{the melancholy bird}

-Nature had formed him for sadness-

The thing about flying was that it was utterly terrifying, and Jason actually hated it with every fiber of his being. There was a difference between gliding through the air and being suspended in flight. And yeah, Jason was a little terrified. The ground was moving very, very fast beneath him, and he already had a headache. Now he just felt nauseous, which wasn't a great thing to add onto his already terrible day. He couldn't even look down, he was so scared Superboy was going to drop him.

If truth be told, Jason was a mess. He felt like the entire world had turned on its head over night, and he was sick and confused and hopeless. The more he dwelled on it, the harsher everything seemed to be. He had been comatose. Four years of his life had been stripped away from him, and there was a raw and bloody wound left over. Some accident had stolen four years, and his leg, and Jason couldn't deal. He didn't want to. He wanted to hide away and pretend that none of it had happened. He wanted Bruce to tell him that it was all just a bad dream, that none of it was true.

But Bruce was nowhere to be found. And Jason was left to wondering just how much the man cared after all. I can't blame him for this, Jason thought. Can I? He didn't know. He was so confused, his head was spinning, and pounding, and his stomach squirmed with discomfort. He just couldn't grasp it. The world just felt like a nightmare, and he wanted to wake up so desperately it hurt.

They landed, thankfully, and Jason's head lolled back as he moaned in relief. "Please," Jason said weakly, "don't do that again."

"Sorry," Superboy said, looking sheepish. "Are you okay?"

"You keep asking me that question," Jason said, closing his eyes. He inhaled deeply though his nose. "No. I'm not okay."

"I'm sorry, man," Superboy said, sounding genuinely apologetic. "We'll take care of you for now though, okay? Once this assassin business is done with, you can go home, and then stuff will be okay."

"No," Jason said. "It won't."

Superboy did not respond. He merely looked down at Jason with pitying eyes, and Jason couldn't stand it. It felt like every bit of him had been torn away, and now Jason had to try and find all the pieces before it was too late. He didn't know how to think or feel, and he knew that he was in for a rough time ahead of him. This was his misfortune. His life was just a joke.

"Okay, wait, so explain who this Oracle person is," Jason said.

It turned out he didn't have to. Because they'd reached the apartment they were looking for.

"Fuck," Jason swore, his eyes widening. It was like a completely different world, and it was all computers, and it was actually pretty damn awesome.

"Hey, O," Superboy called. "Special delivery!"

The woman who rolled before them was not who he'd been expecting. A stranger had been his instinct, but seeing Barbara Gordon sitting in her chair (which, at first, he'd forgotten about), decked in a soft smile and a worried expression? He felt a chill prickle down his spine, and he stared at her, feeling a strange sensation of relief. For the first time since waking up that morning, Jason felt safe.

"Babs," he breathed, forgetting that he was missing a leg. He rolled, falling out of Superboy's arms and collapsing onto the floor. It hurt, but he didn't care. He heard her gasp, and he pushed himself up shakily, his left knee aching from the pressure. His stump tingled, and he itched to stand up, and he tried to, but he merely collapsed back onto his hands.

He felt Barbara's palm against his back as he watched his arms shake pitifully. "Jason, no," she whispered. He looked up at her, feeling tears in his eyes. He could feel his entire body trembling.

"Barbara," he said, settling on sitting up, the majority of his body leaning to his left side.

She smiled, and before she even reached for him he found himself attaching to her, clutching her like she was his lifeline. He hadn't been aware of his tears until Barbara had pushed him back, gently placing her hands on either side of his cheeks, and wiping the tracks with the pad of her thumbs.

"Hey," she whispered, her smile widening. He saw her blue eyes glittering, and he felt choked on a sob. "No crying. Today should be happy."

"How?" Jason gasped, his eyes going wide in horror. "How can I be happy? Babs, I don't know what's happening, and I can't— I can't think, I feel like I'm going to explode, there's so much in my head, and I don't understand—"

"Shh," she hushed. She hugged him again, smoothing back his hair as tenderly as a mother would. "I'll explain what I can. Why don't I find you a wheelchair, and then me and you can catch up?"

"Please," he said with a rasping laugh, pulling away to scrub at his eyes. He felt ridiculous, and he gritted his teeth to stop the tears. "God, I feel like such a tool, oh my god."

"Shut up," Barbara said, her voice light and teasing. "Conner, can you get my spare chair? It's in my closet— through that door over there." Barbara waved to her right, and Superboy gave a nod, quickly disappearing through the doorway. Jason scowled at his hands, which were now wet with tears, and he took a deep breath.

"What happened to me?" he asked, staring up at Barbara desperately. "Tim said there was an explosion."

"There was," Barbara said. "Four years ago, give or take a week or so. To be honest, I don't even know all the details. B was very secretive about it. But I do know that you ended up in Ethiopia." Barbara tilted her head, watching Jason's eyes. "The Joker got you, Jason."

"What?" Jason felt as though someone had punched him in the gut, and he recoiled. "No. What?" His breathing grew shaky, and his migraine grew worse. "No, I'd remember something like that. No."

"Jason," Barbara said. She looked so sad, he wanted to scream. "You had a lot of brain damage. It's not surprising that you don't remember."

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. He felt numb, and his head was pounding, and so was his heart, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I don't have to keep going," Barbara said gently, placing her hand on his shoulder. He jerked back, glaring at her sharply. She flung her hands into the air in defense, and he relaxed a little.

"No," he said, taking a deep breath as Superboy returned with a wheelchair at hand. "Keep going. I need to know what happened to me."

Barbara gave a small sigh as Jason tried to maneuver himself into the chair. Superboy ended up having to help him, which might have been embarrassing if it wasn't for the fact that he'd been carrying him around before anyway. Jason was past the point of shame. He wasn't sure if he knew what pride was anymore, and it felt awful. But he ignored it.

"Talk," Jason said, rolling his wheelchair closer to Barbara's. He realized, startled for a moment, that he was much taller than her. She had to look up at him to speak, and that was a shock all on its own. Before she'd been wheelchair bound, they'd been almost the same height. Now he was so much taller than her, and it was so jarring that he slumped in his seat to make himself feel better. It didn't work. Was Barbara always so tiny?

"I told you," Barbara said slowly, tucking a red curl behind her ear. "I don't know all the details. And what I do know might not satisfy you."

"I don't care," Jason said. "Tell me everything you know."

She sighed, and he watched her adjust her glasses. He had known she had glasses, of course, but he couldn't remember her wearing them too often. It just seemed out of place to him. "The Joker didn't have you for long," Barbara said, pressing her lips together thinly. She still wore the same red lipstick she'd worn as Batgirl, which was something he could appreciate. He was glad for something to be the same. Even her hair looked different. "A few hours. Three max. It was enough, though. Bruce got there just in time— any later, and you'd have been dead for sure. You were heavily burned in the explosion, and your wounds…"

"Amputation," Jason sighed, glaring at his stump. "Got it."

"I'm so sorry, Jason," Barbara said, reaching out and grasping his hand. He felt her squeeze it, and he closed his eyes. He felt sick to his stomach. "You were in critical condition for so long, no one was really sure if you were going to make it. The doctors kept saying it was up to you. Whether or not you pulled through, it was your choice, your struggle. I think what we were most scared of was what it would mean if you did die." Barbara's eyes were gleaming again, and he felt awful about it. "That maybe it meant that you didn't think life was worth it anymore."

"Well, obviously I thought there was something good about living." Jason frowned, and leaned back in his seat. He drummed his thumbs against the armrests of his chair, and shrugged. "Dunno what, though. Guess it wasn't too important, huh?"

"Oh, shut up," Barbara said, smirking a little. "You love life, stupid. I know you do. So stop moping, and look on the bright side. You're awake. And you've got a whole lot of living ahead of you."

Jason stared at his stump, and he wondered how much living he'd truly get to do. "Do I have to go back to school?" he blurted, looking up at her with wide eyes. She looked equally wide eyed, and then she burst out laughing. "What? Shit, Babs, I'm serious! I am not going back to high school, okay? I probably didn't even miss that much."

"You can talk to Bruce about it when he gets back," Barbara said, smiling up at him. "But for now you're not going anywhere. Are you hungry by the way?"

"Got any chilidogs?" he asked. She barked a laugh, and she shook her head.

"Uh, no."

"I can pick up some chilidogs," Superboy offered. "Since no one's really here anyway."

"Vic's here," Barbara said, waving offhandedly behind her. "Somewhere. I just hope he doesn't try to tweak my system, or anything. Because then I'd give him so much hell, he'd wish he wasn't part computer."

"I'm trying to imagine," Superboy said, cocking an eyebrow. "All I hear is a lot of swearing and typing in my future. So I'm going to go get that food now."

"Where did Tim go?" Barbara asked, as if she had only just noticed the boy wasn't there.

"Wait," Jason said, holding up a hand. "Back up. You and Tim are friends?"

"We bonded over your hospital bed." Barbara gave him a dry, grim smirk, and looked back to Superboy. "Seriously though, is he okay?"

"Uh… kinda?" Superboy scratched his head. "Okay enough. He said he'd be here soon."

When Supeboy left, Jason blinked, and he scooped up the plastic bag full of knives he'd dropped. "Uh, in other news," Jason said, offering them to her. "Knives from the cat."

"Ooh," Barbara said, resting the bag on her lap. "Good, I almost ran out of things to do. Wanna help me classify this stuff?"

"Sure."

It ended up being more fun than he'd expected. He kept Barbara talking in spite of herself, and he found out little details about the past four years. Bruce found a dog in Jason's absence, but otherwise there was not much change to report about the manor. Barbara and Tim had bonded monumentally, and Tim now worked for her part time as a hero of sorts, while still doing his own thievery thing. Tim was single, which Jason had asked out of curiosity, and not because of how goddamn creepy Jason knew he was when it came to Tim Drake. The kid had had a few relationships here and there, but nothing exceptionally serious. He'd also been hung up on a thief called Spoiler for a very long time, but Barbara told him she thought it was more because she'd disappeared without a trace than anything else. In other news, Barbara was also single, though when Starfire came back, Jason did have to wonder.

"So," he said when the orange woman left the room. "Did you two fuck, or what?"

"Wow," Barbara said, her eyebrows rising. She didn't look away from her computer screen, though, which bothered him. "Blunt and to the point. I've missed you so much, Jay."

"Was that sarcasm?" Jason twirled one of the assassin's knives around, resting his chin in his palm as he watched Barbara's back.

"No." Barbara smiled, and this time she did spare him a glance. "I really did miss you. So did Bruce."

"Yeah," Jason said, stabbing the knife into the table he'd been leaning against and rolling away. "I feel so missed."

"Jason, he's with—"

"The League, I know!" Jason scowled at his stump, and then glared up at the ceiling. "It's just shitty, okay? I feel really shitty. Can we play like, wheelchair basketball or something?"

"Kind of busy, Jason. If you're bored, why don't you talk to Kory? I'm sure she'd love that."

"Ah," Jason said, smirking at her back. "Yes, I think I'll just do that. She'll probably be nice and give me all the unabridged details of your scandalous relationship."

"There was nothing scandalous about it," Barbara said, waving him off. "Though, you should have seen my dad's reaction. He was less freaked out about the fact that she was a girl, and more freaked out about the fact that she was an alien. I blame sci-fi movies."

"I think he had the right to be freaked out," Jason said. "I mean, it's not like you ever told him about being Batgirl."

"I think he knew." Barbara shrugged, and continued working as if it was nothing.

Tim ended up showing up a little before sundown. He came in a rush of air, because Kid Flash was right on his heels, and that was startling. Jason stared at him with wide eyes, and looked over at Barbara. "Hey, Babs? Didn't he have red hair before?"

"You're thinking of Wally," Kid Flash laughed. "I'm Bart! The new Kid Flash!"

"Oh." Jason rubbed his forehead, grimacing as his migraine got steadily worse. "Well. Shit, then."

"Hey, Oracle," Tim said, stepping into the room. Jason did a double take, and he realized that the boy had a hostage. "I think I found someone who could help us."

"Kidnapped her, more like," Jason remarked. Tim ignored him, and the girl shuffled her feet, bobbing her head from side to side. She was blindfolded, and her arms were bound behind her back. She looked incredibly uncomfortable.

"Consensual kidnapping," the girl said with a shrug. "I agreed to come."

"Then why are you tied up and blindfolded?" Jason asked.

"Uh," the girl said. "Great question. Can you get this stuff off me, please?"

"Sorry," Tim said, cutting her loose. She tugged down the blindfold, and gave a soft huff. Jason saw that her eyes were big and blue, and he felt this nagging that he'd seen them before. But it passed, and he ignored it. "Guys, this is Stephanie."

"Hi," she said, waving. Barbara had turned away from her screen to look at her, and she seemed curious. Starfire appeared again, hovering in the doorway with Superboy behind her. Jason thought they might have been having an arm wrestling match, but the lack of a crash signaled that they probably hadn't finished it. "So, uh… I'm Steph. You probably know me better as Spoiler though."

"What?" Superboy said flatly. He looked about ready to burst through a wall, though.

"Spoiler?" Barbara looked surprised.

"You know, it's shocking we didn't find her earlier," Tim said. "I mean, she's been surfacing on the radar now for a few months. You'd think we'd notice."

"That is probably my fault," Barbara said, her eyes widening. "I've been swamped lately. I'm sorry, Tim, I should have checked—"

"No worries," Tim said, stepping forward. "But I've got good news. Steph knows about the kid from the hospital."

Barbara looked at Stephanie sharply, and Jason found he could only sit and watch, his eyebrows rising higher and higher as he listened. God, how did this ridiculousness start with me? "You know who it is?" Barbara asked slowly, her eyes narrowing.

"Well… kind of. You see—"

"I'm sorry, are we just ignoring that she's Deathstroke's apprentice now?" Superboy asked, his eyes widening. "Because, I don't know, guys, I'm not sure how much of this side switching stuff I can take!"

"It's just for right now, Supes," Stephanie said, winking at the boy. "I'll totes be trying to kill you guys again by Monday, so don't get too sad."

"Deathstroke's apprentice," Barbara repeated, her eyes narrowing suspiciously at the blonde girl. "How did that happen?"

She shifted, looking a little uncomfortable. "Well," she said, sighing. She pulled off her hat and ran her fingers through her hair. "Shit happened. I pissed him off. Then caught his interest? I don't know, it's weird. But he… well, for lack of a better word abducted me. And then I trained with him for a little while, and well?" She smiled brightly. "Here we are! So, about the Ghost—"

"Wait," Tim said. "Hold up. You never told me you were abducted!"

Stephanie looked at him, and she blinked. "It wasn't important?" She folded her arms across her chest and frowned. "I mean, it doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything!"

"I'm still going to be a murderer," Stephanie said vacantly. "And I'm still going to be his apprentice. Sorry, kitty."

"You're wrong," Tim said, his voice half a whisper. "It means that this wasn't your choice. You can be better than this, you know."

"And you can stop stealing," Stephanie said, cocking her head. She sounded calm, all things considering. Jason admired that, but he wondered why she wasn't flipping the hell out. "We can go at this forever, but that's not why I'm here."

"Why are you here, exactly?" Barbara asked. "What's in it for you?"

"Uh," Stephanie said, bouncing up and down. "Well, my life. I need to find that kid. He's called Ghost, and he's from the League of Shadows. Not sent on a mission to kill Jason Todd." Stephanie glanced at Jason, and blinked for a few seconds. "Who is right here. Well."

"Wait," Starfire said, her voice sounding far away and vacant. "You are saying… that the assassin who attempted a strike against Jason's life… was not supposed to be doing so?"

"No." Stephanie shook her head. "Ghost was never sent on a mission anywhere. He ran away, and now he's targeting Jason specifically."

"Why?" Jason sat back, letting her words sink in. "Dude, I've been in a coma for four years, who did I piss off?"

"I wasn't told that," Stephanie said. "But I know that the Ghost isn't going to stop until he kills you. He's a monster. And coming from my source?" Stephanie gave a shudder. "That means a whole lot."

But he's just a kid, Jason thought. He stared at his stump, and he closed his eyes, his thoughts flashing back to his own tumultuous childhood. It's not his fault. It's the adults that made him this way.


Note: KoryBabs is a not quite secret pleasure of mine. But it makes sense in story, I mean Barbara takes Dick's place as leader as the Teen Titans, so naturally Babs would be the one Kory kissed when she first came to earth, and she was the one that Kory fell for. They were together after Jason went comatose, but broke up because of Barbara's feelings, but they're still bffs. Why did I add this to the story? Because I wanted to show just how different circumstances would affect relationships. I always see bullshit about Kory and Babs being rivals because they're Dick's main love interests, but in reality? They're probably get along a whole lot. Also Barbara and Jason are bros for life, and no one can tell me otherwise.

Victor fucking Hugo. He wrote the thing.