Moonchild
Chapter 15
Luna
"Yes, Ms. Lovegood?" inquired Professor Lupin when Luna approached his desk after Transfiguration that afternoon.
"I was hoping I could make an appointment for your office hours," she said.
"Well, what have you got going on the rest of the day?" he asked. "I haven't got any more classes to teach today, so I can take you now if you want and have the time."
"That would be fantastic," she said. "I've got a problem in a big way."
"Alright, well we can go up to my office or we can stay right here…" He paused for a moment. "Actually, better go to the office, I think. I haven't got a teapot down here."
Once Luna and Lupin were in his office with piping cups of tea, Lupin turned his attention to Luna.
"Now then," he said, "what's troubling you?"
"Boys," Luna said flatly.
"Ah, yes, they can be troublesome," Lupin chuckled. "Being one myself, I can attest to that."
"There's two of them, and they both fancy me, and I thought I knew what was going on but now I'm not sure anymore."
"I'm assuming one of these boys is Mr. Moonchild?"
"Yes," she admitted. "How did you know that?"
"Well, I seem to recall a similar conversation we had on the subject of him," Lupin said. "However, we would hardly have needed to have it for me to know that now. It's obvious the way he looks at you. We see more from the staff table than you might think," he added after noticing the quizzical look she gave him.
"Well, yes," Luna said. "He's how I got this," she said and pointed to her headdress. "He said he heard about the reproduction of Ravenclaw's diadem and crafted this one. It's got all my birthstones, poppies, and Pegasus feathers."
"You seem very pleased with it," Lupin noted.
"Of course I am!" Luna cried. "No one but Dad's ever given me a gift like this before. It means something, you know? He put a lot of thought into it."
"So it seems," Lupin admitted. "He certainly does seem to want to impress you in a way that only you will appreciate. So who is the other lad competing for your affection?"
"Neville Longbottom," she admitted.
"I presumed as much," Lupin said. "He looks at you the same way Seleneo does."
"That's the problem," Luna said. "We had tried being a thing over the summer and it just fell apart. We agreed we'd just go back to how things used to be and we'd be fine. He'd even said he fancied someone else."
"He told you that, did he?"
"Well…no, actually he didn't," Luna admitted. "I heard it from Ginny Weasley, who heard it from him. I thought had told her the truth, but in the library earlier I heard them talking about me."
"Talking about you how?" Lupin probed.
"They never actually said my name," Luna said, "but Neville said he had fancied someone else until the last Hogsmeade visit."
"I'm assuming he asked you to go with him," Lupin said. "I saw you two leaving the castle together that day, so I connected the dots."
"Well, yes," Luna admitted. "Seleneo got jealous, I think, and I told him Neville just asked me because he was used to being around me. Seleneo's said all along that he still fancied me."
"It appears he was right, then," Lupin said. "So now, I'm assuming your problem is not that these two young men both desperately desire your affection, but that you don't know to whom to give it."
"Yes!" Luna exclaimed. "I mean, on the one hand, Seleneo is sweet, and he's caring, and still a bit mysterious, and he's smart and attractive…but Neville is too, and I know him, but it didn't work out before and I'm not sure that he'd be willing to go the distance."
"What exactly do you mean by 'go the distance'?"
"Well, ok," Luna said. "When I leave Hogwarts I want to go and discover the Crumple-Horned Snorkack."
"The what?" Lupin interjected.
"I'll have Dad send you a copy of the Quibbler with an article about it in there," Luna said hurriedly. "Anyhow, I plan to go all over the world if I have to, but I'll find it once and for all. Neville has never expressed any kind of idea of what he wants to do, at least not to me. I know he stepped up during the Second War, but he's sort of gone back to how he was."
"And you think Seleneo has the kind of ambition that Neville lacks?"
"I think so," Luna said. "He told me he wants to experiment with materials and wand cores, and is supposed to do an apprenticeship with Ollivander at some point."
"And you like the idea of Seleneo having a plan for life after school," Lupin suggested.
"Well, yes," said Luna. "I mean, I know plenty of people who are in their last years here and still don't really know what they want to do. The fact that he was willing to leave his country to achieve his goal says something to me."
"I see," Lupin said, and rested his chin in his hands. "My suggestion to you, then, is to devise a T-chart listing the pros and cons of each gentleman and then weigh them against each other. Then, of course, you also have to take into consideration that Seleneo will, eventually, go home."
"I have thought about that," Luna admitted. "That's what makes all this so hard. What if things go fantastically with Seleneo but then he leaves and I never see him again?"
"What if, indeed," Lupin pondered. "I suppose that's the risk one takes in this sort of thing."
"I suppose once Seleneo goes back to the States I could still pick things up with Neville if he's still interested by then," she mused.
"Could you?" Lupin asked. "For one thing, he may be here for more or less time than you think. Neville may well have moved on by the time Seleneo goes home. Furthermore, if you choose Seleneo, how will Neville react? Will he accept defeat and remain your friend, or will he turn his back on you out of a sense of betrayal?"
"Neville would never turn his back on me," Luna argued.
"I'm glad you are so confident," Lupin said, "but unwavering loyalty is a Hufflepuff trait. Gryffindors are quite capable of turning their backs on their friends. Peter Pettigrew was proof of that."
"You're one to talk of betrayal," Luna said defiantly, suddenly very hot in her cheeks. "You're a Slytherin."
"I am a Slytherin, yes," said Lupin, "but as I've said, there are good Slytherins. Professor Slughorn is proof, and I hope I have been as well. Severus Snape even turned out to be one in the end. Unfortunately we are stuck with our reputation of being selfish and uncaring as to the needs of others. However, there are times when one needs to be selfish. This, I think, is one of those times."
"What do you mean?" Luna asked warily.
"Think about it," Lupin said. "Would you rather be with someone who makes you truly happy, or someone who you're never fully satisfied with?"
"I want to be truly happy," she admitted.
"Of course you do, that's what we all want for ourselves," Lupin said. "The point is, when you decide who that person is, do not spare the feelings of anyone else. Make your choice and embrace it. If the other is hurt by your decision, let him be hurt."
"So you're saying I shouldn't care what happens to whoever I don't choose."
"I didn't say that," said Lupin. "You can care, I wouldn't expect you not to. My point is, you mustn't let that bother you. I have a feeling that both these young men will be devastated should you choose the other, but that is an unfortunate by-product that can't be avoided. There is no way to please everyone all the time."
"I guess so," Luna said, very downcast.
"I can see I've only made things worse," said Lupin. "If you'd like I could perform a Memory Charm and we could start this meeting over."
"That won't be necessary," said Luna. "In the back of my mind I knew that it would come down to this, but I didn't want it to be true."
"I know it's difficult to think of yourself when you want to the least," said Lupin. "When I went into hiding, I wanted desperately to try to convince Remus to come with me. Think of it, he might still be alive if he had, but he made his choice. He chose to fight, and that's very admirable. I also had wildly thought that perhaps I could fight with him – I know I've told you this before – but I know my weaknesses, and dueling is one of them. I would be of no use, and I would die. Obviously I chose self-preservation, just as a Slytherin would, but it wasn't because that's what I preferred…but I digress. I'm afraid I can't help you further, Ms. Lovegood, but this is a problem only you can solve."
"I guess so," Luna said. "Well, I guess I should go. I have some thinking to do, it seems."
Have I ever got some thinking to do, she said to herself as she left the office and headed towards the Great Hall.
