So I've had this chapter written for a while but I was unable to post on account of there not being any internet at home. Hope you do enjoy it and updates should be a bit more regular now

xXx

Chapter 11

"Now" I said snapping myself out of the nostalgic gaze I was in "your turn to share"

At this Bella began crying again, shaking her head as she did

"Please no, please"

"Why Bella?" I asked and although I tried to keep my voice level I could hear it rise "what's the big secret? I don't get it, I really don't"

"I'm afraid"

"Of what?"

"I'm afraid you'll blame me too"

"Why though?"

"Everyone else does"

"But not everyone knows the full story and that's what I'm asking you to tell me"

She sobbed some more curling into herself

"It's a long story" she hiccupped.

I began rubbing her back "it's okay, I have time"

"You know how Edward, Alice and Emmett are adopted?"

"Yeah"

"Well they weren't the only ones"

"Are you adopted?"

"What? No, not me. Carlisle and Esme had adopted another child, James"

I frowned confused. I'd never heard of any James.

"What's he got to do with this?"

"Everything" she whispered breathlessly "He's got everything to do with this"

"When the Cullen's first moved here, we were close, incredibly close, all of us and though all of them were adopted, Alice and James were biological siblings which is why they were adopted together, so they wouldn't be separated"

I nodded encouraging her to go on.

"Anyway, Edward and I started dating as you know but then Renee, my mum, forced me to move back with her after she found out she was pregnant, with my brother. But her being Renee she didn't tell me she was pregnant when she made me move back, she used guilt. She kept saying how she 'wanted a better relationship' and that 'we never spent time together' so I moved back, then when I got there I found out that she was pregnant and just wanted someone to look after her because Phil, my stepdad, he plays in the minor leagues was on the road again"

"Then what?"

"Well, after I moved back Edward and I continued dating but it was hard being so far away and every time I tried to talk to Renee about moving back, she'd make me feel bad until I stopped asking and simply accepted it"

"I still don't get it" I said confused.

"While I was living with my mum, I had to change schools and there was this boy, Benjamin and he liked me, I told him I had a boyfriend but he was pretty persistent and pretty harmless, so I thought "she sighed deeply "Edward came down one week, to surprise me and caught me and Benjamin in a compromising position, he instantly assumed the worse and flew back to Forks without giving me a chance to explain. He ignored my calls, texts and emails and it was Alice who eventually answered one of the calls to tell me to basically fuck off, that we were over. She hated me for hurting him, I tried to tell her the truth but she wouldn't hear it"

"That's it, that's the big secret" I said incredulously. Everyone hating her, despising her, simply because they thought she cheated on Edward.

"No" she said a moment later "But I wish it was"

We sat in silence as I waited for her to continue.

"I decided to come down on a trip to Forks to try and salvage my relationship with Edward. It was the week of the Championship game and James who was older than all of us was playing. I made sure to come down while everyone was still in school, because it meant it was harder for him to avoid me yet he still managed to"

"I tried everything, I came to the school where Alice would scream at me and tell me to go away, Rosalie, Rosalie wouldn't say anything to me but she'd try and stop Alice from attacking me all the time. One day though, I went to their house to try and speak to Edward because I heard from Lauren that Alice wouldn't be there" she smiled wryly "Lauren is a liar, Alice was there. She wouldn't let me get near Edward to tell him the truth. I was standing at the top of their porch steps and Edward was at the door but Alice was standing between us. I tried Jasper, I really tried to tell him but Alice wouldn't let me. Then she pushed me and I fell down the steps and as I hit the ground, I could hear the door slam closed. I could barely stand on my leg but since Charlie had dropped me off, I had to walk home and as clichéd as it is, it started raining and I started crying"

She took a shuddering breath and I squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

"James came out then, he offered to take me home, I refused but he wouldn't take no for an answer and then he saw my bad led and decided to take me to the hospital instead. He called ahead to Carlisle to be waiting for us because my leg started bleeding pretty badly and since one of the roads was blocked off, we had to go the long way. James and I were talking and he was telling me how Forks was in danger of not being allowed to play because apparently some of the players were found to be taking steroids, I told him about Edward and he told me he'd talked to him for me"

Bella leaned into my shoulder and started crying.

"Then, as we came around the bend, our car was hit, James tried to control the car but we went flying off the road and into the forest and we hit something. It went black then. When I woke up there was no sound, but everything was wet and I realized it was blood and it wasn't just mine. I'm not good with blood and so I passed out again. James was next to me barely breathing and the car was crushed together. When I woke again, I couldn't get out but I knew I had to, for James. I'm not sure how long ago we'd crashed but a lot of blood had been lost. My phone was destroyed and I couldn't find his. My leg was wedged really tightly in between a seat but I managed to get it out. I smashed the front windshield and I climbed out, pulling James out after me, I couldn't stand, I was so weak, so I crawled with James on my back, to the road but as I did, I knew, I just knew he was gone."

She swallowed thickly.

"I gave him CPR, I screamed for help, I bandaged his wounds but there was no point. I think I fainted again because the next time I woke up, I was in hospital and Charlie was there telling me James was gone. I already knew but I just couldn't comprehend how. Alice had lost her brother, her only brother and she blamed me. They all did every single person because if I hadn't gone to the house that day then James would still be here. We weren't allowed to play either because people were found to be taking drugs, so we lost the Championship and people blamed me for that too, a rumor started that it was me that told the police about the drugs, to get back at Edward for dumping me"

I sat stunned at what I'd heard. All this time she was being blamed for someone's death. I couldn't imagine the burden that had been placed on her. I tried to see it from everyone else's point of view, I could see why they would want to blame her for him to dying, it was easier that way, maybe it helped them to mourn him knowing that someone was at fault rather than it being a horrible twist of fate.

Bella continued "I went to the funeral and it was at that moment that I realized the true extent of Alice's hate for me. In front of everyone she said that she wished it was me who died, that I only ever hurt people and that I should just throw myself under a bus and put everyone out of their misery. I blamed myself too because if only I'd tried harder to say no to him then none of this would have happened. I wished it was me who had died instead, people in Forks loved James, they really did, and I wouldn't have been missed so much. Alice never forgave me, Rosalie, my best friend, she hated me too. I could tell by the way she looked at me. She's trying to be nicer now but we'd never be the same. There's too much history"

I wiped her tears and kissed her forehead.

"I keep saying it's not my fault but I'm lying, it is my fault. I'm a cursed person"

"No, you're not" I said.

"I am"

"No Bella, it's not your fault. It's an unfortunate situation, but you can't be blamed. James offered to drive you, someone else hit the car. I mean did they find out who it was?"

She shook her head "No the day after the accident, they found it abandoned, it was a rental car"

"I don't blame you Bella, you should know that. You should forgive yourself too; this isn't a burden you should have to carry"

She nodded her head but I could see in her eyes the fear, the insecurity and disbelief at my words.

"I'm sleepy Jasper"

"Then go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up. I'll take care of you"

She lay down on the bed and was out in seconds. I lay down next to her pondering how to help her but more importantly how to fix her broken spirit.

xxx

sooo, how'd I do?