Wow, I can't believe it's been over a year since I've updated. I am sooooooo sorry but I promise you that updates are going to be a lot regular this time around. I hope you will continue to read and enjoy this story. Thank you to all who have read this story and supported it thus far.
Chapter 13
It had been two weeks since the incident in school. In that time I had successfully managed to avoid Lil and her friends save for Emmett who I saw at football practice. In school, it was easy enough to avoid them, Bella and I had received leave from study hall and spent that time finishing our History project and now, apart from a few loose ends, we were done. As for my other lessons, I took a leaf from Bella's book and sat right in the front; I left class the moment it was over and got there early. I had taken to spending my evenings with Bella too, we'd go to the beach or the park or the library; we'd even met up with Angela and Ben a few times.
I couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards Bella and all the time we'd spent together recently had allowed me the chance to sufficiently indulge my fantasy with images of us as a couple. It was ridiculous the number of times that I had to restrain myself from kissing Bella in the last fortnight; I had to force myself to remember that she wasn't mine and that her heart probably still belonged to Edward though he didn't want it. In my mind, we complimented each other perfectly. I was tall, tan and blonde. She was short, pale and dark haired. My eyes were light, hers were dark. We were both fairly introverted though, so we could sit in silence and just read with no need to talk aimlessly to fill it. The silence was comfortable and never awkward. I loved it. This was mainly because it allowed me to examine Bella in detail without her freaking out, getting embarrassed or thinking of me as a creepy stalker. When she read, it was clear that she became deeply engrossed in the book, her reactions allowed me to easily guess what was happening. She'd sigh dreamily, gasp in surprise or inhale deeply, worried, at what the characters were currently facing. When she finished reading or I called her to get her attention, she'd look at me but it was almost as though she was bringing herself back from some faraway place. This was a situation that I had become most accustomed to. She and I, together in a room, maybe talking, maybe reading or working but it didn't matter what, I didn't care what because it was always nice.
Take now for instance, we were in her room. She was wearing a navy blue tank top that clung a little bit too tightly to her body. Her creamy skin was complimented perfectly and from my position on her bed, I had the perfect view down her top. She typed away on her laptop completely unaware of the effect she had on me. It was quiet except for her typing and my sketching. We hadn't spoken except from our short discussion in which we discussed which work was incomplete before dividing it among ourselves.
"Done" Bella suddenly said. Triumph shone in her face as she smiled at me.
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Mmm hmm, all we need to do is print, collate and bind it all together"
"Great, can we print here?" I asked stretching. I'd just finished the last of the drawings.
"Umm, let me go check" she stood and left the room. I could barely hear the soft patter of her feet against the carpet. "The ink levels are low; it'll probably run out halfway through"
"That's alright. We can go back to mine. It's probably the most practical thing to do anyway. We can pack up what you have here, print at mine and put everything together there" The unease was clear on Bella's face.
"As logical as that is, I don't think that's the best thing to do" she sat next to me on the bed.
"Don't worry, they won't be there. Lil and Alice had practice after school, then they're going to the Cullens house to watch movies for the rest of the evening. Lil may even spend the night there"
"And how do you know this? You said you haven't spoken to Lil in a while"
"Carmen told me. Trust me Bella, they will not be there and even if they were, we're going straight to my room"
"Jasper I-"
"I'm Shrek, remember? I'll protect you. Okay?"
"Okay" she lay her head on my shoulder. "Let me just gather everything up and put on my jacket. I'll meet you downstairs"
I stood, picked up my sketchbook and went downstairs. I slipped my jacket on and waited patiently for Bella in her living room. She said Charlie was working late tonight so I wasn't worried he'd come home and catch me here. Though he seemed alright with me being around Bella, it was clear he was still suspicious and so he hadn't hesitated to show me his gun or to warn me that as Chief he had a whole lot of power.
Charlie didn't really worry me, at least not as much as certain other people. Things in school had died down a bit, so when I walked her to class we only attracted a few glances and the occasional snide comment. Still, I was worried; Alice's outbursts seemed to come out of nowhere so I was waiting for another one. I was terrified at the prospect of leaving Bella alone, in case Alice or someone else decided to go after her. Bella had assured me that her dad had taught her basic self-defence movements and that he made sure she carried around a rape alarm and pepper spray but still I worried for her safety.
"Ready?"
I stood and saw Bella standing at the entrance, a bag on her shoulder and a folder in her arm. Her green coat dwarfed her petite figure and I'm sure it would be an unflattering look had it been anyone else but Bella had a way of always looking cute. Her brown orbs gazed at me, nervousness and fear reflected in them. I wanted to hold her and steal her pain away. I wanted to steal her away, away from all the ungrateful people who seemed hell bent on destroying her innocence and the goodness that made her stand out, I wanted to steal her away from impossible situations but most of all, away from a past that continues to haunt her.
"Yeah let's go"
I followed her out the door and waited patiently at the passenger side as she locked the front door. As she approached the car, I opened the door and once she was in and settled I closed it and made my way to the driver's seat.
As I closed the door behind me, Bella turned to face me.
"Promise me that they won't be there" her eyes were desperate for further confirmation.
"I promise you Bella"
After that initial interaction, the drive to my house was silent. My few glances at Bella confirmed that she was still nervous. The way she gnawed at her lip left me worried she'd draw blood. We pulled up to my house quickly enough and I helped her exit the car before leading her to my room.
Bella's nervousness soon faded away and calmness filled her being as we settled into our work. She became further at ease as Carmen entered a few times with snacks and drinks. I was even able to give them a moment alone and came back to find them on the bed, both red-eyed and smiling. I'm guessing that when Lil and Bella's relationship was destroyed, Bella's relationship with Carmen suffered as well. I could understand how, Carmen was Lil's mother so her loyalty was really to her but still it must have hurt Carmen considering how close Lil and Bella seemed to be. I'm glad that they could have this moment even if it was just a one-off. Bella needs a mother and it seems to me that Carmen was the closest to one she had so at least this way any womanly problems that Bella needed to talk about could be addresses, mainly Edwards breaking of her heart.
I gathered together the last pieces of paper, putting everything in order. As I placed the completed work on my desk, I felt my chest ache a little.
"So I guess we're done" I said lying down on the bed.
Sadness enveloped me as my biggest excuse to hang out with Bella evaporated before me. The last two weeks, if we didn't have social plans, I'd ask her to go to the library with me to work on the project and I'd call her with minor issues. I basically forced myself on her.
"Yeah, I can't believe it" an expression fleeted across her face.
"What's wrong?" I asked sitting up quickly.
"Nothing" she said turning away from me and allowing her hair to fall across her face.
"No seriously, tell me" I crouched in front of her and placed a hand on her cheek forcing her to look at me.
"It's silly. You'll think I'm being silly"
"You're being silly by not telling me"
"I know" she bit her lip. "I feel like the project has been one of the main reasons we've been able to spend time together. I'm scared that now it's done I'll never see you." she sighed and held my hand tighter against her face. "I really like spending time with you, no, I love spending time with you Jasper, it's my favourite part of every day, of every week"
My heart soared.
"You're such a good friend to me Jasper. I don't want to lose you"
Ouch. Friend zoned.
"You won't lose me Bella. We can still hang out, I promise. In fact, we can probably do more. We could head down to Seattle one weekend and see the Space Needle or the Aquarium or the Art Museum. I love hiking so we can explore the woods around Forks and you can make a picnic"
"That sounds like fun" she turned her head and kissed my palm slightly before taking it in both her hands.
I was about to speak when I heard it. The front door opening and closing followed by the chatter of voices. I watched the colour drain from Bella's already pale face and I worried she was going to pass out.
"Lay down" I whispered directing her to the bed.
"You promised" her voice was thick with tears.
"I know and I meant it at the time" I was confused. What the hell were they doing here? My avoidance of Lil was made a whole lot easier by the fact that she seemed to be doing the same thing. If I happened to be home then she probably wasn't and vice versa. If we were both home then we definitely were not around each other. I'd stay in my room and she'd stay in hers. I could tell Carmen was hurt by our avoidance of each other but I just didn't know what to say to Lil.
I could understand that she was hurt by the death of her friend James and needed time to mourn. He seemed like a great guy and is quite obviously missed by everyone. I could understand being angry at the injustice of such a young life being taken. I could understand wanting to help a friend whose brother had just died. What I couldn't understand was turning on your best friend who was like a sister. I couldn't understand how after everything that happened with Edward how she wouldn't at least try to get Bella's side of the story. I couldn't understand how Lil couldn't be more understanding about what happened with James, Bella was probably suffering enough with survivor's guilt without the added blame put on her by everyone else. It was times like that when you needed someone and even if Lil had been angry about what happened with Edward, I couldn't fathom how she was able to stay away from Bella, let alone hurt her more. I don't know how Bella found the strength to stay in Forks. I still don't know why she stayed. I get that she wasn't happy with her mother but it must've been a hell of a lot less painful than staying in Forks where she was hated by so many.
Bella had curled into a ball now. It was as though she were trying to make herself so tiny that she'd disappear. My heart ached for her.
I quickly checked that my door was locked before I lay down next to her and wrapped an arm around her. She was still in that damn tank top and she was shivering. I rubbed my arm quickly to warm her and when this failed I grabbed a blanket from my wardrobe and wrapped it tightly around her before settling beside her again.
"I'm sorry for being such a wimp" she whispered.
I kissed her forehead. "I like it, I like taking care of you. You don't have to be strong all the time Bella. I'm here."
"You know what's kinda funny? I was in this house so much growing up, this room was basically mine. I had clothes here, spare toiletries, Carmen wanted to completely decorate it for me but I put my foot down. She was so good to me. When Charlie had to work late or got called out on emergencies he'd drop me off here and she didn't care whatever the time was. Sometimes, I'd go to bed at my house and wake up here" a tear fell from her eye. "It was great. It wasn't ideal or traditional but I felt loved. I was happy. I still feel happy when I remember everything"
I buried my head in her hair and inhaled deeply. It was clear she was struggling to not fall apart.
"Bella, you don't have to say anything else"
"No, I want to. I want to share with you"
Laughter erupted outside my room and I could hear Bella wince from the sound. I could hear Alice's exclamation of joy as they discussed something that happened at practice. A door slammed shut and I could tell they were now in Lil's room.
"They won't come in here" I whispered to Bella in an attempt to reassure her.
"Ok" she was silent for a moment. "I loved Rosalie like she was my own sister. She was my sister in every way but blood. When the Cullens came into the picture, things didn't change too drastically. We hung out in a big group. Alice was always closer to Rosalie than she was to me; I was never into girly things like clothes and makeup but Alice breathes that kind of stuff and Rosalie liked it too. So they'd go on shopping trips to Port Angeles and Seattle, at first Alice asked me to come along and I'd say yes to be polite but it was clear that I didn't really enjoy it. They'd hang out in boutiques and I'd hang out in bookshops. After a while Alice stopped asking me to come along, I know it wasn't malicious but I still felt hurt"
I rubbed her shoulder gently. "Your feelings are completely understandable"
She took a shuddering breath before continuing "Rosalie tried to get me included in other stuff that she did with Alice, like cheerleading, but I just didn't fit in, not really. In school, people would want to hang out with Rosalie and Alice but I was tolerated. Lauren and Jessica hate me for instance but were nice to me when they were around to try and get in with them. Now there's no reason for them to be nice to me so they aren't"
"What about Edward and Emmett?"
"Well, I spent a lot of time with the two of them, more Edward than Emmett though. It's the reason why I fell for him so hard. He was kind and a gentleman and nice. He was so mature and gentle. We spoke all the time, if Alice and Rose were on a shopping trip, we'd go down to the beach and talk until the stars came out or we'd go to his house and he'd play for me. He even wrote me a song. The only problem was that I never felt like I could talk to him about my problems with Alice. I mean, like I said I don't think she was being malicious but at times it seemed as though she were doing it deliberately, to leave me out. I have no co-ordination so I couldn't play sports, but she'd suggest group activities that I couldn't fully participate in. We'd play baseball in the woods but I can't catch or hit so I'd sit and keep score. We'd go rock climbing and I'd injure myself and have to sit and watch. We'd go ice skating and I'd be unable to keep my balance. I spoke to Rose about this once but she didn't think it was anything serious."
"So Alice was out to get you?" I asked clarifying.
"I don't know, maybe. I just don't get why. When everything went to crap with Edward she was the first person to really go after me. She hated me."
"Did you ever get a chance to speak with Edward?"
"No. I wish I did. I wish I had a chance to explain. I really didn't cheat. I loved him, I still love him. I don't get why he wouldn't give me the chance to explain. That's not like Edward at all. I miss him. I lost Rose, I lost him. It's not fair" she sniffed a little. "You probably think this is stupid but I could see myself growing up and marrying him. I really felt like we were perfect for each other, I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, I didn't want to imagine myself with anyone else"
Hearing her describe her relationship with Edward was actually hurting my heart. I didn't ever want her to speak about him again. He didn't deserve her or her love. If I was her man I'd never let her go, I'd never hurt her like this. If I ever had the honour of her heart, I'd encase it in glass and store it away from any pain and suffering. Not even death would allow me to leave her.
"You have me now. I'm going to make it okay" I whispered stroking her hair.
"I know" she smiled at me. "I'm so lucky"
We chattered about nonsensical things for a bit until we heard Lil's door slam shut. After this we heard the voices disappear down the stairs and another door closed. I assumed they had left and were resuming their original agenda.
"Do you feel like escaping?" I asked Bella as I sat up.
"Sure. Where do you wanna go?"
"Diner?" I suggested. "We could get some dessert"
Bella narrowed her eyes and bit her lip as she thought.
"Or…..I could cook for you" her eyes lowered to the ground.
"Sure" I smiled at her as butterflies erupted in my stomach.
I stood up and gave her my hand.
Looks like I have a date with Bella.
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