AN: So I feel like I have to explain this chapter after the stills that were released last weekend.

I had each chapter planned out before I wrote the first one, and this chapter is based on the first behind the scenes shot of Hook, Snow and Regina on the Jolly Roger. I'd written maybe a couple of paragraphs when I checked Tumblr at work last Saturday (America's Friday) and saw all of the BTS shots that had been released. So I know that those pictures contradict what happens here, but ah well. Hope this version's okay until we get the real thing.

Chapter Five

'Are we ready, mates?'

Killian didn't wait for a response, sure that he wouldn't get more than an eye roll anyway, before spinning the wheel hard to turn the Jolly Roger toward the swirling vacuum of water that was the portal. As much as the idea terrified him - yes, their destination was being guided, but with magic he had learnt there were never any true guarantees - it thrilled him just as much. The adventure was just about as strong as you could get, and he loved how it felt when his stomach dropped as the ship did, knowing that it would come out in one piece on the other side.

Casting one last glance around at his crew to make sure that they were secure, he tightened his grip on the wheel and closed his eyes.

He'd done this more than a few times and had learnt to recognize the moment when his surroundings changed from one world to the next. Along with the strange sizzle in the air that he'd realized was apparent in a realm that held magic, he felt the temperature drop, quickly and drastically. The weather was normally stormy to start with when coming out the other end of a portal, but this felt stronger. The Jolly heaved this way and that, creaking loudly in protest at the sudden change in conditions.

'David!'

Spinning his head, Killian's eyes darted toward the direction of the shriek and found Emma and Snow White holding onto the rigging on the port side, staring over the edge, Regina standing nearby. 'What happened?' He shouted as loudly as he could, trying to make his voice audible over the sound of the waves and wind.

Snow was too busy searching the water for her husband to react to him, but Emma turned and looked up at him desperately. He felt his heart lurch much like his stomach just had, but in a much more unpleasant way; with that look on her face, there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. 'David went over!' He saw rather than heard the words that came from her lips.

The waves weren't quietening as quickly as he'd expected and for a moment he was afraid the ship would tilt too far. Spinning the wheel hard to compensate, he realized with dread that he couldn't leave the helm. 'Baelfire?' he roared. 'Drop the anchor!'

Dropping the anchor in a storm as bad as this was a risk, but Killian hoped that the worst of the weather was the aftermath of the portal and would calm down at any moment. If he didn't at least try it, who knew how far away from David the wind would take them? 'Can you see him?' he yelled, looking around for Baelfire. Where the bloody hell was he?

'Yes,' he heard, but couldn't tell who the voice belonged to. Finally, Baelfire came into view, running and slipping on the wet surface of the deck. Grasping onto a nearby rope, he fiddled with the clasps holding the thick chain into place.

What was taking him so long? Killian gripped onto the spokes of the wheel, his knuckles white. 'Baelfire!' he shouted.

'It's jammed,' Baelfire yelled back at him, glancing over his shoulder first at Killian and then at Emma before turning back to the anchor.

Feeling torn, Killian hesitated for a few seconds before he locked the wheel in place, cursing violently. What else could go wrong? Leaving the helm reluctantly, he jumped the stairs down to the main deck, blinking hard to try and keep the water out of his eyes. Before he'd taken a further two steps Baelfire managed to finally get the clasp open and he heard the clank of the heavy chain unrolling with relief. 'Got it!' Baelfire yelled triumphantly.

Relief quickly vanished when he realized what was happening on the other side of the deck. Hearing raised voices, he turned to see Emma knotting a rope firmly around her waist. 'I won't lose my family when I've only just found it,' she shouted to Snow and Regina.

Snow grabbed Emma's arm and the two of them shared a look before Snow nodded and stepped back, taking the other end of the rope and holding it out for Regina to take a hold of as well.

She was going in after him, he realized with horror. 'Emma, no!' he roared, reaching out to stop her as she hoisted herself up onto the ledge. She looked back at him for a second, nothing but determination on her face, before turning and jumping over the edge.

He was at the side in an instant, standing beside Snow and Regina who were holding onto the rope tightly. His eyes swept the water desperately, trying to make out either David or Emma amongst the choppy water. After a moment Baelfire was beside him, Rumpelstiltskin just a step behind.

The next few minutes felt like the longest in Killian's life, watching Emma come in and out of sight as she fought her way to her father. Finally the weather started to calm, the wind fading to that of a normally windy day at sea, the waves calmer but still of a reasonable size. At least he need not fear capsizing. He could see Emma and David not too far away and his fear subsided slightly. She had untied the rope from her own waist and was retying it around David's chest, underneath his arms. 'Thank god,' Snow sighed beside him, and the fact that he could actually hear her was a good sign.

But something wasn't right. David didn't seem to be moving much to help Emma, and even Emma's movements seemed sluggish. Every time a wave hit them Emma's reaction seemed slower, and most were taking her under for seconds at a time. The exertion of swimming in the stormy water had drained her too much. The next wave came, and he held his breath with her for almost thirty seconds before she came up spluttering, a little further away from David and no longer holding onto either him or the rope.

She was going to drown.

Without giving himself a chance to consider any other option, Killian quickly shrugged out of his jacket and snagged another rope with his hook, deftly tying it around his waist one-handed. 'Hook?' Snow asked him cautiously.

'She needs help,' he said curtly, testing the knot quickly.

'Let me,' Baelfire said, grabbing at his arm.

Suppressing a snarl, Killian shrugged him off a lot gentler than he wanted to. 'I need you to hold the other end of this,' he managed, shoving the other end of the rope into his hands. Baelfire stared at it for a moment before wrapping it around his shoulder and arm, and bracing himself against the side of the ship.

Unable to wait any longer, Killian hoisted himself up onto the ledge and, taking note of where Emma was now, launched himself into the ocean. The freezing water took the breath out of him momentarily, but too many years at sea to count had made him pretty good at adapting quickly to the cold. Brushing aside the shock, he caught sight of her quickly and started in her direction.

It took him longer than he'd wished to reach her. He swam past David and paused to check that he was breathing, but the prince was conscious and waved him on, gasping at him to save his daughter. Not needing to be told twice, he pushed on. After a few minutes he reached the spot where he'd last seen her and looked around wildly, spinning as quickly as he could to try and see everywhere at once.

A larger wave threatened to take him under and he didn't fight it, letting it pull him down. Forcing his eyes open and trying to ignore the stinging of the salt water, he finally saw her.

Was she moving, or was that the current?

Not letting himself think on that, he reached her quickly, wrapping his left arm around her waist and pulling her against him, kicking them toward the surface as his lungs already started protesting. He ached to check that she was all right, but knew that neither of them would make it if he stopped now.

Finally they broke the surface and Killian gulped in air desperately, at the same time pushing Emma's hair out of her face so that he could see her. Coughing and gasping for air, she clutched at his shoulder feebly, no strength to her grip at all. Feeling exhausted with relief, he pulled her closer to him, wrapping both arms around her waist and feeling her arms go around his neck. 'Gods, Emma, what were you thinking?' he rasped at her, not caring who saw what from the ship, almost unable to believe that she was all right.

'Later,' she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder, but she didn't let go straight away. When she did, she kept her arm around his neck. 'Where's David? I couldn't hold on...'

She sounded so defeated, so drained. Feeling a tugging at his waist, he looked up to see David being pulled over the side of the ship. Someone was reeling them in. 'He's fine,' he told her. 'Can you hold on?' he asked, cupping her cheek and turning her face to his.

'Mmm,' she sighed, laying her head back against his shoulder. Tightening his grip around her, he closed his eyes and pressed his face to her wet hair, letting them pull them slowly towards the ship.

Foolish woman. He knew why she'd done it, and although he was angry at her, he couldn't really see any other plan of action. She could have taken another rope to tie to David, keeping hers on, but he more than understood the urgency she'd have felt to help him. He knew that despite whatever bizarre relationship she had with her similarly-aged parents, she loved them dearly, and if she hadn't jumped in after Prince Charming then he probably would have bloody done so himself, unwilling to let her go through losing her family again. It was a miracle that they were all still alive.

He felt his back bump against the hull of the ship and twisted his neck up to see Snow leaning out over the edge. 'Can you pull us both up?' he yelled. He didn't think she'd make it up on her own.

Feeling a sharp tug at the rope in answer, he wrapped it quickly around each of his thighs so that it functioned almost like a seat, and around his arm to keep himself upright before readjusting his grip on Emma. Keeping his left arm around her back, he checked her arms around his neck before moving his other arm underneath her knees, holding her as tightly against him as he could. It seemed that she'd passed out, but he could feel her breath against his neck, and the stupid selfish part of him that didn't care about the danger wished that this moment could last forever.

What the hell had she done to him? The only way he could get her into his arms anymore was with the risk of her life, and that was enough for him? Not even close, but he'd take what little he could from her, and hated himself for it. He should be angry with her, was angry with her for the stupid decision she'd made with her half-hearted excuses, but as much as he tried, he couldn't hate her.

Heave, pause, breath. Heave, pause, breath. He couldn't image they were a light load, waterlogged as they were, even if everyone up there was helping.

Heave, pause, breath. Heave, pause. Heave, pause.

Wait.

'Emma,' he whispered, his heart suddenly in his throat. She might have just turned her head away from him, but he hadn't felt her move. 'Emma?' he said, louder this time. He shook her gently, terrified of dropping her and anxious for a look at her face. Her head fell back and he stared at her searchingly. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted.

Her chest wasn't moving.

Cursing, he looked up and saw he was almost at the top of the side of the ship. 'Hurry!' he yelled, feeling helpless and panicked.

He couldn't lose her.

Hands were reaching down to him and, struggling a little for strength after holding onto her, he lifted Emma up to be taken first before grabbing onto the rail and pulling himself over. He hit the deck hard but rolled onto his side and forced himself up immediately. Snow and Baelfire were lying her down on the deck.

'She's not breathing,' he gasped out as he reached them.

'Mom?'

Shit. Snow looked up at Killian sharply before falling to her knees beside Emma. 'Neal, keep Henry away,' she ordered quickly.

'But -' Baelfire sounded as broken as he felt.

'Look after your child,' she snapped.

Killian dropped to his knees beside Snow, not paying attention as Baelfire backed off, wrapping his arms around Henry and turning the lad away. He titled her head back and held his ear above her lips, checking once more for breath. Had it been too long?

Pinching her nose closed with his thumb and forefinger, he took a deep breath and lowered his mouth over hers, forcing the breath into her lungs. Pulling back, he let the air leave her as he sucked in another breath and repeated the process. Once more, then he sat back, giving Snow room to lean over Emma and, putting one hand over the other, began pumping at her chest.

Killian didn't pay attention to her timing, instead watching Emma's face intently until Snow leaned back and then he was breathing into her again. With still no response, he leaned back but kept his hand on her cheek, willing her to open her eyes. Come on, you insufferable woman, he thought at her. You can't leave me now. We're on our way home, we got your son back, together. You can't leave him. You can't leave me. He could hear Henry crying.

Another set of compressions, and when he lowered his mouth to hers again he put everything into his wish for her to wake up. Don't you get it, Swan? You might not need me anymore but I'll never stop needing you. You woke up the part of me that I thought was long dead, that I never thought I'd see again. I can't be that person if you're not here. Dammit, Emma, I love you.

Suddenly there was movement beneath him, and he pulled back quickly to see Emma's eyes fly open. She gasped in a breath of her own and then she was coughing, so he reached past Snow and rolled her onto her side away from them. He grabbed her right leg with his good hand and brought her knee up to stop her from rolling too far, his hook pulling her wet hair out of her way as she coughed up seawater. Snow quickly moved around to her other side as Killian brought his hand up to her chest, trying to support her.

Snow's eyes met his over Emma, and the relief in her eyes surely mirrored his own. He wondered if she felt as overwhelmed as he did? Tears streaked her cheeks, and Killian tried to tell himself that it was the salty water that were making his eyes sting, but when he thought how close he'd come to losing her, he knew he certainly wasn't fooling himself.

His attention was back to Emma immediately as she reached up and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly against her chest as she fought to stop coughing so that she could take some air in. He bent closer to her, helping her sit up slightly, her back resting against his chest. 'Come on, darling, breathe for me, that's the way.' His eyes caught Snow's again, and he knew he wasn't fooling her either.

'Mom!' Henry was by their side in an instant.

'Careful, lad,' Killian warned quickly, but the boy was gentler than his speed had suggested, falling to his knees beside them and wrapping his arms around Emma, one arm coming around Killian's waist too. Emma's free arm came up to hug Henry to her, but she kept Killian's hand firmly in hers, their fingers twisted together almost painfully, and he wouldn't let go before she did. Letting himself sink into his relief, he wrapped his left arm around Emma and Henry, holding the three of them together, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face against Emma's hair.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to see Snow staring down at him, nodding her head very slightly to indicate that he should stand. He looked back at Emma and Henry, unwilling to move from them now that she was in his arms and safe. He'd never let her go if that was what it took. But he felt eyes on him and reluctantly pulled himself to his feet, his heart pulling when Emma didn't let go of his hand straight away.

'Thank you for saving them, Hook,' Snow said, and as he turned to look at her he had a feeling that she was up to something. Her words sounded too deliberate. 'Will you come with me to check on Charming?'

Why would she need help with that? He hadn't even realized David wasn't on deck, and neither was Rumpelstiltskin. Frowning, he turned back to Emma and Snow grabbed at his arm, but not before he saw Baelfire taking his place and wrapping her arms around Emma and Henry. He opened his mouth to say something - he didn't know what, or to whom - but Snow got in before he could speak. 'Please, Hook?' she said, her voice low.

Narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously, he followed her slowly below deck, knowing that the second he'd moved away from Emma his time with her had been over again. 'What are you doing?' he asked her once the others were out of sight.

After a few steps she stopped and turned to look at him. 'I really am grateful,' she said pointedly. 'I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost both of them.'

'Anybody would have -'

'Yes, but you did,' she interrupted. 'And I thank you.'

He shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. She stepped closer to him, the same look of determination on her face that he often saw on Emma's. 'You need to give her space, Hook.'

He considered denying knowledge of what she was talking about, but thought better of it when she raised her eyebrow at him. Clearly Emma had spoken to her mother about him. 'You needn't fear, milady,' he said to her dryly. 'Your daughter has made her wishes abundantly clear. I don't expect to have any further part in her life now that her true love has returned.' He didn't try to keep the bitterness from his words.

'What happened out there -'

'Changes nothing,' he told her firmly. Except for his realization of just how far he'd fallen, but he knew that would mean nothing to Emma. Not anymore, if it had at all. 'I don't know what she told you, but trust me, love, she wants nothing to do with me.'

Snow shook her head at him. 'Emma doesn't know what she wants, except to be a good parent to Henry. That's all she's trying to do.'

'And the gods forbid that I dare to stand in her way,' he said, pointedly nodding his head to where she stood in front of him, blocking his way down the hall and to his cabin.

After a long moment's hesitation, Snow stepped to the side. 'Just give her some time to figure this out.'

Killian stepped up to her, bending his head to her ear. 'It looks like she's got everything figured out just fine from where I'm standing,' he said softly, backing away slowly before turning and heading toward his cabin. He felt Snow's eyes following him but didn't look back at her.

Slamming his door behind him, he leaned back against it, closing his eyes and squeezing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He hadn't wanted to put on his menacing face to Snow, not after all they'd been through together in Neverland, but he couldn't control the bitterness that was swelling inside of him. He didn't understand this combination of vicious jealousy and such an earth-shattering relief. If Emma had died today...

But she hadn't. And for those few minutes after she'd awoken, he'd held her trembling in his arms, and he'd had everything he'd needed. The fact that it hadn't been real was eating at him horribly, just like the knowledge that he'd just been a stand in for her.

The way she'd held onto him in the water... The way she'd gripped at his hand...

She'd been in shock. She'd been holding onto him for support. To think anything different would just be setting himself up for more pain.

Surely it couldn't get any worse than this.

Pushing himself away from the door, he picked up the almost full bottle of rum from his desk and took a long swig, relishing the familiar burn in his throat. Settling the bottle down, he deftly unhooked the clasps on his vest, pulling it over his shoulders and then his shirt over his head. Throwing the wet material into a corner, he sat in the chair beside his desk, tugging his boots off. Sighing deeply, he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.

Gods, he was tired.

He despised men like himself, pining after a woman who didn't want him. Although the last few days had been a personal hell for him, he'd been blessed with sailing the ship with alternating ships to Baelfire, so although he'd seen Emma on deck and had had to converse with Baelfire briefly a few times a day, he'd managed to avoid seeing them together.

He knew they'd been together. Snow had been the one to suggest they all go ashore a few days prior, but Killian knew it had been at Baelfire's suggestion. When they'd returned, he'd almost betrayed himself by jumping forward and hauling her away from the edge of the ship, afraid something akin to today's events would occur - he'd had crew fall overboard for simpler things.

The sight of her earlier... it had all but brought him undone. All he wanted was to be there for her. He knew that he could be, that he could make her feel better; he'd breathed her very life back into her today. Just as she'd done to him. All he wanted to do was touch her, to hold her.

He realized that his fist was clenched tightly, his teeth gritted. He didn't know how to deal with all of these contradicting emotions, all of them so bloody intense that one of them alone would have driven him mad. Suddenly anger was at the forefront - anger at Emma for not giving them a chance, for spurning him so easily. Anger at Snow for trying to make excuses for her. At Baelfire for being alive. But mostly anger at himself.

What kind of man wished another man back to the dead?

The same kind of man who wouldn't fight for the woman he loved.

A coward.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he brought his fist hard against his desk, punching the wood repeatedly with all his strength, desperate to relieve some of this pent up... everything that was struggling inside of him.

Breathing hard, Killian sat back again in the chair, nursing his bloody hand with his hook. After a moment he lowered his hand and lifted his left arm, bringing the hook closer to his eyes. The metal appendage suddenly disgusted him. He'd had a good life before his hand had been taken and the hook, along with the name that had come from it, signified everything dark about him.

Everything that nobody could love.

Twisting it until he heard the click of the release, he pulled it from its holder and tossed it away, paying little attention as it hit the wall of his cabin and fell onto his bed. Standing, he shed the wet leather pants and dropped them on top of the rest of his wet clothes, pulling a towel from his cupboard and drying himself off before pulling out a fresh set of clothes. He pulled on the fresh trousers, struggling a little with just the one hand, before settling himself back at his desk and taking another long swig from the bottle. Maybe if he drunk enough, none of it would matter anymore. It wasn't like they needed him to captain the ship, he thought darkly, they have Baelfire now. He hated himself for his self pity but he couldn't help it.

When the bottle was empty he got up and retrieved the hook from his bed, staring at it for a minute before clicking it back into place. He may not like the part of him that was Captain Hook right now, but he certainly didn't like how it felt to be Killian Jones either at the moment, and he knew that no matter what, both of them were a part of him.

Halfway through his second bottle, his head swimming pleasantly and reality finally starting to dull, he was brought back to the world by a knock at his cabin door. He suppressed a groan - couldn't they just leave him in peace?

The door opened before he could speak and Baelfire walked quickly into the room, seeing him immediately and sitting down at the other side of the desk without hesitation. 'Come in,' Killian muttered sarcastically under his breath, not in the mood to deal with Baelfire of all people. Pushing his chair back, he crossed the room with deliberate steps, finding a shirt and pulling it over his head. 'What do you want?' he asked roughly, not caring about how harsh he sounded.

Baelfire was silent for a moment. 'They wanted us to set sail straight away, but we decided to stay put for the rest of the day and recuperate. David knocked his head pretty bad.'

Narrowing his eyes, Killian stalked back over to his desk and sat down, leaning forward on his elbows. 'What do you want, Baelfire?' If he couldn't be looking after Emma, then somebody should be.

The two of them stared at each other, and Baelfire seemed to be weighing his words. 'You know what I want,' he said finally. After another long pause he leaned forward as well, mirroring Killian's position. 'I want to know how long you've been in love with Emma.'

His breathing hitched. 'I -'

'And don't you dare tell me that you don't know what I'm talking about,' Baelfire said quickly, beating him to it. 'I saw it in every look on your face from when she jumped overboard to save David. I saw the fucking tears in your eyes when she wasn't responding to your resuscitation. Don't you fucking dare tell me that you don't love her.'

He swallowed his denial, but couldn't find any other words to say. Unable to meet Baelfire's eyes, he looked down at the torn skin of his knuckles, pressing his hook across them in a way that felt both calming from the cool metal and painful from the pressure. He couldn't deny it, not even to himself after today. She had him, well and truly.

'Are you going to take this family from me, too?'

Killian's eyes darted up to meet Baelfire's, and he was surprised to see the anger gone, replaced by the same sort of wretchedness that he felt. This wasn't just about Emma.

This was about Milah.

Everything went out of him, all of his own anger and pain, forced out by the hopelessness coming from the other man. In that moment, there was nothing he regretted more than letting Milah leave her son behind. If she had been that desperate to get away from her life, they should have taken him with them. No matter that it would have been no life for a lad so young; they could have made it work. Their actions had not only lost the boy his mother, but had begun the trail of events that had made Rumpelstiltskin the Dark One, who had abandoned his son.

Killian had taken away Baelfire's parents, and now he thought he was going to take away his woman and his son. 'Baelfire,' he began softly.

'Don't,' Baelfire said, his voice thick.

'Baelfire,' he continued, 'I could never take Henry away from you. Can't you see how strongly the lad loves? If no one could convince him that Regina was beyond redemption, then no one could keep him away from you now. The lad loves you.'

Baelfire said nothing, simply still looking at him.

Unnerved by his gaze, Killian stood, taking the rum and bringing it to his lips, drinking swiftly as he stepped away from the desk, needing to put some space between the two of them. He opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it and took another drink. 'You needn't have any concern about me, boy. It hardly matters what I feel. She's with you.'

His face didn't change, but his eyes seemed to harden. 'But you do love her.'

'I -'

'Admit it!'

'Yes I love her, god damn it!' he snarled, and before he could think further Baelfire was out of his chair and Killian felt the sharp pain of his fist at his jaw. Surprised, he stumbled back with the force of the blow, dropping the bottle and wincing when glass shattered over the floor. Turning away from Baelfire, he brought his hand up to rub at his jaw, feeling an ache from the punch but no sharp pain that felt like a broken bone. When he turned back around, it was to see Baelfire giving him one last hard look before opening the door and storming out, closing the door behind him with a loud thud.

AN: I hope you liked!

A few things: I just want to point out that the line about no one being able to convince Henry that Regina was beyond redemption isn't an anti-Regina line. I like Regina. It's purely based off of everyone's feelings toward Regina mainly in season 2, and I'm fairly sure I've written in this (or maybe it was in another fic) that Regina has proved herself since then.

Also, Neal saying to Hook "Are you going to take this family from me too?" was the other thing that really pulled at me to write this. I don't know if I just haven't seen them, but I haven't really found many fics where Neal feels betrayed by Hook for Emma. This scene was originally going to be at the end of chapter two, but then my mind had other ideas.

Seriously, guys, your reviews/favourites/follows make my day, every time.