"You know what I'm thankful for?" Cassia worked to keep the conversation flowing in the station wagon. She was still driving, with Glenn and Andrea in the back. She glanced at the two of them in the rear-view mirror. Both had raised an eyebrow. It was true that it was hard to find things to motivate the survivors, day-to-day, hard to find the incentive to keep on going for those who had been left with nothing. Andrea, especially, was an outstanding example of this; her smile was hinting at being highly sardonic.
Glenn took the conversation bait,
"What?"
"I had this realisation just now, that even if I did have access to good, real coffee... I wouldn't even be able to drink it, anyway."
"... How is that ever something to be thankful for? Why can't you have coffee?" Glenn's voice spiked up in pitch, disbelief colouring it pretty clearly.
"Because she's pregnant, remember?" Andrea answered on Cassia's behalf, delivering the response after a superior sounding snort. Cassia grinned. Glenn blinked, his voice had settled back down to his normal tone but he was still acting as if he'd been told something thoroughly outrageous at most and astonishing at least,
"Pregnant women can't drink coffee? Why even get pregnant? You're a big, hormonal mess for 9 months, you can't eat anything, your feet swell up and you can only sleep on your back, you crave the craziest things, you seem to cry a heck of a lot more, you can't eat or drink or do a load of things and at the end of it all you get is a smelly, noisy thing that poops and cries and throws up a lot and keeps you up all night. Why would anyone want to get pregnant on purpose? Why even do it?" Glenn had been counting things off on his fingers as he voiced out his miniature tirade, his voice spiked occasionally as he got more into what he was saying, but he seemed to notice it every time and made an effort to keep his tone low and in control. Andrea raised her eyebrows and looked into the rear-view mirror until she was sure Cassia had seen the look. Cassia sighed in amusement, shrugging and turning the wheel ever so slightly as the road hit a curve,
"Well, I wouldn't know about deliberately getting pregnant, but I'd guess it's probably because they want to have a baby."
There was a small silence after this as Glenn nodded, contemplating. Andrea spoke up, just like the last time she spoke there wasn't much volume to it, and she managed to give the impression she wasn't applying much effort to it, either,
"So your pregnancy wasn't planned, then?" She questioned/murmured, and Cassia licked her lips, shaking her head slightly before realising she'd have to speak up to answer, as they couldn't see her head properly from where they were seated. Glenn got his response in before she did, though,
"I pretty much assumed that was the case, didn't you?"
"I don't like to assume," Andrea responded smoothly. Glenn shrugged.
"The pregnancy wasn't supposed to happen, no," Cassia answered, fixing her eyes on the road. Funnily enough, Daryl came into view just then, his motorbike appearing as the entourage all turned the bend, when the RV wasn't obscuring it from sight. He was quite a sight, out there, on the road. The bike suited him. The Nazi insignia on the gas tank did not. That part was very much Merle. Andrea had taken a while to process her answer, though Cassia guessed it was more that she was thinking up the best way to phrase it than anything else. Andrea was staring out of the window, her eyes doing that thing people's eyes often did on the subway, when they tried to look at the big posters that flashed by whenever the train was moving. Glenn was doing the same on the other side.
"How did it happen, then?"
"Andrea, if you don't know how sex works by now-"
"I mean-"
"I know what you mean. I might think about telling you the story later."
Andrea and Glenn shared a mutual look of subtle frustration in the backseat.
It took them a while to actually find the Greenes' farm house. They passed by quite a few on the way there, and there was always a mailbox outside every one with a quaint little cliche sign on it, declaring the family name of the owners. In comparison, The Greenes' farm house seemed pretty secluded and spaced out from the others, it was a fair bit further up the path, and you'd have to go through some pretty thick forestry to get from their farm house to where the others were. Cassia reckoned that if she had owned a farm, this was how she would have liked it, too. Rick must have heard them pull up, and the strangers greet them from the front porch, because he came out pretty immediately, the door banging back against the frame more harshly than she was sure Rick meant it to, and he started with his greetings, surprisingly, by hugging Cassia. She didn't know how to respond, at first. Rick was very pale and gaunt looking, harrowed and even thinner than she remembered, and there was this haunting look in his eyes, as if he'd been a part of this constant death-hell-rebirth cycle that had spanned the course of centuries. Cassia decided to just return the gesture instead, wrapping her arms calmly around his torso and rubbing her hand as soothingly as she could manage up and down the top to centre of his back. She was touched to notice he didn't pull her tight against him around the stomach area, being conscious of the baby. Rick gave her a sentimental but brief smile when he let her go, and then moved on to give Glenn one of those overly macho, slap on the back type "man" hugs. She gave Glenn a quizzical look once Rick had moved on enough past them and to the others. Glenn offered her a grim smile in return and patted her shoulder,
"You're all warm and nurturing, Cassie."
"That is such a weird compliment, you know? Is that a compliment? I'm not everyone's mother-"
"You're a mother, which is probably why you come across that way."
"I'm not a mother yet. I might not even live to be a mother."
Glenn's expression dropped a little and he nodded, silently, looking away and towards the ground. She sighed, feeling guilty for bringing the tone down,
"Anyway, if I'm the mother then you're definitely the baby of the group."
"What- How? What about Sophia and Carl? You have the youngest thing inside of you-"
"Because, Glenn. Because I said so."
"Thought Rick was the leader?" Glenn's grin was back, and Cassia immediately felt a little better.
"Ah, see, I thought Shane was the leader," Cassia raised an eyebrow at Glenn's slip-up, and the two of them shared a conspiratorial look. Glenn glanced over to Rick and then licked his lips, about to say something, but then a dirty hand came down and landed on the shoulder of the arm that was connected to the hand Glenn still had placed on her shoulder, and both Cassia and Glenn startled and looked up to see it was just Daryl,
"Yo, Chinaman. Dale's askin' for you."
"I'm still Korean, asshole."
Daryl shrugged,
"I know, man."
Glenn rolled his eyes so hard he looked like he was about to faint, and jogged off to go see Dale. Cassia watched after him for a bit and then turned to Daryl with a readily cocked eyebrow,
"Didn't want to announce yourself before butting in there?"
"What is there t'keep private 'round here?"
"It wasn't private, you just walk like a fucking shadow."
Daryl snorted and shrugged, the picture of nonchalance,
"Two of you looked like you were bitchin'."
"Glenn accidentally said Rick was the leader," she placed her hands on her hips and shot Daryl a knowing look. He shrugged once again and started adjusting the way his crossbow was slung over his shoulder, studying the land around them,
"I'd follow 'im."
"I would, too."
Daryl nodded and took a miniature step closer to her,
"D'you drive the whole way here?"
"Did you?"
"I ain't pregnant."
"I would so love it if it had been you who'd gotten pregnant instead."
"Suits you more."
"Does it?"
"Yup."
A semi-awkward silence hung between them for a little bit. Cassie closed her eyes and turned her face up towards the sun. She cracked an eye open when she felt the weight of Daryl's gaze land on her, and as soon as she did, he turned his head away, his eyes leaving her face as the last part of him to follow the action.
"I'm gonna... nab a spot for..." Daryl muttered something to her, but she didn't hear a lot of it, because he'd already started walking away. She shook her head, watching him for a minute, and then made her way back over to the RV in order to try and offer her assistance with something. The rest of the group wouldn't allow her to lift anything, so she got sent inside to go see Rick and Lori, and to meet the owners of the farm. Lori hugs her, too, and even tucks her face into the crook of Cassia's neck, for a moment, trembling very lightly. Cassia gets the impression Lori's holding a lot in, trying to be strong for everyone else. Whatever their differences were or had been in the past, she'd always respected Lori in one way or the other. Cassia repeated the method she'd gone for with Rick, and finally Lori stepped back, too.
"How's Carl?" She was a little afraid for the answer, but Lori didn't fall to the floor and break down the way Cassia had half been expecting her to. She merely nodded in a highly exhausted fashion, and her eyes, which didn't seem to reflect much of the emotion the woman was clearly feeling inside, dragged themselves away from Cassie and towards the ceiling. Lori gestured towards it, to where Cassia assumed Carl was,
"He's gonna make it. Shane's been out to fetch some parts an' now we're all set. Carl's strong like his dad. He'll make it."
"Carl's strong like his dad and indomitable like his mother."
Lori smiled mostly genuinely, and enveloped Cassia in another hug. Perhaps Glenn had been right in his earlier assessment of her character. Now that she really considered it, people had come to her for comfort quite a lot, within the group.
Cassia was then taken upstairs to see Carl, the room is very neutral in terms of decoration and colour, but still manages to feel homely, and every inch, crevice and corner of the room is filled with natural light. A big window facing the bed made sure of that. One word that comes to mind is refreshing. An old, kindly looking man is sat by the bed, cleaning off Carl's wound. Rick's sat- Well, collapsed in the chair on the other side. Both turn to look at Lori and Cassia. Rick looks like he's not even half managing to keep himself entirely conscious. He still smiles. The word that comes to Cassia's mind when she looks at him is warrior. The old man gets up, placing the little towel down on the bedside table, and wipes his hands off on his trousers. He holds a hand out for her to shake and introduces himself,
"Welcome," as is the trend with everyone she meets, his eyes travel down to her bump, and his eyebrows raise the tiniest bit, "you must be Cassia." She wasn't sure how to respond to that in a verbal form, and simply saying "yep" seemed too menial and pointless, so she just nodded and shook his hand with a returned smile. He didn't seem to mind, "My name is Hershel Greene and this is my farm house. Now, if you don't mind me asking... how far along are you?"
How far along what?
Oh, he meant the pregnancy.
"Just about ten weeks."
Hershel nodded solemnly, his eyes were that shade of pale blue that reminded her explicitly of a crayon she used to colour with, when she was younger.
"We'll have to sort out a room for you to stay in, and there are some vitamins I'd like to prescribe for you to take daily to keep your immune system up and to keep you healthy enough to support that baby. I've got a stockpile hanging about and collecting dust in the pantry."
"Oh, no, that's fine. I'm fine in a tent-" Cassia tried to protest. One thing she'd always hated the most about being pregnant was people always going out of their way and inconveniencing themselves for her. She understood it was for the sake of the baby, and she'd always accept the help to an extent, but she just hated to be such a burden to kind people, especially in the middle of the damn zombie apocalypse. Hershel shook his head very slowly and very firmly, blinking in much the same way, and she could tell she would not win against his stubborn need to help people. Rick was shaking his head, too, from his chair, and Lori had placed a hand on her upper back.
"I'm going to have to insist on this one, Cassia," Hershel told her, and she sighed, letting out a good portion of the stress she held inside her, and nodded reluctantly. Stubborn kindness was the worst kind. She supposed it would get her away from the awkward nights spent sharing a tent with Daryl. They always had their sleeping bags on opposite sides of the tent, as much space between them as possible. They never spoke much, either, making small talk and very rarely talking about anything real. They could talk like that, if they wanted to, and they used to be able to converse like that all the time, but it was like they didn't know how to interact with each other now that she was pregnant. Now that they had created this life together. A life that hadn't fully come to be, yet, but it was on the way, and that was a scary thought for both of them.
Daryl wandered over when he noticed T-Dog and Lori helping Cassia carry her stuff into the house. She had the mixed pleasure of realising his usual scowl had become rather curious in it's nature. It wasn't often his calm apathy was disrupted.
"I set up our tent back that way," he gestured behind him with his thumb, leaning against one of the wooden columns that held up the porch.
"Hershel's making me stay in one of the spare rooms."
"Who?"
"Guy who owns the farm."
"He... alright?" This was Daryl's way of asking if she was okay with something. He never directly asked her if she was alright, he asked her what she thought of someone else, so he could gage whether they were to be trusted or not, and whether she felt she was in danger or not. Cassia shrugged, pursed her lips and nodded,
"He's fine. Reminds me of an owl."
"He got a weird neck, or somethin'?"
"Nah, he just seems really wise and he's got these eyes-" Hershel suddenly appeared over her shoulder and smiled at Daryl, holding a hand out for him to shake. Daryl regarded him warily, for a moment, half glaring at the hand offered to him, but evidently he trusted her judgement, as he accepted the shake, making it a short exchange,
"I'm guessing you're Daryl?" Hershel asked, eyeing up the crossbow still slung over Daryl's shoulder. It would remain there until Daryl felt there was enough reason to let down the majority of his guard. Daryl tilted his head at the older man, eyes narrowing (somehow) even further,
"Thanks for the hospitality."
"I'm sure you'd do the same if our roles were reversed."
"M'brother woulda never let no-one stay."
"You don't appear to be the same person."
Daryl shrugged and glanced off to look over at where the tents have been set up,
"Cassie says you're settin' her up in a room?" He eventually inquired,
"I am indeed. Life is scarce as it is, we have to preserve all that we can."
Cassia raised an eyebrow. He made her sound like she was either one of those rare pregnant pandas, or the last remaining valuable thing on Earth.
"An'... it's all safe up there?"
Why wouldn't it be? Did he think there would be walkers spilling out of closets, or something?
"Like a fortress. Now, excuse me if this is a wrongful presumption, but you're the father?"
Daryl nodded, looking a little awkward now, not as sure of his stance in the conversation. Cassia nodded though no-one was looking to her for a reply.
"Well, you can always sleep upstairs with your wife, Daryl, you don't need to be sleeping out there in a tent-" Hershel had made the same fatal assumption everyone always did, and yet Daryl was just as embarrassed as if it had been the first time anyone had even suggested such a thing.
"We ain't married."
"Pardon... your girlfriend, then?" Hershel tried to amend his mistake, but he was wrong, once again, and Daryl was obviously quickly becoming irritated by how embarrassed he was in all this, as he looked like he was going to give a fairly heated response, but Cassia interrupted him before he could do so. It would not fare well to be impolite towards such a generous host as Hershel.
"We're not together at all. We're barely friends. Thank you for the kind offer, but we can manage. We've been managing just fine sleeping in tents for a while, now."
Daryl was openly scrutinising her expression. He looked a little affected. Hershel nodded thoughtfully, with a small "ah" noise,
"I apologise for the misconception," he offered them both a humble little smile, and turned on his heel and walked off back into the house. Daryl had his gaze fixed on the old man's retreating figure, but turned to fix it on Cassia instead, when he sensed she was looking at him.
"We not friends?" He asked, coming across a little uncertain. She frowned and shook her head firmly,
"No, we are. I just wanted to make it abundantly clear that we're not together and that we didn't in any way plan to have this child. Hershel wasn't going to put the pieces together in his own."
As was the way Daryl ended most conversations, he nodded and turned his back on her, stalking away.
Cassia followed Hershel's advice flawlessly, and once he had been satisfied that she had started the routine he'd set out for her properly, she was allowed to leave the house. First was Otis' funeral, the man who, according to Shane, had shot Carl and then subsequently sacrificed himself for the boy. Something about the way Shane's eyes had squinted oh-so-slightly when he gave that... empty speech - it didn't sit well with her. She could tell just by Daryl's expression and posturing that he was thinking the same thing. Later came the attempt to purify the well. Cassia had thought she'd seen it all, and the goriest of all things, but apparently not. There was definitely a walker rotting away and whining and wheezing at the very bottom of the well, that much was clear. What wasn't clear was how they were going to get it out.
It still wasn't clear to her how exactly they were supposed to get it out when they sent Glenn down into the well as bait. He hadn't even been down there for long, with her, T-Dog, Dale, Maggie, and a few of the others (not including Daryl, who had gone out looking for Sophia again) all applying all their strength to holding the rope to keep Glenn just above where the walker was lurking and snarling at him, trying to grab at his legs. She very distinctly felt her heart clench and skip a beat every time Glenn yelled out in panic, or when the snarling would grow louder, more insistent. It was a close call when it happened, and in the few, unbearable minutes it took them to finally haul Glenn out of the well, her mind was telling her; He's been bit. He must have been bit. He was down there so long and we let him drop too close to the walker. He was too close. Thankfully, blissfully, Glenn was untouched. Then came the turn of the walker, and Dale made her go and stand away from the well, as the walker was much, much heavier than Glenn had ever been. This was when the most disgusting thing Cassia had ever seen bit happened, as the walker made it to the very top of the well, and rested briefly as a whole on the rim before a horrible tearing, squelching sound that was alarmingly familiar to Cassia now, could be heard very clearly to all nearby, and the bottom half of the walker, just below the waist, proved to be too heavy and tore away from the rest of the walker's body and fell back into the well. So much for clearing up the water supply. Maggie looked absolutely stricken when T-Dog came forward to stab the walker in the head and end it's miserable after life.
It was verging on night fall when she made her way over to the campfire. Daryl had finally come back, and his efforts had been fruitless, but he brought back a flower for Carol.
She couldn't explain, and really didn't want to think, about why that bothered her.
Cassia took her seat next to Andrea, who, for some reason, turned to exchange a look that Cassia didn't see with T-Dog and Glenn. She then turned around to shoot Cassia a smile that suggested she had something terrible in mind. Oh, lord.
"Cassie, remember in the car...?" she asked suggestively, as if she were a child asking to have the last cookie in the cookie jar. Cassie groaned and put a hand to her face.
... Right. She had said she would tell them. Daryl was sat on the other side of the fire. He didn't look overly curious but he was definitely interested. She wondered if maybe she should ask him if it was okay. Cassia sighed and heaved herself up to go over and sit next to Daryl. She leaned over towards him, and was relieved when he met her halfway; he was evidently a lot more curious than he'd appeared to be.
"Would you be okay with me telling them the story of..." she trailed off, not quite knowing how to phrase it, and found he was frowning at her in confusion. She waved her hand towards her bump, and his mouth dropped open a little in realisation.
"Ain't no-one's business," he grumbled. He looked the slightest bit horrified. Daryl swallowed very thickly, his eyes darting around to consider those around the fire, all who were staring at them with bated breath. Eventually he sighed and ducked his head by way of giving permission, and she nodded in response, moving back over to her original seat. She had considered staying where she was in the seat next to him, but she figured he would much rather have as little attention on him as possible, and sitting right next to him while she told the story would do him no favours in that regard.
"About two and a half weeks before this whole... Outbreak thing happened, my best friend, Valerie, myself, and my boyfriend Ross-" There were widening of eyes and raising of eyebrows among the group. Only Amy and Andrea had known about Ross. Daryl looked like he was trying very hard to just fall asleep. Cassia cleared her throat and carried on, regardless, "began our roadtrip. We came from Bloomington, Minnesota, over to North Georgia. The house we stayed in was... was... How far away from your house was it, Daryl?"
"'Bout two minutes. Give or take." He mumbled in response.
"Two minutes away from where Daryl and Merle lived. We met them on the very first day and it was love at first sight-" People's eyebrows went even higher and some even shifted about in their seats, gazes turning sharply to Daryl, who, in turn, looked pretty taken aback. They must all have instantly assumed she'd meant for her and Daryl. It looked like he thought that, too. "... for Merle and Valerie. They started dating pretty much right off the bat." Everyone settled back down. "Val was with Merle a lot of the time, so I spent most of my time with Ross, and occasionally Daryl, whenever he'd pass by the house when he was on his way into town or out hunting; we'd make small talk. The third night, I think, was the night we invited them round for dinner and cards. Everyone got a bit closer after that and we all kinda did our own thing each day and every other day we'd maybe meet up or have dinner together. Sometimes Merle and Daryl would come round to chat for a bit. We were the first neighbours they'd ever had. Daryl never came alone, of course, so we never saw too much of Daryl. Apart from-" she stopped, abruptly, and Daryl's head snapped up to look at her. She met his eyes and found he looked worried.
No. She couldn't tell that part of the story.
Cassia stopped herself and swallowed, skipping past that bit. She had been going to mention the day Daryl had knocked Ross out for trying to hit her. Daryl licked his lips and returned his attention to his hands, where he was fiddling about with an arrow.
"Uh, so, things weren't going so well with Ross, and he and I... broke up. In retrospect, I guess I probably should have waited until we were back home, but... it was a heat of the moment kind of thing. It made living together awkward at best, so Ross found a hotel near the closest town to stay in, and I stayed where I was. That was mine and Val's dream. I was not going to be the one to run away. Not that time." She blinked, realising she'd gotten too caught up in the story, and made herself calm down before carrying on, "Anyway... there was a party on the first Saturday. Merle was hosting it, I think. All I remember is it was over at their place. So, Val and I went, and the alcohol there was a lot stronger than we thought it would be. A lot stronger. I don't think even Merle knew it was going to be as strong as it was. It was home made stuff, brought by one of the other guests."
Daryl nodded solemnly in agreement.
"There was a certain milestone that was passed during the night where every single person was wasted. It was so bad. There was so much noise and drama and people were making out and hooking up... but anyway, the point is Daryl and I both went to the party, we both got drunk out of our minds and somehow we woke up next to each other the next day." Cassia shrugged and glanced at Daryl. He had already been watching her, pointedly ignoring the stares of everyone else. Both looked away rather sheepishly. Andrea was nodding thoughtfully, considering the story. Lori spoke up,
"How'd you know it's not Ross' baby?"
What a weird and personal question to ask out of nowhere like that.
Lori looked rather like the question meant more to her than one might first assume. Cassia frowned and shook her head vehemently,
"I hadn't had sex with Ross for months. It was not a happy relationship."
Lori seemed to want to say more, but stopped herself, putting a hand to her mouth and resting her elbow on her crossed knees. T-Dog was the next to ask a question she was sure everyone was thinking,
"What was it like?"
Daryl gripped the arrow a little too tightly and glared at T-Dog,
"Ain't none of your business, that's what."
"We don't remember," she intercepted, resisting the urge to cringe. She thought Daryl looked a little uncertain, for a moment there.
Cassia hoped no-one knew her well enough to know when she was lying.
She remembered every single moment.
How could she not?
