Hey guys. Hope you've had a good week so far. Another short chapter, I know, but I have a feeling you'll enjoy this one a lot.

Chapter 14

Now that Lil and her friends were gone, Bella and I could leave the house without seeing them. I wasn't worried about running into them anywhere else. So I figured, we could go to Bella's, have dinner and then we could go to the Diner to get some dessert before heading up to First Beach.

"So you're definitely happy with our project?" I asked Bella holding it in my hands.

"Definitely" she said with a nod.

"And you're all for us handing it in tomorrow?"

"Yes" she said, again with a nod. I picked up my jacket and slipped it on before helping her with hers.

"Are you ready to leave?" I asked as she turned to face me.

"Yeah" she slipped her arm through mine and I led her out the door. As we descended the stairs, Bella hesitated for a moment. "Can I say goodbye to Carmen before we leave?"

"Sure" I paused thinking where she could be before I heard sounds in the kitchen. "Let's check out the kitchen first"

I led the way to the kitchen, Bella's arm still safely secured. She looked happy. She was practically radiating with happiness and I was glad that the fear of before had disappeared. I was glad that Carmen could be the reason for happiness like this. I knew Carmen had been through a lot in life even before she met my dad and he screwed her over, I wasn't sure what but I'm sure that, that is what made Carmen the wonderful person she was today. She's an amazing mum to Lil, their bond was something I quickly noticed and envied somewhat. Lil still had her mum.

I quickly dismissed these thoughts and focused on the present situation.

We reached the kitchen quickly enough and I pushed it open calling out to Carmen.

My heart stopped.

Not Carmen but Lil and her friends were in the kitchen.

I slipped my keys into Bella's pocket and pushed her behind me before they could see her. I could hear the soft patter of her feet as she slipped away, out of the door and into my car.

Lil stared at me, a nervous expression on her face. Behind her Emmett and Edward pretended to absorbed with other things to give us the appearance of privacy, Alice, on the other hand, stared straight at me, a stony expression on her face.

"Hey" Lil said eventually. She cleared her throat a little and repeated herself.

I had no clue how to address her so I simply mimicked her greeting. She shot a small smile my way but I couldn't muster one back. My mood had plummeted after seeing her and old anger and hurt began to rise. Irrational though it was, I could feel myself beginning to blame her for everything.

"How've you been?" Lil then asked completely unaware of the storm that was beginning to brew within me. I clenched my fists shut to try and control myself.

"Fine. You?" my clipped response clearly hurt her. Her smile fell from her face. I could feel Emmett's gaze on my face and I could see Alice looking at me as though contemplating something. It was only Edward who chose to continue averting his eyes.

"I've been good. I've missed seeing you at home, in school. Where have you been?"

"Around"

"Oh, cool" the air around us sparked with tension. I felt like I was just one wrong word away from a massive blowout.

"Dude, not cool" Emmett said stepping behind Lil.

"Jasper please, just stay and speak to me. Please." Lil begged.

"Why?" I stepped forward menacingly. I was so close to Lil I could feel her breath as she exhaled.

"Jasper, you need to back off, now." Emmett warned.

"Rosalie, why are you even here?" she stepped back from me, wounded.

"I wanted to see you. I haven't seen you in ages. I wanted you to come and hang out with us. I wanted everything to be okay again"

"Well, it won't be and whose fault is that?" I spat before I turned and stormed out the kitchen.

Bella was waiting patiently in the car for me, she'd even placed the key in the ignition. I started the car and backed quickly out of the driveway.

"Woah" Bella exclaimed. She turned to face me "Are you okay?"

I didn't answer, I merely sped down the road. Everything that had happened spiralled into my head. How could my dad cheat on my mum? How could he kill her? How could he try to kill me? What kind of a selfish asshole does something like that?

I turned a corner narrowly avoiding a reversing car. My foot pressed down harder on the accelerator as more thoughts entered my head.

If Lil had never been born then my dad wouldn't have been pushing for us to move. He wouldn't have argued with my mum about it and he wouldn't have taken a gun to her. If Lil had just been content with one parent in her life then my dad wouldn't have been getting involved there, he would have left it be. Lil is the reason why my mum is dead. Lil is the reason why I am left with nothing. She has her mum, she has her home. I have nothing, nothing.

"Jasper!" I heard Bella scream from beside me. I glanced at her quickly then at the road which is where I noticed the reason for her scream. I swerved quickly to avoid the car but in doing so lost control. I grabbed the wheel to steady the car and managed to stop it after performing a U-turn in the middle of the road.

I lay my head on the chair behind me. What the hell had I just done? I started to band my hands against my head chanting "stupid, stupid, stupid"

I turned to my right and saw Bella staring at me pale and terrified. Her chest rose quickly in line with her breaths.

I turned the key and began driving again at a slower pace. I pulled over when I reached Bella's house.

She was still looking at me but with worry rather than terror.

"I think we need to get a rain check on this dinner" I said looking at the steering wheel.

"Okay" her voice was barely audible despite the silence of the car. "Where are you going?"

I shrugged in response.

Bella didn't get out the car though. I waited as the seconds turned into minutes and she still did not go.

"Aren't you getting out?" I eventually asked.

"No"

"Why?" I asked getting annoyed.

"Are you being serious? You're clearly not in the right frame of mind to be driving a car and there's no way I'm getting out of this car and letting you get killed"

"Bella get out" I said trying to keep a hold of my temper.

"I go wherever you go" I turned to face her and my eyes narrowed into slits.

"Bella, its not safe for you to be in the car with me"

"I don't care"

"I don't want you to see me like this"

"I'm not letting you go off by yourself Jasper"

"Fine" I said and took off.

I wasn't sure where I was driving to but eventually I reached a path that led into the woods. I slammed the door behind me and heard as Bella did the same but I didn't wait to check if she was okay.

I began stalking into the woods quickly gaining speed and distance. I could hear Bella struggling to keep up from behind me but I didn't care. I soon broke into a light jog, still unsure of where I was going but I knew I needed to burn off this excess adrenaline. I was so angry. It reminded me of Texas. I'd get angry and start smashing things up.

When I had gotten deep enough in, I threw off my jacket and began breaking things. I grabbed branches and snapped them. I picked up whatever debris I could find and threw it. I started punching and kicking trees as though I could hurt them. I could feel myself getting lost in the emotions, in the pain.

"Jasper stop" Bella cried. I could see her trying to reach out to me but I moved away.

"Go away" I roared.

"Please, you're hurting yourself" she continued. Again she tried to reach for me and again I pulled away.

"Go away" I repeated. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and quell some of the anger. I wasn't angry at Bella. It wasn't her fault.

Everything came back to me at once.

The anger at my dad for cheating on my mum, for hurting her and betraying her; the hate I felt towards him for destroying our little family, disrupting our world and leaving us humiliated in a tiny town. I hated him for taking my mother from me and leaving me all alone to deal with the aftermath. I hated the town gossipers who stared and whispered behind my backs as though I couldn't hear them. I hated how they'd come to the house under the pretence of checking on me and my grandmother only to try and glean a bit of gossip to report back. I hated how stuck I felt, how screwed up I was. I hated that I was probably never going to get over the death of my mother and the reminder on my arm was never going to fade away. I hated the fact that I didn't do more to stop him.

"I should've stopped him" I hear myself saying.

I stop suddenly and look around me. I had managed to ruin the area. I had torn the undergrowth out of the ground; I had successfully damaged some of the larger trees as well as knocking down a few of the smaller ones.

"Jasper" Bella whispered. She walked towards me stopping a few feet away. The sun had hidden itself behind a cloud as though it didn't want to see the destruction I'd caused or the mess I'd made. The area was quiet and I could hear the wind whisper as it too seemed to flee the destruction.

I dropped to the ground and held my head in my hands.

That's when I noticed the blood.

The coppery smell filled my nostrils and I instinctively recoiled. I stared at my hands, horrified at the ghastly sight. The flesh of my knuckles had been forcibly ripped away and my palms were covered in deep welds. Blood oozed from the wounds, seeping like ink from it and dripping to the ground, coating it in red. The red stood out strikingly against the dark of the ground and for a moment I was fascinated by the horrid beauty of the colours and the scene. The contrast of the blood and the ground painted the image of life and death contrasting but at the same time it painted the image of man and nature joining together.

I could hear Bella as she crouched beside me and I could feel her gaze, first on my face and then my hands. I could hear her arm rise and her jacket covered hand lay on my face as she began to wipe at the blood that was there. Her jacket covered hand then rested on my palm and she pressed down. I flinched but she didn't stop.

"Who should you have stopped Jasper?" Her sweet voice entered the air and I could feel the tears burn my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed them not to fall. I couldn't fall apart like this; I shouldn't have fallen apart like this. My issues were dead and in the past, Bella's was current, she didn't need to deal with my crap in addition to her own.

"Jasper?" Bella prompted. I looked at her prepared to lie or make up some crap but the look in her eyes broke me. Reflected back at me was nothing but love. She reminded me of my mother in that moment, my mother who loved all.

That got me.

I lost it.

I buried my head in Bella's shoulder and I began to cry. Her little arms wrapped around me, one on my shoulder, one of my head. She stroked my head softly and began to whisper things to me, then she stopped and started to sing.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word…."

My arms were around her waist and I tightened them as I succumbed to the pain inside.

"My dad, I should've stopped my dad. I should've protected my mother better. I should've fought to get the gun. I shouldn't have listened to him at all. I should've stayed and told her to go. I should've moved, that bullet should've hit me and not her. I should be dead, not her. It wasn't her fault"

"It wasn't your fault either"

The tears fell quicker.

"It is. It really is. I'm the one who found out about Lil. It was an accident. I couldn't find my phone and I thought I'd left it in my dad's study the day before. I stumbled on some pictures and letters and I put it together. I went straight to my mum and told her and then she confronted my dad. It nearly destroyed her. I should've confronted him first or I should have never said anything. Then my mum would be alive. It's my fault she's dead"

"You couldn't have known that this would happen Jasper" she said "Don't think like this, you will never know for sure what would have actually happened. Don't poison your thoughts this way"

"I can't help it" I looked up at her. She smiled at me and I could feel my heart ache. She placed her hands on my cheek and laid her head against mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I inhaled deeply.

Strawberries.

Her eyelashes brushed against mine and her lips were so close I could've kissed them.

"I know. I get it. I'm here though Jasper. I will always be here" she whispered.

And then I kissed her.

Soooooo?