, he truly believed she was but she wasn't because my mum isn't, wasn't that kind of person. She was good. Anyway they were fighting and then he said how he wanted us to move to Seattle, so that we were closer to Lil but my mum refused. She didn't want to leave until I'd finished high school but that angered my dad. Now he had a pretty bad temper when he was sober but he'd been drinking, not much, but enough to make him more volatile than usual"

I squeezed my eyes shut as the memory's burned me.

"He, he started throwing things and my mum got scared. She said that tonight we'd, me and her, we'd stay with my Nan until he calmed down. That she couldn't talk to him when he was like this. She told me to go upstairs and pack my overnight stuff, that we'd be back in the morning and I think that's what made him snap. He just looked so calm, sick, twisted and he said 'sit down son, you aren't going anywhere' he said that she could go wherever she wanted but that she couldn't take his son with him. She told me to go upstairs and pack despite this and he just lunged for her and chucked her on the chair. He held his hand round her throat and began squeezing. I panicked and pushed him off her and he just freaked out and went nuts. Thrashing the living room. All I could think was, protect mum, protect her"

I could feel the images assaulting my mind.

My mum's hand wrapped around mine and she squeezed tight. Tears fell down her cheeks and she mouthed 'it's going to be okay, I promise'. I'd never seen my dad look that way before; he was like a raging bull ready to destroy anything in his path.

I could hear the doorbell ring and the sound of our neighbour's voice calling through the door.

My dad made his way to the door and I'm not sure what he said to her but it was enough that it had the police banging on our door 30 minutes later.

He didn't say anything simply disappeared into the kitchen for a bit before returning and for the longest of times he just watched us. I couldn't take my eyes off the shiny metal that he kept twisting around in his hand.

"Sir, will you open the door please" I heard a man saying again.

My dad didn't say anything. The only light in the room came from the small glow of the lamp beside my dad, illuminating his face. I could see a torch shining through the closed curtains. I could hear my heart pounding and my palms sweating. My mum rubbed circles into my hand and I could hear her murmuring a prayer.

"We'll be forced to break down the door sir, if you do not co-operate" the voice said again. Minutes seem to pass before I heard a pounding on the door.

My dad's face twisted.

The grip from my mum got tighter and she sobbed slightly. I wrapped my arm around her, kissing her forehead desperately.

"I love you Jasper" she whispered touching my face "I love you so much"

"I love you too but don't think like that mum, it's fine, everything will be fine"

The banging on the door got louder and my dad stood up. His figure towered over us dauntingly.

"We're a family" he said as he strolled around the room. "And family's stick together no matter what"

A bang rang out as he shot out the lamp light leaving only the moon shining from the kitchen to illuminate the room.

"We are a fucking family" he aimed the gun in our direction "and we will not be separated!" then he shot.

I could still hear the bullet's echoing.

"There was so much blood Bella, that's what I remember and then I woke up in the hospital"

She sobbed bitterly. "He killed your mum"

"Yeah" I paused "he killed my mum"

My lips twitched at the cold hard truth.

My mum was dead.

And it was my dad who killed her.

xXx

What do you think? We're getting slightly closer to the truth about what happened with Bella.