WARNING: There are mentions of death and suicide.

Dean and Sam invited Lisa and Ben to stay at the bunker for awhile, letting them stay in a couple of spare guest rooms. A few weeks had gone by, and Sam began to worry. He had noticed Dean was getting close to Lisa. Sam was out on a date with Gabriel at a diner not too far from the bunker. He ordered a salad with a glass of water, Gabriel ordered pancakes with lots of syrup. Sam was picking at his food, not caring too much about eating it. Gabriel could tell that Sam was lost in thought, just by the confused looks on his face.

"What are you thinking about, Samsquatch?" Gabriel asked, taking the last bite of his pancakes, disappointed that they were gone.

"It's Dean." Sam said, sighing and looking up from his food at Gabriel. "He's been getting close to Cas and Lisa." Normally, Gabriel wouldn't see a problem with the situation, but his little brother was involved.

"He better not hurt my brother." Gabriel said with a sharp tone. Cas has been so happy lately, Gabriel loved seeing him smiling. "I'll kill him if he does, permanently this time."

"He loves Cas, he's told me that." Sam said, pushing his plate away from him to the middle of the table. "I'm just hoping he doesn't screw it up."

"He had a thing with Lisa, didn't he?" Gabriel asked, paying for their bill and leaving a tip on the table. "Do you think he'll get back with her?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders, unsure how to answer. They made their way outside of the diner and began walking back to the bunker. Gabriel offered to fly them back, but Sam denied the offer. He wanted a little more time to think and vent his thought to Gabriel, who willingly listened.


Dean was in the garage with Ben, teaching him everything he knew about cars. They spent hours tinkering with different cars in the garage of the bunker. Ben also helped Dean wash the impala, being very careful not to scratch or damage the vehicle. Lisa walked into the garage as they were rinsing the soap off, watching Dean and Ben flick water at each other and laughing.

"Ben, dinner is almost ready, go wash up." Lisa said, walking closer to the two. She watched as Ben made his way back inside before turning to face Dean. "We're going home in a few days. Sam and Gabriel checked the house out and told us it was safe for us to go back."

"That's great." Dean said, smiling slightly. He had wanted Lisa and Ben back in his life for so long, he wasn't quite ready for it to end so soon.

"We want you to come back with us, Dean." Lisa watched as Dean's facial expression change from disappointment to excitement, then somewhere in between disappointment and excitement. "Think about it."


Castiel was sitting on a bench next to a river, and watched the river flow by swiftly. He listened to the birds sing and the crickets chirp. The sounds relaxed his troubled mind. He was feeling confused and conflicted. Cas was in love with Dean, but was unsure how the hunter felt. Cas was scared to talk to Dean about his feelings, afraid the hunter will make fun of him. He stared out at the water and let his mind wonder, letting him think about what life would be like with Dean. Thinking about a future with his hunter caused a smile to spread across his face and his heart to feel warm and fuzzy. He was happy when he was around or just thinking about Dean. Cas took a deep breath and decided that he would tell Dean how he felt. He would make Dean listen, whether he wanted to or not. He walked to the bunker instead of flying, to give him time to decide exactly what he was going to say to Dean. He ran into Sam and Gabriel on his way to the bunker, and walked with them the rest of the way.

"You're really happy today, Cas." Sam said, watching Cas practically skip beside him and Gabriel. "Any particular reason why?" Castiel didn't answer, instead he just smiled.

"He's off to see his boyfriend." Gabriel said, watching heat creep across Castiel's face causing him to blush. He loved seeing his little brother so happy, and it pained him to think about the possibility of Dean getting back together with Lisa.

"Dean is not my boyfriend." Cas said, still blushing and smiling. His heart flutter at the thought of Dean being his boyfriend. "If all goes well, hopefully that will change today."

When they finally reached the bunker, Sam and Gabe allowed Castiel to walk in first. Cas looked in every possible location that Dean could be. He began with the garage, then the kitchen, then the little dungeon area in the bunker, then finally Cas stood outside Dean's bedroom door. Cas raised his hand to knock when he heard something smash on the other side of the door. Without thinking Cas barged into the room, looking for the source of the noise. He found a broken beer bottle lying in the middle of the floor. At first he figured it was an accident, until his eyes fell upon something he regretted seeing. Lisa was straddling Dean's hips, holding his arms above his head and kissing him. Cas stood there frozen, unable to take his eyes off the sight before him. He was finally snapped out of the trance he was in when he caught a glimpse of Dean walking towards him. Before Dean was able to reach him, Cas vanished, flying as far away as he could possible go.


Dean felt paralyzed. He wanted to explain to Cas that it was a misunderstanding, but Cas had vanished before he had the chance to. Dean couldn't get the expression of hurt and betrayal on Castiel's face out of his head. It was the very first time Dean had ever seen the angel cry, and it killed him inside. He had forgotten about Lisa being in his room, until she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Get out." Dean said, making sure Lisa could hear the acid in his voice. She looked at Dean confused, trying to decide what she heard was right or not. "Get out!" Dean shouted, which scared Lisa and made her let go of him before running out of his room.

Not too long after Lisa had run out of his room, Sammy had come running in. Dean didn't bother to listen to what Sam was saying until he found himself being shaken by his little brother.

"Dean, what the hell happened?" Sam asked, letting go of Dean once he had his attention. Sam could see tears forming in Dean's eyes. "Dean?"

"Where's Gabriel?" Dean asked, meeting his brother's eyes. He couldn't answer Sam's question, he wanted to fix things between him and Cas.

Weeks had gone by and Sam began worrying about his brother more than he has ever had before. Dean had been drinking a lot more than what he usually does, and he refuses to eat most of the time. Sam was sitting in his room, waiting for Gabriel to show after praying to the archangel hours before hand. Sam was ready to give up when he heard the flutter of wings, signaling the archangel's presence.

"Hey, Samsquatch." Gabriel closed the distance between Sam and himself before kissing Sam's lips softly. It had been awhile since the two had seen one another. "How's Dean-o holding up?"

"Not great." Sam said, sitting on his bed and looking at the archangel. Dean eventually had told Sam what happened that night. "He's basically drinking himself to death, he isn't eating, and he isn't sleeping. All he does is sit around and drink any alcohol he can get his hands on. How's Cas?"

"I don't know." Gabriel could feel his heart sink. "No one has seen him since that night. Some are saying that Cas is dead." Gabriel had been searching for Castiel since that night, but to no avail. He began to speculate whether Cas was dead or not.

"Do you think he's dead, Gabe?" Sam asked, grabbing and holding onto Gabriel's hands. Sam could see that Gabriel still had hope in his eyes.

"No, I don't." Gabriel sat next to Sam, laying his head on the hunter's shoulder. "At least not yet."


It's been five months since the night Castiel disappeared. Dean has been praying to him every morning and every night, hoping the angel would hear him out. He was heading to his room to pray again when he heard Sam talking to Gabriel about Cas. Dean decided to eavesdrop on the conversation, wanting to hear how the angel was doing. When Dean heard that there was a possibility that Cas was dead, his heart shattered. So many horrible thought flowed through his mind.

'Was Cas dead? Did he kill himself? Is that why he hasn't answered me? If he's dead this is my fault. This is my fault. My. Fault. I did this. I am the reason Cas is dead.'

These thoughts continued to eat away at his mind, he started drinking more to drown the thoughts. Eventually he drank so much he passed out and started dreaming.

Dean and Cas were cuddled close together in front of a fireplace in a small log cabin. The small log cabin sat upon a small hill overlooking a large river. The cabin was completely dark, except for the only source of light coming from the fireplace. Dean watched the fire dance along the logs in the fireplace while he held Castiel close to him. He took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of his angel and smiled to himself. He was happy to have Cas in his arms once again, he had missed the feeling of Castiel's body against his. Everything was perfect again, and Dean never wanted it to end.

"Dean." Castiel whispered, sitting up and moving away from Dean. Dean could see tears forming in the angel's eyes, and was confused as to why. Dean wanted to ask Castiel what was causing him pain, but found he couldn't speak. At that moment he had realized Lisa was on top of him, her mouth pressed hard against his. By the time Dean was able to get Lisa off him it was too late. Castiel had taken the angel blade he always carried around with him and shoved it through his heart, killing him instantly.

Dean woke up breathing hard and covered in sweat. He could feel the hot tears stream down his face, and grabbed the alcohol off his night stand.


Sam woke up early the next morning and made his way to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, which recently had been packed full of Dean's alcohol, but now not a single bottle was there. Sam suddenly became worried and made his way to Dean's room. He didn't find Dean, instead he found a single sheet of paper sitting on his brother's bed. Sam picked the paper up and began to read it.

'Sammy,

I over heard you and Gabriel talking about Cas yesterday. If he's really dead, then it's my fault. I can't deal with the guilt any longer. No matter how hard I try, I can't get that night out of my head. I can still see the hurt in his eyes. I'm sorry, Sammy, but I can't do this any longer. I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve another chance. I don't deserve to be alive if Cas is dead. This time, don't bring me back. Let me go.

Dean'

Sam gripped the paper tightly in his hand and prayed to Gabriel, making sure to let the archangel know how urgent it was. Gabriel got there in a matter of seconds, and Sam handed Gabriel the letter. Gabriel took a few minutes to read over the letter before making eye contact with Sam. He could see the fear and worry in the hunter's eyes.

"Gabriel, what do we do?" Sam asked, fighting back tears. He wasn't sure if he would be able to let his brother go like this. He didn't even know where to begin looking for Dean, there were so many places he could have gone.

"Don't worry, kid-o, we'll find him. I promise."