Hey, everybody! Again, thank you for the reviews! I read every single one, and they just make my day :) This chapter kind of wrote itself, and I don't like it very much since I feel like it's pointless rambling, but that's basically what all my stories are, right? XD So here you go; here's chapter 4. Hope you enjoy, and be sure to let me know what you think! - Loopy
"Why Poe? I meant to ask before..." Tobias's voice was unexpected, but Tris didn't flinch, didn't even let her eyes drift from his back. This was her element.
She smirked. "Didn't you go to school? Not that I'd be surprised if you didn't…" her voice trailed off. It was clear she was teasing, despite her tone remaining deadpan. Tobias's eyebrows rose, his mouth curling into a grin.
"Geez, someone's pissy today," he chuckled. He was only partially joking. This session had been going differently than the last one. Tris had been uncharacteristically quiet for the first hour and a half of the appointment, not even bashing on his outfit, which he admitted he wore just to piss her off. He'd triggered a passionate, hateful rant the last time he'd brought up Captain America, so naturally he picked out the shirt with his shield as the one to wear today.
But it was like she hadn't even noticed. And while he usually admired how lost she could become in her art, today it was like she was drowning in it, hiding in the buzzing of the machine. It worried him more than it should've, but she was the only friend - and that's what he felt she was to him - he had that he felt completely comfortable around, and he was protective of that trust. It was selfish of him, he knew, but he didn't know what else to do. Trust wasn't something that came easily to him. But then he met Tris, and he wanted to tell her his life story, his social security number, his blood type, his zodiac sign-
Oh my god. What's happened to me?
"Just a long night," she grumbled, her ghosted smile fading. She didn't want to explain to him that she hadn't slept in over a month, that when she tried she was plagued by nightmares. They weren't even sensible nightmares, like things that would've been triggered by actual events, but they were enough to remind her that she wasn't good enough for this, for him, for Tori, for Poe, and that she never would be.
Tobias had already seen her weak enough. She didn't need him leaving the shop because he didn't trust his artist to keep a steady hand, to remain stable. It had been almost a year since her last full-fledged panic attack, and she'd been trying very hard to keep herself calm, to make herself better, but it would be just her luck to have a breakdown in front of this man, this friend. That's what he was now, right? He took too much enjoyment out of pissing her off to not be her friend.
He wasn't quite sure what she meant by that. Fleetingly, he wondered if she had a hangover, but she didn't seem the type to get shitfaced on a work night. Or to get shitfaced at all. But he'd noticed the purple rings under her eyes when he'd walked in today, even if he couldn't see her face now. Judging by her words, she was scowling, and it was obvious she hadn't slept at all last night, but she didn't want to talk about why.
"So… he is named after the poet?" he changed subjects. Tris was relieved at the shift of focus. He'd been coming dangerously close to shit she didn't want to talk about. She nodded before she remembered he couldn't see her.
"Yep. Edgar Allan Poe. He's my favorite writer." Tobias could hear the smile in her voice, and it made him relax.
He winced slightly as the needle started across a particularly sensitive area. To his surprise, Tris laughed. "Yeah, that's what happens when you get tattoos on your shoulder blades. I'm sorry, it'll be a while on this section." It was the first time since he'd met her that her apology sounded genuine, and it brought the contentment back. She doesn't like hurting me. That was a concept he wasn't all too familiar with, considering his horrible parents and secluded childhood, but it spread a thick warmth through him, like honey running through his veins. It felt indescribably good.
Suddenly he remembered the birds flying across her collarbone. He'd asked before if they were crows, and she'd corrected him. "Ravens," she'd said. "One for each member of my family." And something about a poem, an Edgar Allan Poe poem, drifted through his mind.
"Is he the reason you picked ravens for your tattoo?" Tris wasn't expecting him to say something like that. It wasn't the reason, although their connection had solidified her desire for the artwork. She smiled again at the memory, of getting her first tattoo. The moment she got it, she knew she was hooked. The needle's vibration was addictive, the ink seemingly mixing with her blood and becoming a part of her. The only reason she'd gone in that day, her eighteenth birthday, was to spite her father since he said tattoos were meaningless and unreasonable.
"Not really, but that connection convinced me even more. No, ravens symbolize protection, and I wanted to show my dad that just because some people get idiotic tattoos, not all tattoos are pointless." Tobias could hear her laugh a bit. "Plus, I just really wanted to piss him off. I had just turned eighteen, and I was loving the fact that he couldn't punish me anymore."
Tobias wanted to laugh, too, since he adored her spiteful nature. But this conversation reminded him too much of his own father, and all he could manage was a choked outburst of air.
Tris scrunched her eyebrows at the sound. And then she abruptly remembered the reason he was here, what she was covering up with this ink, and she understood. She'd reminded him of the torture he'd endured. Anger bubbled up inside of her, fury at the person who'd hurt him this way, but he didn't need her anger. He didn't need her comfort, either, since he was strong enough without her, but she couldn't help herself from wiping away the excess ink on more time and placing the machine gently back on the tray.
Tobias's mind raced. Had he upset her? Was she finally realizing how much of a coward he was, trying to cover up his past rather than face it?
Was she refusing to finish his tattoo?
But his heart slowed down and sped up as he felt her hand press delicately against the small of his back. His eyes drifted closed for a second automatically. Her skin felt impossibly good on his.
Tris couldn't breathe. She'd put her hand on him in an attempt to comfort him, to let him know she was here and wouldn't let anyone hurt him again. It had happened in a sudden rush of bravery, but now it felt stupid. Her hand fell on its own to the only place on his back yet to be covered by ink, but it was lower than she'd expected it to be. Jesus, when did I cover so much of him?
"We're gonna take a…" she gulped, coughed a bit, "...a ten minute break. I think we both need it." Usually she would have said something derogatory there, blaming him for the break teasingly, but she didn't think that would help this situation. So she was letting him know that the discomfort she had caused was only meant to make him feel better. She was here to help him, not upset him.
Tobias reached up to rub at the back of his neck. It was something he did when he was nervous, something he'd always done, but Tris surprisingly swatted his hand away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Her voice was incredulous, so different from the softness he'd heard just moments before, and he was entranced that she could be so kind and so fiery at the same time. "You just had a fucking needle pierced into your skin a billion times there, and you think it's a good idea to just go around scratching at it like that? Jesus, you're dumber than I thought…"
Tris grinned as she stood up and grabbed his arm, slowly helping him to his feet. He looked at her once he was standing, cringing slightly from the awkward pain, but he smiled, too. She felt like she was drowning in his eyes.
Her eyes were breathtaking. They were bright blue in this moment, though he was sure they'd been grey when she had her hand pressed against his back. He'd noticed they were only fierce blue like this when she was facing a challenge.
He wondered what was challenging about this moment, about them simply staring into each other's souls as if they did it all the time. Slowly, gently, he saw the exhaustion seep from her gaze, replaced by the intense energy he'd come to crave. She was contagious, intoxicating.
His eyes were mesmerizing. The longer they stared, the more intense the heat consuming her felt. She wasn't sure who would break the contact, since he seemed as frozen as she did, but after what felt like an eternity, she remembered why she'd helped him stand in the first place.
"I'm gonna go get a water…" she muttered, and the entire time she backed out of the workstation, her eyes were glued to his.
"Could you please try to keep your raging hormones at bay?" Tori's teasing voice tore Tris from her reverie and made her pause on her way to the mini fridge, every fiber in her body freezing in surprise.
She didn't turn to meet her friend's eyes until Tori added, "Seriously, I can feel the tension all the way in here, and I can't even hear what you guys are saying." Tris glared, confused. What was she blabbering about now?
"Not that I'd want to…" she mumbled, cheekily grinning at her boss. It was obvious Tris had no idea what she was talking about, so Tori just shook her head and sighed. Her blonde companion had never been very good at seeing these things, even though she picked up on just about everything else.
"What are you…?" Tris didn't even finish asking, instead shaking her head and returning to the lobby. She had a headache now, an intense one that had just come on. There were too many things flooding her mind.
She checked her watch. Seven minutes left.
Tobias hadn't moved from his spot in the workstation. His mind was hazed with everything Tris, but he was vaguely aware of his full bladder. He forced himself to move, to enter the lobby and make his way to the bathroom, careful not to look for Tris. That was too much of a distraction.
But when he finished, he did try to look for her. He couldn't help it, and it was almost time for them to start again. Except he didn't know where she was. He checked their room, her office; he even stopped in the workstation of the other woman, an older lady with a grey streak in her hair. She grinned at him, as if she knew something he didn't. He narrowed his eyes a bit, but he plastered a fake friendly smile on his face. "Excuse me, do you know where I could find Tris? She isn't in the workstation or her office, and she hasn't finished my tattoo…"
The woman was still grinning, her almond eyes crinkling a bit. "Have you checked Poe?" she laughed slightly. Tobias was confused, but he didn't want to bother her anymore, didn't want to feel scrutinized under her gaze, so he stepped out into the lobby again. He was tempted to scratch his neck, but he remembered Tris's words and clenched his fists instead, his nails digging into his palms.
Poe's cushion was in the back corner of the lobby, tucked away behind a black armchair. The only way Tobias had noticed it before was the dog's tail sticking out on one side. He supposed Tris could fit back there without him noticing, as small as she was, but he was skeptical as he went to look there. His movements were stiff, uncomfortable, the searing pain of his back combining into one buzzing throb. It hurt like all hell, but it wasn't as bad as he'd expected it to be. Tris was good at being careful.
When he reached the corner, he smiled at what he saw there. Tris was curled up next to her dog, her head resting on his back, her blonde hair scattered around the both of them. The gentle rise and fall of her body told him she was asleep. And considering the amount of time that had passed since he last saw her, she had been really tired.
Tobias couldn't help but feel a bit worried at her obvious lack of sleep, but he swallowed that down as he crouched down beside her. She looked so gentle when she slept. Next to her dog's thick black coat, she was pale and small, but Tobias knew better. He'd seen her life, her personality and fire that made her strong.
His eyes were drawn to something else, though. In this tangle of pale and black and blonde, there was a flash of color, a tattoo on her left wrist he hadn't noticed before. She had that forearm tucked under her body, the wrist sticking out and on display. He leaned in a bit closer to see what the design was.
When he stood, he was holding back incredulous laughter. This girl never ceased to amaze him. He watched her for a moment, admiring her and how she's helped him, and then he went to the woman and asked if she could bandage up his tattoo so he could go home.
She stared at him at first, and he was beginning to feel very idiotic for asking, so he tried to explain. "It seems she really needs the sleep, and I have a couple more sessions anyway, so I don't really care, and I've been here for a while, anyway…"
Then she grinned. It held sadness, though, Tobias noticed. She stood and led him back to the workstation, pulling out ointment and some bandages. "Yeah," she said, her voice soft, "she's been having a really hard time sleeping recently."
Tobias felt a pang at his heart at that, but he didn't want to pry, so he lamely nodded. The woman gave him a strange look, but then he couldn't see her because she was focusing on his back. When she finished and he glided his loose t-shirt over his head, she shook his hand. "I'm Tori, by the way."
He nodded. "Tobias." On his way out the door, he couldn't help glancing behind the chair at the two on the floor. Her face was buried in Poe's fur, but she was relaxed. He was grinning as he stepped out of her shop and into the sun.
