Matthew's POV
When I open my eyes, I anticipate the hospital wing, but this place is unfamiliar. Blue curtains surround me, and the smell of antiseptics and stale urine make me gag. I know the urine is definitely not me.
Multiple things are attached to my bare chest. I touch a thing that's tickling my nostrils and find it to be an oxygen cannula.
Great. Even my lungs refuse to function.
I try and sit up, but my head threatens to explode. I groan and hold my head.
A doctor walks in my section of what I'm assuming is the ER. "Prince Matthew," he says, "so glad you're finally awake. Here, have some water."
The doctor hands me a glass he's been holding. I take small sips, knowing that I'd probably throw it up if I gulped it all.
"I'm Doctor Gemini," he says. "I've spoken to your mother, the queen, and the princess about your condition because they—as well as everyone else, for that matter—clearly don't know about your condition. However, I have plenty reason to think you know exactly what is happening to you."
I take another sip of water, not saying anything because he knows he's right.
"We have some medication for you to drink every night," Dr. Gemini continues. "There are three you must drink: one is a diuretic that helps remove excess fluid and sodium from the body, another is an anticoagulant that prevents your blood from clotting, and a corticosteroid that will reduce inflammation. Usually we would give you an antiarrhythmic, but your condition must have been so severe that you required the pacemaker to help with your arrhythmia."
"What kind of cure would you need?" I stammer, coughing a bit.
"Easy there, your highness." The doctor takes the half-empty glass from me and sets it on a table. "An ideal cure would be a medicine that balances your electrolytes. However, since this country was established, the remains of those medicines are...nonexistent. The EW Corporation is currently trying to develop an aldosterone blocker."
"How do I get rid of my headache?" I ask. The doctor smiles and hands me a tablet and my glass of water. I swallow the tablet and ask, "What was that exactly?"
"Ibuprofen," he says. "You could easily ask for that in the hospital wing if a headache is the only thing that ails you."
"The only thing that ails me?" I say flippantly. "Please. What ails me is how my parents will react to another dead son."
I hand back my glass to him, and he sets down the now-empty glass. He sits on the edge of my cot and sighs. "Prince Matthew, as a parent, I can only imagine what it would feel like if my daughter, Juno, passed away. If she had, I would assume I'd continue my Life's work curing other people when I could not cure my own daughter."
"Would you be devastated?"
He nods. "Absolutely. My world would shatter for a moment, and I would probably walk around in a dazed stupor."
That's exactly how I felt with Michael.
"But, you know, Life goes on. You're not the only one who has to keep moving. You may stop, but others are still going."
"If I die, do you think people would remember me?"
Dr. Gemini smiles. "You're a prince. It would be foolish of us to forget, and foolish of you to be forgotten. I advise you to do your Life's work, your dreams. Whatever you would want to do as king, you may as well start now."
The doctor stands, clasping his hands together. "There is a support group here at the hospital. You are more than welcome to join."
"Would they all have cardiomyopathy?"
"Your condition is very rare, your highness, but the other patients would be experiencing a...similar predicament."
I nod and consider it. Do I really need support? "How long have I been asleep?" I ask.
Dr. Gemini smiles sadly. "Two days and three hours. The princess just left several hours ago, actually. Don't fret; you'll be home as soon as your vitals are in check."
I smile. "Thanks, Doc. Could you, uh, please tell my family that I'm awake?"
"Certainly, your highness."
He disappears around the fabric of the curtain.
I don't know if I should be selfish or not. I want to think that people would miss me, but somehow that seems self-absorbed altogether. It's so ridiculous how we try to make the most of our Lives for ourselves, when maybe we should be making the most for others. I could be terminal and have a handful of minutes, but somehow I still have an entire bucket of days.
I want to visit my grandmother, while we're both still alive. I don't even want to sugarcoat it. We're both going to die, and some sick part of me wants to outlive her.
Is hatred a side effect of dying too?
Ugh, my Life is a mess. Why the hell does this keep happening? It's like the universe wants to screw with me every damn time.
What happens if I go? If I go, people might be left in my wake, maybe hopeless or sad. But an alternative ending appears: they will be happy. Like the doctor said, people would still keep going. What if I'm the only one who stops? People have Lives to live, and my expiration date just happened to come quicker.
I think about my people trade-off system. If I die, who will replace me?
I nearly gasp out loud when I actually have an answer. Alexandra's child.
If I die, then that baby might live. Or it could die and I will live. Or we could both die, or both live. I like the last possibility. I want to live to see my nephew. I probably will. It's just a matter of when and where. Here on Earth, where we're both living and breathing, or up there, floating in hopeless escape?
It's so funny how this is the way I'm probably going to die. A sickness. There's no dignity and justification in dying as a sick person. I always wanted to die a noble death. Maybe being shot during a rebel attack, or killed as a rebel hostage. Those are impossible now, but still. Dying out in a blaze of glory is better than dying out in a blaze of weakness and disease.
If I die, I want it to be on my own terms. I want the choice to say when and how I die.
Maybe I should just go paragliding and not pull on the parachute. No, the impact of the ground would hurt. Maybe I could "accidentally" impale myself with my sword. Damn it, I don't have a sword. Hang myself? Hell no.
Nope. There is no way in hell I am killing myself.
Never mind. Nope. Let the disease take me. Killing myself? What the hell, Matthew?
In the corner of my eye, I notice a strikingly red tulip. There's a note on it with slanted handwriting.
Tess.
Dear Matt,
Um, I'm not very good at conveying my feelings. And you're right; this is humiliating.
Whatever you do, please don't give up. You, of all people, do not give up. If you give up, it would be like a piece of clothing just abandoning the action of holding its fibers and stitches together.
That was a horrible analogy, but I hope I got my point across.
I know this isn't a fair match, because the disease will clearly lose. You don't need fancy weapons to defeat a monster. Just please don't lose hope. Do it for Mom, Dad, your siblings, the entire country...for me.
And if not for me, do it for yourself. You deserve a Life. So please, don't give up. You have so much to live for, and people love you.
Come home soon.
Yours forever,
Tess
She even put an infinity sign connecting the S's in her name.
I just want to rip everything off me and run home. But I'm shirtless and barefoot and in no condition to walk, much less run.
The nurses check my vitals, and they say I can go home tomorrow morning. Thank God. The ER only reminds me the reason I'm here. So it's decided; I'm going to fight, and I'm going to win. I'm going to kick cardiomyopathy's ass.
Wait. This is genetic. If I have children with Tess, the gene would be passed down to them, and it would just keep going. I don't want anyone else to suffer, especially not my own children. I'd rather die than see them go through what I'm going through.
I wonder if the disease missed a generation. If my mother doesn't have it, and her siblings don't...
Her siblings...
Uncle Gerad.
Luke Danielson said he was crazy once. Is dementia a side effect? It's almost a revelation, because suddenly everything makes sense.
I need to tell someone.
But suddenly I'm too tired again, and I succumb to sleep.
More insight?
QOTD: I'm kinda running out of questions, so...What is your favorite quote in any of my stories? I'm curious. VERY curious.
Answer to previous QOTD: I would probably spend the entire day with my family and friends. I would tell everyone what I honestly think of them. Then I would kiss a really hot guy just so I could die as a girl that's been kissed. OR I would tell my parents I'm going to die the next day and then they could fly me to NYC so I could stalk and meet Ansel Elgort. OR I could go to New Jersey and meet someone that I want to meet. Yeah. OR I would audition for the X-Factor.
Thanks for the reviews!
WinteryRose- Haha that's so logical. It's like answering "I'd ask for more wishes" when asked "What would your 3 wishes be from a genie?". Hahaha yes. There's my new plot twist. Matthew will end up looking like Kim Kardashian. The end. Haha that sounds hilarious. Just watch me make Matthew lose his memory and write a fourth book :P That's so awful. I want to go to the Caribbean so badly. Thanks so much!
LittleMissTori- Haha John Green, more like John Mean :P And thanks, I've always wanted to be an inspirational speaker :P Jk I'd be so horrible at that. Are you kidding me? That's not weird at all. I would want to meet Ansel Elgort and then I could die happily. Puh-lease. ;) Thanks so much!
going for the win- The mere thought of skydiving makes me want to throw up because I'm acrophobic. Legit, the thought...*shudders* Thanks for reviewing!
Athenachild101- I totally forgot you were a professional! It makes me wonder how old you are, but that's probably an inadequate and impolite question. It's probably obvious that I'm much younger than you are. I'd want to sing and act, but I'm just not very good at acting :) And I'm sure you're fantastic enough to have your own role :) I'd definitely pay to see you onstage! Thanks so much!
PokemonLuver151- Sorry it's sad :) It'll get better, promise! Thanks so much!
SelectionLoverForever- Mm some Alex/Alexa romance will definitely happen soon. The wedding is only a few days away! Thanks so much!
fantasybookgirl- Eh, I don't update in a while, it's perfectly fine if you don't update in a while :) The wedding will be in several chapters, if not the next. Thanks so much!
ilona18- Haha I hate waiting. Thanks so much!
lilythemermaid- Haha I hate logging in from my phone. Aw I love Belle. You do look like Belle. :) And, O, everyone's strange. You should know me to be a weirdo and not just strange. Yeah, that was a depressing question. I love your idea of a last day. It's so ideal on the beach and then there's music. I want those bonfires where I just play my guitar and we all eat and have s'mores then Ansel Elgort comes out of nowhere :P Thank you so much! LALOL P.S. what if nobody finds the cure?
Theoneforever- I loooove ziplining. I have acrophobia but I loooove ziplining. So fun. Maybe not the Divergent one. I think I'd pee my pants. Glad you liked the chapter! Thanks so much! (I really hope you didn't die :/ )
magicalnerd123- Ugh bugs. I hate bugs. So much. Hiking was fun though :) Thank you!
SJWrites2014- Ooh, me likey. Literally watching yourself run out of time sounds horrible. Thanks so much!
Kiren- Paparazzi...get your own lives. Seriously. Hiking's great, but only when I can breathe :) Thanks so much!
Guest- I'm glad I cleared stuff up for you! Haha ooh REBEL. Lol. I love photography. I feel like I'm copying someone else's hobby, but I really like it. I would write my every single thought in a book and publish it and title Can You Handle AcademicGirl's Brain? So, yeah :) Thank you so much!
Please-and-Thankyou's- Ooh I wish I could cook without supervision. Like, I have a weird fear that I will set the house on fire, but I'm boss at making scrambled eggs ;) Thank you!
winterprincess- You're right. No cure, transplant's a fail. Matthew will die. Jk! Maybe. I love doing this :P I want to die knowing I got to go to England. Oh feminism :P I totally get what you're saying. I feel like I said it somewhere, but yeah. Thanks so much!
ReadLikeYouMeanIt- Glad you thought it was still good! Oh, besties :P I totes get what you mean haha. I hate that word, but I kind of use it a lot as a joke. Thanks so much!
ivyvian- I do want to be a doctor! Great guess! I try to update as soon as I can, and that's usually just one chapter a day. If I really have something to write, then it might take me two chapters and possible six hours. Sooo yeah. Thanks so much!
dakotamo- Aw I made you cry :*) I love Gus. He's my baby. Actually, I kind of despised Gus when he was thinking how he couldn't die a noble death and stuff, but Ansel Elgort. Now he's my baby. Lol thank you so much!
Love ya!- AcademicGirl
