Space Cop's carship sped through lightspeed with its pilot/driver - Space Cop himself - and his two passengers - Simon Taggert in the passenger seat, Fuckbot in the back - all sitting quietly as they let the time pass.
"Space Cop, do you ever think that by helping out in this war, we're just perpetuating it?" Taggert asked. "I don't see how infiltrating and blowing up a few of Belok Rhal's weapons facilities and shipyards are gonna help in the long-run."
"Yeah. So what's your point?" Space Cop asked.
"Well, if we're just perpetuating it, we're kinda fulfilling Vestara's vision that we might have this war go out of control and destroy the galaxy, aren't we?" Taggert asked.
"Hey, The Jedi Have Been Doing This For A Long Time Now, My Little Love Monkey," Fuckbot chimed in. "And They're A Bunch Of Hypocritical Pussies. But Aside From That, You Do Understand That A Series Of Short-Term Effects Can Really Make A Lot For War, Right, Simon?"
Taggert sighed. "Yeah, I guess."
"Well, we still have some time before we have to blow up that weapons facility in the Fhaja system," Space Cop said. "What say we stop by at a fast-food joint in this sector and grab a bite?"
"We Only Have Two Hours Before Rhal Ships Out Those Warships Against Mirta Gev," Fuckbot stated. "Exactly The Time We Need To Get There And Blow Shit Up. We Cannot Waste Time."
"Well, fuck you, I'm hungry," Space Cop said. He looked at the console and pressed several buttons in a sequential order. "I'm dropping us out and see where we are before we find a restaurant."
Taggert then said, "So you mean we're just gonna leave-"
"Don't even say his name," Space Cop said as he quickly held up a finger to his gorilla friend's face. "It was bad enough learning that he who shall not be named was even able to achieve a badass status, much less be exempt from me shoving my gun down his throat and emptying my laser pack down his gullet."
"Why Does That Sound Awfully Phallic Out Of Context?" Fuckbot asked no one in particular.
"I'm surprised you even know the word exempt," Taggert said to Space Cop.
By then, the carship dropped out of hyperspace, and Space Cop said, "Siri. Where's the nearest fast food joint on our heading?"
"Twenty parsecs from our current location, Sexy Lover Three Thousand and Eight," the computer, Siri, replied in the voice of a familiar porn actress. "They are located in the following coordinates." She then showed a series of numbers on her screen.
"You got her to sound like Sasha Grey?" Fuckbot asked. "Awesome."
"Wait, did she just call you Sexy Lover Three Thousand and Eight?" Taggert asked.
Space Cop nodded as he input the coordinates for the fast food joint.
"Three Thousand and Eight?" Taggert repeated in disbelief. "I didn't know you liked the Black Eyed Peas." He regarded the human with a spiteful glare.
"Hey, don't be giving me that evil look, Monkey Man, or else I'll get The Time (Dirty Bit) up in this joint," Space Cop threatened.
"Oh, no, please, don't!" Taggert, Fuckbot, and Siri exclaimed simultaneously.
Space Cop looked at the computer with surprise. "I thought I programmed you to like the Black Eyed Peas, Siri."
"There is a limit," Siri replied. "That, and the extent of your programming skills can be outdone by a toddler in a game of Operation."
"Yeah, and I'm gonna let that Monkey Man comment slide for now, if only because I don't wanna hear Will. i. am and Fergie damage a classic," Taggert said.
"Just Never Call This Car A Joint Again," Fuckbot added.
Space Cop then tried to ask, "Wait, why does he get to call you his little love monkey, but I-"
"Because he fucks me in the ass, he can do whatever he wants," Taggert interrupted.
Fuckbot then reached forward to rub a hand along Taggert's shoulder.
"Not now, my Silver Linings Playdick," Taggert said as he warded off Fuckbot's grasp.
By then, the carship had jumped back into hyperspace for its new course.
"Really?" Space Cop asked. "Silver Linings Playdick? Is that the best you got?"
"Hey, what else can I call him?" Taggert asked. "There's not much to call a boxy metal robot that fucks people."
Space Cop nodded in agreement. "Good point." He then settled back to enjoy the rest of the trip.
.
In the Fhaja system, where Belok Rhal's shipyards and weapons facilities had just completed the construction of the war vessels, long-range weapons, and projectiles for battle, a lone Nubian starfighter dropped out of hyperspace in front of a fully prepared Mandalorian fleet.
The leader of this fleet, Strahta Jukal, opened up a fleet-wide hailing frequency from his Bes'uliik starfighter and said, "Attention, all forces, it seems we have an idiot who would dare go up against the wrath of the Death Watch. Three and Four Flights, go after that fighter. The rest of you, including myself, sit back and enjoy the show." He then cut off the communication and watched in anticipation of seeing the fighters he dispatched go up against the Nubian fighter and blow it to atoms.
Three and Four Flights - which composed of three fighters each, totaling up to six - disengaged from the armada and zoomed for the Nubian starfighter. The latter vessel turned and began to flee, as if the pilot had realized that he or she was way over his or her head and decided to leave.
Jukal smirked at the thought. if the pilot were smart, he or she would be able to just jump right back into hyperspace, considering that none of them were in a gravity well. Not that it would matter anyway, as no one, not even the Galactic Alliance, never mind Mirta Gev and her forces, could ever stand up to the might of Belok Rhal and the Death Watch.
As the six Bes'uliiks chased the Nubian, they quickly gained speed on it and in what felt like no time at all, they gained on it and fired their lasers at the enemy craft's rear.
But before the lasers could hit it, the pilot of the Nubian quickly dropped the fighter into a deep spiral before just as quickly looping back up to deliver a series of blue lasers in the undersides of the Bes'uliiks. It only took one laser each to blow the Mando fighters and their pilots out of existence, and all before they had time to react to the Nubian's expert maneuvers.
Jukal witnessed this in dumbfounded silence just as the Nubian leveled off and charged headlong to the rest of his fleet like a suicidal maniac. He activated the fleet-wide frequency again.
"All forces, blow that thing to kingdom come!"
All of the fleet fired their lasers to the approaching Nubian in an immense wall that the enemy starfighter seemed to have no chance of getting past in time or going through without damage.
But the Nubian fighter fired off a series of blue lasers again in its path and extinguished the Mando lasers that were headed in its path, creating a hole large enough for it to pass through unscathed.
Jukal looked at this in further stunned silence. How did he or she manage those precise shots? he wondered. Is this a Jedi or Sith or something?
Once the Nubian was past the wall of laserfire, it began firing blue lasers every which way in its path, blowing up several Mando fighters before the others could comprehend what was happening. Those who survived - or rather, who weren't hit at all - instinctively broke from their ranks and tried to attack the Nubian starfighter on all sides.
But in spite of the Mandalorians' efforts, not a single laser or projectile managed to hit the infinitely elusive target, and all fire became friendly fire that either severely damaged or outright destroyed their fellow Mandalorians and their ships. Those who weren't injured or killed by their fellow Mandos were outright killed by the Nubian fighter itself.
Who is this god among pilots? Jukal asked himself silently before he, too, was blown out by one of the Nubian's powerful blue lasers, two minutes into this battle caused by one individual.
Three minutes later, the last of the fleet had been destroyed, and the Nubian fighter, still flying without a scratch, continued the rest of its way for the weapons facilities and shipyards ahead.
"Meesa dahava da boomba," the pilot,. Jar Jar Binks, said in a subdued tone before unleashing his entire payload of missiles and torpedoes for the facilities up ahead. In seconds, not even wreckage could be found of the facilities.
Jar Jar then turned away, input the coordinates for hyperspace, and promptly left without anymore fuss.
